Letter to Julie

Short and not-so-sweet. No sex in this one. If you don't like a bitch getting burned and retribution on those that she cheated with, move on.

Letter to Julia

Hello Julia,

Yes, it's me, your husband Ron. I'll bet your surprised to hear from me. After all, it's been two years since I left. I'm sure that you are just chock full of questions for me. I'll answer as many as I can think of here. You probably have more questions, and this letter will probably lead to others as well. Not my concern. Frankly, I am happy about that. The more questions you have that you have no answer to, the more miserable you will be. Honestly, the more misery I can send your way, the happier I am. So, with that being said, why am I writing to you and answering any questions at all? It's simple. I want you to know that I'm still alive. I'm also doing very well. I should also let you know that I've been keeping track of what and how you are doing. I sensed that the disappointment from that last PI firm you hired might have you thinking of giving up on ever finding me. You won't find me, but it amuses me to see you wasting your time and money trying. I'm not sure if it's me or just my $40-million you are really looking for.

I guess it really doesn't matter, you won't find either. I suppose that I should begin answering some of your questions. Yes, I did just leave you. No, it wasn't a spur of the moment thing. It actually took about a month of preparation to do it right. Yes, that meant that the last month we were together was all an acting job. The reason I did it this way was because I would have had to give you half of everything if I just divorced you. This way, you get squat. Nothing, just like you deserve. After all, why the fuck should I have to pay for a lying, cheating slut? I swear, the divorce laws in America must have all been written by man-hating feminist cunts. The wife can fuck half the country, and the husband still needs to give her half of everything and still pay her to whore around. That just doesn't make any sense.

Ah, you caught that, didn't you? Yes, I knew all about your cheating on me with three of my supposedly good friends. Did you ever wonder about their 'accidents'? It's amazing what $30,000 can buy from the right people. I heard that all three of them got raped in the divorces. I'm kind of surprised by that, since it's actually impossible for any of them to cheat on their wives anymore. Then again, perhaps their ex-wives actually want some sex occasionally. I bet it's hard for Jimmy, George, and Robert to do without their testicals anymore. I also hear that several inches of the 10-inch cock that Robert was so proud of was lost. I hear that they are trying to sue me but can't find me to have me served. You should tell them that I do have an air-tight alibi if they ever do find me somehow. Good luck with finding any evidence that I had anything to do with it, either. Oops. I guess that I just gave that away. As I said, good luck finding me to collect.

Speaking of my so-called 'good friends', I hear that they're having trouble paying their bills. It must have sucked being fired with no reference letter after their employers got the videos of them sneaking off to fuck you. I imagine that it was also quite the surprise when their employers discovered the child pornography on their work computers. I don't blame them for fighting those charges. I can't imagine anything worse than being a convicted ball-less child molester in prison. Who knows, they might actually get off on the charges. Speaking of them getting off, you can assure them that they won't be killed in prison. I have funds set aside to ensure their survival. Note that I said 'survival', not 'safety'. All I am going to pay for is that they do not get killed. Everything else? Well, let's just say that I doubt that they will be thanking me for keeping them alive for long. Maybe they will come to enjoy the group showers.

Speaking of being fired, yes, it was me that sent the link to where I posted the videos, I have of you fucking my friends to all your friends, family, coworkers, and bosses. According to the hit counter, the one where they made you air-tight is especially popular. Here's an idea, you can use that to start your new career as a porn star. I mean, everyone already knows what a whore and slut you are. Might as well cash in on it. I'm pretty sure that you are in a dire need of finances by now. At least it will be an income.

OK, so here's a hint for you if you do continue looking for me. Look at the postmark on the envelope. Don't bother going there. I'm not stupid. A friend had a business trip to that city, and I asked him to mail it from there for me. Don't bother asking anyone that we both know. He is someone that you have never met. One more thing, you should probably expand your search. Not saying I am, but there are a whole lot more places that are just as nice to live in as the Good Old U. S. of A. I hear Spain is nice. Perhaps the South of France or Italy. I might go check one of those places out. Then again, maybe I'm lying to you about the postmark thing. Anyway, check them out. Maybe I will be visiting one of those places when your investigator gets there.

