Learning About Myself Pt. 02

"Here, now?"

"Yes. That's what I said." His eyebrows raised though without any edge to his voice, yet. I realised I must be careful and not embarrass him. I didn't want him angry with me or him feeling I wasn't being obedient when in front of Liz.

Undressing, or even dressing, in front of Paul made me very aware of my body and the reasons I was doing things these days, with someone else present it was very embarrassing indeed. Humiliation isn't something you grow used to. If anything, it builds in its intensity. Undressing in front of people is quite a rare event. Taking my clothes off when told to do so amplified how submissive I was, how other people would see me as sexually submissive. I was breathing too fast, thinking too much.

It was easier when told to do things, when there was a format to follow. Thankfully he understood, he even told me which items to remove each time and where to place it after I folded it. My face though was scarlet. After, I was instructed to stand by the window as I usually did, my back to the room. It was as strange others being in the room, as they were last time. I was normally on my own to think about everything peacefully. They spoke, oblivious to the fact I could hear, that I was even there.

"I was surprised how, well, how sexual it all was when we watched. I should have but I just didn't realise."

"Do you mean how sexual it was for Hannah or how sexual it made you feel?"

"Well both actually I suppose." She sounded both thoughtful and excited. "I hadn't really expected that it would be like that, I just expected her being spanked and crying and all... Maybe just a flash of flesh of her bum perhaps. But it wasn't ... it was far more. It was really sexy. From having to display herself naked to seeing how wet she became, how under your control she was. I've never really seen women naked. I wouldn't have done that. And... it surprised me that I found it as arousing as seeing naked men. Seeing her, tits and bum and that obvious pussy of hers, her pubes all shaved, you could see everything! How ready she was. Naked and ready for fucking while we were all dressed and acceptable."

"And you? Did you want to be be spanked?"

"Oh no! Not at all. I'm not into being vulnerable and feeling pain. But I did want to spank her myself, feel her flesh, make her buttocks judder under my hand." She laughed self consciously.

"Did it make you uneasy David seeing her naked?"

"No. Actually no. To be honest I would have thought I would have, but to be honest I was too caught up in the whole control thing, I just didn't think of him too much, though I realised he was aroused too."

"You realised it was about control then?"

"Yes. I didn't when you brought it up, but seeing it, being there..."

"And you became aroused watching Hannah being controlled, being submissive?"

"Oh God yes!"

"And you would like that control?"

"Yes. I think so."

"With Hannah or David?"

"Oh, Davids not submissive, not enough anyway. He likes me taking control to some extent but I'm sure its laziness more than anything."

"OK, well I think we had better begin. I have to admit that we left some things out last time."

"You did?"

"Yes, I didn't want to go too far in case you felt disconcerted by it."

"What did you leave out?"

"Well do you want to see more this time, seeing as you were untroubled by things last time?"

"Yes.'" Her voice sounded as if it was rasping in her throat.

I was called to them, standing naked for them. Not only did I move across the room but to a place where I have to obey... where you are in charge, and I will be cared for and taken care of. I could feel my body throbbing. I couldn't help glance at Liz, though etiquette required me to look at the floor. Her face was red and her neck had a deep blush of arousal there too. I knew mine was similar, heat was filling all of me. I could feel a slight breeze between my legs, on my cunt lips. My nipples ached. I was breathing heavenly, my tits rising with each breath. I didn't understand why I liked being spanked, why I liked being told what to do, it is the same with being exposed to someone too. I couldn't understand it but I knew the effects. I was getting off on it, being looked at like this, as I displayed my body and my submission. I liked being seen as well as spanked!

I had to kneel by Paul's knees. His hand came to my face, caressing. It moved to my mouth, my lips. He was rubbing them, back and forwards. They felt soft, pliant. A finger slid inside and I sucked it. Liz was watching. It fucked my mouth. In and out. Then two fingers. It must look very rude, very sexual, very submissive. Saliva dribbled. He forced my head up to take the fingers as they slid in and out. Liz moved to the edge of her seat to watch. He took his fingers out and wiped them on my tits.

"Why are you here slut?" I didn't expect him to use that word. Didn't expect him to call me a slut in front of Liz.

"For you to spank me, Sir." The 'Sir' felt right with Liz here.

"Do you want me to spank you?"

