Lonnie 01

Lonnie 01

"Erm, I'm not sure what to ask first then, Lonnie, so?"

"I mean, Jed, if your first question is about my appearance, I mean, I would ask you back to keep any negative comments to yourself because I'm trying something different tonight, but I have a surprise under my warmup suit and if your second question is why the hell is Cara driving my truck, well, as you can see, we hooked a small utility trailer up to it and I never hauled a trailer before, even if it's just a small trailer and Cara has experience hauling her jet skis around and if your third question is why are we hauling a small trailer anyways, again, as you can see, there is a blue kiddie pool loaded up on the small utility trailer that Cara is parking under your side shade tree right now and if your fourth question is why would Cara and myself be hauling around a kiddie pool on a small trailer in the first place, then I will point your attention to the contents of the kiddie pool, which are party beverages, so?"

"Oh, but Lonnie, my questions really were..."

"Were what, Jed? I mean, if your fifth question is, to yourself, of course, why in the hell am I not saying anything nice to Lonnie about the way he looks tonight, well, that's your issue because this is a very nice warmup suit that I'm wearing and this is my best hair and if your sixth question is, out loud this time, of course, is, Lonnie, do you think this means you can hang out at my Luau mixer tonight, then I don't know what your problem is in the first place, Jed and if your seventh question is just how in the hell do we get the kiddie pool that is absolutely chuck full of pre mixed and flavored Margarita's and Rum Punches in plastic bottles and packed full with ice off of the small utility trailer, I mean, I didn't even think about that until just now anyways, so?"

"Ugh, Lonnie, my questions were..."

"Oh, I know your eighth question alright, Jed as long as your eighth question is if I'm wearing an entirely other outfit under my somewhat baggy warmup outfit and if I'm going to ask you to let me use your spare bedroom to change out, well, yes, Jed, yes, I am anyways and if your ninth question is am I going to peek inside your personal bedroom as I find my way to your spare bedroom and peek inside to make sure that you live tidy, then that is yes, yes I am, Jed and if your tenth question is why in the hell did I even approach Lonnie and speak to him to him in first place instead of just going with the flow of things, well, again, that's on you, but this is your place and your party, so it's legit for you to ask that question, so?"

"Lonnie, have you ever allowed anyone to actually ask their questions then, hmm?"

"Oh, Jed, I have your eleventh question answered already if your eleventh question is do I really know enough people now to stay at your mixer and make sure that the pre mixed cocktails are distributed evenly, well, yes, yes I do know enough of these people now, Jed and if you twelfth question is have I ever smacked lips with any of these people that I now know, well, that's none of your business, but last Friday night on the Strip I drank a whole ice tea and then I drank a second ice tea and Freddy was there too comfort me, but only in the access walkway to the alley and not in the alley, so, if you don't mind, Jed, I think that's enough questions under the hot spotlight for one night, so?"

"Oh, I mean, Lonnie, I was going to ask you why all of a sudden, your high tops are actually tied up and just when did Cara stop being such a, erm, ooh, a tomboy then, hmm?"

"Oh, I mean, Jed, I tied my high tops to be formal with you and for you and Cara recently met a boy at Left-Handed Archery camp, so, well, other than how someone needs to lift and slide the adult beverage kiddie pool off of the trailer or does it just stay where it is, I mean, do you have any more questions for me then? Not that grilling me with twelve questions already wasn't enough since I don't sweat well, so?"

OMG, Cara totally went from being a tomboy to having her arrow feathers rattled in her quiver recently at Left-Handed Archery camp!

[A cry for help from the now very non tomboy, Cara]

"Boys! A little help?"

[Oh, Cara drew a crowd then, since she now speaks with her boobs]

"See, Lonnie? Cara knows how to get things done. Also, with Freddy?"

"Hush, Jed! I was ice tea drunk and it was only like thirteen lip smacks, so."

"Oh, and speaking of the thirteenth question that I never asked any of, Lonnie, so?"

"Oh, well Jed, I'm on a 13-step sex program, so not so much yet, but if Ernie shows up, I mean, we might be on step 3 or 4, but that was the fourteenth question that you never had a chance to ask. Also, never on your property or at your mixer, Jed, because I respect you and because I'm here to stay, right, Jed?"

"Fine, you can stay and change out in the back bedroom and by the way, you will be impressed with how neat and orderly my bedroom is, Lonnie!"

