Loneliest Man Who Ever Lived Ch. 18

It was playfulness. Goldie was a terrible flirt, and an even worse tease. Even when she was getting the better of Harry, he often felt himself getting physically excited when she taunted him about something. It was a large part of the attraction.

Jerri didn't taunt or tease. She was much more... traditional. Harry just didn't feel anything for her like he did for Goldie.

Harry tried to tell himself that he just needed more time. The first time he had met Jerri, he had been with her for less than two weeks. So far they had only had another week together. And he did like her, a lot.

But he still didn't feel love.

Harry tried to remember when he first fell in love with Goldie. Was it at the concert, when they were touching each other? No, it was earlier. Was it at Lincoln Center, when he was watching her skate like an ice angel in the gentle snow fall?

No, it was even earlier.

Was it when they had their first kiss, in Central Park, and fooled around on the grass, afterwards?

Harry thought hard, and realized he was wrong. That wasn't when he fell in love with Goldie.

It had been the moment he met her, that very first evening, when she had smiled at him on the wharf. He had fallen in love with her then, on first sight. It just took him some time to process it, and realize it.

And now he had been with Jerri for a total of nearly three weeks, and didn't feel love for her yet. He should be patient, he told himself. Maybe because Goldie was his first real love, maybe subsequent love took longer.

Or maybe he was still in love with Goldie, and unable to love anyone else.

That was a possibility Harry didn't want to accept.

********

"I'm leaving tomorrow," said Goldie. "It's been a week, and Burn-me hasn't come up with anything. I think he's stalling."

Burn-me was her less than kindly name for Bernie Randolph.

"Why would he be delaying?" Harry asked.

Goldie stood face to face with Harry. "You tell me, Harry."

"I don't know, Goldie."

"Then I certainly don't either," she said, raising an eyebrow.

"I hate it when you do that," said Harry.

"I find I hate a lot of things about you," said Goldie.

Harry looked at her with hurt in his eyes. This is not how he wanted to part with Goldie. "Will you promise to say goodbye before you go tomorrow?"

"If I find the time," said Goldie sourly.

*********

Harry began to notice an unusual pattern. Some of the companies that the Fourthers were taking over were in traditional areas such as communications, energy, and commerce. But an unusual number were in a very specific area, of healthcare paper products. In particular, the Fourthers were cornering the market on toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products. He remarked on that, to a Fourther he had grown friendly with, a man named Jeff Fabian.

"Of course we're cornering the market on tampons," said Jeff. "We don't want all those Normals to reproduce, do we?"

"What do you mean?" said Harry.

"We're arranging to coat all the tampons with a chemical. It is harmless to the human body, but it will serve as a contraceptive for 28 days."

"Do you mean... you are effectively sterilizing the population of the planet?" Harry said.

"There are too many people on the planet, Harry," said Jeff. "Specifically, too many Normals. Our people will be told what to use and what not to use. But we could use a few more Fourthers and a lot less Normals, don't you agree?"

Harry had nodded silently and bit his tongue. But he sought out Jerri. "Did you know about this?" he asked.

Jerri looked away.

"Jerri?"

Jerri nodded.

"I thought... I thought Nanqu was supposed to be a sanctuary for Fourthers, a place of peaceful contemplation," said Harry. "This place is looking more and more like some of the other Fourther power hungry cults that Goldie and I encountered."

"This isn't Nanqu," Jerri whispered.

"What?"

"This isn't Nanqu," said Jerri. There were suddenly tears in her eyes.

"Jerri.. what are you telling me?"

"I lied to you, Harry," said Jerri. "I didn't find Nanqu. After I left The Society, I was eventually captured by the Vanguard."

"The Vanguard?"

Jerri nodded. "The real name of this group."

"Why?"

"They want you, Harry. They want your brilliance. You're the smartest man in the world. They want you advising them."

"So they can take over the world, and sterilize the population of Normals."

Jerri nodded. "I cooperated Harry, but... I did it to see you. It had been months, Harry, and I was carrying your child, and I had no idea if I would ever see you again. They promised to bring us together, Harry. They promised, if only I cooperated." She put her hands over his chest. "And it hasn't been so bad, has it, Harry?" She moved her face close to his.

"No," said Harry. "In many ways... it's actually been quite nice."

She reached out and kissed him. He kissed her back.

