Leave the Night On Pt. 04

"True. We hardly see her these days," Lil adds. "She's even sleeping like a normal person." She seems to think better of her statement. "Well. Almost."

"We were wondering, Dr. Dreamy," Cami goes on, but I interrupt whatever disaster she's about to unleash with her tongue.

"Oh, God. If you ask him what his intentions are, I swear I'll murder you!"

"Oh, Pearly. We already know what his intentions are," Cami intercedes. "We've heard his intentions being consummated upon you."

"Ah! That we did!" Lil cries to Cami. "That first time I thought he was killing her!"

"Le petite mort! " Cami throws some French to Lil and they both start cackling like old crazy ladies.

I put my face in my hands and make a frustrated noise, tired of battling an ever-increasing urge to laugh/yell/groan. A warm weight settles on my back. I look up from my hands to find Julian smiling down at me. And then a laugh burst out of him too.

"Oh God! I'm so sorry," I whisper-groan.

Still laughing, he leans over and kisses my cheek again. "Don't apologize. I'm loving this," he says to me and then, turning to the girls, "Thank you for inviting me. I really needed this."

"It's our pleasure, Julian," Lil says. "At the very least, we owed one dinner to the man responsible for making our girl so happy lately."

"Hmm hmm," Cami hums, nodding though cheeks blown full of wine. "We figured you were sick of only seeing Pearl's room and a trip to another part of the loft would be fun," she says when she finally swallows.

"My room is the best room in the house, Camille."

Her eyebrows rise challengingly and I cringe in anticipation of what's to come. "It's the most fun, if the sounds are to be believed."

I don't even try with Cami. Instead, I whirl to Julian and give him yet another apologetic look. He responds with a widening of his smile. "Relax," he whispers, a hand tucking a coiled strand of hair behind my ear.

My heart thumps in my chest. I am nervous, buzzing like an electric wire. And it has very little to do with my friends lacking a social filter. I love Cami and Lil. These girls are my family on this side of the world. If anything, they are breaking the ice tonight. They aren't the reason why my heart can't settle on a slower rhythm. Julian is meeting my family tonight. He's being sweet and physically affectionate with me in the presence of my best friends, people who know me better than anyone and who fully comprehend the extent of my feelings for him.

I cling on to his easy smile, the loose and comfortable display of his body. He really seems to be enjoying tonight. I lean into the hand still on my cheek and exhale a long, steading breath. "Thanks," I say.

It takes me a moment to notice the silence.

The girls are watching us. Cami is wearing her smug know it all face. Lil has hearts in her eyes, same as when she's watching a romcom's happy ending. Cami's ice blue gaze narrows on me, momentarily shining with wickedness. She won't let go of the bone. "It's a rare thing when Pearly brings a guy here, Dr. Dreamy. I mean, what were you even doing to her?!"

"Cam!" I laugh-yell. "Shut up right now, please?"

My face burns hot, yet I laugh. Soon, everyone joins me and we're a table full of cackling idiots. "Forgive these two, Julian," I manage to say. "They are socially crippled. They don't know how to not embarrass me!"

"You can't blame us for having ears!" Lil shoots.

"You could pretend you didn't hear a thing!" I shoot back. "God knows I do it for you!"

"You're hard to ignore," Julian cuts in.

I whip my head in his direction. "What?"

He shrugs, nonchalantly. "You're kind of loud, My Pearl."

My jaw drops to the table's surface. With robotic motions, I turn to my friends. Cami's cheeks are about to explode with all the things she shouldn't say but will anyway. Lil is still resorting to silent communication, mouthing My Pearl? through crazy shining green eyes.

In the beat that follows, I lose a battle with myself. I double over in my chair and let it all out, guffawing until the muscles in my belly start aching and my lungs are struggling for air. Cami and Lil dissolve into laughter again. And the grave, rumbling sound of Julian's joy joins the fray.

When I can finally breathe again, I give Julian a playful jab on the arm. "You're supposed to be on my side, you asshole!"

"It's all your fault, handsome. She's not that loud when she's by herself," Cami says.

"Oh my God, I have to pee!" I announce, standing up abruptly.

"You so don't!" Lil points an accusing finger at me.

"I don't, but I'm going to." My head starts spinning, and I'm still laughing. "In a minute," I breathe. I glance down at Julian's crinkled, laughing face, and lay a hand on his shoulder for support. "Just give me a minute. It's all the alcohol's doing."

