Letting Go, and Grabbing Hold

I stared at him, shaking my head. "I wish I were half that confident."

He smiled. "Caitlyn said she'd come ashore for dinner, by the way -- it won't be for a couple hours, though. Why not take a nap or something -- the more relaxed you get, out here, the clearer things become. Take it from me."

I smiled, running my fingers through my damp hair. "Not a bad idea," I said gratefully.

"Thanks for the help with the rocks."

"No problem." I wandered away again, and as I found a little nest to curl up in at the base of a tree, I realized that I really could use a nap -- there was something about the warm, salty silence of this place that just lulled you off to sleep. I leaned my head back, yawned, and fell asleep -- mercifully, for once, a dreamless sleep.

***

I woke up luxuriously slowly, and judged from the sunlight that it was still well before dinner, but definitely later in the day. Standing up and stretching, I made my way back up the beach toward the boat, but the beach there was empty. Don's fire-pit was all set up, with wood already prepared for the fire and his grill built, but there was no one in sight.

I had no idea where anyone was at this point -- I figured Chris was probably still on the boat, sunbathing and napping, and Robert and Tim might not show up until they were exhausted, but where were Don and Carla -- and Lucy? I realized too that Caitlyn might have come ashore -- which meant that if I ran into her, I needed to know what the hell I was going to say to her.

I ran quickly through what little logic I could apply to the situation. Either Caitlyn loved me, I loved her, both, or neither. Simple enough. If neither of us loved the other, then we would eventually get past it -- I thought our friendship was strong enough for that. We'd be awkward for a while, and then find an excuse to laugh it off. The other three, though...did I love her?

I thought about the long years of our friendship. I thought about sharing a dorm room with her, and then an apartment -- and listening to her with her boyfriends. I remembered her last boyfriend, and the oddly abrupt break-up. I remembered her suggestion that we go away together, but then her finding a tour service where we wouldn't be alone. I remembered how she had practically pushed me into Lucy, and even suggested trying something with one of the guys, just to break me out of my funk.

I had my eyes closed as I remembered, and as the memories sorted themselves in my brain, I found other memories replacing them. Memories of past occasions where we had laughed or cried together, memories of the many times we had held each other or nursed each other through tough break-ups. I remembered the incredible things she had done to my body -- in whichever of my dreams had been real, and even in those that had been dreams. I still didn't know which were which, other than the last one.

I remembered Caitlyn's shock at realizing that I knew who it was on top of me, and her incredible arousal at being in bed with me. I remembered the desperation and the fear in her voice when she came. That was the thing, though -- she hadn't just been there to make herself come, or from arousal. If I hadn't spoken, she would have just eaten me out, I thought. Why?

I needed to talk to her. I stood up, blinking in the sunlight glaring off the sand of the beach -- I was a little startled that I had been thinking for long enough that my eyes had lost their adjustment to the sun -- and picked my way into the trees, toward the few spots on this island I knew.

Down a ways into the trees, I reached the spot where Lucy, Carla and I had bathed earlier, and heard soft voices ahead of me.

Nodding -- at least I had found someone -- I stepped to the edge of the trees. Then I froze.

There was no one in the pool of water. There was, however, someone near it -- not twenty feet away from me, in fact.

Carla lay on her back in the soft grass near the pool, still naked. Lucy lay atop her, their skins contrasting beautifully. Carla's legs were hooked around Lucy's, and her hands had a death grip on Lucy's creamy chocolate hips and buttocks, pulling the smaller girl into her. Don, also naked, looking huge and powerful, was mounted atop them, with his hands on Lucy's breasts and his powerful haunches thrusting slowly, firmly against her, his head moving against the back of her neck and her shoulder blades. Lucy's hands were fluttering and flailing aimlessly in the grass -- her body seemed to be supported entirely by Carla and Don's grip on her.

The sounds I'd been hearing were obviously coming from them. I could hear Carla breathing hard, moaning high and soft with each breath. I could hear Don's slow, relaxed groans of pleasure, which I recognized from the nights on the boat. I could hear Lucy's familiar, over-aroused squeaking and whimpering. She seemed to be in ecstasy, with her eyes closed and her head thrown back, her arms and legs stiff and quivering, and her mouth wide open. I could only imagine how intense the sensations were for her as each of Don's thrusts inside her thrust her body down into Carla. Carla had her head up, her eyes wide and her mouth wide open, panting against the column of Lucy's throat. I could see her lower body quivering in pleasure as well.