Jerri looked into his eyes. "I know you don't love me yet, Harry. Not like you love her. But once she's taken care of-"

"Taken care of?"

"They're not going to let her leave, Harry. They won't let any of us go," said Jerri. "And Goldie has no place here. She's a Normal. I'm... sorry, Harry. Harry!"

But Harry was gone, out the door in a flash.

Harry set an all time record getting to Goldie's room in the lodge. He knocked on her door once. There no answer. He knocked again, more violently.

A sleepy looking Goldie opened the door. "Harry?"

"Thank God!" he cried, and he hugged the stuffings out of her.

"Harry, what's going on?" said Goldie, feeling his unfamiliar body in her grasp.

"Get dressed. We're leaving, right now," said Harry.

"We?" said Goldie, as she started putting on her shoes.

"This isn't Nanqu," said Harry.

"It isn't? Then what is it?"

Rapidly, Harry told her what he had discovered. Goldie's eyes widened as she learned that the Vanguard was plotting to sterilize all Normal women... and to get rid of her.

Goldie had just gotten dressed and they were walking to the door, when Bernie Randolph appeared, flanked by two men with concussion pistols.

"Going somewhere?" said Bernie.

"Just for a walk," said Harry. Bernie had to see the panic on their faces. There was no way he could deceive him. But he had to try.

Bernie gave a sad smile. "Harry, I had hoped it wouldn't come to this."

"Don't harm her. Please," said Harry, shielding Goldie with his body.

"I'm sorry, Harry, it has to be done," said Bernie. "She has no place here. She's a Low."

There was a commotion behind Bernie, and suddenly Jerri squeezed her way into the room. "Harry!" she said, taking in the situation. "You left in such a hurry."

"Harry, please stand aside," said Bernie. "Goldie, please come with us."

"No," said Harry.

Bernie bit his lip. "Harry, I didn't want to do this in front of you. There's no need for you to witness this bit of unpleasantness."

"Is that what you call executing my woman?" said Harry. The words just spilled out of his mouth.

Bernie looked confused. "Your woman is over there, Harry! The one with your child in your belly. Are you really saying you prefer this barren, programmed robot?"

Goldie looked startled.

"Yes, we know all about you, Ms. MacPherson. We have operatives in The Foundation too," said Bernie. "We know what you were programmed to do. We know about your... unique medical condition. We presume Harry learned about it too, or why else would the two of you have arrived here, obviously estranged?"

"Now stand aside, Harry. I know you had feelings for her, but she's really of no consequence now."

Harry looked at Goldie's anguished face, and then at Jerri, and then back to Goldie. "No," he said. "You'll have to get through me."

Bernie raised a concussion pistol. "Are you sure, Harry? Are you absolutely sure? We'd hate to lose you, Harry, we really would. Are you really willing to give up your life for this... Low?"

"Her name is Goldie, and I love her," said Harry. He was facing Bernie, so he didn't see Goldie's jaw drop two inches.

"Have it your way, Harry," said Bernie. He raised the pistol and aimed carefully. Harry's body shielded Goldie. He would be hit first.

"No!" cried Jerri. She ran to interpose her body between Harry and Bernie. As she moved, her body brushed the barrel of Bernie's pistol. Bernie accidently pulled the trigger-

A giant smoking hole appeared in Jerri's chest, from back to front.

She looked down at it, horrified, and looked up at Harry. For a moment, their eyes met, and then she whispered, ever so quietly, "Harry...."

And then she collapsed to the ground.

Bernie looked just as shocked as Harry. But Harry recovered quicker. He ran forward, and grabbed the pistol out of Bernie's hand. Even as Bernie's cohorts were realizing what had happened, Harry was firing, three times, in rapid succession.

Three bodies fell to the floor.

And then Harry was on the ground, cradling Jerri's body. He felt for a pulse. There was none. He looked at her eyes. They were staring, lifelessly, into space. He looked at the blackened hole, in her chest, and then the large hump of her belly. Although the hump was untouched, he knew there was no way his child could be alive. The host was dead, and therefore so was his son.

Harry felt something tugging on his arm.

"Harry... we have to go."

Harry didn't move.

The tugging grew more insistent. "Harry!"

"Yes," said Harry dully.

