Law of the Heart—Alternate Ending

"I watched you at the luau while you did an erotic dance with Juan. I observed that you allowed Juan to caress your breasts in the hot tub later in the evening. And I watched as Juan escorted you to the door of your bungalow late in the evening.

"What surprised, disappointed and hurt me beyond description is that I watched as you invited Juan into your bungalow. It killed my soul.

"When I saw that, I became enraged. I walked toward your room with hate for both you and him in my heart. As I approached your room, I picked up a large rock. My intention was to bust into your room and crush Juan's head in. Make no mistake about it. I did not want to just hurt him. I did not want to just bash him into unconsciousness. I intended to kill him. And then, it occurred to me that I wanted to kill you too. The only thing that might stop me from killing Juan is that he might kill me first, but I didn't care at that moment.

"I approached within ten feet of your door and stopped. For some reason, I thought of Little Jake. I evaluated my options and the scenarios that might follow.

"What if I busted into you room and found you so hot to fuck Juan that you told me to get out and that we would talk of this later. That would have triggered an explosive reaction that I don't like to think about.

"What if Juan was so intent on fucking you that he beat the shit out of me and threw me out of your room? In that case, my self-respect would have demanded ultimate retaliation against one or both of you.

"What if Juan had excused himself as soon as he had seen me? I would've been left with a wife who would have cheated on me if I had not appeared at the last second. What would you have done at that time? Cried? Begged for forgiveness? Promise me that it would never happen again? In any case, I would have been stuck with a wife I could never trust again.

"I was a loser no matter what might have happened.

"What if I had burst into your room and killed Juan like I so wanted to do? Jake would have been raised without his father who would be known as a murderer.

"If I had been killed by Juan, then the possibility was that Jake would have been raised by his mother and his step-father, Juan. That was not an acceptable solution.

"If I had killed both Juan and you, Jake would be raised by one of his grandparents. That was also an unacceptable solution.

"My only option at the time was to walk away from it and deal with the consequences later, regardless of what they might be."

Jill finally looked up at me and said, "What are you going to do??

I looked at her, and with tears in my eyes, I said, "I want a divorce."

Jill let out a big cry, "No, no, no! I didn't want this to happen. You were never to know."

I replied, "I have no choice. You fucked my worst enemies and then you lied about it time and time again. You never considered confessing the indiscretion to me so that we might resolve it somehow between us. You lied and lied and lied. I don't trust you anymore. You had no respect for me or our marriage vows."

Jill alternately sniffled and cried. "You can't forgive me and let us go on as before? Can't you give me a chance?" she questioned.

I replied, barely able to hold in my own tears, "I did give you a chance, and you continued to lie to me."

I went on, "My sense of honor and self-respect will not allow me to go forward as if nothing had happened. You would not respect me if I should do that. I would forever be a cuckold to you, to me and to our friends, acquaintances and associates. My pride would not allow that, no matter how much I loved you.

"And regardless of the fact that I love you, I don't want to touch you. I won't make love to you knowing that the last man inside you was Juan or Hector. I won't kiss you knowing that you have sucked the cocks of Juan and Hector and your mouth has been full of their jism."

Although Jill was listening as I made my thoughts known to her, she had just picked up on the fact that I was talking about both Juan and Hector.

"What are you talking about when you say Juan and Hector?" she asked through her crying.

"You are a bigger slut than you know. Didn't you know that both Juan and Hector fucked you that night?" I responded.

"I still don't understand what you are trying to say. I was with Juan and only Juan, all night long."

"How many times did you climax?" I asked pointedly.

"Please, Jake, I don't want to talk about it. I've been trying to put that night out of my mind."

"How many times did Juan have an orgasm?" I continued to press for answers to questions that were as uncomfortable to me as they were to Jill."

"Please, please, Jake," she pleaded. "I didn't want you to know that anything had happened in the first place, so I certainly don't want to go into the details of how and how much and how long I fucked Juan. Actually, I can barely remember most of it. I had had a lot to drink, too much, and I was high and I was tired."