I watched them for just a moment, and felt a grin spreading across my face. I wasn't jealous or angry -- I was happy for them. In fact, I barely kept from giggling out loud. I knew Carla and Don were insatiable, and Lucy...well, as I said, she'd even worn me out -- I'd had suspicions about her and Carla or Don as well. I was still grinning when I turned away, hearing female moans turn into female cries and Don's voice rising in encouragement. We'd all found plenty to enjoy on this vacation, apparently.

That made a lot of sense -- it explained why everyone had been so matter-of-fact, and so calm.

Except one person hadn't been that calm. I paused, standing alone amongst the trees, with the ocean just audible ahead of me and the wind blowing my now-dry hair around my face. One more thing clicked into place for me -- Caitlyn's blush. I nodded. It was all clear, now.

I hurried back to the beach -- suddenly, I was all urgency, as I couldn't let my tiny little epiphany slip away from me. To my surprise, Chris was there, sunbathing near the set up grill and fire pit.

"Chris?" I asked.

She raised her head, opening her eyes to smile at me. "Oh, hey, Ashley. Did you see Caitlyn?"

"No," I said, surprised again. "Did she come ashore?"

"Yeah, she said that even sick, she couldn't pass up a real bath." She grinned, leaning her head back down.

Great -- I only had to search the whole island for her. "Okay, thanks, Chris."

I rushed back into the trees, surprised at the need I felt to find Caitlyn -- it's not, after all, as though she were going anywhere. We were going to be stuck on a small boat together for at least two more weeks -- but I had to see her, and now. I even stumbled on tree roots and things as I made a wide circle around the pool where Lucy, Don, and Carla were so enjoying each other. I didn't go near the pool where I'd seen Robert and Tim earlier -- I was fairly sure Caitlyn wouldn't seek out their company.

It didn't take me all that long to find her. It wasn't that large an island -- there were maybe ten of these little bathing pools scattered around amidst the trees and rocks. I did the logical thing -- I checked the one furthest from the boat.

This pool was a long, narrow sort of thing, surrounded by high rocks. The trees around it were pretty thick, and I had to push my way through, so I didn't surprise her.

She was sitting on one of the higher rocks, with her feet dangling just barely into the water below, with her back to me. She wore her bikini with a filmy sort of cover-up shirt that buttoned up the front.

I pushed free of the trees and climbed up not too far away from her, but not too close.

"Hey, Ash."

"Hi, Cait." I noticed her hair was wet. "Nice bath?"

She glanced at me, smiling a little. "Not bad."

We looked away from each other. For once, I wasn't confused. In fact, I had realized that, of the two of us, I'd been the less confused one for quite some time now.

"So..." I said slowly. "How much was really a dream, and how much was real?"

Caitlyn looked at me, with a strange little smile. "For which one of us?"

I laughed, and shifted a bit closer to her, about three feet away. She immediately shifted away, stretching her legs out to submerge them further in the lukewarm water.

"You know," she said then, "it's not like it doesn't happen -- we can just pretend, you know..."

"Can we?" I cut her off.

She gave me a weary look. "Ash...it's not love, it's just...one of those things."

I looked at her for a long minute. I'd been thinking about this for hours, and I damn well wasn't sure of that. "All right; kiss me."

Caitlyn rolled her eyes. "Right, that'll fix everything."

I shifted toward her, and she shifted away again. That was starting to get annoying. "I'm serious," I told her. "Kiss me, and prove it. If you can do that, then we'll just call it curiosity, and pretend it never happened."

It was too good a deal to pass up -- we needed a way out of this, and we both knew it. Still, she looked at me uncertainly. "I'm not sure that's a good idea, Ashley."

"Sounds like you're scared, to me." My voice was just slightly mocking.

She glared at me a little bit. Good. If we could do this angry, it would be easier for both of us, and then we could move past it. "It's not a matter of scared, Ash -- I..."

"I know, Cait, I know," I said, reaching out to touch her hand. I left my hand there, and she didn't pull away. I closed my fingers over hers, and raised my eyebrows. "You really think that our friendship is going to be ruined by a kiss? Do you need a recap of last night?"

She blushed. "No, it's just...last night...didn't..."

"Didn't happen. Agreed," I said with a patient shrug, "with just one kiss."

She sighed almost irritably. "Ashley, you can't just..."