********

An hour later they were at the small airport in Eureka California; and after chartering a small plane, at enormous cost, they were in San Francisco, three hours after that.

And then Harry found himself in a luxurious hotel room, somewhere.

********

It was after dark, which suited Harry perfectly. He was still crying. Goldie came into the bedroom and hugged him.

"Harry," she said softly.

"My son... he was going to be my son...." he sobbed.

"I know, Harry I know," said Goldie. There were tears on her face as well.

"I never... I never thought about having kids," said Harry. "But after I made one, and I saw her belly, I knew I wanted it, Goldie. I wanted it more than anything."

Goldie looked at Harry. "Then... why Harry? Why did you choose me over her?"

She could see Harry's tear-streaked face in the dim light from the hallway. "Because despite everything, despite your programming, despite the fact that I know you don't really love me... I love you. I love you, Goldie, and can't bear to think of spending a minute apart from you. Whether it's a minute, a day, a month, or a year... however long we have together, however long you're still programmed, I want to spend that time with you."

"Oh Harry.... Oh Harry...." said Goldie, rocking as she hugged him, back and forth, back and forth. "I've made a decision too, Harry."

"What?"

"I've decided not to be deprogrammed," said Goldie.

"You have? But-"

"Listen, Harry. Just listen," said Goldie. "I've led a fairly unhappy life. I've had boyfriends, Harry, many boyfriends, but very few lovers. There's something inside of me... something that's not able to seal the deal. I'm just not built to be able to fall in love with a man."

"No, Goldie-"

"Let me finish, Harry!" Her tone grew softer again. "I just can't seem to fall in love with anyone. Greg was a perfect example. Kind, loving, smart, fun... I liked him, but could never love him. Do you know what it's like, Harry, never to be able to fall in love? How painful it feels, to know that you can never have the kind of depth of attraction that other people do? That's what I was facing."

"Until The Foundation programmed me. I can admit it now. They programmed me to fall in love with you, Harry. What I suspect, but can never prove, is that they programmed me to fall in love with you, and then, after I got to know you better, I fell in love with you on my own. You're like no other man I've ever met, Harry. You're the most interesting and exciting man on the planet to be with. I can never prove to you that it's an expression of my own feelings, but in my heart of heart, I think that's true."

"In any event, no matter where my programmed love for you ends and my real love for you starts, I'm now in the odd position of actually being indebted to The Foundation, Harry. Without The Foundation, I never would have met you. And without being programmed, I may not have been open minded enough to fall in love with you."

"It's changed my life, Harry. Being totally and unconditionally in love with you. Despite the dangers and the challenges we've faced, these have been the very best months of my life. For the first time in my life, I feel like a whole woman. I feel complete, Harry. I don't want to go back to feeling how I was before. I just got a taste of that, Harry, at Nanqu or Vanguard or whatever the fuck the name of that place was. I got a taste of being all alone, not loved by anyone or in love with anyone, and it reminded me of every day of my life, before I met you."

"So I've decided I don't want to be deprogrammed. I want to be like this, whatever this is, for the rest of my life. And I want to spend that life with you."

Harry started to speak, but she interrupted him.

"Quiet! I'm still not done!" she said. And then her tone softened again. "I still can't believe what happened back there, at the lodge. When you put your body in front of mine to save me from being executed. When you did that, when you risked your life for me, a barren woman who could never have your child, a woman you thought could never love you as you love her, it was an incredible moment. Your self-sacrifice was the single greatest act of love I have ever witnessed in my life. It made me feel... I can't even begin to find the words to describe what I felt for you in that moment, Harry. You are my star, Harry. You are my sunshine, my love eternal, and I never want to be parted from you, ever."

She paused. "And now you can talk."

Harry considered what to say. What needed to be said? And so all he said was, "I love you, Goldie."

*******

They made love.

It wasn't like any other lovemaking session they ever had before. In the past, Harry's goal was to get his penis more and more aroused, and to ejaculate sperm inside of Goldie's beautiful body. Goldie's goal was to have her own orgasm, to feel that wonderful feeling radiating from her own vagina, which incidentally would further Harry's orgasm.

Which is all what nature intended.

What Harry and Goldie were doing that night was a gentle subversion of nature. They weren't trying to achieve an orgasm. At least, not for a truly long time.

