LifeMates Ch. 08 - Amanda's Judgment

Chapter 8. Amanda's Judgment

Myrna went off the pill, and it took just a few weeks of good, old-fashioned vanilla sex for her to conceive. The first signs of pregnancy were some mild cramping and slight swelling and tenderness in her breasts. When she missed her period and then tested positive, we knew for sure.

Once Myrna was sure that the fetus had taken, she said to me "I have to tell Amanda that I'm pregnant. It will be better if I'm straight with her than if she finds out from someone else."

I could only agree that she was right. "How are you going to do it," I asked.

"Face-to-face will be best," she answered. "I'll ask for an appointment. Then I'll go to see her -- by myself this time. She won't harm us no matter how angry she is. The baby and I will be safe enough."

"Are you sure?" I asked her. "You've been afraid of her up till now."

"I've been afraid of what she might do to our company or my position in it, not for my physical safety. I'm still afraid in that way. But she won't punish me physically while I'm pregnant. She won't risk causing a miscarriage."

"Can't I come with you?"

"I'd be happy for your company, dear, but it's better if you don't. From her perspective, I was her trusted submissive, and I've broken a promise to her. I have to face the music on those terms. That means alone."

So she wrote an email, and had me read it before she clicked 'SEND.'

Dear Mistress Amanda,

Something has happened that you will want to know about. I would like to pay a visit to discuss it. Please tell me when would be convenient.

Respectfully,

Myrna Stiles (LifeMates CEO)

She sent it off and we waited. A few hours later, we got the following reply:

Dear Myrna,

You're pregnant aren't you? And Richard is the father.

Is that what you have to tell me?

Don't bother to answer this. Come out this Friday afternoon at 2 PM. Bring Richard and Bernice, as I want to see all of you. I won't send a limousine this time, so you'll have to drive.

Your irritated mistress,

Amanda Cummings (Keyholders CEO)

Myrna turned white when she read this email. I was in her office at the time. Saying nothing, she bent across her desk, buried her face in one arm and began to cry. I stood by, helpless, saying nothing.

For a few minutes, she wept silently. Finally, she calmed, dried her face with a handkerchief, and asked "How could she know?"

"She must have a spy with us," I said. "Bernice, it would have to be. You told me you'd spoken with her about us. Who else could have known?"

She thought for a moment. "Maybe not," she answered at last, "Amanda is very smart. She knows me; she knows women; she knew my clock was ticking; I was secretive in my email asking to see her. It may have been just a clever guess."

"She writes as if she knows for sure," I replied. "It doesn't read like she's guessing."

"It doesn't matter," Myrna said. "We'll find out how she knew on Friday, up at the chateau when we all meet with her. Until then, treat Bernice as usual. Don't say anything to her. If she wants to work you over, just tell you're busy with something else. It will be impossibly unpleasant to eat with her for the next three days, if we confront her now."

"The thing is, I had hoped to tell Amanda myself, face-to-face, in a private meeting, and at least get points for honesty. Now she'll think I was sneaking behind her back and trying to hide as long as possible."

"Well you did ask for the meeting. She can't accuse you of sneaking. Can you guess what she'll do?" I asked her.

"I can make guesses, but they won't tell us anything. We'll just have to wait, and take what comes."

On Friday morning we rented a car. Myrna had me drive, though she usually liked to do so herself. Bernice must have known what was coming. Between herself and Myrna there was only a frosty silence.

When we arrived at Amanda's estate, one of her slaves took the car and parked it. We climbed the steps to the chateau's front door and, as before, the butler opened for us, before we could knock. Again our coats and boots were taken and we were given slippers. Then we were escorted to a small conference room, offered coffee and told to wait -- that Mistress Amanda would be with us shortly.

The coffee arrived. Amanda didn't -- not until a good 20 minutes had passed. When she walked through the door, her first words were "Well, Myrna, what are you going to say for yourself?"

"Please Mistress, whatever you think of me now, please believe two things: that I did not break my promise to you lightly, and that I was not planning to conceal from you that I had done so. I suspect that you got the news of my pregnancy from Bernice here. I was going to tell you myself, right here. That's why I asked to visit you."