Oh, I would be the judge of that! But not until someone performs the impossible feat of removing the over filled kiddie pool off of the small utility trailer, which most certainly was going to be impossible given its size and weight!

[Remove trailer tongue pin, tilt trailer, push, pull trailer, slide, slide, pull, slide, plop, Margaritaville!]

Well, I didn't know that the little trailer tilted up and backwards like that, so.

"Thanks, boys! Ladies, there are cheap elastic band grass miniskirts for all in the box in the back of the truck! Well, the flat box has a special grass skirt with shimmering blue and green fringes for that damn peacock girl, who has my fem nerd friend wrapped, but it's illegal to take down a bird with a bow and arrow, left-handed or not, so, come and get them! (Also, I wouldn't mind a couple of tail feathers in my back pocket tonight)."

[And another crowd surrounds Cara]

Well, hell then. But then it was my turn to bark out directives!

"Everyone, I mean, good job and all even though everybody on the planet knows that small trailers release and tilt like that, but to be perfectly clear, the two regular ice teas in the middle of the kiddie pool are reserved for me!"

[Giggling, yeah, okay, no problem, like duh, LOL, Lonnie is getting drunk tonight, hey there, hey Cara]

Well, at least they heard me, so.

Also, huh, when I made my way to Jed's spare bedroom to drop off my backup backpack, huh, I never thought for a minute that Jed's bedroom would be, so, huh, organized. LOL, the spare bedroom where I dumped my backup backpack, not so much, LOL.

Anyways, I'm Lonnie and the best thing about being the "different one" back in school was that school came to an end and nope, I have no idea what I mean by that, but my bangs are middle split and that's the way I do that. And it was the first time in my whole life that I ever tied my shoes.

"Um, Lonnie, you look, erm, over dressed for a Luau party and I didn't just say that your warm up suit doesn't look nice, so?"

"Hi, Ernie, erm, I'm currently over dressed on the outside, but things are little more party appropriate underneath, so once that I start whipping a few things off, I mean, I'm staying at the party, so?"

"Well, wait a minute then, Lonnie, I mean, just where is all this "whipping off" going to take place at then, hmm?"

"Oh, I mean, Ernie, I already dumped my backpack in Jed's spare bedroom and I'm waiting for the sun to completely dip below the horizon because all of a sudden, I'm a little bit nervous, but I'm here and I'm committed, so, the "whipping off" of my over clothing is on my horizon soon enough, so?"

Well, it appeared that I had a little more nerve when I was at home getting ready, but I kept repeating to myself that no matter how much skin I exposed or if my little bulge was noticeable, I mean, it's not like I was really going to surprise anyone, right? But wow, that first big step!

"Oh, I mean, I should, erm, well..."

"Ernie, if you're going to say that you should stand guard outside of the spare bedroom door while I change out, then you can say that and if you're going to say that you should stand guard inside of the spare bedroom while I change out, I mean, I'm dressed underneath, so I wouldn't be afraid of company, but if you were about to say that you should just walk away and leave me now, well, I can respect that, but on the off chance that you were about to say that you should, well, uh, well, what should you be doing or saying then, Ernie, hmm?"

I mean, seriously, all I had to do was to unzip and drop the warmup suit, roll up my t-shirt up, fluff my hair a little, re-gloss and be done with it anyways.

"Uh, I was going to say, Lonnie, that I should hope that you fully express yourself tonight."

"Oh, I mean, Ernie, I thought you were going to say that you should clear the air about that day on the lake, on the far side of the lake, but you shouldn't talk about that day if that day embarrassed you, but you should at least say that there are no regrets. I mean, I shouldn't say this, but I was sort of in a zone while I was drying you off from swimming and I should have squealed on you for popping off so quickly from just a body towel rub down, but I didn't because I don't regret that day and I most certainly should not say this, but from what I saw, you are a good three plus three plus one, so?"

[Mwah, ummah, smack, bump, grind, grind]

"You whacked me off, Lonnie!"

[Mwah, ummah, smack, bump, grind, grind]

"I towel dried you off and I never even made it that low, Ernie! You popped off!"

[Mwah, ummah, smack, bump, grind, grind]

"Well, it's a tie then, Lonnie!"

