Life Less Lived Ch. 06

"But-"

"Remember, please, that I have seen my Daddy during the worst of his days and they were horrible. So horrible that we, Ginny and I, thought he would never break out of it. We both cried over the phone discussing it so many times these last few months. But I have noticed that since Wednesday night through to now, he has been so much like he was in the old days when Mum was well. To hear him laughing yesterday over Lady Barbara was such a joy, and it can only be down to you, Marina. You are the only thing that has changed in his life. And Ginny agrees with me. She noticed from both the tone and reoccurring theme of his conversations with her, where you seem to be the main topic of the conversation."

Marina was shocked, stunned into silence to respond while Sophie prattled on, and she stuttered over her eventual words in reply, "N-no, that can't be. He hardly knows me. And even when we did know each other that first time around, I was just a silly little kid of 16 all those years ago when we worked together."

"You weren't a 'silly little kid' then, at least not to Daddy's way of thinking. The Marina he always spoke off was an angel. That Marina was you, it has always been you, I know because I think you are an angel, too. Look, I know that Daddy loved my Mummy, he could not have loved her more if he tried. But he loves you too, and has loved you for longer, Marina. I think you were his first love and now you are back, he will love you forever. I know my father and I believe I know you now, too. I pray that one day soon, you will be my second Mum, who I will love just as much as any natural child could."

Sophie's beautiful eyes rimmed with moisture, not enough to form tears to run down her cheeks but enough to reflect flashing lights back to Marina, whose own eyes were welling up with tears too. She mopped at them with her serviette, searching her stunned, numbed mind for words.

"But..."

"All right then," Sophie persisted, smiling at Marina's endearing confusion, "I can accept that, with your natural modesty, you cannot possible believe what a wonderful person all we Medcalfs think you are. If anything, this only makes you even more adorable to us. Now, if I ask Daddy whether you can come back with us, I bet he readily agrees, without a hint of hesitation. And if that is his response, will you please say 'yes'?"

"Mmm," Marina began before being interrupted by Sophie's mobile phone going off.

Marina watched the expressions on the girl's face change from cheerful to sad to cheerful again, as the conversation on the other end of the line continued. The young girl nodded and ended her call with, "OK, see you soon, then. Bye, Daddy, bye." Then she closed her phone.

"Daddy's meeting went on far longer than he thought it would," she explained to Marina after the call was completed, "He said that he has had so much to catch up on after two years away from all his council business, that it all went on until he lost track of time. He's only just leaving now and will probably be forty-five minutes getting through the rush hour traffic. The weather looks clear and cold, but at least it's not snowing at the moment, so I have agreed that we'd go back to the flat to await him."

"Fine," smiled Marina, "and then we'll see exactly how he reacts to you inviting me back to your home!"

"You'll see that I'm right," Sophie said, briefly poked her tongue out. She rose from her seat, gathering up her bags of purchases, "In the meantime, we better sort out what clothes you are going to need for the next week."

"Just to be on the safe side, is that right, honey?"

"Oh, Marina, when I'm sure, I'm sure, and about this I am absolutely certain."

***

Jessica enjoyed an afternoon's lovemaking in a different hotel, meeting her lover as arranged at the last minute, at a convenient place halfway between Southampton and Portsmouth. She imagined that the experience of using hotels to meet your lover in the afternoon was deliciously like cheating must feel, but without any guilt. After all, she persuaded herself, her lover didn't have any legal contract with the other partner, assuring Jessica that her rival was soon to be an ex-partner. It was just a little complication, simply a question of timing before both lovers, already promised and confirmed exclusive, were free to become partners to a long-lasting if not permanent relationship.

The ring! Oh my God, she said to herself, as she looked at the gleaming promise, manifest on her ring finger. Engaged to be married, no less!

The last two days had been agony for Jessica, though, being alone, even while being busy with intense pressure of the continuous outside news broadcasts. The enforced days of separation had hurt Jessica deeply, allowing doubts and fears about this new and wonderful experience to surface and threaten to dash her hopes of eternal happiness.