"Let me give you my best guess about what happened," I said. Juan escorted you to your bungalow a little after midnight. Based on how hot you were to get fucked, I think you and Juan got it on within a few minutes. After resting for a while, Juan probably encouraged you to suck his cock, which I'm certain you did. Then, you two probably fucked a second time in a different position than before. Maybe he even fucked you in the ass."

Jill interrupted, "No man has ever had my ass--ever. But you are right, that is what he wanted to do at one point."

"Regardless," I continued, "Juan probably fucked you one additional time before you curled up with him and went to sleep sometime around 3AM. In that three-hour period of time both you and Juan probably climaxed at least three times. Then, about 4AM, Juan seemed to get inspired again. He might have started out by waking you up with light kisses and then continued with touching, perhaps sucking your breasts. He might have worked his way down your body until he was fingering you or even eating your pussy. At any rate, he aroused you to the point where you fucked him again and pretty much repeated what you two had done earlier."

I looked at Jill. "No wonder that you thought it was a night of amazing sex. You must have been fucked at least six times, been eaten at least twice and sucked Juan off twice, if not more. How close was I to how things actually went down?"

Jill was still sobbing as I recounted what I thought was the expected scenario in her room that night. "You are closer than you think," she said. "Some of it is still blurry to me, especially the sex I had early on Saturday morning. I couldn't believe how virile Juan was. He wanted me over and over again.

"I am so, so sorry Jake. In retrospect, the whole day seemed to lead up to what happened. I just allowed myself to go along with events. I never, ever wanted you to know what happened. I have hurt you so much and I can see that. You know that I love you. And I know that you love me and Jake with all your heart. We have to get through this, we just have to."

"Let me tell you what really happened to you Jill," I said as I held up my hand to stop her supplication. "After I decided that I was not going to break into your bungalow and kill Juan and possibly you, I dropped the rock. I felt that I needed time to get my rage under control before I did anything else, so I started walking down the beach. I walked for a long time. During that time, I made the decision to return to Boston and not let you or anybody else know that I had actually been there, that I had seen what I had seen. I wanted to get the earliest flight possible back home.

"I was returning to my bungalow at about 3AM when I looked up through the palm trees toward your room. There was a man standing outside of your door. At first, I thought it was Juan, taking a break of some sort. Then, I saw the real Juan open the door of your room and step outside to greet his brother Hector. They stood together for a few minutes, and then exchanged shirts. Hector entered your bungalow, now dressed as Juan, and Juan walked off toward his own room.

"So, the reason you experienced such amazing sex that night was that you fucked two men, Juan and Hector Mendoza.

"No, no, no," cried Jill. "I didn't know." How could he...how could they..."

"Technically, Hector raped you," I said. "You did not give your consent to have sex with him. However, I suppose that that distinction is lost in the broader scheme of events."

Jill just cried and rocked back and forth, "I didn't know, I didn't know," she repeated.

"It doesn't matter to me that you fucked Juan or Juan and Hector. What matters to me is that you were unfaithful at all. You seemed to do it so casually, as if it was the thing to do without your husband around."

"Yes, you're right", Jill said. "It was all too easy. And I haven't faced up to the consequences of my actions. I never even considered the possibility of consequences. What was I thinking? Where was my respect for my husband, my marriage?

"If you want a divorce, Jake, I will not contest it. I will do as you've outlined. We will still have Little Jake to keep us as a family."

"I've thought about this for some time now. You may agree with it or not. My primary concern is for Little Jake, and I think yours is, too. The house is too big for just one parent to maintain, and we both still have busy careers. I think we should sell the house. We will each buy separate townhomes or condominiums near our work and near each other so that Little Jake can continue at the same school and have the same babysitter and daycare center, since we both work. We will share him equally as much as possible. He will live with me for a month at a time and then with you. In order to maintain a semblance of family, we will do holidays such as Christmas, Thanksgiving, Halloween and birthdays together as a family, so that he will not feel as if he was abandoned by one parent or the other. We'll be polite and courteous to each other whenever we are together with both Little Jake and our families. Other than that, we'll maintain separate lives.

