Lie To Me

Our marriage had been built on that first moment we met, that look we shared across the pits. It was a look of... how do you describe those moments? His eyes, and the furtive glances, showed many things, desire, lust, hunger and of course, warmth. Now when I saw those eyes, all I saw was disgust. Maybe if it had been somebody else it would be different. But Sally and her facile vacuous group of air headed skanks. The fact he knew how I felt about her.

I loved his eyes, the way he looked at me and made the rest of the world disappear. Those seductive dreamy eyes that made my insides tingle and my outsides tremble. That's what killed it for me. I could never look into those eyes and see honesty and love...

I took the day off work, Dad organised to borrow a truck from a mate and he helped me move my stuff out of the house. It didn't take long. There was really only my clothes and personal items. The rest of the stuff was just that: stuff. We had brought all the furniture together; it wasn't mine or his, it was ours.

Seeing as "ours" now ceased to exist. I didn't want it.

Diane was generous enough to let me stay with her until I could find a place of my own. Right at that moment, I hoped to never see Anton again, but I knew that was unrealistic. At some point we would have to talk.

Thursday was a busy day at work. Just one of those full-on days where everything that could go wrong went wrong. Trucks broken down, people off sick and a major accident on the Lyttleton road. It all added up to chaos.

Add to that Anton's continuous calls and texts. He drove me crazy; his plan must have been to bombard me, because that's what it felt like. If I hadn't been at work, I would have just turned it off. Unfortunately, that wasn't an option. I needed my mobile, as a lot of the truck drivers called me on it.

I had been screening my calls and not taking calls from his ID. The unknown number threw me, but I had to take it.

"What are you doing. Niki... Where's all your stuff?" he said angrily.

"I can't talk now, Anton, today is not the day. For your information, I've moved out, it's for the best. You and me, we're over. Today is hell here, so don't call me again, okay? Goodbye Anton."

It was about an hour later when my phone went again. "Yes, hello, Niki speaking."

"Hello Niki, this is Sally. Anton, asked me to call you. Do you have a moment to talk?"

"For you... never, you skanky slut. You wanted my husband, well you got him. I hope you enjoy him."

"Niki, it wasn't like that, okay? I don't want Anton, I wasn't trying to steal him away from you. Not that I could, he loves you. I know that sounds a bit hollow coming from me. I know how you feel about me. I don't like the thought that I broke up your marriage."

"To late for that shit, skank. God knows how many marriages you've destroyed, but really it doesn't matter to me. All I care about is mine. That bitch is now toast. In finishing, bitch, I hope you rot in hell, die a horrible death."

Disconnecting that call gave me great satisfaction.

Dad walked in about five as he finished up. After sharing a big hug, he said, "Your mother wants you to come around home for dinner tonight. I know you're busy, so she said she will make it a bit later."

"Yeah, all right, Pop. It will be late though, not sure what time we'll finish here."

"She said she would have dinner on the table at seven thirty. If you're going to be after that, give her a call."

It was nearly eight when I arrived at Mum and Dad's place. "Hey, sorry I'm late," I called out as I swung open the door.

Mum greeted me with a hug. "Sweetheart, it's nice you made it. Gosh, you feel so skinny." She held me out at arms length and stared at me. "You haven't been eating properly."

"Stop it, Mum, you're making a fuss. I've had a bad day, okay? Can we just eat? I need to get to bed and get some sleep."

"You could stay here, sweetie. You know that." She grabbed my hand and led me into the dining room. There sitting at the table were Dad, and Anton. Turning, I gave Mum an angry glare I knew she understood.

"I'm sorry for hoodwinking you, sweetie, but Anton came around and has been here most of the day. He just wants to talk to you. We thought this might be a good chance for you to have something to eat, and then have a nice quiet chat."

I snatched my hand out of hers and snarled. "Goodnight, Mum. I've had a shit day and I'm not sitting here listening to his bullshit." Staring at Anton, I screamed. "Stay out of my life, Anton, and stop hassling me at work."

I turned and stormed out to my car. I was just about to climb in when Anton grabbed my arm. "Hey, for god's sake, Niki. I just wanted to talk. You have to give me a chance."

"I don't have to do shit, arsehole. You gave up your right to talk to me when you banged that skank. Stay away from me, or I'll get a restraining order against you."

