Keep Practising

I giggled. "Vete a la mierda will do it."

Before I could stop her, she walked up to them, smiled and said it extremely loudly. I grabbed her and pulled her out of the bar before there was any trouble. We ran down the quayside before we both stopped and collapsed in fits of laughter.

"Do your evenings out always end up like this?" I said, my sides hurting from laughing so much.

She grinned. "Only when a couple of arseholes try a cheap trick.

Chapter Nine

We arrived back at the apartment and I felt giddy from the beers, so I opened the doors to the balcony to get some fresh air. Emma had disappeared into her room and came back a few minutes later with a bottle of brandy and two glasses.

"Let's have a nightcap. I bought this at the airport this morning. I never thought I'd be sharing it with someone this evening."

We sipped the brandy, watching the lights of Palma Nova in the distance.

"Where's Magaluf?" Emma asked.

"Shagaluf, you mean? It's just the other side of Palma Nova" It's an old joke, but Emma couldn't stop laughing. "We can go if you want." I said, and somehow, almost unconsciously, I had become we.

"You want to get laid?"

I shook my head. "No, but it's fun, if you can put up with foam parties, guys throwing up and fighting each other in the street."

Emma moved closer, and I suddenly became aware of her physical presence. Her arm brushed mine and then her hip. It was probably nothing. I'm a little tipsy and she's just being friendly. Even so, I moved away a little. I wasn't used to someone being this close, and it spooked me a little.

She turned towards me. "Josie, what brought you here on your own? I told you about why I came. What's your story?"

I knew I didn't have to tell her anything, but I felt like I needed to share something with her. Be careful, I thought, not too much.

I sighed. "I was in an accident. I got knocked down on a crossing. Couple of boys in a stolen car. Broken arm, ribs and pelvis. Then, as if that wasn't enough, I got a superbug. When I recovered, Mum packed me off here to recuperate. Been here for a couple of months now."

"Oh my God, you poor baby. It must have been a terrible experience. I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have asked."

"No, no, it's OK." I rubbed my eye as a tear formed, and then I began to cry and couldn't stop. I turned and ran into my bedroom, leaving Emma on the balcony.

"Josie, are you OK?" Emma had waited a few minutes before knocking on my door. "Josie, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have pried. Tell me you're OK, please."

I didn't want to talk to anyone, but it hadn't been her fault, and I didn't want her to think it was. I wiped my eyes and opened the door. Emma stood just outside the door, looking as if she was going to burst into tears as well. I walked to her and threw my arms around her. Right then, I needed someone to hold me tight. She put her arms around me and we hugged each other, my head on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Emma."

She pulled back a little and stroked my face. "What for? I should be the one saying sorry."

I shook my head. "No, you did nothing wrong."

She led me to the sofa and we sat down, my head still on her shoulder and her arm around me.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she whispered.

I stared out of the window into the darkness.

"It wasn't only me in the accident. My best friend was with me and she died."

"God, Josie, that's terrible."

"That's not all." I felt the blood rushing through my ears. "She saved my life by pushing me out of the way."

"Oh, Josie, you poor girl." Emma wrapped her arms around me again and held me tight, my head held against her chest, and I could feel her heart beating. She stroked my hair until I calmed down enough to sit up.

"I'm sorry, I should be able to deal with this by now."

She held my hand and said, "Who says? We all deal with grief differently and there isn't any time limit on it."

"I know, it's what the therapist told me too."

Emma's eyes widened. "Oh, no. Was it your friend I reminded you of?"

I hesitated, then decided she should know. "Yes. You are a lot like her. Same haircut, same air of confidence, same sense of humour. When I first saw you by the pool, I thought you were a ghost."

She put her head in her hands. "Shit, and I said you looked as if you had seen a ghost. What an idiot I am."

"You didn't know. Nothing was your fault."

"Oh Josie, did you ask me to stay because I reminded you of her?"

Was it true? Did I invite her because she reminded me of Sofia?

"Honestly, I'm not sure. If I did, it wasn't deliberate."

A few minutes went by, and Emma began to weep. "Don't cry, please. It's not your fault."

She sniffled, then wiped her eyes. "Do you want me to go, Josie? If I'm upsetting you, I should go."

I shook my head. "No. Please, no. I would like you to stay. It's been a long time, but I want to be around someone again."

"If you're sure?"

"Yes, one hundred percent sure."