"Since maintaining two separate households will be a lot more expensive, I made the decision to leave the public defender's office and rejoin my old partner, Paul Evans, and his law firm. Paul has wanted me back ever since I left for my job for the city. He says that he has much more business than he can handle alone, and he needs someone with my trial experience."

Jill interrupted, "But you loved being a public defender."

I responded, "Yes, I did. I felt I was helping people who were at a disadvantage in the court system. I also gained a lot of trial experience on a wide range of issues. But I am tired of the low-level cases involving drug pushers, gang members, wife-abusers and so on. I'm leaving the office in good hands with young, enthusiastic lawyers who are anxious to cut their teeth in courtroom confrontations. I would like to concentrate more on a higher level of criminal justice.

"Paul has promised me that I will have more than enough work to do and that the financial rewards will be substantial."

Jill cried most of the night. I couldn't help her and I didn't try. I cried, too.

The next morning, Jill announced that she couldn't face me for a few days and said she was leaving to visit Sally for a few days. I thought it was for the best, too. Not that I thought Sally would do her a lot of good. In fact, I disliked Sally intensely because I thought it was Sally who had set Jill up to fall. Jill still believed that Sally was her friend.

I waited for an hour or so after Jill's airplane landed in Atlanta before I texted her. I imagined she had been picked up by Sally and they were at Sally's house at the time. In the text, I said that, in addition to the pictures I had taken that night at the resort, I had a video clip of her bonfire dance with Juan and I attached the video file. I told her to take note of Sally's actions.

What the video showed was Jill and Juan and Hector and Maria trying to outdo each other in suggestive moves as they danced in the light of the bonfire. In the background the video showed a number of our classmates watching and some even turning away from the R-rated gyrations. However, as Jill and Juan danced, Sally walked up to Jill and handed her a drink while whispering some in her ear. After Sally withdrew back to the crowd, Jill downed the drink in one gulp and threw the empty glass into the bonfire. Jill seemed to dance a little more wildly then and, at one point, ripped off her light blue sarong and threw it into the air. The video showed the sarong blowing across the sand toward the video operator. The video ended.

Not more than two hours later, Jill called me and said she was returning home on the next flight.

I picked Jill up at the airport. She was quiet for the first few minutes of our drive home. Then she said, "I feel I was set up."

"I don't know why. I also know that it does not excuse my behavior. I made it easy for them. I made all the decisions to do what I did. I drank too much. I smoked weed. I allowed myself to become Juan's companion for the weekend. And then I fucked him...them. I thought they were my friends, but they weren't. But I still don't know why."

"I don't know why either," I said.

We were silent the rest of the way home.

Separation papers were filed. Even before they were finalized, Jill and I had a lawyer draw up an equable division of assets. Our finances were split apart and we began to manage our monetary affairs separately. Contemporaneously, we both found suitable places to live near our places of work and near each other. Our home had appreciated a great deal in the few years we had it. It was sold for a substantial profit and we divided those assets. I used part of the profit from the house as a down payment on my three-bedroom townhome. The rest, I placed in liquid assets until I could decide what I wanted in long-term investments. My new income level allowed me to put a lot of my pay into savings. As it turned out, I would need it soon.

Jill purchased a three-bedroom condominium less than a mile from my townhouse. At one point, when we were discussing the logistics of sharing custody of Little Jake, we hit upon the idea of decorating each of the bedrooms in our separate residences in the same style as Jake's room in our previous home. We felt that would make him feel more comfortable as he switched from Jill's place to mine and back again each month.

The first month or so was traumatic as we moved our chattels from our family house and into our new dwellings. Simultaneously, I was getting adjusted to my new job as a criminal attorney in a private law office. Paul did not hesitate to load me up with cases, but also with the responsibilities of a co-equal participant and partner in our law firm: Evans & Martin, Attorneys at Law.