"I don't have to do a fucking thing. So fuck you." He barked angrily, his fingers digging into my arm as he held tight. "Your parents invited me here tonight. They understand that we need to talk. Like it or lump it, that's the only way past this little hurdle."

I swatted his hand away, and leaned in towards him, my face centimetres from his. "Fuck you, arsehole. There is no getting past anything. I'm not interested in anything you have to say. Do us both a favour and fuck off."

"Niki, you're being ridiculously childish. Jesus, if you just took a moment to think logically, If you just gave me a chance."

"The simple answer is no. I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to see you. The house and everything in it is yours. I've taken what I wanted. I'm not going to be putting any more money into the mortgage account, so you'll have to top that up. We're finished, Anton. There's no going back, have I made it clear enough for you."

"Jesus, you're such a bloody hot-headed crazy woman. Surely we can sit down and talk?"

"No, no we can't. Weren't you listening?"

I slammed the car door, and reversed out the drive, my headlights showing Mum and Dad embracing in the front door. I could see the tears streaming down her distraught face.

Diane was surprised to see me. "What are you doing here?"

"It was a bloody trap. I know it was Mum's idea, but she had fucking Anton there."

She hugged me tightly. "Shit, that was pretty sneaky."

"Yeah, that's one word for it. If she doesn't want me in her life she's going the right way about it."

"No, babes, don't do that. Everybody's all wound up. I bet she was simply trying to do the right thing. At some point you do have to talk to him."

I nodded as she poured us both glasses of wine. "I know that, Diane, but not after a day like today."

She giggled, and replied, "Yeah, it was the day from hell, that's for sure." As we sipped our wine, she said, "Sorry darl, I already ate, and I only made enough for myself."

"I'll cheat and order pizza." I replied. She might have already eaten, but it didn't stop her from pigging out on my chicken and bacon pizza, chips and chicken wings.

By the time the pizza box was empty, so was our second bottle of wine. The music blasted from her sound system as we sang along. We were taking turns selecting songs, and 'Jonny Lang's "Lie to Me" jumped into my central cortex.

As his words blasted into the ether, we stood up hand in hand and sang along. She spun me around and we bounced up and down, holding hands.

Afterwards, we crashed back onto the sofa, and flopped together. Her arm circled my shoulder and she drew me into a tight cuddle. "I'm sorry things turned to shit for you, babes."

"Ah, it's okay. I guess it was meant to be. I always believed in karma, so maybe I'm paying for taking out Daniel in a race or something."

She giggled and shook her head, replying, "I don't know what the hell you're talking about, but you're too nice a person. You never deserved that shit."

"Don't care if I did. I've accepted it, and I'm ready to move on."

"Christ you're a staunch bitch. Bloody hell, girl."

"I've cried enough over that dick. He wanted to bang empty headed sluts, then he can do it till it hurts now."'

"You know, we should sic the media on them. Expose their dirty little club. Christ, I can just imagine it running on night time TV or something."

"Nah, fuck that shit. I'm not wasting my time on it."

"Would you mind if I did?" she asked, still giggling.

Staring at her with a new admiration, I said, "You are an evil fucking bitch. Shit, you called me staunch. Hey, if you want, go for it."

"I meant you're so tough. If it was me, I'd still be bawling me bloody eyes out."

That night, we crashed in her bed again, and we ended up sleeping together again. It was getting to be a habit. Drunkenness and sleeping fully clothed. Maybe it was my escape mechanism.

Diane, was so easy to talk to and stay with. We fitted together so seamlessly. She laughed at my stupid jokes, she knew when to hug and when to smile. We liked the same food, which made evenings so easy. Getting back to her place, we cooked together, sharing how our days had gone...

Two days later, as we were preparing dinner, she asked, "Do you have names from that hostie club who bang all the pilots?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, I contacted current affair, and they're really keen to run an exclusive exposé. They want to reveal it to everybody, tell the world. They need the names, though, the people involved." She glanced at me anxiously. "Are you game?"

"Oh hell yeah. I can give you everything, but I don't want anybody to know it was me who did it."

"Nah, got that. We might have to give one of those shadowy interviews, where they mask the face and make the voice unrecognisable."

"Yeah, I could do that," I said with a snide smirk. "I wonder what I'd sound like as a man?"