I put my head back on her shoulder, and she put her arm around me. We stayed like that for a while, then she kissed the top of my head and said, "Josie, babe. My arm is going to sleep."

I moved and yawned, suddenly I felt exhausted.

"Emma, I'm going to bed. I'm so tired. Thank you for staying. I appreciate it."

She stood up and pulled me to my feet. She leant forward and kissed me gently on the forehead.

"You're welcome, my angel. You are a special girl."

We hugged, and as I closed the door I saw her looking out of the window, a faraway look on her face. I undressed and lay on the bed. All I could think of was the touch of her lips on my forehead.

Chapter Ten

I woke to the sound of rain on the windows. A cold front had moved in overnight, breaking a long drought. I lay for a while, trying to make sense of what had happened yesterday. Emma's arrival in my life had been a wakeup call. I had been freewheeling for the past few weeks, letting life pass by, but in a few hours, she had pulled back the curtains and opened the windows to let fresh air into my life.

I could hear her moving around in the living room. Time to face the music. I pulled on my pyjama top and shorts over a pair of control knickers. It should hold me in place well enough, I thought. Emerging from my room I found Emma laying the table for breakfast. She was wearing a short nightdress and matching knickers. My heart flipped at the sight and I thanked the Lord I had put on the control knickers.

"Morning, Josie. Did you get some sleep? What do you eat for breakfast? Sit down and I'll get it for you."

I could smell coffee brewing, and there was a jug of orange juice on the table.

"You don't have to do this, Emma."

"I have to warn you, I'm not Gordon Ramsay so if you want anything more than scrambled eggs on toast, then you'll have to do it yourself."

I laughed, "No it's fine, thanks."

"Have you got Wi-Fi here, by the way?"

"Sure, the password is on the fridge door."

"Thanks, if it's OK with you I have a few work things to finish up."

"No problem." I looked out at the grey skies outside. "This should clear by lunchtime."

We ate breakfast in a stilted silence, broken only by the sound of the rain on the windows. This was ridiculous. One of us had to talk about what had happened.

"Rach--"

"Jos--"

It broke the tension, and we both laughed.

"Emma, thank you for last night. You were so nice to me."

"Josie, I'm sorry if I made you unhappy. Like I said, if you want me to leave, I will."

"No, you didn't, and if you want to stay, I'll be delighted to have you here."

"I would love that, too, Josie. Thank you so much."

We hugged and it was settled. Emma spent the rest of the morning working on her laptop, and I read in the shelter of the balcony until the sun returned.

"I'm going down to the pool. You want to come, Emma?"

"God, yes, can you wait for me to get my cozzie on?"

She disappeared into the room, and a few minutes later she called out, "Josie, can you give me a hand, please?"

I walked into her room to find her with a towel over her chest and holding a bottle of sunscreen.

"Be an angel one more time and do my back for me" She held out the bottle with one hand while holding the towel up with the other.

I hesitated, unsure if I should do it.

"Pretty please, if not my back will look as if it's been on the barbecue."

What harm could come from it? I took the bottle from her and said, "OK, OK. Turn around."

She curtsied to me, which made her drop the towel.

"Oops," she said, as I got a good look at her breasts. It was obvious she wasn't wearing any underwear, either. She picked up the towel, covered her front once more, and turned around. I slapped a dollop of the cream in my hand and put it straight on her back. She wiggled and said, "Oooh, that feels cold." I tentatively rubbed the cream onto her back and as she wiggled again, I could see her bum cheeks bouncing up and down.

Over her shoulder she said, "Rub it right in, my skin hasn't seen the sun in months."

My cock woke up, and I thought, no, please, not now. As I put more on, she moved around under my fingers and she made a little noise in her throat.

"Can you do it all the way down, please?" She bent forward and stuck her bum out, which made my cock swell a bit more.

I poured cream into my hands and with trembling fingers I rubbed further down her back.

"That's nice, but don't forget my bum. I've got a thong bikini."

I thought she should be able to do her bum herself, but I was enjoying the feel of her warm skin. My mouth was dry, and I swallowed hard before dropping my hands onto her bum. She wiggled once more and pushed herself back onto my hands. "Mmm, that feels nice, Josie." As she pushed back, she opened her legs a little, and my fingers slipped between her bum cheeks and brushed against her pussy.

She moaned once, then stood up to face me, letting the towel drop to the floor. I froze, and she paused for a moment before reaching down to take my hand to place it on her breast. Her skin felt soft and warm beneath my fingers, her nipple was hardening under my touch, and my mind turned to mush. From somewhere I heard a small voice telling me I had to stop this. With an effort, I shook my head and took my hand away.

