Last Man - The Bridal Shower

Ed Alzate, owner of a chain of hunting, fishing and outdoor activities in general, came bursting into the common area of the offices of his main store.

"All right, gentlemen, Broncos-Chargers game this Sunday, Mike's house, right? Any questions?"

Mike Baxter, his partner, seemed annoyed by the question. "I got one. Did you just invite people to my house?"

"Yeah, well, that's where we watched the Chargers game last season. The Broncos went on to win the Super Bowl, so this year, we're going to do everything the same way."

Chuck Larabee, Mike's neighbor who was also in charge of store security, spoke up. "All your superstitions make me nervous. Nobody breathes between downs. Last year, I blacked out and knocked over the end table."

Ed pointed at Chuck. "You'll need to do that again this year."

Mike rubbed his temples. "You know, Ed, your rituals are insane. There's only one reason why the Broncos are gonna win tomorrow. I control the game with my mind."

Kyle, Mike's soon-to-be son-in-law, as well as the store idiot with a heart bigger than his head, walked into the conversation. "Morning. Just wanted to give you guys these invites to the wedding shower." He handed each man an envelope.

Mike looked at the invitation. "I just heard you say 'guys' and 'wedding shower' in the same sentence."

"Yeah. You are all invited. It is a Jack and Jill shower."

"Who's Jack and Jill?" asked Joe, the brainless maintenance man at the store.

"It's a wedding shower for the bride and the groom. We'll talk, play games. It's gonna be great!"

Ed was confused. "I'm not going to go to this. I don't even know these people."

"It's Kyle and Mandy. My wife wants us to go, we're going," Mike said with disgust.

Ed pointed out, "It's the same time as the game."

Mike shook his head. "We're not going."

"Say, Kyle, how did you land such a hot piece of ass like Mandy?" Chuck asked.

"Dude! That's my daughter! Okay, she's a hot piece of ass. Continue."

"I don't know. She said she loves my big cock. Which is weird because I don't own a rooster."

Joe raised his hand. "I've got a big cock! Do you think I'll have a shot at her before she gets married?"

Ed, Mike, and Chuck all answered in unison. "No."

Kyle turned to Joe. "Really?! You own a rooster, too?!"

*****

Mike's middle daughter, the beautiful but dimwitted Mandy, and his equally beautiful but intelligent wife Vanessa, sat on the couch at their home making flower arrangements.

"But, Mom, my shower has to be a spectacle, and doves would be beautiful."

"Yes, they would."

"So what makes it cruel?"

"You can't staple lace on a bird."

Mike walked through the door. "Hey, guys."

"Hey, hon." Vanessa gave a forced chuckle. "We are having such a... time... planning Mandy and Kyle's shower."

"You know, I just read to take the stress off showers, people are having them on Wednesdays."

"Uh, no. Sunday's the only day we could do it, and you are gonna be there."

Mandy interjected, "Yeah, oh, and Chuck, Joe, and Ed are all coming, too, right? 'Cause you can never have too many people telling you what a beautiful bride you'll be. (Laughs) Seriously, somebody tell me that, right now."

"Yeah, they're coming, and they're... they're real excited about it. So am I," Mike said in his typical sarcastic tone.

Kyle and Ryan, Mike and Vanessa's liberal son-in-law Ryan, who was married to their oldest daughter Kristen, walked into the house.

"Hey, guys."

"How was laser tag?" Vanessa asked.

"Oh, great. Ryan was an animal. Took out a whole pack of 8-year-olds, including the birthday boy," Kyle replied with excitement.

"Yeah. I waited for his mom to come comfort him, and that's when I dropped her. Ha!"

"I wasn't listening to any of that, but great story, guys. Um, can we please get back to my shower?"

"It's actually not your shower," Mike pointed out. "It's for you and Kyle. You share the spotlight equally."

"I'm the bride. I don't want to share the spotlight."

Mike shrugged his shoulders. "Well, it's a... it's a Jack and Jill shower, so, legally, you have to give half the attention to Kyle."