"Yes Sir."

"Even though Liz will see everything?"

"Yes Sir."

"So tell Liz what you like about this. What you think about all this." I had to think this through a while first, my mind wasn't working as fast as it should.

"I like to be told what to do by you now. I like to feel that you are going to punish me if I do not obey you or just to maintain my behaviour. I like to feel your control."

"You are accepting you like to be told what to do?"

"Yes. Even when you spank me, I like you to tell exactly what I am to do, when it will happen, what position to assume, and when I can get up. I like to be made to present myself and to be spanked hard. I respect you more now you spank me."

"Even if it hurts you?" Liz coming in.

"Yes. If I am not crying when he finishes my spanking, then he did not spank me hard enough. I don't think I would respect a man who cannot take control of me and spank me hard until I cry." I don't think I had admitted as much even when we were alone.

"Ask me then."

"Please will you spank me Sir?"

"Drape yourself over my knees."

I did, again so very aware of my body being looked at. The humiliation was still strong, still arousing but I was learning to accept. He rearranged me so that I lay along his left leg with my head tucked into his side and both legs hanging down, my knees not on the floor, though my toes were. I could feel the pressure of his knee on my mound very near my clit. He took my arms and crossed them behind me, his left hand resting on them to restrain them if necessary. I could feel his hardness with my shoulder.

He began with soft slaps that generated arousal regardless of what I thought about. I began to feel a pulsing shame as I felt the pressure of his leg against my sex with every slap of his hand. My arousal was the one underlying truth that I would not be able to hide from either of them. The spanking picked up pace gradually and so did the humiliation and hunger for more. I knew I was a slut. I knew I was so lewd. I heard each slap of his hand on my buttocks, felt them reverberate before the pain hit, one then the other. I wanted to rub the flesh, rub the burning but he held my hands gently. It hurt and hurt more as he carried on but I needed that hurt. I was crying but it didn't matter. I squirmed but didn't attempt to escape the slaps, in fact I was vaguely aware that I lifted to them now before feeling his knee pressing my clit again and again. It wasn't quite friction but almost like light slaps. Suddenly as I neared my orgasm he stopped. I mumbled pleadingly into his side to no avail.

"Liz, sit on the carpet between her legs." Initially in my stupor I thought he meant me but when he held me tight I realised that he wanted Liz to see my shame. "Pull yourself wide so that she can see." That was to me. He let me slide my hands down my back and rub my burning buttocks a moment before pulling them apart, feeling my heavy lips widen, peel further apart. I lay on his leg. Naughtily I wanted her to see. I could imagine how I looked. I wanted her to like what she saw. I wanted to be spanked more. I knew I was being a very bad girl.

"Oh my God she is such a slut! Nobody would have guessed! Oh this is wonderful. She's wide open and so wet! And She's even leaked on your jeans, the slut." Now she was calling me a slut too! "And her arse is there for all to see. I never imagined she was such a slut."

I was made to stand then. Feeling quite light headed. Then kneel on the sofa and grasp the back, arching my back, pushing up. Knees apart. Cunt spread. I was thinking that naughty word more, thinking of 'my cunt' not 'my pussy'. Of course I was well aware of the sight I presented. The slut offering her cunt. Like a good sub I made sure my back stayed arched, presenting.

Paul was behind me again. His hand spanked my ass. Spanked each buttock, brought the flames alive again. They must be really red now. They must shine in the dark. I was breathing heavily. He stopped.

"Liz, come here." A small hand hit felt my ass, rubbed it.

"She is hot. Her skin is so hot." Then the hand hit my buttock. Not hard. Not like Paul's. But again and again. It was Liz my friend. Liz! Standing up I was being spanked by Liz!

"In future it might help if you used an implement. Like a spatula or spoon if you haven't a paddle." In future? Again? When? Oh God!

"Yes. That would be good." The light smacks continued. "How do you get a paddle?"

"You can get them online but try the other things first. They are probably good enough."

After a while of this frustratingly light but humiliating spanking Paul came behind me with the cream and rubbed it all over my ass. It felt divine but I felt needy, I needed more spanking. Even with Liz there, perhaps because she was there. I felt very subby.

"Hold yourself apart again." I did. I wasn't arguing. I would do as I was told. "Tell Liz what happens next."