"Child," Amanda replied. "On those points, you can save your breath. Neither is in doubt. The fact that you spoke with Bernice about wanting to marry and have a baby, and your words at that time as she reported them, show me that you were mindful of your promise and feeling guilty about breaking it. That makes your position worse, not better; but we'll come to that."

"And I'm aware that you asked for the appointment with me to tell me of your transgression, before you knew that I already knew. I never thought that this appointment was to tell me that you needed more money. You were never a sneak and I don't accuse you of dishonesty now, but of flat disobedience. If I doubted your basic integrity, I would never have loaned you so much money to start a business that would be associated in the public's mind with mine. Despite the autonomy I've granted you, you've been working as my submissive and partial agent from the beginning. You have done very well, and I have been pleased and proud of you. Yet you break the terms of my sponsorship, and knowingly go and do something you had promised me not to do. Why did you do that? How do you justify it? That's what you need to explain."

"Mistress, I knew I was already at an age where pregnancy becomes more difficult and dangerous, and that I would be reaching menopause before the monies borrowed from you were fully paid back. I knew too that given modern medical care, there is no longer significant risk in pregnancy and delivery and that Richard and Bernice together were fully capable of running the existing LifeMates organization and enterprise, with minimal input from me. I knew that we were on track to repay your loan even if a bus ran over me. I knew that LifeMates and your interest in it were safe, however preoccupying or distracting maternity proved to be."

"You are still missing the point, child," Amanda replied. "Do you not see what really angers me? It's that you went ahead and got yourself pregnant by Richard here without consulting me or asking my permission. If you had come to me beforehand with the case you have just made, I would probably have given you my blessing. As it is, I'm angry that you did not ask permission, knowing full well that as my submissive you were obliged to do so. What do say to that?"

"I must plead guilty, and ask for your forgiveness, Mistress. I did not ask permission -- knowing I was supposed to, and that you would expect me to -- because my submission to you does not extend that far. On such an intimate and significant matter I wilfully asserted a right to make that decision on my own, in consultation with my husband only. When the baby is born and I'm recovered from the delivery, I will cheerfully accept my punishment."

"Tell me why I should agree to punish and then forgive you a year from now, rather than dismiss you from my service and protection as of today?"

"Only because, in all lesser matters I have been a loyal and obedient sub to you, and will continue to be so in the future. But I believe that submission must have limits. If I ordered Richard to do something against the law, or against his self-respect, I know he would refuse. Nor would I punish him for doing so because, submissive as he is, he remains his own person and I accept that, and even require it."

"I know we have disagreed on this point, and still do. I am your loyal and honest submissive, but not your slave. I will be sorry if you dismiss me. I would rather accept harsh punishment so as to be forgiven and allowed to continue to serve. But if that cannot be, I must accept dismissal too."

Tensely listening to this exchange, I had been aware from its beginning that my Mistress would not be in this situation, but for my decision on her behalf -- to break her promise and have our child. From the beginning, I had wished for some way to intervene in their dispute -- to protect my wife and Mistress by redirecting Amanda's anger toward myself. I had stayed silent, knowing that any attempt to take the blame upon myself would only make Myrna's situation worse. Imagine how I felt, then, when Amanda turned to me and asked, "And you, Richard, what was your role in your wife's wilful disobedience? Did you remind her of her duty to me, or did you encourage her to defy it?"

Myrna blurted, "Mistress, please leave him out of it. The issue here is between us. My husband just took me when I ordered him to. He was just obeying me. The responsibility, and the decision to get pregnant were mine alone."

Without turning back to her, Amanda just said, "Richard, I know your wife is lying now -- for the first time this morning -- trying to protect you. It won't work. I know too much, and I can read both of you. The best you can do now, for her and for yourself, is to tell the truth. As you are the father of this baby, we know you did not refuse to help her disobey me. You knew of Myrna's promise to me, and Myrna would have spoken with you before her decision to defy me. Tell me what was said. Tell me how that decision was made. What was your contribution to it? No evasion or prevarication now! Only the truth will help you."

