Last Weekend

I know he didn't mean that, although I really wished we could. But we both knew we also loved our partners, and we couldn't just live the rest of our lives on the run for the sake of love. I just shook my head at him. Rem hugged me, and we both cried to each other. He looked into my eyes once again.

"In the future, if I become free, I am going to look for you."

"And I'm going to look for you too," I replied.

"Do you promise?"

"I promise."

We sat in silence again, the orange sunset filling the sky as sadness and longing filled my heart.

"Can we have one more getaway?" he asked, "Just one more weekend, just the two of us."

I started to say no, but Rem interrupted me, "Please Santi, just one more weekend?"

I couldn't resist him, and in the end, I was still selfish. I know this will only hurt the both of us more, but I still nodded in agreement.

--

We went out of the club earlier than planned, not really in the mood to dance. The night was still early so we decided to lounge in the hotel reception. I was interrupted by my thoughts when the jazz music on the background stopped playing, followed by the echo of a microphone turning on.

"Good evening to our guests," the voice of a man said, "I hope you are all having a great time. We would just like to make an important announcement: a public storm signal was raised by the Island's coast guard and we would like to inform everyone that boats going back to the mainland will only be until 7 in the morning tomorrow, otherwise guests will have to stay in the island until the signal is lifted. For those who wish to return to the mainland, please approach the reception for tickets and other instructions. Our apologies for this terrible inconvenience."

Rem and I looked at each other, frustration stabbing through my heart—our short time together even cut shorter. We both knew we couldn't choose to stay and wait until the storm passes. We only squeezed this trip in the middle of our busy schedules, and our partners will notice.

We arranged our trip for tomorrow. The hotel was helpful and amazingly efficient in handling the incident, and were genuinely regretful for the inconvenience. Rem and I returned to our hotel room as soon as we were told of the boat assigned for us.

I closed the door, turned around and saw Rem looking at me. He pulled me to him, guiding the both of us to the bed as we kissed, our tongues battling as intensely as our sadness and frustration. I kissed him, pulling him as close to me as possible, taking in all of him—his scent, his warmth, all the things I am going to miss. I was not anymore trying to hold back all of my emotions, and tears flowed from my eyes. Rem stopped kissing me and wept into my shoulder.

"Let's run away," he looked at me imploringly, tears falling nonstop, "let's run away from everything and go where there's just the two of us."

How I wanted to say yes this time, how I wanted to drop everything and forget that there was nobody else but us, but we both knew it was all for naught. All these moments together were on borrowed time, and we're finally paying the price for it.

"I'll never stop loving you," I wept, pouring out all my love to those words.

"I'll never stop loving you too," he answered.

We collapsed into each other's arms that night, for one last time, just the two of us without a care of anything else.

The storm was fast approaching, and the trip back home the next day was a bit rough. I was holding Rem's hand to steady myself the entire time, but we spent the entire trip in total silence. We have earlier agreed to cut all communications after the trip. He wanted to remain friends, but I know that we can never be just friends, and pretending otherwise will just be painful for the both of us. We arrived in the mainland just as the sky started to darken.

We made our way to the parking lot where we left our cars before the trip; we brought separate cars and decided to meet on the port rather than drive together. We got to his car first.

I smiled at Rem, "I guess this is it?"

"This is it," he replied. He went to open his car, then hesitated, "I know we agreed not to, but can I hug you for the last time?"

I pulled him close, "I was hoping you'd ask that."

None of us wanted to let go, but we had to. I squeezed him one more time and walked to my car. I did not look back, I don't know if I could help myself from going back to him if I did.

I was halfway home when the rain started to fall, my tears falling with it.

ooOoo

*But should you leave me, I'll never hold it against you. Always remember that there is someone like me, who will love you until the end of time. *

I threw myself into my studies, and finally became a lawyer. Mark and I got engaged a year later, and got married a few months after in a beautiful beach wedding back in my hometown. Now both in our 30's, we couldn't decide if we wanted to have kids, which only meant we shouldn't have kids yet, but we adopted three puppies we saw abandoned on the side of the road one time we were jogging.

Mark and I did not anymore see other guys outside of our relationship. Mark said he outgrew it, and I told him I did as well, but I knew I couldn't be able to bare my heart out to another guy ever again. I love Mark with a huge part of my heart, but Rem has also left a void in it that no one else can ever fill.

Rem and I kept our promise of not reaching out to each other, and I didn't hear from him aside from some conversations with his friends. The last news I heard of him was that he has migrated to the US with his fiancée.