Jessica's new lover had called her this morning to arrange a meeting at short notice. Jessica had been forced by her own desires to call off sick again, blaming the effects of weather on that long outside broadcast. The receptionist who took the call clucked that she wasn't the only one, it was clearly an occupational hazard of outside broadcasters. This morning she had at least gone in and filed a couple of reports from Winchester Courts before calling off sick at lunchtime. Her usual producer even took the trouble to call Jessica back. He was very sympathetic and virtually sent her home, insisting she stay in bed until she was well enough to appear in front of the cameras once more.

She offered up silent thanks to her mother for insisting she go to those acting lessons as a child. She had been told then that she was a performer with natural talent. Jessica snuggled down in the bed, the warmth and smell of her recently-departed lover still fresh, just a snatched hour was all that could be spared, but what an hour. Jessica was head over heels in love, she had no doubt about it now and she wanted the works, exclusivity, the wedding ceremony, the honeymoon, everything - nothing else would do for her now.

Her thoughts returned to her lover's confessions, putting her mind in delicious turmoil, tinged with a little fright. At least there wasn't another lover in competition, it was just a complicated situation to see through to the end credits. Damn it, of course their own situation was as complicated! Apart from the obvious, there was the question of the age gap. Jessica was young enough to be her lover's daughter and just one of the little difficulties that had to be overcome was that the youngest daughter of her betroved, only a little younger than Jessica, was still living at home. Of course this was bound to make for difficulties in their joint future setting up their own home. Just one more little problem to surmount before everything would become sublime. Jessica smiled at the concept of sublime.

Jessica thought about that daughter, who had lost one of her parents, less than two years earlier. That was enough to make her clingy, and perhaps resent the introduction of her surviving parent's new partner, especially one so young and different in every way possible from the one who was no longer there for the distraught girl to turn to. Although the married relationship had been a complete sham for years, both parents had kept up the pretence of wedded bliss for both their daughters' sakes. There was bound to be a difficult transition ahead, for everyone involved. Jessica was aware that she needed to be resolved and determined to see this though and ensure that first the youngest daughter and then the eldest were fully embraced in her new family.

There had been a further confession from her lover concerning their respective ages. So recently, it should have been crystal clear if it hadn't had been so shocking. It was a potentially relationship-ending revelation. What was said exactly? Jessica tried to remember the exact words, it was important that there was no misunderstanding the confession, freely given with illuminating candour and demonstrable remorse.

"Jess, I have been wrestling with my emotions ever since we met. I know it is just a few days, yet it seems as though we fit like we were designed with each other in mind at the outset. I have to confess that before I first fell in love, married and had the normal family life that everyone dreams about, I was really into ... young girls."

"What?"

"Please don't interrupt, sweetheart, I must get this out in the open between us ... No secrets."

"Yes. No secrets, then."

"Absolutely. No secrets. So when I was your age, no, even younger, I was attracted to much younger girls. I ... I have buried these ... feelings, always be too ashamed to admit it, even to myself, but when I was still a student I was attracted to young ... very young and preferably very innocent girls ... virgins especially. I became extremely predatory as a teenager and I did things that I am now and have for years been deeply ashamed of. But I believed that I had grown out of my obsession long ago."

"But -" Jessica remembered being shocked at the revelations, but knew if she was ever to be happy, they had to start with a clean slate between them.

"Please let me finish Jess, sweetheart, while I have a head of steam here ... I have thought of nothing else since we met. I wondered, worried if it was those old dark temptations ... obsessions ... that were coming back to haunt me, taunt me, attracting me to you for short sharp fulfilment, before abandoning you for ... fresh meat. But no, now I am certain that it is not those old torments that attract me. It is you, Jess, my dear sweet heart, and only you, that I am certain now that I am completely obsessed with. I know with absolute certainty that I love you with all my heart and, if you'll have me, I want you in my life, openly, honestly. ... I want you and I to set up our home together, with both my daughters accepting you as my life partner, legally, honestly, respectably. ... I want to marry you, Jess. Please marry me."