[Mwah, ummah, smack, bump, grind, grind]

"And ties are meant to be broken, Ernie!"

[Mwah, ummah, smack, bump, grind, grind]

"OMG! Get a room! And Jed's living room is not a room!"

"Oh, Peacock Penny, erm, oh, uh, I mean, it's not what it looks like, so, what you think you just saw wasn't what you just saw, so, hey, tee he, oh, did you bring me one of my ice teas then, hmm?"

"Mm! And I noticed that your two bottles of ice tea are of the long neck style, so suck on this, Lonnie! However, as I outshine everyone else in the grass skirt department tonight, which, thank you very much, Lonnie, I suppose that I know absolutely nothing about where Ernie's three plus three plus one might end up tonight then."

"And your fancy grass skirt was meant to be worn over your existing shorts, Peacock Penny, so?"

"Oops, my bad, but I'm wearing nice peacock blue-green undies tonight, so, ta, ta, you two."

[Helicopter twirl]

"And by the way, Lonnie, even though your ex-tomboy friend spoke less than highly of me, I still inserted three peacock tail feathers in her back pocket, so?"

"Three? Three feathers? Cara has a party date already then, Peacock Penny?"

"Oh, she does and it's Jack Thompson and I will be the feather girl at their wedding, so?"

[Helicopters on the way out like only Peacock Penny can exit the building]

"Well, you should go then, Ernie, I mean, I would follow Peacock Penny too, especially when she is in her helicopter mood!"

[Mwah, ummah, smack, bump, grind, grind]

"I'm taking you tonight, Lonnie and I'm taking you all the way for a change!"

"[Gulp] that's too much for tonight, Ernie, so?"

[Mwah, ummah, mwah, smooch, lip smack, lip lock, mwah, ah, rub, rub, ah, oops, oops, ahh, ahh]

"Aargh, aargh, ooh, oh, damn it!"

"Hah! Maybe I'm taking you home for a change, Ernie! Also, I am not taking you home for a change of pants, so [mwah] bye and just like last time, that was great!"

Well, someone should help Ernie with that quick draw issue he has. I mean, I proved it to be true twice now, so my part is done. And it was better that it all happened before I started to "whip off" warmup anyways. I mean, there were adjustments to be made since, holy skin on the grape tight fitting exercise shorts! But I still changed out and made my way outside to where the party was.

"Ahem! Are we supposed to reach into the kiddie pool ourselves for a cold Margarita then, hmm?"

"Oh, oh, Maddy! Maddy and crew! Erm, no, no, I'll snag three bottles for you. Also, this is a good party, so nobody, especially Cara, wants any trouble!"

[Plastic bottles don't really clank together, so, thump, thump, thump?]

"Relax, skinny boy with the good butt [pinch]! We're actually here to convince Cara to join up with our Right-Handed Archery squad and since that ex tomboy has you wrapped, maybe you can help us out with that then. Also, say "hey" all around first."

"Sorry, hey Mimi, hey Mayme, also, hey there, hey, Mimi!"

Hot! So hot!

"Hmph! Well, hey there, Lonnie. Can I have a red Margarita then instead of this coconut white one?"

[Thumps around searching for a pinkish bottle]

"[Splish] here you go, Mimi."

"Text your woman, Cara, Lonnie. Even though I can see her standing right over there."

"Hah, you're my woman, Mimi! Oops, I mean, hold please."

"Hah! You're my woman, Lonnie! Send please."

[Text, text, text, text, save me, text, text, you owe me, text, text, text]

"[Mwah] go, go flash your little, well, just go, Lonnie and thanks for the help and the beverage."

[Booty bumps Lonnie away]

Well, I only "went" because it felt best to let the archery girls figure things out for themselves.

"I mean, for sure, I thought..."

"You thought what for sure, Carl? You thought for sure that I didn't have the nerve to step out at a party in such a manner of dress or you thought for sure that you can't believe I actually know a few people or what is it exactly that you thought then, hmm, Carl?"

"Oh, Lonnie, I thought for sure that a couple of arrows would be going all "whoosh and tang" and stuff by now, so?"

[Whoosh, tang, whoosh, tang, whoosh, tang, whoosh, tang]

"Well, maybe we should move away from the shade tree then, Carl, so."

Well, I have no idea how female archery squads work things out, folks, so.

"Well, Lonnie, are you..."

