Life Less Lived Ch. 07

"Mmm, Derrick Shaw, Sandie Shaw, Marina ... is there a pattern here?" Mavis asked with a twinkle in her eye.

"Oh God! Yes! Most people don't notice, although that's one of the reasons Sandie likes to be called Alex. My father was a Royal Navy petty officer and had a wicked sense of humour," Marina paused, her head filled with old memories. "He disappeared for months on end, sailing all over the world. When he was home, though, he was the life and soul of the party. We adored him. He always liked a drink though, and probably felt he could handle it, but when Mum died it was like a switch turned off inside his head and ... well there was little I could do but try and keep the rest of us together."

"Looks like they have all turned out well, though, thanks to you, Marina," Mavis stated, "You sacrificed your own life for them, like a lot of women did in service. I never married, because the children in my care always came first."

"I suppose you're right in a way. I had no choice, really. My father fell to pieces over Mum's death. He gradually came to his senses and, by the time I was 16 and had started working, he was also working again. In fact he was doing two jobs, a postman by day, petrol station attendant by evening and weekend nights. So for a little while we were doing quite well, after a shaky start."

"So you met Daniel, did you, when you started working?"

"Yes, at least not long after I started. By the time the twins were rising fives and started school in the April just after Easter, I secured an early- to late-morning job at this local hotel, cleaning and changing the bed linen and towels in the bedrooms. I didn't know it until later, but I had only just missed seeing Daniel. Apparently he worked there in the kitchens over the Easter but was already back at college by the time I started."

"I wonder what would have happened if you had known Daddy sooner?" Sophie mused.

"We'll never know dear, go on Marina."

"Very soon after starting, the busy holiday season got under way and there were various openings for more work. So I added to the room cleaning a second job for three hours a day as the lunch-time waitress in the hotel snack bar. This was so convenient, because it enabled me to finish work in time to meet the children when they were ready to come home from school. I cooked and cleaned and cared for them in the afternoon and evening before going to bed late and getting up early for the next morning. I cleaned rooms seven days a week and waited on tables six days a week during the summer when the hotel was full, and five days a week for each job during the winter."

"What did you do for Marina-time?" Sophie asked, "was there no period set aside for you to do all those selfish things that teenagers need to do?"

"No, not really. I had no real friends, having lost contact with those I had schooled with so long before. We moved around a lot the first couple of years. Paying the rent and bills was hand to mouth for a long time. I hardly went to school for the last four years. They basically wrote me off, so I had no qualifications."

"I can tell you must have been a bright girl, Marina, if you had been given the opportunities, who knows what you could've achieved?" Sophie said.

"Maybe, again we'll never know. At work I met very few people of my own age. My partner on the room cleaning, we worked in pairs, was Spanish and was always trying to use me to improve her English, me, who left school at 12! As a cleaner I was anonymous, so I didn't mind that, people don't notice cleaners. But, as a waitress, I was conscious of my puppy fat squeezed into the short, tight bright blue outfit they made us wear. I think it must've been designed by some pervert a decade or so earlier. Thinking back on it, I may have been a little shy to begin with, but that uniform did very little for my self-esteem and I became almost pathologically shy. Yet at home I was different, I was the one in charge. But outside the home I was a mess of nerves. Daniel helped me feel different when I was around him."

"Mmm, I want to hear more about you and Daddy!"

Marina's face went red, or at least she felt embarrassed, fiddling with an uneaten digestive biscuit in her saucer.

"I'll get to him in a minute, Soph, honestly," she smiled. "Gradually, the children grew up and started work on their own. Most went on to college or further education and were able to get better jobs than I could ever hope to do. By the time the twins were finished college and ready to spread her wings, I was in my early thirties and now principally caring for my poor worn-out father. My dad, well he had once more lapsed back into alcoholism and he suffered from a number of associated health problems. He died a couple of years ago and so I now have a degree of independence, having saved enough from all my poorly-paid jobs over the years to put down a deposit on my tiny ex-council flat in a run-down district of the city."