"He... he puts his finger in my ass." I tensed as it pushed into me, holding me in position. I squeezed on it and rocked a little back and forth as he worked it in and out of me for what seemed like a long time. This was seriously humiliating but the fact that she were watching had me desperately holding myself back from the edge. Them seeing me like this was arousing me more than I could admit. The finger caused me a huge amount of shame. I had shown how accepting and willing I was to go along with everything.

"She always accepts this after being spanked, the finger in her ass. It makes her very aware of all her body and who controls it".

He fingered me there. in my ass, fucking me with it, making me grunt with the determination of holding back, until he thought I was fully accepting, until he was sure I would easily accept the butt plug. I couldn't see but guessed Liz was enjoying my further humiliation. I couldn't help it I didn't think others would let their husbands do that let alone let their friends watch it. His finger excited me. I knew I was a slut. I'd never live it down. The butt plug, cool, pressed against me, then into me, widening my ass. It felt tight, big inside me as he pushed the widest part inside. I clamped around it convulsively.

I climbed off the sofa, very aware of my stretched and clenching bottom and shaky legs,

and he sat on it, Liz next to him. She laughed and turned me around to look at the butt plug, having me bend and then walk back and forth.

"And now, what would you like to do now Hannah?"

"Suck your cock Sir. Please may I suck your cock?"

Totally naked I knelt for him. My hands opened his jeans and he helped as I pulled them down with his boxers. He was hard of course. My man's cock. My Masters cock. I could smell the maleness of him as I came close. It suddenly occurred to me that Liz would see his cock too but I didn't care then. I just wanted to please him. I wanted him inside. His cock was big in my mouth. I had learned how to take him deep. I wanted him inside me. The longer I did it the more I could take. I was worshipping his cock. My saliva covered it and dribbled from my mouth. I knew he liked me using only my mouth on him, my hands stayed away. My tits swung, probably obscenely but I didn't care anymore, as I pleasured him with my mouth. At times I was aware of Liz touching me, my buttocks, my tits, holding my head, but it didn't matter and it seemed far away. Eventually he came in me. I nearly came myself but held back.

I knelt between his legs content, my head in his crutch, his hand in my hair and caressing my face. Liz watched.

I returned home from work to find Paul already there, sitting in the living room listening to jazz and staring out of the window. I had been feeling really horny all day, really felt horny, really wanted fucking really hard like Paul was doing these days. I wanted to feel him really using me. I was quietly ashamed of myself but I had been thinking dirty thoughts all day and wasn't allowed underwear on my journey home. Very often these days so I had to take bra and knickers off before leaving work. My knickers were soaking when I took them off at work. Even though I had wiped myself before leaving I was really hot and sticky on the train without them and scared people would smell me. I knew I sometimes left a mark on the back of my skirt and after I got up had to slide it round so what the mark was wasn't obvious. I could feel my slipperiness on my thighs.

I gave him a very nice kiss, wanting to rub up against him as I did but he stayed seated. He looked at me and laughed knowing what I wanted, telling me immediately to strip. Laughing too, I quickly did as he told me. When I was naked he had me sit on the floor between his legs. I could see his erection through his suit. I raised my eyebrows suggestively.

"Not yet. You have to wait."

I pouted.

"You like giving me control don't you?"

"Can't you tell? I don't argue much anymore do I?"

"Stop throwing my questions back."

"Sorry. Yes."

"I agree you are much better behaved."

"Is that what you call well behaved?" I teased.

"You know what I mean! Now I want to make you even more submissive." I looked at him surprised.

"How can I be more than I am?" I laughed. "I cant believe how much I have given you. You have made me so... needy."

"It excited you having them see you didn't? It excited you having her see you." I couldn't answer.

His finger went into my mouth and that strange peace descended on me until I was sent to prepare dinner. I ate naked and we sat eating in near silence. I wasn't really hungry and played with my food. I wasn't able to think straight. I was scared but my nipples were rock hard. Did I really like being watched like that? I knew I had at the time. But that was because Paul had made me. What did he want me to do now? Could I do what he wanted? But Paul wanted this. Paul wanted me to do whatever it was. Everything was swirling.