"How did I not see that before?" Mandy turned to Kyle. "Sweetie, would you be horribly disappointed if I forbid you from coming to our shower?"

"Mandy, no. No, no, no. Kyle is not going to lose out just because your dad doesn't want to go to a party."

Ryan spoke up. "Well, we could always do something for Kyle at my place."

"Yes! That would be a good idea," Vanessa replied.

Mike's face twisted. "Really? Really? Ryan had a good idea?"

Mandy looked at Kyle with puppy dog eyes. "I'll give you a blow job or something to make up for it, okay, Sweetie?"

"Sure! I love your blow jobs! That's one of the reasons I asked you to marry me!"

Vanessa looked at Mike with a devilish grin. "Ditto. I'll suck that big, fat cock tonight if you'll go to Ryan's for the party."

Kyle gasped. "You've got a rooster, too?! Where at? I've never seen one around here!"

Mike walked towards Vanessa sitting on the couch while he unbuckled his pants. "You're gonna do way more than that tonight. But I'm not waiting until tonight for a blow job!"

He was in front of Vanessa when his huge, fat rooster fell out of his pants.

Vanessa wrapped her fingers around the veiny shaft and began to lovingly stroke it. "Jesus! Even after all these years, I still love the sight of your cock, Mike," she cooed.

"Why don' you show me how much you love it? Guh! Goddamn, Vanessa! Even after all these years, I still love the feeling of your lips around it." Mike scowled at his daughter. "Stop being a spoiled little bitch, Mandy. Don't make Kyle wait!"

"Yes, Daddy. Kyle, come over here, Sweetie."

"Uh, here? Right now? In front of Mr. B?"

"Kyle! Man up! Get your ass over here and shove your meat down her throat!" Mike barked.

"Yes, sir!" He raced over in front of Mandy and quickly dropped his pants. Much to everyone's surprise, Kyle really did have a sizeable piece of meat.

Mandy gripped it and began to stroke it. "I can't believe I'm lucky enough to have this for the rest of my life."

"Oh happy day!" Kyle yiped when Mandy took him in.

"Well, this sucks," Ryan bemoaned.

Just then, Mike and Vanessa's feisty 19-year-old daughter Eve walked into the room. "Hey, what's going on, bitches?" Then she realized what was going on. "Jesus! Can't you sluts keep from putting a cock in your mouth for one day! Or at least keep it behind closed doors?! Jesus! Now I'm gonna have to stab my eyes out!"

"Eve! Perfect timing!" ZZZZZIP! Ryan's beef flopped out of his pants.

"Awwwwww shit," Eve moaned. "Fine. But only because watching these sluts suck dick makes me horny as fuck."

Ryan shrugged his shoulders. "Hey, I'm good with that."

Eve dropped to her knees, wrapped her tiny hand around Ryan's pole, and roughly stroked it. "Ya know, for a flaming liberal, you sure have a nice piece of meat."

"Uh, thanks. So, what're you waiting for?"

"Right. Might as well get this over with."

Ryan's head snapped back. "Oh mommy!"

The living room quickly filled with slurps and gags. Mike had a tight grip on his wife's blonde head and was thrusting his hips hard.

"Come on, goddammit! Take it down your throat like a good whore! Come on, do it! GAH! Oh yeah, that's it! Fuck!"

Ryan's eyes bulged at the sight of Vanessa's throat taking on the shape of Mike's member. "Holy cow! Did she...did she just..."

Mike nodded and laughed. "Hell yeah she did! Ha ha! What? Kris doesn't deep throat you?"

"Well, uh..."

"Poor liberal bastard."

"Uffff! Ohmagawd!" Ryan barked when his balls bounced off of Eve's chin. "Oh my gosh!"

Mike laughed. "Ha ha! Way to go, champ! I didn't think you had it in you! But, I guess, you literally have it in you! Ha!"