"Mistress," I croaked, my voice cracking as I had been silent so long, "She acted on my advice. My wife really was of two minds in her situation, which we had discussed before, and which I understood as well as she did. She told me that the dilemma was too much for her, and asked me to make it on her behalf, for both us. I did so. So the blame for her disobedience is really mine."

"No," Amanda said coolly. "No matter how much you want to, you cannot take the ultimate responsibility away from her. You encouraged her to have the baby. She would have asked you to explain your thinking. What did you say?"

"I told her you would know that your investment in LifeMates was safe and successful, even if Myrna was distracted from the business for awhile; that Bernice and I and the existing organization could easily run it with little input from her; that for you to sell your shares in LifeMates, or replace her as CEO would be self-defeating as the company was successful, and no one else could run it better; that if she was willing to take the kind of punishment that your Mrs. Payne dished out to me, we should have the baby.

"But I wanted the child as much as she did, so my advice to her was also self-serving."

"All right," Amanda replied. "Now I believe you. Now I am hearing a story that makes sense. I also note that for the first you are addressing me as 'Mistress' -- maybe hoping to appease or flatter me. Now I must judge and sentence you. What will it be?"

She thought for awhile, then spoke: "You, Richard, I find blameless. You have served your Mistress loyally and well. Your advice to her on this occasion was sound. You owe me nothing directly, except through Myrna. As she once told me, no one can serve two masters -- or mistresses!"

"As for you, child," she went on, turning to Myrna, "I too know the saying, 'it's easier to get forgiveness than permission,' but it doesn't always apply. If you had come to me up front with the case you made just now, I would have released you from your promise. If I did not, you could have gone ahead and gotten pregnant anyway. In that case, you would have been guilty only of disobedience. As it is, I will have to punish you for lack of trust, which is worse. I will add a bit for lying just now, to protect your husband, as you just called him, but I don't blame you too much for that."

"What you have still to learn, it seems, is that whether as game or lifestyle, D/s relationships depend on trust -- for the Dominant to earn and for the submissive to offer as the only basis for obedience except for fear (which has no place in relationships of love)."

"To help you learn that, you'll have a date with Mrs. Payne roughly a year from now, when you are fully recovered from childbirth, and the baby can do without you for a day or two. I leave it to you to call me when you are ready for it."

"Meanwhile, try to remember a single occasion when I failed to have your interests at heart. If you can we'll call it quits, and you'll save yourself a whipping." She paused a moment. "I know you're both still sore at me for the way I treated Richard that day I met him, but that treatment helped you fall in love with him, so it doesn't count!"

"We have two other bits of business this morning, but they'll only take a moment. First, please don't be angry at Bernice. I know you feel that she was spying on you, and that I put her with you to do so. But you might have considered long ago that she has known and worked with me much longer than you have, and that she'd tell me anything I wanted to know. Also, spying is what hostile powers do upon each other, and I'm not hostile. And neither is she. In this business of your pregnancy, she's been at pains to emphasize your fundamental loyalty and integrity. She was under orders to keep me informed of your operation, and has done so."

"So think of her role as friendly supervision, not as spying. I want you to forgive her and continue to work together. But now you know that though she collaborates with you, she also reports to me. Expect her to tell me anything she thinks I'd want to know."

Myrna answered, "Mistress, I wish you had told me that Bernice had a secondary, supervisory role. Or that she had told me -- at least when I came to her as a friend to talk about my feelings. I concede that you had every right to use her so, and that I should have figured out that you would do so. But I feel that trust is a two-way street and resent that you set her up to 'supervise' me without informing me of her role."

"I don't blame her for reporting to you, but for not telling me at the time that she would be doing so. I can forgive her, but she will have to go, as it's no longer possible for me to work with her. I will use trainees for housekeeping duties, and find another dungeon mistress or perform that role myself. Or Richard will, until we find someone. Bernice can retire now, or you can find her another job."

Amanda said, "I'm ordering you to forgive her and work with her."