I count to three and turn in the direction of the toilet, giving my back to the raucous choir of laughter Julian and my friends are forming. When I'm halfway there I stop and whirl back around. "You two!" Cami and Lil are mere blurs in the shape of people from where I'm standing. "Don't embarrass him while I'm gone!"

"Oh! Come on, Pearly! He's so cute when he's blushing!"

I close the bathroom door on Cami's harmless provocations and take a series of deep breaths. In through the nose. Out through the mouth. Julian is in my home. With my friends. He's having fun. Tonight is perfect. I'm in love with him.

I'm so helplessly in love with that man.

The realization that I can admit it to myself so easily grips so tightly, the air I'm inhaling isn't enough to stop my head from spinning. I don't dare entertain my future with Julian any further. I can't go beyond the fact that I do wish for a future with him. All I can do is enjoy the moment. I'll have him in my bed later. I'll fall asleep in his arms later. Anything else can remain ignored.

I wait a couple of minutes and exit the bathroom. When I open the door, voices waft in.

"She's the best thing," Julian is saying.

"She is," Cami says in an unnaturally low voice for her. "And we don't have to tell you this, but we will."

At first, I presumed they were talking about Hannah, but Cami's words convince me otherwise. The hallway's wall that projects into the living room/kitchen area is the perfect hideout to an eavesdropper like myself. I hold my breath, waiting for their next words.

"If you break her heart, we will kill you," Cami says.

"We'll castrate you first," Lil adds with a defiant tone to her voice. "We'll kill you after we feed your detached balls to you."

"What she said," Cami agrees.

I know I should come out. The girls are giving him the Father talk, but I can't move. I'm dying to hear Julian's answer.

The sound of his choking laughter comes before his actual answer. "I don't think I can break her heart," he says, and I detect incredulity lacing his words.

It's Lil who answers, "You can."

"She's tough," Julian retorts, firmly.

I hear Cami's annoyed huff. "As a marshmallow."

Afraid of the way this conversation might go, I step out. "You haven't told him all my dirty secrets, I hope," I say, retaking my seat and attempting a light mood.

Everyone does a shitty job of pretending they weren't just talking about me. Averting eyes and fumbling hands. "We wouldn't dare ruin your mysterious front," Lil says.

Settling next to Julian, I touch his thigh under the table. He lays his hand over mine and the reassuring squeeze he gives me has me slumping in my chair in relief. His words are playing in loops around my brain. Doesn't he believe he has the power to break my heart? Is it because he underestimates my vulnerability where he is concerned or is it because he can't, as in won't, break it?

"Dessert?" Lil offers, rising suddenly.

I make a motion to rise as well, but Cami beats me to it. "I go help Lil. You stay and entertain our guest, Pearly."

The girls are quick to shuffle to the kitchen, but the open space doesn't afford much privacy. Their attention remains heavy as fog over us.

"You good?" I ask Julian, twisting my body in my chair so my full upper half is facing him.

"Sure," he answers.

I grimace, uncertain. "Good idea?"

His lips stretch across his face. "Best idea."

"You like them?" The insecurity in my tone is obvious, even to myself.

He leans in closer. "I adore them."

"Sorry they're brats."

Julian shakes his head, tilting my head up with a big, calloused hand. "Don't apologize for your friends. They love you. Fiercely," he says. "I'm glad you have people like that in your life."

I love you, I think. I almost say it. The words are fighting to burst out of the seam of my lips, but I press them closed together. I'm trying to hide my feelings, but I guess I'm failing because Julian tilts his head, creasing his forehead. His lips purse as if containing a smile.

"What?" I ask.

His coffee eyes drip to my mouth. "I want to kiss you."

This I can do. The teasing, the tempting game. This is easier than studying my feelings. I lean into him a little, getting close enough to inhale the air he's exhaling. "What's stopping you?"

He looks over his shoulder and I automatically follow the direction of his gaze. My girlfriends are both pretending not to watch us while they lazy about the kitchen, casting furtive glances and not so furtive snickers our way.

I release a tight groan of half-hearted annoyance.

"Oh, come on!" Cami half-yells. "Show us the love!"

I roll my eyes, dizzy on wine and on Julian's nearness. "Just ignore the-"

One second my mouth is shaping words; the next, Julian has control of it. It's probably the sweetest, softest kiss he's ever given me. His mouth brushes over mine, soft as a feather. Slow, warm, chocolate melting. His hands slide under my chin, angling my head to his liking. His tongue plays at the seam of my lips without invading, without creating any depth. I'm the one who makes a sound that prompts him into swallowing it, pushing his tongue in until I forget where we are, who I am or that my friends are clapping hands and whooping right behind us.