"It's not so bad that flat," Sophie said to Mavis, "I saw it yesterday. It's small but quite cosy. Well, it becomes cosy once the heating's on, and it's really handy for the shops and the city nightlife. That's all on your doorstep, so I can see why Tracey wants to stay with you."

"Well, like Sophie, I want to find out how you got to know young Daniel," Mavis said, nodding to Sophie's offer to put on the kettle for more tea by holding up the teapot and wriggling it.

"I'm putting the kettle on, so don't start talking about Daddy until I get back!" Sophie insisted.

Mavis continued, "I don't know anything at all about Daniel before Jenny first brought him round to meet me. By then I knew that Penny had already set her heart on marrying him."

"When was that?" Marina asked.

"Late 1990, it was. At that time, Penny said, they had been going out for about six months."

Sophie brought in a fresh pot of tea and set it on the table to brew.

"I knew Daniel for just a couple of months during the summer of 1988," Marina recalled. "It had been a glorious summer weather-wise and I was in the middle of everything going on all around me. I was only 16 and working all hours at home looking after my young family with no help at all from my Dad. He was seriously drinking at that time, out all evening and sleeping all day. I was the only wage earner. At work I was cleaning rooms, changing bed linens and towels, in the morning and followed this by serving snacks and clearing away dirty dishes over lunchtime. My activity didn't stop when my paid work ended. No, I then had to do the family shopping, cleaning at home and cooking for the family evening meal, before washing, ironing and darning to keep up a supply of wearable clothing, before snatching a few hours' sleep. Then work began all over again early the next morning."

"That must've been tough, Marina," said Sophie.

"It was, but for a while, just a few weeks during that summer, this routine was made bearable, thanks to my new friend Daniel. He had started working in the lounge bar next to the snack bar during his long academic summer holiday, for almost two months. He told me that he was studying at university and working in a pub during weekends and most evenings as well as three or four lunchtimes in the middle of the week."

"I think when Penny brought him round he was in between finishing a summer job and starting his final year at university," reminisced Mavis.

"That must have been a couple of years later. I must admit I assumed he had a girlfriend back at college at the time. He was so handsome."

"I don't think it could have been Penny, back then, dear. I got the impression from her parents that they hadn't been going out for very long and her mum and dad were worried because they seemed to be in an awful hurry to get married. I think they suspected she was pregnant, even though she always denied it. Anyway, it turned out she wasn't pregnant at all, just anxious to marry her handsome young man before he got away."

"Perhaps they were just in love and wanted to be together as soon as possible," smiled Marina, "When I knew him, there was absolutely no question of any romance between us. It was just that ... for some reason we got on like a house on fire. Daniel was not only handsome, without actually being aware of it, but he was so natural and funny and charming. He was friendly with everyone. It was his easy-going chats to me which helped bring me out of my shell."

Sophie swirled the refreshed teapot, and squeezing Marina's hand at the same time. Marina continued speaking.

"We would stand in the open access space between the kitchen, snack bar and saloon bar, waiting for people to be served in either the licensed bar or snack bar. And during the frequent quieter periods, we simply chatted. I spoke to him of my family and spilled out all of my frustrations and problems as well as all the day to day funny episodes that family life always brings up. He made me relax and he seemed to relish these little tales, encouraging me to talk about myself. Meanwhile, he contributed plenty of his own experiences and commented on mine. He had a ready wit and made me smile and laugh all the time."

"He was always a charming man," Mavis said smiling widely.

"He was, always. I used to try my best to get my assigned room-cleaning done in record time, so I could get up to the snack bar as soon as possible. Daniel started his shift at least a couple of hours before I worked in the snack bar. He spent that time refilling the shelves with wine, beer and spirits, ready for the lunch-time rush. He also worked most of the nights. So I tried to get there early every day in the hope of seeing Daniel and spending a few more precious moments in his company."

"So, you were falling in love with Daddy." Sophie's eyes were as big as saucers.