"Emma, no, I'm not what you think."

She took my hand back and replaced it on her breast.

"I know, Josie, and I don't care."

Her arms went around my neck, and she drew me towards her.

"Oh God, Emma, do you know what you're doing?"

"Oh, yes, baby. I know." Then she kissed me, and I closed my eyes and kissed her back. We kissed for a few minutes, before she held me tight with one arm while with the other she took my hand and guided it down her tummy until I felt her bush under my fingers. She held me there for a moment before gently nudging me further down until I felt the slickness of her pussy. She made a noise in her throat, then pushed my fingers past her lips and inside.

My heart was pounding and my mind was in turmoil; surprise, lust and confusion sending a cocktail of emotions spinning through my body. I broke the kiss and pushed Emma away.

"Stop, please, Emma."

She froze before backing away, her hands over her mouth and eyes wide. "Oh God, what have I done? I'm so sorry."

She ran to her room and slammed and locked the door. Shaking, I walked over to her door to hear sobbing. I knocked on the door, but all I could hear was Emma sobbing. "Emma, please come out and let's talk."

I knocked again, but there was no response.

"Emma, please, we just need to talk."

There wasn't much else I could do. The door was locked, so I would have to wait for her to emerge. There were so many thoughts chasing around in my mind. She obviously knew what I was, that was obvious. Was she gay, or bi? Was this a rebound thing? Should I just ask her to leave? Why had I reacted the way I did? Had I enjoyed any of it?

Grabbing a beer, I sat down and asked myself some questions which were long overdue an answer. Why did I cross-dress? Sure, I enjoyed it and it made me feel good, but why was that? Was I using it to escape from something? I didn't feel bad as José, but being Josie made me see and feel things differently. Did I have to be one or the other? Couldn't I be both?

I was sure I wasn't gay. I didn't fancy boys, either as Josie or José. I liked the idea of meeting others like me, but not for sex. Girls attracted me, whether as Josie or José. I was definitely attracted to Emma, as my cock had told me in no uncertain manner.

Thinking back, there had never been any sexual edge between Sofia and me. Or had there? We had been friends, but surely it hadn't been more than that. Then why was I so attracted to Emma, who clearly triggered memories of Sofia for me? Thinking about Sofia made me long for her to be here, to tell me what to do.

She had always told me not to overthink things, that my heart would tell me what to do. She never judged me and had always backed me up. "Be yourself," she had said on so many occasions. She also told me not to get hung up on bad things, "Move on and don't carry the baggage with you." My eyes were brimming with tears as I looked to heaven and said, "Gracias, Sofia. Te amo, mi corazón." It was time for me to move on.

Chapter Eleven

The noise of sobbing had stopped, so I tapped on the door. "Emma, please come out and talk to me."

I heard the key turn in the lock and she opened the door a little, but didn't come out. So, I pushed it open and looked in. Emma was sitting on the bed wearing her dressing gown, her eyes red from crying.

"I'll leave this evening. I can get a hotel room."

"Emma, I can't stop you if it's what you want, but you don't have to."

"How can you say that after what I did?"

I sat down next to her and took her hand.

"Look, it took me by surprise. I didn't see it coming, and I wasn't ready for it. Why don't we start again?"

She looked at me, hope flickering in her face.

"You mean it? After what I did, I'm such a stupid bitch"

"You're not stupid or a bitch, and the way you did it was bang out of order." I hesitated before going on, "but, I'm not saying it was totally unwelcome."

She looked puzzled. "What are you saying, Josie?"

My face grew hot, and I knew I was blushing. "I'm saying in other circumstances, I wouldn't have stopped you."

Her mouth formed a perfect O.

"But, we have to talk, Emma. We both have things we need to share."

"Um, OK." She seemed to have recovered some composure. "When?"

"This afternoon. Let's get out of here and get something to eat and drink, because I'm starving."

I left Emma to get some clothes on, and soon we were heading out to a small bar where I knew it would be quiet at this time of day. The waiter brought us beers to go with some tapas.

"The rules are simple, Emma. We can ask each other anything and we tell the truth. No more secrets."

Emma nodded, "OK. Who goes first?"

"I will. When did you read me?"

