Live Without Regrets Pt. 05

She felt his fingers grip her hair. Felt him tug slightly when his orgasm hit. He was trying to be in control, but it was a lie. When your lips were around a guy's cock, he'd do anything you wanted.

It felt so naughty waking him up this way. No foreplay, no talk. Just seeing his cock ready to go and knowing that it would feel so good in her mouth. When he woke up first, he made her breakfast. But when she woke up first, she went a very different way.

His orgasm rushed into her mouth. Warm ropes, salty and heady. Beats the shit out of Starbucks, she thought. In a weird way, she wished she had a blueberry muffin or something. She likes mixing salt with sweet. She thought about that as she felt his cock drain and soften.

His grip on her hair faded and his arms fell to the mattress. It was a little mean, making him wake up just to drain all his energy again, but she hadn't heard a complaint yet.

What was it about a big, strong guy and having him totally wrapped around her finger? She'd never know what it was like to be big and strong, but she knew that she could make him do anything right now. Who needed size when you had sexy?

He laughed as the world came into focus. She swallowed and slithered up his body. She kissed his mouth and he didn't flinch. He wasn't a prude about that kind of thing. She'd not always been so lucky with her choice of men. She ran her hand over the scruff on his jaw and smiled. Her doe-eyes found his and he melted. She had him.

He ran a hand over his face as he looked away, trying to find himself amidst the orgasmic haze of the early morning. He kissed her forehead and shivered a bit, settling into the sheets.

"Thanks for the Brentwood wake-up call," he said.

"I told you, it's only a Brentwood wake-up call if we're IN Brentwood. Otherwise it's just a sparkling blowjob," she said.

They both laughed and he turned them both over. She gave a delighted squeal as he put his body over hers.

"Fair. Should I return the favor?" he asked.

She nodded and that was all it took. He slid down her body, leaving an S-shaped trail of kisses from neck to nipple to navel. She felt his lips on her mons and took a deep breath. He knew her rhythms and frequencies now. It had been a glorious month of learning each other's bodies. She gasped and arched when he pushed his tongue inside.

"Fuuuck," she said. A suggestion and a compliment all at once. She let him work and shut her eyes. It was her turn to grip his head now. The dark, crispy locks under her fingers were her only connection to the real world. His body was her tether to reality. Her mind was now fully ensconced in bliss.

Then her phone vibrated across the nightstand.

She frowned slightly. Hard to do when he was working his magic. She released her right hand from his hair and reached for the phone. In any other circumstance that might have seemed rude, but there were only about four people on the planet that could make her phone make any kind of noise. One of them was going down on her right now. If one the other three needed her attention, then that might be more important than sex.

She lifted her phone and checked the alert. It was from Kristen. She read the text between moans.

"Dax and the girls are stuck in New York. You wanna do a movie night?"

Hayden bit her lip, pondering. She regretted that as Brandon found the right spot. She gave a small shriek as she bit her lip just a little too hard by reflex. He looked up and she shook her head.

"It's fine, keep going," she said, in a breathy haze.

She dropped the phone and heard it rattle as it hit the rug. She didn't care. Brandon's tongue was the only thing she needed to focus on. She rubbed his shoulders and his hands came up. One she kissed, the other she put on her breast. He knew his cue. She rolled her back to give him as much of her skin as he could touch. Her first orgasm was soft, but she had more coming.

It was nice being in her own bed. Her own pillow behind her head as she moaned for him. She liked his scent on her sheets. She liked the way none of her towels were big enough for his frame. He belonged in her space as much as he did in her body. She thought about that as the second orgasm rippled her body into a high amplitude wave.

Her spasm quenched her desire. She felt sated as he licked her labia through the aftershocks. She wanted to push his head off of her, just to have a moment to breathe and think, but in her current state, she couldn't remember how her arms worked, let alone hatch such a complex plan to use them. She gave in to the pleasure and the clenching uncontrol that wracked her petite body. She'd started out the morning as the head bitch in charge, but until he pulled up, she was just the bitch.

Very acceptable.

Mercifully, he pulled his mouth from her skin. She kept a hand on the back of his neck as he lifted his body. She gripped him on his ascent and her tongue wrapped around his. He tasted like her pussy and she wanted that flavor. When it mixed with his traces, she gave a satisfied purr.