Kyle stroked Mandy's long, brunette hair. "Mandy, I just love it when you do this. You're so good at it!"

"Mmmmmhmmm! Mmmmmhmmmm!" Mandy squeaked.

Several minutes later, Mike shoved Vanessa's head back and pulled himself out of her face. "Come on, you bitch! Tell me what you want! Say it!" he growled while he pounded his meat.

"I want you to cum on my face, you bastard. I want you to coat my face. Come on, baby, do it," she whirred sexily.

Mike pointed his rod at her face. "You got it! Gahfuck!"

The first rope smacked her cheek and raced back into her long, blonde hair. A second shot hit right between her eyes and quickly ran down her nose. She snatched his throbbing muscle from his hands and stuffed it back into her mouth.

Ryan's hips began to stutter. "Oh, mommy! Oh, mommy! Oh crap!"

Eve pulled back and began to jerk his turkey. "Come on, you liberal fuck! Give it to me! Right on my face, if you think you're man enough! Come on, do it!"

"Oh, mommy!" Ryan howled.

A blast of white smashed into Eve's forehead and splashed across it. The force knocked her back, causing Ryan's second round to crash into her chin and coat her throat. She moved in closer, placed his tip against her face and rubbed it all around while she continued to stroke him.

"Ohhhhhh my gosh! Ohhhhhh my gosh!" Kyle moaned. "Mandy, are you...ready...for...your...happy meal?"

"Mmmmmhmmmm! Mmmmhmmmm!"

"Okay! Oh gosh! Oh gosh! Hap...hap...oh happy dayyyyyyyy!"

Mandy stroked her husband-to-be while he filled her mouth with is thick, creamy milk. She gulped and gurgled until she had sucked every last drop from her man.

Vanessa ran her finger down the bridge of her nose and scooped the contents into her mouth. "Mmmmmmm."

"You're such a cock whore," Mike said with a smile as he zipped back up.

She looked at him with a crooked smile. "You bet I am."

"Well, damn. Now I've got to go change my shirt!" Eve bemoaned as spunk dripped off her face.

"Ha ha! I didn't spill a drop!" an excited Mandy announced.

Kyle was beaming. "You're really good at that, Mandy."

Ryan shrugged his shoulders. "Um, sorry?"

"It's fine. That's what I get for being the daughter of a cock whore."

"Say, um, do you...do you think you can teach Kris to, um, you know, how to do...you know...that?"

"Do what? Swallow your sword?" Ryan nodded. "I'll see what I can do. But it's gonna cost you."

"Anything!"

*****

Vanessa greeted the guests at the door. "Hello, ladies. Come on in. You can put your gifts right there on that table, and there's drinks in the kitchen. Mandy is going to be a little late, even though she lives upstairs."

Eve frowned. "Oh, I forgot Mandy was coming to this thing."

Vanessa was flustered. "Okay, I have no idea how to do this, but I'm supposed to find anyone who clashes with Mandy and move them to the patio."

"I will give you $20 if you tell Mandy I clash," Eve begged.

The doorbell rang again and Vanessa opened the door. "Ed?"

"If that wasn't your valet out there, I just tipped a carjacker."

"He was just... You... You do know the guys are all at Ryan's house, right?"

"Oh, yes, yes. I'm aware of that. But I watched the Broncos play the Chargers here last year. You see, so... Need I explain more?"

"Yes."

"This is where the magic happened. Now, with the guys gone, my presence here is even more crucial. "

"Okay, now I'm even more confused, but luckily, I don't care. You can watch the game here. Just stay out of our hair."

"Thank you, thank you. Oh, and just one more thing, please. Uh, bring me a bowl of pretzels in the 4th quarter, like you did last season?"

"Ed, I can only handle one crazy person today, and that's Mandy."

"All right. You know what? As I recall, you were cranky like this last season, also. This is good. This is very good."

*****

Mike, Kyle, Chuck, and Joe knocked on Ryan's door.

Mike was in a foul mood. "We're just gonna watch the football game."