It lasted for hours, it lasted only a second. He pulls away and leaves me swaying, dizzier still. "They'll never let me live it down," I croak, stupidly.

His grin is smugness itself. "I'm a crowd pleaser."

I lean in again for another quick touch of his lips. For just a tiny feel of him. This time though, his lips are stone, unmoving and cold against mine. My blood freezes in my veins, I gaze up at him, but his eyes are set ahead, over my head, in the direction of the door. I turn and see what has Julian so tense. Mel is standing by the door with Mark by her side.

I don't think we've invited her to our dinner. I sure didn't. Only now, do I realize I forgot to. Also, I'm sure neither Cami nor Lil cared to extend an invitation to Melanie. She's rarely home with us these days. She's barely civil to me. Ever.

Julian's face sours in Mark's presence. He lays a proprietary hand on my thigh, squeezing tightly, and I'm thankful for it. For what it means.

"Oh," Mel says, acerbity trickling down her chin. "Are we interrupting?"

Her eyes settle on Julian, the unfamiliar face she's now connecting with my stories. She lingers on him and something bitter and resentful crosses her face.

"Wow, look who decided to show up!" Cami rounds the kitchen isle and comes to stand in front of the table, blocking Mel's view of Julian and me. "You remember you live here too, Melanie?"

"Spare me," Mel hisses at Cami, already striding to her room, promptly ignoring the rest of us.

Mark lingers a while. His reptile thin lips curve up, his eyes rolling over us, landing on Julian.

"Hey, Jerky Marky?" Cami calls. "Don't you have a bitchy girlfriend to appease?"

Mark gives Cami a disdainful look, but he doesn't speak a word. He only smiles as he starts walking towards Mel's room. When I return to Julian, I find his face shadowed. He looks menacing enough to scare even me. Both men keep up their staring contest, measuring dicks with their eyes until Mark disappears into the hallway.

My own relieved exhale is the loud sound that breaks the tension once we hear the door closing. I lay a hand on Julian's nape, gently coaxing his eyes down. "Hey," I whisper. He comes back to me, gracing me with his full attention. "Let go," I beckon.

His short fingernails are digging into the flesh of my thighs. He seems to realize he's about to mark me with his fingertips when he loosens his grip. Slowly, his eyes soften, returning to the dark brown hue I'm in love with. He puts his lips to my ear. "Okay?"

"Yeah," I say and he kisses my hair.

"By the way," Cami starts, turning to us. "Boyfriends we hate don't get invited to nice dinners."

My first thought is to deny the label and contest the word boyfriend. Julian, however, doesn't seem to mind it. "I guess I've passed the test since I did get the nice dinner," he says, giving Cami his first fake smile since arriving. The corners of his eyes remain flat and smooth when he smiles his polite fake smile.

We make quick work of dessert, unable to return to the previous light, joking mood now we know Mel and Mark are in the house. "I think I'm ready to retreat to my fortress," I say, once I'm finished with my portion of crème brulee.

Devoid of any subtlety, the girls exchange knowing glances. "Oh, noooo," Lil moans, acting disappointed. "Have some dessert."

I look to Julian for support, conveying with my eyes what I'd like to do now. Only the tiny movement in the corner of his mouth gives his understanding away. "I can't eat anymore," he says. "Liliane. Camille. Thank you for dinner. It was lovely."

"'Lovely' he said," Lil gushes. "Isn't he nice?"

Cami indulges herself with another glass of wine. This has to be her fifth, at least "You two just want to ditch us to jump each other's bones."

"Jesus, Cami," I berate her, rising from my chair. "Enough wine for you!" Julian takes the hand I offer him and easily follows me in the direction of my room.

"Have fun, you kids!" Lil says, snorting a laugh.

"You two can make a lot of noise. We don't mind!" Cami yells after us. "Bring the building down, Pearly!"

I drag Julian to my room to the sound of Lil and Cami laughing their ass off.

***

I LEAN AGAINST MY BEDROOM'S DOOR; my girlfriend's laughter becomes a muffled sound on the other side of it. With an assuredness that speaks of comfort, Julian crosses the room and sits on my bed. We hold each other's eyes for two unsynchronized beats of my heart before we burst into laughter.

"I like them," he says, his mirth catching in his throat. "A lot."

"I am glad we did this," I say, sincerely. "I'm glad you got to know them tonight. Those girls are family to me."