Her lips moved to his ear and she whispered a husky thanks. His body shivered. Her voice could do that to him. She used it all the time. Again, never a complaint. She wondered what she would have to do to actually make him mad.

They held each other for a long moment, the cold air against their backs, warm flesh against their fronts. It was tempting to start another round, but there were so many things she liked doing with him that didn't involve his cock.

He rubbed her back and she purred again for him. She found his cheek and kissed it. He moved his mouth to find hers, but she put a stop to that before he could get hard again.

"Mmm... breakfast," she said, looking at him in the early morning glow.

He nodded, "Bacon and eggs?"

She nodded back. He shuddered slightly. She wanted it just as bad, but she knew that they'd never leave this bed if she gave in right now.

She kissed his nose, "I'm gonna hop in the shower. Have breakfast on the table when I get out and I'll eat naked, deal?"

He nodded, "Deal."

"Don't burn my bacon, buddy boy," she said. She gave a playful swat to his ass as he got out of bed.

She reached for her phone and ran fingers through her hair as she checked the message again. She sent a reply to her best friend.

"I haven't told him about our movie nights. Let me make sure he's okay with it," she said.

Hayden went to shower without waiting for a reply. She thought about how she would broach this subject with her boyfriend.

It's not that he'd object. There were words he never used with her. Words like: no, don't, won't, or can't. Those didn't seem to come out of his mouth when he spoke to her. They certainly would never come out of his mouth when she was naked.

But she was determined not to mistreat him. She'd spent so much time in the company of bad men that she was resolved to treasure this good one. There were times where she had to reign herself in because she knew he couldn't.

The obvious fix was to be transactional. That had been a part of her life since she lost her virginity. She'd traded sex for roles, for paychecks, for protection, and, one time, for an engagement ring. It was simple and didn't require a lot of thinking. Men usually had something she wanted and she always had something they wanted. Was this just another of those times?

With her hair wet, she toweled off and checked her phone again. A simple "OK" from Kristen was waiting in her alerts. She carried her phone in to the kitchen and found her man putting out plates.

"Right on time," she said, kissing his back between the shoulder blades. He'd put on a shirt, but she'd scrunched it up to kiss his bare flesh.

He handed her a cup of coffee. It was sweet and warm. So was he. God, this was gonna be hard.

"How'd you sleep?" he asked. He asked it every day. It was his way of showing he cared. One of his dozens of ways, so she'd learned.

She sighed and rubbed her cheek against his back, "It's better when you're here," she said, meaning it.

She could hear him smile, even though he was facing the counter, "That might be the nicest thing you've ever said to me," he said.

She grinned and kissed his back again, "I thought that was when I said 'fuck me like a bitch.'"

"I said 'nicest,' not 'favorite,'" he replied. She giggled and scratched his spine playfully.

"C'mon," she said and they sat. She didn't bring up the movie night immediately. She wanted it to seem casual.

His bacon was just the right bit of crisp. She loved that he could cook. It had become an unspoken expectation for weekend mornings. Orgasms, then eggs.

"So, tell me again why I need a new suit," he said.

She wrinkled her lips and looked at him, "Because, nerd boy, you think high fashion is when Seth Rogen puts on a tuxedo."

He chortled and nodded.

She continued, "You've got two suits and they're both off-the-rack J Crew crap. I'm taking you to a tailor and having something made custom, just for you. It's gonna be Instagram city at that wedding and I want you looking like you belong."

He nodded, "Are you sure you want me with you at this thing? A Hollywood wedding on Catalina Island? It'll be obvious I don't belong there. You can get someone better. Someone good looking."

She frowned at his self-deprecation. At first it was charming, but she worried sometimes that he wasn't joking. For now, she decided to play along.

"I don't want someone good looking. I want you," she said.

He looked up and she giggled, "C'mon, you set me up so perfectly for that. You can't be mad."

He shook his head, "I'm not. It was an alley-oop pass. I handed that one to you."

She mimed shooting a basketball and he grinned.

"Seriously," she said, coming back to the subject, "They'll be a bunch of photographers and internet people. I just don't want you to feel self-conscious."

"I don't feel self-conscious in my own clothes," he said.

"You will standing next to Chris Evans," she said.

He tilted his head, "Fair."

She sat back and smirked at him, "Besides, you're sexy when you're confident. And after the reception, I'm gonna want to get fucked."