I shifted closer to her, and she pulled away yet again. Now I glared at her.

"You can't just --" She started to continue, but I cut her off.

"Damn it, Caitlyn," I said angrily, "we're talking about one fucking kiss. You can't manage that, for the sake of our friendship?"

"It's not about our friendship," she retorted angrily, turning toward me and glaring hotly.

"What's it about, then?" I snapped, leaning toward her. "If you're so pig-headed that you won't --"

"Pigheaded?" She snarled.

"Yes! If you can't even manage one silly kiss, after everything you put me through..."

"I put you through?" She gasped in disbelief. "Have you any idea how long I've been..."

"Oh, please," I said scornfully, "don't even try that -- I was the one who had to listen to you begging your 'darling'..."

"I was talking to you, you stupid..." She growled, cutting herself off, and leaned in to kiss me. The kiss was hard and blunt, like the kiss you'd get after daring someone who didn't even like you.

Too bad for Caitlyn that I knew her better than she knew herself. Just as the kiss broke and she started to pull away, I cupped the back of her neck and sighed against her lips as though the kiss had taken my breath away.

She froze, shivering slightly. I put the slightest pressure on, and brought our lips back together.

"Ashley, you said one..." She mumbled against my mouth.

"Just kiss me, Caitlyn," I said. This time I was the one who shivered. Her lips were very soft, even holding back as much as she was, but...there was something there. I needed a real kiss -- I had to know.

We kissed again, and this time it was a real kiss. Brief and soft, but a real kiss.

I pulled back, and felt a strange helplessness. We stared at each other from about four inches apart.

"There," I said lamely. "That's...that's fine. Now we can --"

"Shut up, Ashley," she said angrily, and pulled our lips back together. The kiss was like the first -- hard and firm, with our mouths wide open but just locked together. I was frozen, my mind blank.

Then that hard kiss turned soft. No, not just soft. It turned dream-like. Our lips were barely touching, and I'm fairly sure neither of us was breathing. Our lips moved, as soft and smooth as satin, against each other...and I felt her breathe me in, something I've felt only a few times in my life.

"Ashley," she pulled back and whispered then, warningly. "Stop..."

I didn't bother pointing out that she had kissed me. I just slid my arms around her neck, let go, and grabbed hold of what I wanted. She whimpered into this kiss, and I let my weight press against her -- she may have had eight inches on me, but she was feeling a bit weak at the moment. I pressed her onto her back on the rocks, and we rolled off onto the grass, with me on top.

She squirmed under me. "Ashley, wait," she tried to speak, breaking the kiss.

"For what?" I murmured, taking the opportunity to open a button and find her waist with my hands, reveling in how smooth her skin felt. It wasn't as slippery with sweat, or as heated as it had been last night, but it felt more real. It was Caitlyn under me, and that's what I wanted right now. My lips stroked her neck and my tongue tasted the hollow of her throat.

Caitlyn gasped. "Ashley, stop. This isn't a good idea..."

"Mmhmm, true." I nibbled on her neck, my hands undoing buttons. I felt her stomach against the backs of her fingers, then cloth, and I growled -- that wasn't what I wanted to touch. I slid my hands over her shoulders and up to the back of her neck, where her bikini top tied.

"Ashley, no," she whimpered as my lips opened to suck deeply on her neck just below her ear.

I pulled the strings free and ripped the cloth aside impatiently. "Were you talking to me?" I asked into her ear, my breath light and fast now as I undid more buttons. There was bare flesh under the backs of my hands now -- bare flesh that quivered and trembled with some very uneven breathing.

"Wha...ah...when?" She asked breathlessly.

"'Darling...please don't stop.'" I whispered in her ear, and opened her cover shirt, filling my hands with her breasts. They were warm and firm, silky smooth -- and trembling.

"Oh, god..." She shuddered, whimpering. "What...when did I..."

"When you were making love...I heard you...every time," I breathed into her ear, needing to hear it. "Who were you talking to?" My palms grazed light circles over her already taut nipples -- nipples I couldn't wait to taste. I licked her ear. "Who, Caitlyn?"

"Oh, god, Ashley," she gasped in surprise, arching against that delicate touch. She was squirming desperately, her hands clutching the grass as if trying to escape -- but her hips were moving against me.

"Who?" I asked in a very soft voice, suddenly feeling very vulnerable, my hands tantalizing her breasts -- it was so hard to think with them in my hands. She felt so good, so real. I nuzzled my way down the center of her chest, feeling her breasts and my own hands against my cheeks, and slid my lips over one silky breast, nibbling at it. "Please...Caitlyn...tell me."