Even now, lying in this warm hotel bed with only her own company and the echoing words of her lover to sustain her, Jessica no longer felt that she was alone. She believed that she would never ever be alone again. She was now one of a matching pair, bonded forever in her heart to the only person on the world that she felt certain that she would love until the end of eternity. She had never felt any feeling for someone even remotely like this before. She never believed that it would happen like this for her, that when her last boyfriend dumped her and she passed her mid-twenties that that particular boat had sailed. Now that it looked like perfect lifelong happiness was a real possibility. She couldn't allow this opportunity to pass her by.

How many shopping days to Christmas? Just two left after tomorrow, thought Jessica. Is that time enough for her to shop for wedding rings?

She relaxed further into the rented sheets, in no hurry to leave, and dreamed of tomorrow and the days after that, and all the wonderful days for the rest of her blissfully happy life.

***

Alone in her flat's kitchen, having filled the kettle and set it to boil while they waited for Daniel to return after his meeting, Marina called Alex to confirm that she was coming up Christmas Eve, early evening.

"So, who is this mysterious boyfriend from the past?" Alex asked, "Was he the one who," and she dropped her voice to a whisper, "got you 'up the duff'?"

"Sandy!" Marina exploded in response, falling back on the pet name she had always called Alex when she was much younger. Alex insisted on using her given name, Alexandra, once she turned 18, although relaxed it to Alex once she accepted that her fiancé who turned into her husband determined he wouldn't call her anything other than her given name.

"Oh, don't get all miffi with me, Marina Shaw! All right, I apologise for mentioning, you know, 'IT', the bloody elephant in the bloody room from all those years ago, but I just want to hear all about this Daniel Medcalf chap that Tracey is so full of. I am your closest sister and want to know all about this man in your life, because, after all, Sis, it's about bloody time you met somebody to fall in love with you. We'd almost, but not quite, given up on you!"

"Well, I can scotch any rumours Tracey might be spreading about romance right here and now. There's no man in my life. There's no romance, no wedding bells or anything even remotely like that. He's just a man that I knew a long time ago, when I was an impressionable girl of sixteen. I may have had a bit of a crush on him at the time, that's all. We are both mature, independent people now, with our own separate lives to lead."

"An' you knew him when? Was it ... about the time you fell pregnant?"

"I don't even want to discuss that, Alex. What do you know about it, anyway? You were just a kid at the time."

"Oh, come on Sis, I knew the facts of life, even then. I was only about 13 or 14, but you ballooned up like a bloody airship. All us kids talked about nothing else once you started showing, and even Dad sobered up pretty damned quick, which was a good thing for all of us. We were all looking forward to the baby coming, saving up our pennies and even buying baby presents. And then it all turned out so sad," she sniffed involuntarily, her words catching in her throat, "as for attending the funeral, it was -"

"What? You attended my baby's funeral?"

"Yes, of course, we all did, as a family, except you were so ill in hospital. Dad could hardly leave us alone at home with no-one to look after us now, could he? The twins were only just five. We were all pretty solemn, you know, the baby's funeral brought back a lot of memories of Mum going. Even the twins, who don't remember our Mum at all, of course, picked up and were upset by all our vibes. It was all so sudden. Oh, and that tiny coffin, it was a shocker for all of us. All so sad."

"I, I wasn't there."

"No, you were a mess, Reen. You nearly died, they said at the hospital. Honest to God, we were all a mess. I think it finished Dad off, that he started hitting the bottle again straight after the funeral. I had to put him to bed most nights that you were recovering, just like you had to when Mum died."

"I know, it was the beginning of the end for Dad. I have been sad about losing the baby ever since, like something vital was missing in my life."

"Daniel."

"No, not Daniel exactly, just ... I don't know what it is."

"I didn't mean this Daniel, sweetheart," Alex said gently, already weeping tears at the other end of the line, "the Daniel ... the one that we buried, Daniel Shaw."

"Yes," cried Marina, her own tears flowing, "that has been it all along, the Daniel you buried, I have never really had the chance to grieve him properly. Oh, Sandy, I don't even know where he is buried, to go and talk to him."

"No, you don't, Reen ... but I do."