Yes, I completely cleaned out all of the accounts, safe deposit box, and the safe at home. Yes, I took all the jewelry that I had given to you over the years, as well as some other pieces that you've undoubtedly figured out by now. I sold it all and got a nice chunk of change for it. Well, not ALL of it, but I'll get to that in a moment. Unfortunately, I had to leave you with your wedding set. I just couldn't figure out a sneaky way to get them off your finger without giving the game away. As you also found out, I refinanced the house and took all the equity as well. Frankly, I hated that damned house. I heard that they foreclosed on it a few months after I left. Good thing your sister is letting you housesit for her while she's on assignment. I also sold my business. It was all done through international banks, so not a single dime ever came under U.S Bank jurisdiction. I did love your expression when you stormed into the office and demanded to see me. The look on your face when you were told that I had sold it and no longer worked there was priceless. Yes, I did have it videoed and emailed to me.

Oh, speaking of your sister, have you heard from her lately? No? Odd. You remember how she always had that big crush on me when she was younger? Well, it turns out that she never really got over it. She says to let you know that she's doing well. She also wants me to let you know that she contacted a realtor last week, and you have until the end of the month to move out. She said she's sorry, but it just doesn't make sense for her to own a house that she's never going to live in again. She's quite happy here with me now. I guess she neglected to tell you that she quit her job last week as well. With my $40-million and her $2 million, we can live like royalty and never have to work again. She also lets me fuck her ass, something you always refused me. What $2 million, you ask? She sold her business as well. She's much happier now. Maybe one of your former fuck-buddies will let you shack up with them until they go to trial.

Oh, back to the jewelry. As I said, I sold most of it. Your sister just fell in love with that diamond tennis bracelet, matching necklace and earrings, so I gave them to her. As for the emerald brooch, sapphire ring, ruby earrings, and the set of pearls that you got when your grandmother died, I decided that they should stay in your family. Bonny was VERY appreciative when I presented them to her. She had always been irritated that you took them all before she had a chance at them. Look at it this way, at least she will be able to wear them. We do go to very fancy restaurants and clubs, as well as several very swanky parties and other events. I seriously doubt that you will ever be going anywhere that you would be able to wear them again. You would probably just end up pawning them anyway.

Hold on. She just slipped under the table and is fishing my cock out of my shorts. I think she wants to thank me again for the jewelry. BTW, she said to tell you 'Hi and thanks for being stupid'. Be back later.

OK, I'm back. Damn, your sister is insatiable. Now, where were we. Oh.

Your sister, Bonny. (She actually prefers for me to call her Bunny. That's because she is like the Energizer Bunny when she gets revved up.) Since you are her only living relative, she has no interest in ever returning. She's pretty pissed at you for what you did to me. Even though she is pissed about it, she did want me to express her gratitude for allowing her to swoop in and rescue me from my depression.

Let's see, what else? How did I find out about your cheating? Does it really matter? No, I don't care why. I know that it wasn't rape or blackmail. There was no coercion. You were a willing and active participant. No, I will not give you a chance to explain. There is no adequate explanation that you could give me. No, I won't forgive you. No, I won't give you another chance. My advice to you is to file for divorce because of abandonment. You won't get shit, but at least it will free you up to find another sucker. I hear that Jimmy, George, and Robert are available. Since they can't function anymore, maybe one of them will marry you and allow you to fuck around on them. Either way, it really doesn't matter to us. We are happy just being together. I'm also proud to say that she's 6-months pregnant with our first child. It's going to be the little girl that you always wanted us to have.

Anyway, I need to wrap this up. Bonny has one of her old college friends coming in for a visit. Did you know that your sister is bi-sexual? Apparently, her friend is too. Bunny just handed me a handful of vitamins and said I would be needing them. She said something about this being a long week and not to count on having much sleep. Thank God I'm 'retired'.

So, this is the end for now. I'll try and write occasionally, just to prevent you from trying to have me declared dead.

Not Yours Truly

Ron. (FYI, I changed that name as well, so don't bother looking for me under my old name. Bonny either.)

So, a father just put down a $10,000 deposit for his daughter's wedding. I was going to be a very big event. He knew that the groom-to-be was nervous and actually wanting to get married sooner rather than later. His wife and daughter were discussing the menu for the reception and couldn't make up their mind on a particular item.

"Daddy," The daughter asked. "What kind of fruit do you think we should have?"

"Cantaloupe!" Was his reply.

Yes, that was bad.