She took a breath. "There wasn't one moment, it crept up on me. You're so good, but I wondered when you told me you worked for the family business called Corby and Son. I wasn't absolutely sure until you said 'I'm not what I seem'. It all clicked then, but I didn't care. It's my turn now. Who was the friend who died?"

"Sofia, her name was Sofia." Strangely, for the first time, the mention of Sofia's name didn't fill me with sadness. "She was my best friend, teacher, guardian angel, shoulder to cry on, life saver."

"Oh, babe." Emma reached over to put her hand over mine.

"It's OK. Saying that a few days ago would have left me in a puddle on the floor, but I think she would want me to move on. Who did you break up with?"

She hesitated. "Mandy was her name. We had moved in together and I was blissfully happy. I prefer girls, but I'm not single minded about it." She smiled and squeezed my hand. I slipped my fingers through hers and squeezed back. "We had been together for a year, and I thought she was the 'one'. Mandy, however, had other ideas and I caught her and our cleaner in bed one day." Emma chortled, "At least something was getting cleaned that day."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Emma. When you had the call from your cousin and I had to wake you, you were dreaming and said 'Not with her'"

She grimaced. "She was a nasty little bitch. Set out to get Mandy from the day she started cleaning for us. They are living together now."

I paused, not knowing if I would like the answer to my next question.

"Why did you come on to me today?"

She blushed. "It didn't start out like that. Yes, I know it looks like a setup, but it wasn't, honestly. I did fancy you, for sure, but it was only when I felt your hands on me I had the crazy idea to jump you. I'm so sorry."

I squeezed her hand. "I was so surprised and I panicked. I've never had an experience like it."

Emma looked puzzled. "Josie, I know we agreed to the rules, but you don't have to answer this if you don't want to. What was your deal with Sofia?"

A few days ago, I would have curled up in a ball rather than answer that question.

"No. It's alright. Sofia and I were just friends. She was straight, but I think lonely like me, and we just clicked. She didn't have a prejudiced bone in her body. So, when she found out I was cross-dressing, she didn't care. She was more like a big sister than anything. So, no, we didn't have a sexual relationship."

We had finished our food, and I asked the waiter for the bill. "Emma, I'm out of questions. Do you have any more?"

"Just one, Josie. Are you gay, or bi, or trans, or what?"

"Wow, you saved the biggie for last." I squeezed her hand to let her know I didn't mind. "Let's see, I know I'm not gay or trans, despite what you see. As for what I am, I don't know how to answer your question properly. I've been called a lot of names in the past." I held up my fingers and counted off. "Sissy, fairy, faggot, freak, pansy, and a lot more. But, I don't think it's what you mean." I looked her straight in the eye and said carefully, "I haven't had any experience to tell me."

Emma furrowed her brow in confusion, before what I had said dawned on her.

"Oh. You don't mean you're a virgin?"

Heat rose to colour my cheeks, and I nodded.

She rocked back in her chair, her hands over her face.

"Come on," I said, "Let's go for a walk."

I slipped my arm through hers and led us back through the Marina to the apartment where we sat on the balcony in silence. I looked across at Emma and thought, it's now or never.

"Emma."

"What?"

"I wouldn't stop you if you tried again."

She smiled and took my hand before leading me into the bedroom.

Chapter Twelve

This time Emma was patient and gentle. I think she was as nervous as me, but for a different reason. We kissed for a long time before she slowly undressed me; stroking, caressing and kissing each part of my body as she removed my clothes, until all that remained were my knickers.

Pushing me flat on the bed, she whispered, "Close your eyes, baby. You don't have to do anything, let me do it all."

She pushed my head back and licked my neck while her fingers found my nipples. She lingered over them as she discovered how sensitive they were; kissing, licking, and nipping them with her teeth. Every time she did, a tiny explosion went off inside me. The gentlest touch of her fingertips sent waves of pleasure racing through me, and her lips felt like the caress of a feather against my skin.

With my eyes closed, Emma's every touch, every sound, every breath, every movement drew a response. I whimpered and moaned, shivered, and trembled at what Emma was doing. But I loved it all.

Sitting up, she removed her t-shirt and I leant forward to kiss her breasts. She threw her head back, and I took a nipple into my mouth, sucked hard, and she hissed with pleasure. As I continued to kiss and lick each nipple in turn, Emma moaned, so I thought I wasn't doing too badly. Laying back on the bed, she held me in place with her hands while I suckled her. She moaned once more, then rolled over to be on top, and my cock was now pushing into her belly.