So that was it, I gave Diane all the names I could, and gave them details of the hotels the flight crews stayed at when they were overnighting. She was all over it, like a vicious dog with a bone. Every night she gave me an update, and it became her main focus.

She was going to blow it all up. A week later, I got a call from a woman at the TV station wanting to have a full on interview. She promised to protect our identities. It was quite cathartic telling the interviewer all the details, how I found out about the club and the people involved.

I guess my anger dissolved a little over the next month. Diane filled my life with a little joy, while I searched for somewhere to live. At least Anton had got the message and stopped trying to force his way into my life.

My mother, on the other hand, simply wouldn't get the message. She had always loved Anton. From the first time they met she liked him. She bragged to all her friends about the special deals Anton got for her and Dad. She especially loved to brag when Anton got his promotion to the big boys.

She wasn't just a member of his fan club, she was the president.

She tried time and again to manufacture situations designed to get us back together. We couldn't have a conversation without her raising his name. It drove a wedge between us I couldn't shift. Mum was old school: if husbands cheated, wives were expected to accept the apology and just get on with it.

Yeah, it was the way things were back in her day, but today that double standard didn't sit so well with women. What it meant for Mum and me? Well, it meant I stopped talking to her and I stopped taking calls or messages from her.

I knew it hurt, because working with my dad, he kept me up to speed. He also apologised for Mum's behaviour. Apparently, Anton had been spending a lot of time at my folks home during weekends. Mum invited him for meals and begged him not to give up.

Dad, who also adored Anton, was on Mum's side, he just didn't push as hard as Mum.

Over lunch at work one day, he said, "Sweetheart, I have spoken to Anton a whole lot over the last month, and I have to say the boy is remorseful. He has apologised over and over. Every meal starts with the same conversation. He wishes it never happened, and he has promised if you took him back it would never happen again."

"Words are cheap, Pop. If those words meant anything, it wouldn't have happened in the first place."

"Sweetheart, you have to realise, lofty ideals are great, but sometimes when you're away from home a lot, beautiful women throwing themselves at you, throw in some alcohol, and well, even the most well-intentioned person might fall. That includes you, young lady. You just don't know what would happen."

"Are you telling me you would cheat on Mum?"

"I hope not, but in truth, none of us know for sure. If you find yourself in one of those situations, away from home, a pretty girl, you know you won't get caught. I hope I'd say no, but shit, sweetheart. Maybe not, you know."

I shrugged. "Maybe... What you're really saying is his promise to never do it again is worthless, because he's going to be in those situations again, a lot."

"Yeah, but now he knows what the consequences are. That boy is broken arsed right now. Jesus, I doubt he could get a hard on if his life depended on it. He loves you, Niki, I mean really idolises you. Christ, most nights he's in tears. You've broken him."

"Good job, he deserves it."

"Niki, could you put away the tough girl shit? I'm your father, and all I'm asking is you sit down and talk to him. He said he'd do counselling, do anything to repair your marriage. Please, honey, just talk to him. You owe him that, because I know how much you love him."

'"Yeah, all right, Pop. I'll call him. Do you know what roster he's doing at the mo?"

"He's back tomorrow."

I waited for him to get home and gave him a call. "Oh my god, Niki. Thank you for calling..."

"We should probably talk, Anton. Finalise what we want to do with the future."

"Niki, there is only one future I'll accept, and that is us getting back together. Any other outcome is not acceptable."

"What say we meet at the Steak House for dinner tonight?"

"If you want to come home, I'll cook carbonara," he suggested hopefully.

"Nah, I'd rather go somewhere neutral."

I heard his deep sigh. "Steak house it is. What time?"

"Eight."

"Shall I pick you up?"

"Nah, I'll meet you there."

He was already there when I walked in. He did look good, but then again he always did. He dressed impeccably. Tonight, he seemed to dress down. Jeans, a white shirt, and a sports blazer from his old rugby club.

He bounced out of his chair when I walked in, and rushed over to greet me. "Hey, babe. You look great, very beautiful."

I laughed off his flattery. I was wearing jeans and a nice top, yeah, I wore makeup, but I certainly didn't look anything other than ordinary.

We sat at the table and the waiter immediately came to get our drink orders. "Coke for me," I said.

"You wouldn't like a glass of wine?" Anton asked, almost pleading.

"Nah, I'm driving."

He ordered a bourbon. "How have you been?" he asked.