"Oh, Jay, am I what then, hmm? Am I solo at this mixer? Am I unattached in general? Am I having a good time so far? Am I forgetting about how you sometimes look at me on the Strip? Am I going to fish you out a pre mixed cocktail from the kiddie pool? Am I what, Jay, huh?"

"Oh, I mean, Lonnie, I noticed that your shoes are unusually tied up tight, so, are you going to untie them and can I help you with that then, hmm?"

"Well, I mean, Jay, normally I might say yes to that, but that would put you kneeling between my legs and I'm wondering if you're wondering if that role could be reversed, which someday I might also say yes to because you have always treated me fairly and I think you are very sexually clean and safe, but I already committed without question to Jed that I wouldn't achieve step 9 while at his mixer or on his property, so, unfortunately, I won't be in need of your assistance to help me untie my high tops tonight, even though I've learned from Chang exactly where to wrap my arms around you, so?"

"So, Lonnie, when there..."

"So, when there is what, Jay? When there is nobody looking? When there is a big distraction around the bonfire or one of the Tiki Lamps? When there is a beam of moon light pointing the way? When there is what then, Jay, hmm?"

"I mean, Lonnie, when there is a need for more ice for the kiddie pool beverage container, I mean, would you like to ride up to the "Stop & Rob" convenience store with me, so?"

Hah! There will be ice in that kiddie pool for 2 days! You've seen the size of a kiddie pool, right folks?

"Also, Lonnie, in all that babbling, did I hear something about how I might be on your "to do" list then, hmm?"

"Oh, Jay, don't read too much into all that, but if I did hint at something, I mean, so what then?"

Oh, sorry, I got ahead of things, folks. According to Tranny Chang, the one with the big fat cock should be standing and the one who is on their knees should grip their partner, half and half, over the upper butt cheeks and the small of his back, with the thumbs extended back towards you for control, in case the pace is too much or too little and the best match up is when the one their knees is at the right height to keep their back perfectly straight instead of slumping, slouching or straining and even though spitting is acceptable because the guy isn't really going to give two hoots when his horn toots, it has been stated that spitting can lead to a bigger messy mess, so you might just go ahead and swallow anyways. That's theory anyways.

"[Pinch] who in the hell are you babbling to, Lonnie, huh? The party is over there!"

"Oh, Andrew, I was trying to settle something in my head, so, how have you been lately, hmm? And by the way, does it matter if your partner spits or not then, Andrew, huh?"

"LOL, like I would give two hoots just as long as my horn toots, Lonnie! Wait, do you need practice then, Lonnie, huh?"

"Oh, Andrew, I need to stay off of the Chang boards for a while, but so what if I did need, erm, practice then, hmm?"

"Oh, I mean, Lonne, we should start..."

"OMG, Andrew, we should start with what? Should we start with me kneeling down in front of you right to make sure that I'm dimensionally a good match for you for a few moments of man pleasure? Should we start with my posture so we can make sure that my back is perfectly straight while performing on you without myself having to slouch, slump or even strain upwards, hmm? Or should we start with my hand placement around your back then, hmm?"

[Places hands around his back]

"Oh, Lonnie, I was going to say that we should start mingling because that's what people do at mixers, but what you just said was cool too. Also, your hand placement is a little high then, so?"

"Well, your belt is interfering with the perfect transition point between your upper butt cheeks and your lower back indentation, so? And I'm not on my knees and reaching upwards, so the angles are off."

"Erm, so, should we walk two doors down to my place then, hmm, Lonnie? I mean, for perfection purposes only, of course, so?"

Well, it was off of Jed's property, so I kept my promise.

Also, oops, that was way too easy! I mean, it wasn't much different than sucking on a boob with a surprise finish, a big surprise finish, but I was a good dimensional match and my back didn't hurt afterwards and maybe I need more practice, but that was so easy that there must be more people all around who are doing that very same thing and without being a dresser! Well, that's my theory anyways.

Oh, and don't bother with your own theory if I followed through properly or not. All you need to worry about is that my hands found the sweet gripping spot on Andrew's sweet transitional spot and I never let go or moved my head to the side, so. Well, unless your theory was already that I didn't bitch out, in which case, your theory is now a proven fact.

LOL, also, it was so not like sucking on a boob! But it was too easy and a good fit, so.

End Lonnie 01