He smiled over his coffee cup. Transactional. It always worked.

"When do we need to be there?" he asked.

"At the tailor's?" she glanced at the clock on the microwave, "Not 'til noon. We've got plenty of time."

He nodded.

"There's something else," she said. She glanced away. It had to be sometime, and it was now.

"What's up?" he asked.

"Kristen wants me to come over tonight," she said.

He blinked, "That's fine," he said. "I've got to run some diagnostics at the lab. You two should have fun."

She grimaced, "Um, that's... that's not really the whole story," Hayden said.

"What do you mean?" he said, not looking up from his plate.

"Kristen and I have done these movie nights for a long time. It's... usually she puts on Netflix and then ten minutes later we start making out."

He almost choked on his scrambled eggs. She let him recover.

He looked up at her. "Um," he said. It was a good way to stay non-committal.

"We're both bi. I mean, these days I think everyone's a little bi. But... it's just part of what we do," she said.

He nodded. The silence made it worse.

"All the way?" he asked.

She nodded. She saw the look cross his face and then vanish. That sudden flash of panic that he tried to hide. She'd seen it before. She knew where this was going.

"Do I not..." he started.

She cut that thought off before it could fester, "No. This isn't about that. It's apples and oranges. The things I do for her, she can't get from Dax. The things she does for me, you can't do. It's a completely different thing."

"Does Dax know?" Brandon asked.

She nodded, "We've been doing this since before she met Dax. He's fine with it."

"And your exes?" Brandon asked.

"Vlad thought it was hot. Brian told me no. I did it once behind his back," she said.

Brandon sat there, taking it all in. She'd never presented him with this kind of challenge. Part of her wanted to take it back, but it was too late. Besides, the best part of this relationship was the honesty. Honesty didn't work if you couldn't take it for a test drive now and then.

"Say no," she said. It was an honest offer.

"I'm not saying no to you. Not for this," he said.

"I want you to if it's a problem," she said. She could see the conflict crossing his features. The little war in his mind.

"It's not a problem," he said.

"Brandon," she said. She put her hand over his. His eyes snapped to hers. His name always commanded his focus. She hypnotized him with her gaze.

"Tell me no," she said.

He shook his head, "I'm not telling you no."

"You're really okay with this?" she asked.

He nodded. "You just surprised me. I wasn't expecting..."

"It's okay," she said.

"I can't begrudge you for wanting to have sex with a girl. I want to have sex with a girl every day. It's awesome," he said.

She smiled. He was good.

"I really don't have to do this," she said. "I also don't have to do it tonight."

He shook his head, "No. I... I want you to..." he didn't have the word yet. She let him search. "I want you to have fun. I want you to do what you want. And... I mean... it IS really hot."

She smiled and nodded, "Can I suggest something that'll help?"

"Please," he said, his voice full of relief.

"How about, tomorrow morning, we have breakfast right here and I tell you ALL about it... wearing this," she said, indicating her absolute lack of clothing.

He gave a little laugh and nodded, "Every detail?"

"Until you tell me to do something else with my mouth," she purred.

"That's... a good plan," he said.

"Can I tell you one of best parts of this?" she said.

"Please," he repeated.

"Tomorrow... you're gonna reclaim me," she said, with a contented sigh. "You're gonna fuck me, just the way you want... and I'm gonna come so hard for you that I forget all about girls for a long time."

His eyes lit up, "Yeah?"

She nodded, "The thing about being bi, it's a two-way street. Kristen can't do the things to me that you do."

His lips pursed at the side of his mouth. She knew the look. He was getting an idea. A wicked one.

"Um... I do have a couple requests," he said.

She grinned, "I thought you might."

"Is that okay?" he asked.

She nodded, "I've been thinking about this," she said.

"About what?" he asked.

"Goals."

"Goals?"

"You've got stuff you want to do, right?" she asked. "With me, to me."

"You mean fantasies?" he asked.

She nodded.

"Thousands," he said. Then sipped his coffee, "But most of them are crazy. And most of them aren't stuff I'd actually want to tell you about."

She frowned and tilted her head, "Why not?"

"I'm kind of a freak," he said. "You remember? I told you when we first got together."

"And then we said we weren't gonna be embarrassed about that stuff," Hayden said.