Paul seemed ravenous. I played with my food. After, he sent me into the living room. Eventually my mind calmed as I stood there in my place. I couldn't imagine refusing Paul now. I realised that the time for refusal was in the past. It scared me. But I knew I couldn't resist him any more. He knew me too well, knew my body too well. As he had said, I belonged to him. It wasn't just love, he owned me as well. The certainty that brought was like a balm. The evening sun was low as I stood by the window. I heard him filling the dishwasher and then there was no sound for a while before eventually I heard him sitting back on the sofa behind me. He didn't speak for a while, I didn't know if he was looking at me or what. Eventually I was told to return to between his legs. He had changed into a polo shirt and jeans.

"By the way, David has a problem. He says he cant get enough sleep at the moment. Liz wants to ride his cock all the time. Since they saw you spanked. Apparently she is insatiable." He laughed.

He took me to the park after we had eaten. The evening was fine and sunny. He hadn't allowed me to put on my clothes before we left simply put on a raincoat. It wasn't raining, not really cool, but I wore the coat and stockings and shoes and nothing else. I felt ridiculously naked underneath, as though everyone knew what I had on, or rather what I hadn't. We stopped in the park where it met the woods. It had well kept pathways running through it but was generally a quiet secluded area.

"Undo the buttons." I very nervously undid the buttons on my coat, keeping the sides together. "Open it. Let me see you." Slowly I parted the sides so he could see me, see my pussy, see my tits. It was exciting, naughty. I looked around to check that there was no one around.

"Stop. What are you doing?"

"I just wanted to make sure there wasn't anyone coming."

"Why? What would you have done?"

"Covered up so they didn't see."

"But hadn't I told you to display yourself to me?"

"Yes."

"So that's what you do. Not cover yourself when you feel like it. You cover yourself when I feel like it. Understand?"

"Yes. But.." I looked at him accepting but not quite accepting.

"But what?"

"What if others see me?"

"What if they do? Isn't it my decision not yours? Like at home." I stared at him and felt my body shaking a little. I took my clothes off when he told me at home. I displayed my body for him. He decided not me. I accepted, submitted. I was breathing too fast and tried to relax. He had decided that I was to be naked under my coat, what did I expect. But what if he decided that others saw me? I was getting hot. It was scary, bad, not something I should let him decide. Oh God. Yet he had decided that Liz and David saw me naked, saw me being spanked. It was something I should let him decide. He was right about at home and I had accepted coming out naked under the coat. I could accept his control here too.

I opened my coat again, wider. I felt the cool air on my erect nipples, hardening them almost to hurting. His hand went to them, squeezing my breast, squeezed my nipples rhythmically, I gasped and groaned. I was still holding my coat wide. His other hand went to my pussy. It was natural now, I parted my legs and he fondled me, fingered me as I pushed back and forward against him. He made me realise how quickly he could reduce me to this. Thinking only of pleasure. He stopped before I could come. I cleaned his finger in my mouth, tasting myself. We walked again. I could still taste the tang of my juices. He stopped me, made me display again. In the area where the park met the woods there were a couple of people in the distance, not too near and they couldn't see what I was doing but I could see them. Over and over I had to display, lifting my coat above my waist or bending over and flipping it over by how it aroused me to do as I was told like this.

Paul began to take me to the park often. The repetition gradually allowed me to become used to it a little bit. Not that every time was the same. He would constantly comment on what I was doing, what I was showing, who might see. I couldn't escape into an inner comfort zone. Sometimes I had to masturbate for him outside, sometimes sucking him off or allowing him to fully feel me, grope me where people might see. Often I was totally naked at some point which was scary. I knew I was so wicked. I felt like a puppet dancing to his tune but he was correct that It made me very horny.

Usually he would tell me in advance if he expected me to do anything outside, which meant I was able to both get used to the idea and stew in the embarrassment even before anything happened. I now accepted that he decided what I wear if he wished. Sometimes the skirts were embarrassingly short, loose tops meant that if he told me to lean forward my tits might be seen.

I was never allowed to cover myself with my arms or hide myself away. Nor was I was ever allowed to look directly at anyone at times like this. Paul stressed that it was my responsibility, the exposed person, to make the fully dressed one feel at ease and not guilty about looking, after all it wasn't their fault that they were faced with it. I hadn't thought about before. When he said it I understood how I was making demands on them by my vulgar needs. I was quite ashamed and didn't want them to be annoyed with me.