His head tilts to one side, the details in his features rearranging into curiosity. "Where's your actual family?"

His inquiry is so sudden that I waver. "Uh?"

He leans his elbows on his thighs, bending forward a little. "You know that conversation we had the other day? At Hannah's party?"

"What about it?" I know all about it.

"I don't know much about you outside of our rooms, Pearl."

Pearl. Just Pearl. No prefix.

Perhaps I could argue and say he does know me. Except I can't. He's right. Although he sees a part of me I share with no one else, the woman I am with him I am only with him. I am his Pearl. Much like the same way it happened when we first met, when I'm alone with Julian, I can unleash myself. There is no pretending, no embellishments, no proper conduct I abide by. I am myself because I trust him to accept me. And precisely because I do trust him, I'm not afraid to tell him more.

Only last week, I was the one wanting to delve deeper into who he is. While I asked him my questions, I was acutely aware of my own hypocrisy, demanding to understand him while I kept myself safe. It's only fair it should be my turn to reveal myself now.

"I'll tell you anything you want to know," I promise. "Just ask me."

His eyes shrink slightly, as though he's thinking about his question. "Your parents?"

"Wow. You had to start with the hardest one." I exhale a heavy breath. "My parents and maternal grandparents live in Argentina. My mother was born there."

He nods, humming a deep sound. "So, by parents you mean your mother and your..."

"Stepdad," I fill in the gap he's left. "Guillermo."

"The enologist," Julian concludes.

I give him a confirming nod.

My fingers are twisting together behind my back. It's easy to foresee his next question. It's the reason why I've barely mentioned my family before. It's the question I'll have to answer because I trust him. Because I'm too in love with him to deny him any part of my life. Instead of waiting for him to formulate the question, I intervene. "My father isn't a good man, Julian."

Julian frowns, the folding creases on his forehead are not a sign of curiosity though. By now, I know him well enough to recognize this expression as a sign of protectiveness. He looks at Mark that same way.

"I can talk about anything you want to know. Anything at all," I continue, warily. "Anything except my father. Not because I want to keep secrets. Not because I don't trust you. But because he isn't a part of my life. He was, very briefly, and too many years ago for it to matter anymore."

That protective streak across his face darkens into something dangerous. "Did he ever hurt you?"

"Not directly, no," I confess. "He hit my mother. When I was about Hannah's age, I used to lay awake at night and listen to them fighting. I'd hear my mother crying; I'd hear him shouting." I close my eyes, inhaling deeply, fighting against the tidal wave of memories.

"Is that why you can't sleep, My Pearl?" The tender note in Julian's voice coaxes my eyes open. In his gaze, I find his sympathy is so soothing, I feel it like a soft caress.

"That, too," I croak.

"ADHD, also?" The tone he uses is careful and prodding.

The shock settling over my face is a physical reaction. My nostrils flare, my brows draw closer together, my vision blurs. My throat clogs up with a lump of emotion. My condition was never a secret. I've carried it with me since childhood with very little of its most undesirable effects negatively impacting my life. However, I don't acknowledge it easily, like it's a simple thing. I've learned to live with it. Most times, I even forget it's there. Despite my cool façade though, Julian has seen it.

I have to push the ball of tears down my throat so I can speak. "You were watching me all along, weren't you?"

He tries a small smile for my benefit. "What can I say? I can't take my eyes off of you, My Pearl."

I release a sob that breaks into a smile, and I think I let it show it, then. How I truly feel about him. My body seems to become lighter and warmer, my heart's thumping out an offbeat tune. "And here I was thinking I was so mysterious."

"You don't fool me with that mysteriousness you brandish around, My Pearl," he says, playfully.

"I could always surprise you." I arch an eyebrow in challenge. Julian raises both of his in amusement. "Open the bedside table drawer," I command.

He lingers on me for a moment then reaches over to open the drawer I indicated. The pleasure I derive from the look on his face when he pulls out my black notebook is an anxious beat in my chest. "I know you've been dying to know what's in there."

The battered leather binding the pages together is worn, the corners curling onto themselves. Old as the notebook is, Julian holds it as he would something precious. "I have never shown this to anyone," I confess. "Ever."

"You can trust me," he says, still wearing his surprise when he looks up at me.

"I know." Fighting to contain the adrenaline rush anxiety releases into my bloodstream, I watch Julian turn page after page, studying my notes, my drawings. His expression is the picture of stoicism as he lingers here and flips back to revisit another page there.