And Myrna answered, "She betrayed what I thought was our friendship. You can keep her on at LifeMates if you choose, but then you or she will have to run it, because Richard and I will be leaving."

"You are defying me!"

"If you insist that I continue to work with her, I am."

I expected rage at this point. But Amanda understood the secrets of power, as well as Machiavelli did --as well, perhaps as anyone alive. A 'prince' (by whatever title) must refrain from giving orders that will be defied -- because defiance, no matter how severely punished, diminishes their power. When people actually defy your orders -- are no longer deterred by fear of the worst that you can do to them -- your regime is in danger of collapse. Amanda did not need to think such things. She knew them in her bones. "Very well then," she said. "I will not insist. I am sorry you see it so -- that you feel Bernice betrayed your friendship. But even as your Mistress, I can't command your feelings. Even as my loyal sub, you can't command them yourself. Settle with Bernice or cope without her as you see fit. As the head of LifeMates it is, after all,your choice,"

She was silent for a moment, and continued, "We had one more thing to discuss, but this is not the time or the mood for it. I want to use your wedding ceremony and reception to make a public relations splash for your company and mine. I will pay for it, and for a newsworthy honeymoon at the location of your choice; but I intend to get my money's worth in advertising value. Please think about what you'd like to do, and how we can best do that. I'll come down to Montreal in a week or so, to make a start on planning and organizing it. We'll discuss Bernice again, when you've had time to think abut it. See you then.

She stood up and left the room. The meeting was over. Her butler escorted us to the front door; three slaves helped us into our coats and boots; and we walked down the stairs to our rented car. Myrna said "I'll drive," and got behind the wheel. In chilly silence,we went home. I was surprised that Bernice said nothing to apologize or defend herself, Perhaps she felt completely justified in what she'd done, and thought that Myrna had no right to feel betrayed.

* * * * *

When Myrna and I finally got to talk in private, the first thing we agreed was that we could not allow Bernice or Amanda or corporate ambitions to come between us. Push come to shove, we agreed that if Amanda demanded too much, Myrna would either switch careers entirely or open her own training and mentoring dungeon in any city in Canada, that I would resume my writing career, that between us we would raise the child that Myrna was now carrying. I agreed too that there was little reason to blame Bernice for her choice of loyalties, but no reason either to continue working with her.

Having asked me to make the decision about her pregnancy, Mistress now asked me to decide when it was time to walk away from Amanda and LifeMates -- when the stresses of that career became too much for us. In so many words, Myrna said, "I will manage LifeMates, and you will continue as my submissive and proxy as I do so. But as of now, you are the head of our family, and we will put health and the child and our marriage before my career. In these matters, it's you who must be the Alpha."

"When Amanda comes down next week, I will tell her that family responsibilities will take precedence over my submission to her, and that I have authorized you to speak for me in my dealings with her. When she rages and threatens, as she predictably will, I will tell her to negotiate with you and walk out of the room. She will try to dominate and charm you, but I forbid you to call her 'mistress' ever again. Make the point that I alone am that to you and call her by her name, 'Amanda,' without a title. Speak as her equal -- as one person to another. Offer her friendship and alliance of our two companies in an arm's length relationship. Tell her that you will entertain her suggestions and make your own, but that her commands are meaningless with us now. As a last resort, if you find yourself unable to speak for me until we have conferred, you must stall without telling her why. She must be made to understand that you, not I, make the decisions for LifeMates, so far as she is concerned."

"Can you do it, my love? I know this is a terrible burden to place on you; but the only alternative is to walk away from her right now. I am reluctant to do that without giving this plan a try, but we will if you say so. If you feel it's more than you can handle."

"It's almost a joke," I said to her, "like the Domme who orders her sub to spank her, and the sub who just sneers and says 'No!!'"

"I'll do it, but with me speaking for you in that way, you may not be pleased with the result. You may be surprised how easy I'll find it not to be submissive to Amanda. She turns me off. If not for your debt to her, emotional and monetary, and LifeMates' need for her sponsorship and aid, I would be inclined to snub her. Only your interest in LifeMates and its dependence on KI facilities and support give me any reason to be so much as civil."