She gasped with each touch of my mouth, writhing on the grass. Finally, when my hands under her back lifted her to my lips and I captured her nipple, she cried out. "Oh, god, Ashley!"

I sucked her nipple, lashing it with my tongue, and then switched to the other breast, feeling her twist closer. "Oh, my god, darling," she moaned out.

I shuddered hearing that, hearing the confirmation. "Caitlyn..." I murmured, sliding up and nuzzling her throat, before lifting my head to look down into her eyes. My hands were smoothing over her hips -- and untying the strings that held her bikini bottom on.

She looked up at me with wide, vulnerable eyes, her body moving slightly and her breathing still very unsteady as she felt me stripping off the last thing between us.

"This is what you wanted," I whispered, my fingertips tracing her inner thigh.

She shuddered, closing her eyes.

"This..." My fingers slid along her mound, and gently parted her slit, caressing.

She gasped, her eyes popping back open, and she swallowed hard.

"This..." My fingers stroked her slit, and I couldn't help but moan at feeling how wet she already was for me.

"Oh..." She moaned back softly, closing her eyes again. "Yes."

"You wanted me, not him," I whispered against her lips.

"Yes..."

I stroked my hand up and down her slit, and on the next stroke, let my middle finger glide into her pussy. My own pussy throbbed when I felt how slick and warm her soft flesh was inside, gripping my finger with a sudden tension.

"Ashley!" She squealed against my mouth.

I couldn't wait any longer. I slid down eagerly, my hands sliding back to her breasts, holding her down, my shoulders pushing her legs open wider, and then I ran my mouth over her mound, my tongue tracing her slit. Her taste and scent filled my senses, and I moaned her name, even as she moaned mine, and was lost.

I ate Caitlyn without finesse or patience, but with my eyes wide open, watching her nearly naked body writhing on the grass, her breasts arching up under my hands and her head thrown back, her fingers clawing at my arms. Whenever my tongue found a sensitive spot -- which it found many of -- it lingered and fluttered, driving little gasping squeals from her, until I finally just pulled her clit into my mouth and lashed it unmercifully with my tongue, driving her up onto her shoulders and to orgasm with a scream that echoed.

The spasms in her body nearly rocked my mouth off of her pussy, and I grabbed her hips to hold tight, not willing to relinquish any of the delicious nectar that I was finding.

When she relaxed, I backed off, nibbling at her outer lips, just lightly teasing her, keeping her sensitized.

She ran a hand through her hair, shuddering with a soft groan. "God, Ashley," Caitlyn sighed, "that was amazing."

"Mm...yes..." I whispered against her. She reached down, raising her head to smile shyly down at me, stroking my hair back. Our eyes met, and I slowly ran my tongue from the bottom of her slit to the top. She gasped in a very quick breath. I took her hands in mine and gently pressed them down into the grass, holding them as I began a slow, luxurious stroking with my tongue, my lips rubbing and soft against her pussy. I held her eyes with mine, watching them widen as her breathing deepened again.

I recognized the look in her eyes -- I'd seen it many times. There's nothing quite like watching a girl watch you eat her, especially during your first night together. You see every reaction and twitch in her face, and she can't look away, because the long-anticipated image of you eating her is just too erotic for her to stop.

Every breath from her was slow and halting, with catches and shudders, as she watched me. Her breasts trembled and quivered, and this time, as I went down on my best friend with all the skill -- and love -- that I could summon, I watched as the pleasure in her face intensified, mingled with shock, with amazement at how intense the sensations were. Her legs quivered, and then relaxed, along with her stomach, as her hands went limp. Her face relaxed, the tension draining out of her, and I watched with relish as she floated, her eyes locked on mine as I feasted on her and her body totally surrendered, drifting on the ecstasy of finally having what she had obviously wanted for so long.

I have no idea how long I made love to her pussy -- my whole world was her glorious eyes, the sound of her breathing, slow and deep and unsteady, the feel of her soft mound and satiny slick lips under my mouth, the taste of her pulsing around my tongue. I felt drunk on her, intoxicated by her smell and her taste, and finally I could wait no longer to bring her still higher and gradually focused on her clit, intensifying the sensation with the tiny fluttering movements of my tongue and the massage of my lips that I knew would send her into orbit.