Ryan opened the door. "Come on in. Welcome to your shower, Kyle!"

Mike looked around the room. "What's going on, Ryan? Yellow and blue... these are Charger colors."

Kyle was beaming. "Yeah, they're also my favorite. Yellow and blue are the colors of my grandmother's eyes."

Ryan knew Mike was agitated about the game. "Relax, okay? We're gonna watch the game after the shower. I got the DVR set up to record..."

Mike shook his head emphatically. "No, no, no, no, no, no. We got to watch the game live. Otherwise, my powers have no effect."

"Mike, that is so crazy."

"It's not crazy! I imagine what I want to happen, ergo, it happens. It's science."

Chuck looked at the food spread. "Hey, this isn't football food, okay? You can't eat little cakes with your names on 'em when you're watching football. Not cool."

Kyle pointed. "Oh, Chuck, yours is right here."

"We're not putting anything on except the Bronco game!" Mike barked.

Chuck laughed. "Wow, this really bugs you, Baxter. Turns out the only thing more fun than watching football is watching Mike Baxter not watch football. Ha ha!"

*****

Ed grabbed Mandy in a panic. "Mandy, Mandy, Mandy. I need your help."

"I'm... I'm busy."

"Gotta get Kristin! Trust me. This is important. Come on." A few moments later, the two girls were in Mike's den with Ed. "That's it, that's it. Last year, the Broncos were in the red zone, see, the way they are now. And you... you, Mandy, you were naked and giving me a blow job. And so loud! I had to keep asking you to keep it down. You thought I meant keeping my cock down your throat, when I actually meant to keep the noises down. But it worked out either way."

"But I can't stay. I have to get back to my party, Ed."

"Mandy, please. I don't mean to overstate this, but without you here, the hopes and dreams of the city of Denver, and our brave men and women overseas, will be crushed."

"You really think I'm that important?"

"I'm convinced of it. Millions of people are counting on you."

"That's the kind of audience I've been looking for. Okay. I'll stay."

"Good, good, good." While Mandy quickly slipped out of her dress, Ed pulled out a surprisingly large and stiff boner for a man of his advanced age.

Mandy stood before him, naked as the day she was born. "Don't you think I'm beautiful, Ed?"

"Yes, of course I do. Now get on your knees and get busy." Mandy did as told. Ed shivered when Mandy took him into her soft, warm hand. "Come on! Hurry up! Hurry up! They're about to hike the ball! Uhfffff!" he puffed when she took him into her mouth. "Oh, that's good. That's good. That's good. Come on, guys. Come on, guys. Punch it through. Touchdown! That's a touchdown! That was all you, baby!"

Mandy pulled her head out of his lap. "What are you talking about? What did I do?"

"Save it for the second half. Now, get back to work. Ufffff! Yes, that's it! Good girl."

"Mmmmmhmmmm!"

"Great. Great. Great." Ed pointed at Kristen. "And last year, Kristen, you were naked, too, using a very loud vibrator."

"No. I prefer dildos. Vibrators tickle me. That's not me. That's Eve."

"Please, just... just... Gotta get Eve!"

*****

A few minutes later in the den, Mandy's head was bobbing in Ed's lap. Kris was mauling her huge tits and tweaking her erect nipples with one hand while a massive black dildo was slicing through her slit. And Eve's young, fit body was squirming on the leather couch while the buzz of her pink vibrator dimmed and grew and dimmed and grew while it slid in and out of her. The end of the first half was near.

Ed's hands were on the back of Mandy's head. "Third and goal! Go, girls, go! Come...come on, boys! Punch...punch it in! Yes! Yes! Touchdown! Gah! Sweet Jesus!"

A burst of thick, warm liquid flowed into Mandy's hungry mouth. She slurped and swallowed as hard and as fast as she could.

Kristen's buxom body bucked on the couch. Her grip on the black mamba inside her tightened. "Oh God! Oh God! Yes! Yes! Yaaaaassssss!" Her muscles clamped down on the rubber phallus while she moaned with pleasure.