"All good. I think I've found a flat to move into. It's close enough to work that I can cycle to work. It'll save me a few bucks."

"Niki, why don't you stop this foolishness and come home?"

"No, that's not happening."

"Why, for god's sake?" he spluttered. "I love you, and I know you love me."

"Yes, I do love you. I loved you from that first meeting of our eyes. I just can't live with what you did to that love. You squashed it flat."

"Jesus, I've apologised, how many times do you want me to say it?"

"No more apologies, Anton. All I want to know is why."

He grimaced, the lines cutting deep into his handsome face. "I don't know, Niki. I don't even like Sally."

"What a load of crap. You don't fuck people you don't like."

"I don't hate her, she's attractive."

"Bullshit, you always defend her. Every time I complained about her behaviour, you defended her every single fucking time." I was trying to keep it down, remain cool and calm, but the very mention of her name brought back the anger.

"I only defended her to you, because those girls cause so much trouble. They can make our lives hell."

"So you fucked her to placate her, so she wouldn't make trouble, huh?"

"No, don't be ridiculous. I don't know why I finally gave in." He glanced at me over his glass of bourbon. "I didn't jump for a long time, Niki. I refused their advances for a long time. Then one night in Dubai, we were held over, there were lots of drinks, then I don't know. One minute we were talking and the next we were kissing."

"Just like that, huh?"

"Yeah, pretty much. It was a moment of weakness, okay? I know I shouldn't have."

"What about you, her and Rueben... The threesome. Why did you do that?"

"Christ, how do you know about that?"

"She told me. How was Mandy, by the way?"

"I never slept with her," he gasped. "This was all wrong. I know I fucked up. I should have been truthful."

"Bloody oath, you shouldn't have." My glare grew darker as I stared at him. "You knew how I felt about her. I disliked her from the moment we met, and you knew it. You could have slept with anybody but her and I might have forgiven you."

"Christ, I know all of this, Niki."

"What if I'd slept with Mike from work, I know you don't like him. How would that feel... How would that feel?"

He grimaced again. "I would hate it."

"Yeah, there you go. Did you even consider what might happen?"

"Yes, of course. It's why I held them off for so long, but seeing all the other guys doing it and not getting caught... It sort of took away that thought. I love you, Niki. I didn't do it because our sex life wasn't enough, it was just a mistake."

"Yeah, well, it killed our marriage. We should talk about divorce. I haven't filed yet, because I'm lazy, but I will. It would save both of us money if we could decide on terms. I don't want anything from the house. Lawyers and real estate fees make selling the house pointless. Neither of us would get anything from it. I suggest you keep it."

"Fuck divorce," he hissed. "I don't want divorce. Why don't we try counselling; it works for people,. Niki, it was just sex, I have no feelings for Sally, or any of the other girls. They provided a bit of fun on cold lonely nights."

"I have thought about it, but it will cost a bomb, and at this point, my heart wouldn't be in it. I want to try and stay friends if we can."

"I couldn't do that, Niki. Split up and stay friends... No, I love you too much. It would kill me seeing you turn up somewhere with another bloke."

"Yeah, well now you know how I felt. She was at every fucking party or function you dragged me along to. Always making fun of my clothes. Just because I wasn't one of her shallow air-headed friends. Fuck Anton, now I look back at those partys and think you were rubbing my nose in her shit."

"Don't be daft, I had no control over which events she went to."

"No, but you could have told her to stay away from me, but no, you had to let her torment and make fun of me."

"Niki, I wanted to say something, but I never thought you needed it. I was more worried that you would beat the shit out of her. You've never needed anything from me. You are such an independent bitch."

"All I wanted from you was love and faithfulness."

"I did love you, and I've tried to give you everything you ever wanted."

"Money is easy." You don't seem to understand. It's trust and respect, they mean a hell of a lot more."

We ordered and ate in silence. At least the food was nice. Afterwards, we parted ways at the door. He didn't even walk me to my car.

I walked away sad, but It gave me closure. I still loved him, he still made my heart flutter, but after that meeting I knew I was no longer under his spell. His super power had no affect on me. I was free.

For the next few days, there was a barrage of calls from Mum, which I ignored. Dad was uncomfortable, and our meetings were always awkward. There were clearly things he wanted to say, but he bit his tongue, preferring to stay out of it.