Leo Talks about Being Vulnerable

Hello Gentle Reader:

Wait, you saw I was writing something.

Yeah. My friend, Azul, is letting me take over the keyboard for the night. I want to talk about one of the reasons why Marcie was able to get so close to me. Those who read the Good Neighbor series and the series involving my wife and I (Marcie and Leo) know that before Marcie became my girl, I was married to a woman named Missy. Missy and I were head over heels into each other. Many think just because Azul wrote about Marcie and I was because I didn't love Missy. That's not true at all.

Missy was the first woman in my life. When I first met her, we were going to the same college. We had some classes together and started dating after a while. It was when I defended Missy's honor that she saw my temper for the first time. It was at moment that Aubrey started working to get Missy away from me. It took a long time before Aubrey saw more in me. Luckily, I had an advocate in Missy. Missy saw through my exterior and saw something underneath.

After we graduated college, we married. She was there every step of the way as we worked on making a home with each other. We lived in a studio apartment for years until the company Matt and I started took off. We bought the house next to Marcie and Mitch soon after that. We allowed ourselves to do certain things to the property, including the pool. Marcie and Mitch were excellent neighbors once we got to know each other.

Then my world was rocked when I found out the woman I loved was diagnosed with cancer. For some odd reason, she was scared to tell me at first. According to my therapist, Missy was afraid I would lose my drive if I knew. I was luckily in position to make her last few months as comfortable as possible before she passed.

So, what does this all have to do with being vulnerable?

Missy saw the real me because I let her. Missy made me feel comfortable enough to bare my soul to her. Think about every moment I alluded to defending the honor of my friends and family. This was part of the image I portrayed to the world because I didn't want anyone to get close. This was me protecting myself. Missy saw through that. On one of our first dates, she held my hand and felt how tense I was. I was scared to allow her to get close. Even more, I was scared to be hurt.

I don't fear physical pain. It's one reason I kept punching bags around. Better to punch a bag than other things. But I couldn't go around employees and others with bloody hands. I was afraid of people hurting me where I feel it the most. It's one reason you read the moments I easily defended Aubrey against her ex-boyfriend and Marcie's sister from her asshole husband. These assholes were attacking me by attacking people I cared about. That's why Marcie slapped me in the face at the New Year's party. It was because I didn't want her to see me go all out like that. She knew better.

Marcie had her own things. Losing her husband was difficult. They were married for a long time. Many of the times I spent with her was spent holding her. Not in a sexual way, but just my arms holding her. She always tried to assert her need to be independent. The thing is, I never tried to make her otherwise. I was just being there for her to have someone hold her and be there for her. It's one reason why I went a little overboard when she caught a cold.

Marcie showed me her heart. She allowed me into her world to be there for her. That is the most difficult part sometimes. You go through something traumatic like a breakup or losing someone and there's a desire to push people away because you're hurt. It takes real bravery to allow someone to come closer. It takes real strength to let someone in your bubble.

The good thing about the relationship between Marcie and I is that we're both letting each other in. I miss Missy with all my heart. She misses Mitch also. We were able as friends to be there for each other. Everything that happened afterwards just happened. I never intended to seduce her and honestly, it was a spur of the moment decision on her part.

What I am trying to say in a nutshell is that being vulnerable isn't a sign of weakness. Allowing someone to get close is risky because they could hurt you. At the same time, we need to remove the stigma that it's weakness that makes you emotional. Allowing yourself to cry if needed or to share your feelings with someone you care about it a sign that you trust them enough to do it.

I probably rambled a ton while writing this, but Azul is the writer. I hope you saw my point. Thank you for reading what is on my mind. Maybe Azul will let me write again about something else.