Eve, next to her sister on the couch, had her eyes closed, imaging some vibrating hunk whirred inside her. "Ohmagawd! Fuck! Ohmagawd! Don't stop! Don't stop! Oh fuck, don't stop! Oh shit! Oh shit! That's it! Right there! Oh fuck! Oh fuck! Ah...ah...ah...aaaaiiiiiyyyyyeeeeee!"

*****

Back at Ryan's house, Ryan was in the kitchen when Mike walked in.

"I'll just put all this stuff away."

"Oh, come on. Don't be upset. One of us had to get our way. Are you really surprised it was me?"

"You know, I was just trying to stand up for Kyle. But, as usual, he just caved to whatever you wanted."

"He didn't cave. He showed a little respect. It'll be nice to have a son-in-law that actually does that. Maybe you forgot that I asked him if he wanted to watch the game. Come on."

"No, you didn't. You totally pressured him into it. You were like, "Kyle, you had enough of this crap, right?""

"Okay. First, I'm going to ignore that really bad impression of me. And, second, you're wrong. Kyle made up his own mind."

*****

"That was a hell of a first half, huh?" Chuck said with excitement.

Mike rubbed his temples. "That's right. Wait till you see the interception I have planned for the second half."

"I just hope the Broncos appreciate what you do for them, sir," Kyle said.

Ryan frowned. "Well, you know, last year they gave him a Super Bowl ring... Oh, no, wait. Maybe I got that mixed up. Maybe they're winning because of Kyle. He's the one who gave up his shower."

Mike looked at Kyle. "You know what? I'm kind of tired of this game. Let's play some shower games. What do you think?"

"Yeah, that sounds good, Mr. B. Let's do it."

"You know, uh, second half's always kind of a battle. Never mind. Let's watch the game."

"I agree. The game it is."

"Nah, shower games."

"Let's do that. Good idea."

Chuck looked confused. "I-I'm confused. Is... Is this a shower game? What are you doing, Baxter?"

"I'm just doing what Kyle wants to. What do you want to do, Kyle?"

"I don't know. Where'd we leave off?"

Joe's voice began to break. "If that's a shower game, it's the saddest one I've ever seen."

Kyle turned and disappeared into the kitchen, with Ryan right behind.

Chuck looked at Mike. "What the hell's the matter with you, Baxter? This day was supposed to be about Kyle."

Mike was obviously upset with himself. "Yeah, I know. I don't know what happened."

*****

Vanessa heard the commotion in the den and went to investigate.

"What are you girls doing in here?"

Mandy ran her finger across her chin. "I'm sorry, Mom. I'm needed."

"Mandy, you are needed at your shower, too."

"Out there, 20 people need me. In here... millions."

Kris chimed in. "Ed feels like if we don't repeat exactly what we did last year, the Broncos will lose."

Vanessa looked at Ed. "Oh, Ed! The girls don't have time to do your silly rituals."

Ed stood up and walked to Vanessa, his still stiff penis leading the way. "Silly rituals, Vanessa? Silly rituals? Well, you've invited friends over today for some rituals of your own."

"Well, that's different."

"Oh, why? Do you think this shower will determine whether or not Mandy will have a happy marriage?"

"No, of course not."

"But who knows? Did the Broncos win the Super Bowl last year because of my rituals? Probably not. But who knows?"

Eve studied the dance Ed was leading her mother on. "The cobra mesmerizes its prey before it strikes," she said just before sticking the dripping wet vibrator into her mouth.

"And after the championship, Kristin bought a house, Mandy got engaged, and Eve discovered her musical talent. Did all this happen because of what we did here last season? Probably not."

Vanessa finished the statement. "But who knows?"

"The reason loved ones gather to do these silly rituals is not to move the universe, but to show each other that we care. Because there's one thing we do know... love has power."

Vanessa was completely mesmerized. "What do you need from me?"