"I meant you shouldn't be embarrassed about yours. I should TOTALLY be embarrassed about mine," he said. Again, that self-deprecating tone that skirted between joking and not.

She wrinkled her mouth at him. She knew he held back certain things. She'd burst through a few layers already, but there were clearly more diamonds deeper down.

"No. I'm not gonna live like that. And you're not either," she said, getting up from the table.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"Nowhere," she said, going to the rolltop desk in the corner. She came back with two legal pads and two pens. She put them down on the table between the plates.

"What's this?" he asked.

"You're gonna write a list. And I'm gonna write a list. And we're gonna compare," Hayden said.

"Why don't you just tell me what you wanna do?" Brandon asked.

"Because you'll say 'yes' to everything I want, and then you'll act like that's all you ever wanted. I'm not letting you off that easy," she said.

He pointed a finger at her, impressed, "You're very good."

She smirked, "You're smart at your stuff. I'm smart at mine. Sex and relationships? You're a novice, sweetie. I want you to write the things you want most. All the stuff those bitches you dated would never do for you."

He picked up one of the pads and a pen, "Okay, you're on," he said. She saw him start to write and she picked up her own pad and started to do the same.

"You wanna put a limit on these?" he asked.

"No, I wanna know how crazy you are," she said.

"No, I meant like a number," he said. "Otherwise, I could be writing all day."

"Oh, sure," she smirked, "Let's start with a top five."

"Really making me narrow it down," he said.

She grinned, "Write down your list. If we match on one, we can do it right now. And I'll pick one of yours and we're gonna do after I see K. Good boys get rewards."

"So this is manipulative?" he asked, tilting his pen.

"Go ahead, complain about THIS. I dare you," she said.

***

A few minutes later, she scanned his list.

He sat across from her, staring like she was the judge at his trial. She wondered if he was playing it safe, or if he really didn't understand what she was asking for. She frowned.

"What?" he asked, seeing her face.

"It's just... I told you to write stuff you hadn't done before," she said.

"I did," he said.

She looked at him, then back at the list, then back at him again.

"S...seriously?" she asked.

"What?" he asked in reply.

"Anal?" she asked.

He was almost defensive, "Yeah."

"You've put a finger up my ass at least three or four times," she said.

"Yeah, but that's it," he said.

"You own butt plugs! I've seen some of the porn you like. You're super into anal," she said, almost an accusation.

"I've never actually..." he cut himself off, looking embarrassed.

"You've never actually done it?" she asked, suddenly realizing he wasn't joking.

"No," he said.

"Oh. Oh God. Sweetie," she said, feeling a rush of empathy hit her from the side. "You love anal, but you've never done it?"

"Third serious girlfriend," he said, jutting his chin towards her. "I was oh-for-two back home."

She smiled, "Um... that'll change tomorrow," she said.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Big time," she said.

"Wow," he said.

"Damn right, wow," she said. "I thought you were just messing with me."

"Not about this," he said.

She looked down at his list again, "Um... bareback? You mean like... you want to get me pregnant, right? Not like, just, fucking without a condom."

He looked up at her. He didn't say a word.

Her eyes went wider, "You're in your thirties!" she said.

"What do you want from me?" he said, spreading his hands.

"You've never had sex without a condom?!?" she said.

"I grew up in the 90's. Everyone was freaked out about AIDS," he said.

"I was there," she said.

"I'm just saying," he said.

"Never? Not once?" she said.

He shrugged, "My first ex, I didn't want to get her pregnant. The second one... didn't really trust her..."

"Yeah, but, like..."

"I thought this wasn't supposed to be embarrassing," he said.

"It's not," she said.

"Got me feeling pretty self-conscious here, babe. Not gonna lie," he said, looking down at her toes.

She rose from her seat and put a hand on his jaw. She raised his chin and kissed his lips, "It's okay. I'm really glad I'm gonna be your first."

"I'm not a virgin," he said, again, a little defensive.

"In a way..." she smirked.

"This isn't how I saw this going," he said.

"Let's see what else you've got," she said, picking up the pad again.

"Um... yeah, some of that is really more theoretical..." he said.

She looked back at the page. She went to the next line.

"Enemas?" she asked.

He blushed beet red, "Yeah, it's tied into the anal thing..." he started.

She nodded, "More about control?" she asked.