Mark and I got ourselves busy with our career, but we always had time for each other. He was my string and I was his kite—without him I would be reckless and directionless, without me he would be stagnant and sessile. We lived a happy life, but deep inside me there will always be that nagging, "what if?"

Our happy life was shattered one night, a week after my 45th birthday, when Mark and I were taking a shower together. I noticed he was getting a bit thin despite being constantly in the gym and our diets not changing. I was worried, but he told me was fine, and will have himself checked-up later in the week to prove me wrong.

The doctor didn't prove me wrong. It was a malignant tumor originating from the colon. We both had regular stomachaches due to how we gorged ourselves with food and we didn't thought it would be serious. He started his medications right away, but it was already too late, the cancer had already spread to his lungs and his liver.

Mark did not want to stay in the hospital, so we went back home, with our bedroom becoming a makeshift clinic as his doctors visited regularly. They tried all that they could, but it was only a matter of time, he was getting weaker and weaker. We tried our best to go on with our walks and dates, but eventually he became too weak even for those. I took a leave from my work as a trial court judge, and stayed at home with Mark. We pretended like our series marathons and movie nights weren't part of a sorrowful, long goodbye.

Mark died on March, six months after his diagnosis. I was reading a book on his bedside when his breathing became even more labored than usual. I lay down beside him, telling him how much I loved him, how thankful I am for being given someone so giving and understanding. I cried on his shoulders as I felt his breaths became shallower and shallower. I cried on his shoulders as I felt his last breath.

I held what was left of Mark. He was gone, and a big part of my heart left with him.

ooOoo

With all the heads-up beforehand, not much was left to do afterwards. Mark wanted to be cremated, and his ashes sprinkled on the beach where we had our wedding. I made the drive alone, the weather bright and sunny just like on our wedding day. My tears were falling non-stop as I stepped on the beach, the waves splashing on my feet giving me comfort.

I decided to sell our house and start fresh, I couldn't stand the thought of living in a place where I will always be remembered of what I loved and lost. I settled in a bachelor's pad near to where I worked. I returned to my job and my friends regularly stayed in contact, so I never felt truly lonely; Mark wanted me to go on with my life after him. I missed him so much, but I did as he asked.

It was a workday when my life shifted once again, eight months after Mark was gone. I was on the middle of reviewing for a trial I'll be presiding when I received an email. Thinking it was additional case documents I opened it right away, but it was not work-related.

The email was from Rem.

I hesitated reading the email. A few years ago, I heard variously from friends that Rem has been widowed. Albert had died of complications from a heart problem. I meant to contact Rem, but I didn't want to seem opportunistic, and I was also happily married to Mark.

I took a deep breath and read the message.

Hi Santi,

How are you? I heard about Mark and I'm really sorry for your loss, he was a great man and I know you loved him very much.

I have decided to come home for good, and I was hoping I could meet you when I get back? My flight will be a week from now. Please tell me if you're available for coffee or dinner at your most convenient time.

Really looking forward to seeing you.

All my love,

Rem.

p.s. I followed through our promise, you don't have to, but I hope you do. R

I clicked on the reply button right away.

Hi Rem,

I'm doing fine, I still miss Mark, and I'm still adjusting to not having him around, but I'm getting by.

I would definitely love to see you, I'll make myself available anytime.

Love,

Santi

p.s. This is my end of our promise. I'll see you soon. S

I trolled him through the social media sites, found little of his personal life, but I saw that he has retired and is working as a consultant of a multinational firm. In another article he has set-up an investment firm based here in our place, and has already opened offices in other countries.

Rem and I decided to meet a day after his arrival to give him time to adjust to the change in time zones. It was a Saturday, so I didn't have to leave work. I parked in front of the coffee shop where we first met a long time ago, the place sending a burst of nostalgia to me. I looked around to see if his car was there, then mentally scolded myself for being stupid, of course he won't be using the same car twenty years later. I made my way inside the coffee shop.

I saw him first before he saw me. The years have been good to him. His hair had started to gray but his build is still lean. He was looking at his phone again this time, his eyes creasing whenever he laughs. It was an amazing sight. I made my way to him.

"Is this seat taken?" I asked. He looked up, then immediately stood and pulled me to his arms, I hugged him back. Twenty years of missing each other poured into that embrace. I stayed in his arms, breathing him in, his familiar scent assaulting my senses and waking up the emotions I have held down after all these years.

We sat down, we talked, we made plans. We were not anymore rushing this time, we had the rest of our lives ahead of us. We were not anymore on borrowed time.

*I hope our love will never end. My love will last until the end of time.*