"Well, I had a crush on him, certainly, most of the girls on the staff did," Marina blushed even more, "but Daniel wasn't one of those players who were toying with my affections. I know that I must have been a silly moon-faced kid while I was around him, but he never made me feel uncomfortable. He never made a move on me. In fact, although I was infatuated with him, I really didn't want him to do anything about it, I was that shy. The romance was all in my mind, I was so innocent, in fact I would have been mortified if he had ever touched me, you know, touched me inappropriately that is."

"So, tell me Marina," Mavis said with a gentle smile, "for you, when you first saw Daniel on that bar, was it love at first sight?"

"Yes, I think it was. But not in the bar. I don't know if he will actually remember this, especially after all this time, but I first saw him on the day he started his new role at the hotel. He was wandering down the corridors trying to find the particular staff quarters he had been assigned to. I was wheeling my cleaning trolley from one room to the next and he asked me for directions. For me, stuttering in conversation with this handsome, confident but friendly, utterly charming young man, who gently coaxed out from me the information he wanted," her voice died almost to a whisper, "I think it was love at first sight for me."

"I knew it!" exploded Sophie with glee.

"He knew the hotel, well at least part of it. He had worked in the kitchens downstairs briefly at Easter. He knew bar work, too, having worked part-time behind the bar in several pubs between Easter and the summer while at college. I think this was the first time he had worked a bar in a big hotel. I remember him telling me how he was shocked at the inflated prices, especially of the specialist malts and brandies that the bar carried for their selective clientele, a mix of better-off holidaymakers, determined to spoil themselves, and businessmen on large expense accounts. Sometimes, I wonder what he made of me at the time?"

"I think he must have felt something for you, you can see that he enjoys being around you now."

"I don't know Soph, there seems something there between us but I am not sure what it is. Maybe it's just that your father is an honest, open and naturally charismatic man, who wants to make people feel comfortable and at ease, no matter who they are."

They finished up their tea, Sophie insisting on doing the washing up with Marina drying and leaving on the side for Sophie to put away, before they left Mavis.

It was a short walk down a bridle way into the village centre where there were a handful of tiny shops open for business. A surprising number of the village people seemed to know Sophie extremely well and stopped to greet her and find out how she was enjoying starting her university life. Naturally, Sophie introduced Marina as a special family friend.

Marina insisted on buying some lean minced beef, as her contribution towards the evening meal. It was a relief to have some cash on her, she scolded herself, being stuck that first night in the village virtually penniless. It was a stupid thing to allow to happen, she clearly wasn't thinking. They walked back to the field where the horses had been left, mounted and started back uphill towards the Grange for a short trot, then turned right and headed up a track through thick woods, and past icy babbling brooks until emerging from the trees at the very top of the Downs. In the crisp winter sunshine they could see for miles and miles of an unspoilt patchwork of farmland and fields, along with tiny hamlets, villages and small towns, mainly nestling in the hollows. And this area, up to the top of the down and a little the other side, was all part of the Underhill Grange grounds.

"In the spring the sheep and lambs are allowed all the way up here. They do their best to keep the grass short, and fertilise it. The animals, husbanded by farmers, have been managing this open vista for thousands of years." Sophie was proud of this farmland, her heritage. "Any trees that spring up outside of the designated woods are cut down for firewood to keep it as this open downland. All this belongs to the family, well, my grandfather at the moment. He cannot pass it over to his wife, it will come through the family to either myself, Ginny or one of a couple of cousins, Grandpa's will has already recorded his decision, but we won't know who it will be for now."

"Well, I love these views. This place is magical, Sophie, absolutely magical."

In the afternoon they rode the horses back to the stables and Sophie showed Marina how to muck out the three stalls that were in use and restocked them with fresh straw, hay and water. They carted the soiled bedding over to some neatly enclosed manure heaps on the far side of the yard.

Back inside the stables, at the back end, furthest away from the house, Sophie showed her where the food store was. She pulled up two huge trapdoors, as if they were made of feathers.

"There are counterweights attached to these doors, so it takes no effort at all to lift them."