I kept Little Jake with me at our home for the first month while Jill moved out of the house and into a condominium she had found. Jill was kind enough to keep Little Jake for the second month while I moved into the three-bedroom townhouse I bought.

I had refused to let Jill talk to me about the night of her infidelity. I didn't admit or couldn't imagine that there could possibly be a rational explanation or excuse for her conduct. I was still hurting. However, she still pressed me to listen to her side. On the day that we signed the divorce papers, she made it a point to do it only on the condition that I allow her thirty minutes to explain what happened. I really didn't want to hear "her side" of the story. I didn't think there could be any justifiable "her side."

Nevertheless, after the papers were signed, we dismissed the lawyers and sat alone in the law office conference room.

She started out by apologizing again, telling me how sorry she was and acknowledged that she knew that she had hurt me deeply and that I was still hurting. She was so regretful that she caused the dissolution of our marriage but she understood that my pride was so wounded that I would never get over it. She also understood that because of the events that caused our marriage to wither and die, I had lost a lot of self-respect for myself--for something that wasn't my fault. She almost started to cry and I could tell she was having a difficult time keeping herself under control.

I reminded her that I agreed to listen to her description of events and not to hear her more apologies for her part in ending our marriage.

She steeled herself and started, . . .

"The reunion weekend...It was so nice to get away... Do you know that it was the first time in six months I was off by myself for longer than a trip to the store? I was by myself: No job, no husband, no Jake Junior. It was just me. On the flight to Miami, I told myself I was going to have fun. I wanted to join up with my single girlfriends and party like we did in law school at the end of a semester; all by myself, in Miami

"The resort was so beautiful. The warm tropical breezes, rum drinks, hot salsa music. Beautiful people... Jake it was just so sexy there," Jill sobbed.

"Jake, everyone was there and we were having such a good time. It was like I was back in school. Before there was an us, before there was a Jake Junior. It was like I was my own person again; not responsible for anything or anyone other than myself."

"I have always let you be your own person, Jill. I have always given you space if you told me that you needed it," I responded. My voice was dull and unemotional.

"I know, Jake. It's not anything you've done. It's just life..."

I couldn't help but interrupt. "You wanted to get married, Jill. I thought as much as I did. And I know you wanted to have a baby...."

This time Jill stopped me. "Yes, I did. I wanted marriage and a baby. I love you, Jake... Oh God, this is so hard!"

She continued. "I had hoped to join up with my single girlfriends from school, but soon found that there weren't any. Most of them were married and most of those who were single didn't come to the event.

"Sally was there, however. We teamed up and she told me that she would see that I had a great time. She had told Juan that I was alone and he promised to take care of both of us during the reunion. She had always been good friends with the Mendozas.

"On Friday afternoon, we all gathered on the patio for a cocktail hour. That's when we met Juan, Hector and Hector's wife, Maria; and made plans for the next day. The reunion schedule called for a tour boat to take everyone out to a small island owned by the resort for a barbeque lunch. Juan and Hector said it would be much more fun to use their yacht.

"I was a little suspicious of Juan's motives and told him I probably should stick with my other friends. Juan said to invite some of them along, too. Sally wanted me to go, so I said I would go if Steve and Meredith would go with us. I found Meredith a short time later and she said that she and Steve would accompany us on the Mendoza yacht.

"The yacht seemed so much more alluring than the tour boat, and certainly less crowded. Although I missed partying with my classmates, I enjoyed the freedom on the yacht. The lunch was superb and there was lots to drink. I shouldn't have started drinking so heavily so early in the day. And then Juan pulled out the weed and we all had some. I can't tell you how relaxed and free I felt.

"As you can guess, or as you observed, I went along with the flow, not realizing that I was being played by people who pretended to be my friends. I had more to drink and smoked more weed, all of which lowered my resistance to suggestion. I allowed myself to dance like a gypsy with Juan by the firepit. I let Juan touch me in the hot tub. It was all very tantalizing and sexually exciting. By the time Juan walked me to my room, I was so ready to get fucked that I pulled him inside. I had no thoughts of you whatsoever. I am so, so sorry."