Harry removed Goldie's clothes, one article at a time. He barely glanced at her body though; he was always looking at her face. He moved slowly, deliberately, relishing the feeling of pulling off one sleeve at a time, disrobing her body, piece by piece.

For her part, Goldie passively cooperated; she immediately understood that she was to be the lesser in this effort. She raised her arms and let Harry pull off her shirt. She was also expressionless as he pulled off one sleeve, and then another. She let herself be stood up, and cooperated fully as Harry opened her pants, and removed them, taking one step out, and then another. Harry savored the experience of exposing her legs, one creamy thigh at a time; he took nothing for granted. He treated it all like it was an entirely new experience, never done before, and perhaps, with this level of reverence, never to be done again.

Not a word was exchanged between them during this time; nor a single kiss.

And then Harry gave her the slightest of nods, and she started to open his shirt, one clasp at a time; but immediately Harry grabbed her wrist, and said his first word, "Slowly", and she nodded. Goldie slowly disrobed Harry, gradually making his bare chest appear. Then she did the same with his pants. Her eyes widened slightly as she saw his firm, hairy legs. The thing between his leg was proudly sticking out in his underwear, but still she did nothing, and said nothing.

Harry had her stand, in her bra and underwear, and just took her in with his eyes, at first. He whispered, "You will never be any more beautiful, and I will never be full of any more anticipation, than I am now."

Goldie said nothing, but blushed a bright shade of crimson. She felt a tremendous stirring in her clitoris.

Harry reached over and pressed his lips against her, ever so gently. She responded. Then he pulled back, and just looked at her again. He was savoring this moment, ever so slowly. Then, like a painter was plotting a masterpiece one brush stroke at a time, he removed her bra. Her breasts, which were round, and firm, and with already erect nipples, were breasts he had touched many times before. But tonight, it was like the first time all over again. Very gently, he moved one finger, in the lightest of touches, over her areolas, one, and then the other. He looked not at her areolas, but into her eyes, and she into his, and she found it to be the sexiest experience imaginable.

And then he slowly lowered her panties, and loved how she obediently lifted one leg, and then the other, to allow him to fully remove them, a reminder that he, Harry, was in total control of this sexual encounter. He looked down at her thick pubic bush and ever so gently palmed it, so Goldie felt it on just the very tip of her hair, so gently that it almost tickled her. And then he very gently touched her nether lips, one finger at a time, tracing, drawing, teasing, causing Goldie to shiver throughout her entire body.

Harry pulled down his underwear, and his fully erect organ sprang into view. Goldie, who had grown so used to the sight of it, viewed it as if for the very first time, hard, insistent, firm, masculine. Harry leaned forward and hugged her, and she felt it pressing prominently against her pubis, and she bit her lip to prevent herself from crying out.

And then Harry had her lay down on the bed, and he lay by her side, and they spent the truly longest time touching and caressing each other. Harry would draw a line down her thigh with his finger, and it would feel like he was caressing her clitoris; and Goldie would rub her fingers against the meat of his chest, and his penis would start vibrating as if it were being stimulated directly.

And then, when Harry, and only Harry, felt the time was right, he lifted himself up... and did nothing. He smiled as he saw Goldie take a deep breath as she had an excellent view of the length and girth of his organ. Only when he saw Goldie react to it did he aim it, and move it where he wanted. In moments he was inside of her.

But only an inch. Harry moved ever so slowly. He might move an inch, and then stop for a few seconds; and then move another inch inwards, and then stop again; and then move further inwards, or back out.

Always he moved in small increments, and always he stopped after moving, but only for a few seconds. He didn't want Goldie to get used to the feeling of being inside of her. If he was always moving vigorously, she soon would; and if he lay motionless inside of her, she also would. And so Harry did a little of both, moving very slowly, very frequency. For the longest time Goldie was reminded, every few seconds, of his shaft moving inside of her. Just when she started to get used to the feeling of his penis laying still inside of her, the shaft would move again. In that way, for a long time Goldie felt connected to Harry, connected in the most intimate of places.

They stared into each other's eyes for hours as Harry stimulated her, bit by bit. Every time he stopped for a moment they merged, and became not Harry and Goldie, but a single organism, intimately connected, ultimately bonded in the most vulnerable, and special way. It was that feeling of togetherness, of connectedness, that Harry wanted to impress upon Goldie; that they were together, and would never be apart again.