There were steps going down into the underground store and Sophie turned on the lights. It seemed to Marina that half the stables had this storage area underneath. There was a main corridor and chambers running off on either side. There were bundled herbs hanging from the ceiling near to the walls, strings of onions and garlic, and net bags full of shallots. In one chamber, lined with shelves, there were rows and rows of rosy apples, that smelled sweet. There were eggs, too. Dozens of them, each tray dated so that they could be used in sequence.

"We have a shed with about two dozen chickens in, just the other side of the poly tunnels. They don't lay many eggs at this time of the year, but what we get lasts down here for about six weeks or so. Want some eggs?"

Sophie had grabbed a trug from a pile of different sized ones near the doors.

"No, I don't need any for my meal."

"I'll bring a few in for breakfast tomorrow, then. We do need a few carrots and a couple of onions for you, Marina, which I crossed off your shopping list along with the eggs. We've got plenty of potatoes already in the kitchen. I'll get some apples for the horses though, while we're down here."

"It's an Aladdin's cave!" exclaimed Marina, "what else have you got down here?"

"Nothing like we used to have, in the days when this was a fully working arable farm. At the moment three-quarters of these chambers are completely empty. The Hammonds help with growing enough potatoes, carrots, cabbages, hard fruits like apple, pears and quinces, plus squashes, and onions, enough to last us all through the winter. It never freezes down here in the winter and never gets hot either, even in the height of summer. We're on the north side of the stables, which was originally an old barn. I suppose this underground room was dug out and supported by these thick oak beams five or six hundred years ago, long before people had fridges and freezers. Grandpa told us that in the harsh winters of hundreds of years ago they would bring ice from the rivers down here, piled up several feet thick, that would stay as ice, keeping everything cool right through the summer."

"And it's left unlocked?"

"Sure, the Hammonds, Lady Barbara, and any estate worker can come and help themselves. Mavis used to come up once a week for just a few vegetables and eggs, but she can't get up here as often any more, so one of us delivers a mixed basket of eggs, fruit and veg to her whenever we go down. I topped her up yesterday."

"Well I think it's a fantastic thing to have. Let's give the apples to the horses and get into that kitchen, I'm keen to start cooking, after all this fresh air and exercise, I'm actually starving!"

"Me, too!"

***

Jessica was alone in her little flat in Southampton. Whenever she had spent any time on her own before, in the months following the break-up with her previous boyfriend, she never actually felt lonely. But then, she knew that she had never truly been in love before; she had never before simply ... ached ... for the company and the touch of one special person before.

Now, when she was on her own, she not only felt quite lonely but also a tad lost. Jessica was presently in despair because she knew she wouldn't see her fiancé for several days over the impending seasonal holidays. A long-standing prior arrangement by her lover for a family Christmas trip, even though it was only a few miles away, was impossible to change at this late stage.

Jessica understood that, not that she had to like it.

Likewise, Jessica had also been scheduled to spend Christmas and Boxing Day with her Mum. To be honest, she hadn't looked forward to having her mother browbeating her about not having a man sharing in her life, just like her mother had last Christmas.

Boy, was Mum in for one hell of a surprise this time around!

Still, Jessica wasn't due to arrive at her Mum's until late Christmas morning, which involved a long drive up to Northampton on a hopefully near-deserted motorway. A couple of days with her mother was usually all that each strong personality could stand in one go, so she would be heading back home again as early as possible the morning after Boxing Day.

In the meantime she had volunteered to work the early part of Christmas, like many single people at the Studio, to allow families to have that special day to themselves. She had been assigned the night shift on Christmas Eve and the early hours of Christmas Day, up until six in the morning, It was at least something that she could be pleased about, a little sacrifice for her, meaning so much to colleagues who had young families.

Other than that, her work continued, fortunately without too many questions from colleagues or superiors about the couple of shifts she had missed through 'sickness', while she enjoyed her loving liaisons.

***

Lauren met her friend Mandy for lunch, and they spent time discussing what the WWAG members were considering as their next course of action in the campaign. Mandy shared most of the same environmental classes as Lauren and so she was suitably shocked by Lauren's revelations about WWAG trespassing on Medcalf's land and even discussing the possibility of committing arson by setting fire to his store of oak timber, in situ between the house and an ancient barn.