***

WWAG were planning mischief and Lauren was having deep misgivings about what they were doing. She wanted nothing to do with whatever they were planning but didn't want to be left completely out of the loop. If she knew what they were planning, perhaps she could do something about it.

She had several alternative plans in place, having called everyone she knew who could help her. On the one hand, she could give up her studies. It was an option, but she really loved what she was doing. She felt inspired by her love of nature and biodiversity, the fragile relationships between species and the environment, especially where threatened by man's increasingly careless footprints. She only felt comfortable and really at home in that field and felt she was good enough to go on, do some good, and make a career for herself, maybe even get her doctorate. If she gave up college now and went home, she would probably end up working in a shop and marry a deadbeat not unlike Mark. That relationship was already over, his meagre overtures to her being treated with the contempt that they deserved.

On the other hand, her friend Mandy had offered her a way out. It would mean sleeping on the couch in her friend's apartment for a while, but at least she would be independent again. She just didn't want to leave this group yet, not until she knew exactly what they planned in their misguided animosity towards Councillor Medcalf. And to do that she still had to act like she was an active member.

This afternoon, now that the major roads were clear of snow, was the first chance of action. Even though a further heavy fall was forecast to happen that night, the WWAG had decided to take a trip in the van to visit Medcalf's 'gaff', as Andy called it. Once there, they would decide how to strike at the one person, other than Sir Philip Sands, who the group saw as an obstacle to their campaign. Something smelled fishy, Lauren thought, especially when the perpetually-skint Andy offered to pay to put half a tank of petrol in Mark's old van after Mark admitted he hadn't a penny. Being Christmas, she thought, Tina must have got a Christmas bonus or at least a share-out of the festive season tips at her fast food restaurant, and the silly fat cow was allowing Andy to spend her money like it was his own.

So Lauren went along with them, on their reconnaissance, not only out of curiosity, but this time with a clear sense of purpose.

Andy's van was pretty Spartan and definitely on its last legs. Lauren had no proof but assumed it was only a bribe to a backstreet garage that got the wreck through its last MOT test. Lauren immediately put Andy's nose out of joint when she insisted on sitting in the front seat. Andy argued that he was the one who should sit in front as he was financing the trip, by chipping in half a tank of petrol, but a determined glare from Lauren at her frustrated lover was enough for Mark to grow some balls for once and deny the group leader the more comfortable seat.

The roads were good and, although the van had no satnav fitted, one of the group had an app on his phone that got them to the Grange in Underhill Lane by mid afternoon. It was overcast when they arrived and there were clearly no lights on in the house that could be seen from the entrance to the driveway. Just at that moment they arrived, though, the sun came out from behind a dark cloud. The warm-red brick house under its sculptured thatched roof, looked beautiful in the low orange sunshine between the sleet showers. Mark pulled the van off the road and onto the gravel driveway. They could see that a path had been cleared through the snow from the garage to the curving drive and out onto the road, with a set of wheel tracks in the compacted snow near the garage.

The group jumped out and Andy boldly led the explorers to have a look around. The house remained silent and dark, in spite of their noisy entrance.

Lauren got out of the van too, admiring the beautiful house, the warmth of its sun-splashed brick, the way it sat in the landscape, the high downland behind sheltering it from the cold North wind. She admired the snow covered gardens and crisply clipped hedge, imagining the colours of summer in her head. Of caring and being cared for, that's what the house spoke of to her. The others left her alone momentarily, as they marched off to the left of the house, where there appeared to be an uncleared pathway, covered still by virgin snow. The front door of the house had a single set of footprints leading to and away, Lauren noticed, but the snow drifting up against the front door looked undisturbed. This house never used the front door, it appeared. She liked that, back home her mother's kitchen was always both the entrance and exit as well as being the hub of the household.

Lauren followed the others around the back of the house to see what mischief they were up to. Trespassing, it seemed the very act was disrespectful of such an old and noble house and grounds, an invasion of the house's privacy. Glancing back at the van, as she passed, she noticed that Mark, or somebody, had tied some thin cloth to the registration number, so that it was covered with black, muddy slush, rendering the plate completely unreadable.