Look Upon My Works, Ye Mighty...

"That escape lasted two hours," I said.

She shrugged. "I still had access to your phone. Come on! Lets explore the reef."

I frowned as she started to swim away from me.

Glorious Archive, if I may provide some advice, Radi said.

I sighed loudly, bubbles emerging from my mouth as I leaned my head back. "Yes, Radi?"

She has an extremely cute bottom.

"Thank you, Radi."

Maddie swam forward with efficient, ocean devouring breast-strokes. I swam after her, modulating my strength to not cause any major tidal waves. The feeling of water caressing my body felt astounding -- and my eyes were open wide. Immunity to everything under a cruise missile did have its upsides. I swam faster and caught up to Maddie. She grinned at me, then dove low and skimmed forward over some chunks of coral. She paused and pointed.

"Look!" she said. "Clown Fish!"

I pushed down and floated beside her -- the nanites in my body changing their density through some kind of hyper-advanced technowhatsits.

The fish in question were bright orange and covered with white stripes. The school swam away from us, flitting into anemones that dotted the reef. Maddie put her hands to her mouth, her eyes shining.

"So cute!" she whispered.

"They are pretty cute," I said, nodding.

Maddie swam forward, moving carefully to not bump against the reef. As I swam beside her, I found my eyes darting from the natural beauty to her. She was slender and sleek, but she still had a fine set of muscles. I wondered if she worked out in her jail cell. I shook my head slightly. Part of me thought it was...kind of cruel what the Project did to supervillains. The Darkthornn Invasion of 1989 had proved something to Earth.

The old ways of managing superheroes left us dangerously vulnerable to the big threats the galaxy could throw at us. And until Earth wasn't the home to the Cosmic Font -- the source of all cosmic energy in this galaxy -- we'd be the center of a half a dozen intergalactic wars. And that wasn't even going into our home grown dangers.

So Project Aegis, formed after the invasion, had a simple prerogative.

Train heroes.

Capture villains.

Use villains if the need comes up.

Madeline Deinhardt was the only Class 16 intellect on the planet. She was so intelligent that she had built an entire system of arcane magic from first principles in her head while trapped in a cell in Anchorage. She had gotten elected to the highest office of the United States of America before she graduated Sophomore year of her high school. On the one hand, keeping that kind of smart around made sense if another Darkthornn came along. Or Uug. Or a Suneater. Or any number of horrifying dangers.

But...

Maddie swam backwards, her mouth opening wide. Bubbles emerged from her mouth as she pointed at a patch of reef that had been partially colonized by Martian red weed. Ubercrabs snapped at the weed, gathering it up for their nests, while fish that got too close were floating belly up, already being fed on by scavengers.

"Look at that!" Maddie said, her eyes shining.

I felt my heart break slightly.

The Project locked her up as a weapon. And now, she was overjoyed at just getting a chance to look at some underwater weeds.

"So, uh, it's nice, but are we getting a bit off course?" I asked.

"Come onnnn, I can see a big black chunk of reef. Lets check it out!" Maddie said, nodding to me.

I sighed. "Fine," I said, then grinned. "Race you!"

"No fair, you can break the light speed barrier!" she said.

"Fine," I said, grinning. "I'll give you a fifteen second head start."

"Okay," Maddie said. Then, grinning wickedly, she pointed at me. Magical words flowed from her mouth, arcane symbols flashed, and I felt my legs becoming heavier than steel. I sank down to the bottom of the ocean, my feet crashing into some sand. "Okay!"

She turned and started to swim away.

"Cheater!" I shouted, starting to hop forward. Yes, I could lift several billion tons. But I also had been trained in things called side effects. The simplest side effect that every single superhero got taught the instant they got their powers was this. Pick up car. Hit someone with car. Now, the car is ruined, and now the person who owned the car has no transportation. They get fired from their job. The secondary effect I saw here was simple. Put my full strength in, create a compression wave of water, and shatter a massive reef into billion pieces.

And so, I hobbled forward as Maddie swam in circles around the end zone without touching it.

"Cheeky witch!" I shouted.

"Please!" she said. "Witches use Charisma, I'm an Int caster. Duh-doy."

"I don't know what that means!" I snarled.

Ah, Glorious Archive, I believe she is referring to- The Speaker for the Council of of Esoterica started speaking up -- so enthusiastic that she started tripping over her own words.

"I don't care!" I said, yanking my foot up and over a reef outcropping, careful to not chip it. I was within ten feet of the black rock that Maddie was swimming casually around. I grinned and then lashed out with my arm. The nanites that made up my body elongated my arm into a long ropy tentacle. Maddie's palm slapped out, but my hand pressed to the rock underneath her palm. Her fingers touched mine. A spark rushed along my arm to my shoulder, then rushed into my face. I was blushing. Maddie looked at me. I looked at her.

"I win," I said, softly.

Maddie blinked.

Then the black rock started to glow with a series of swirling green lights. They pulsated with energy and a wave of compressed water rushed from the rock, sending Maddie backwards on the crest. She tumbled head over heels, her arms flailing as the rock shuddered. The reef around the rock started to turn black and dead. I groaned quietly as bubbling water emerged from my mouth.

Glorious Archive, we're getting a signal from Precog! Apparently-

"I know, Radi," I said.

The black rock started to lift up and off the sea floor, dragging a massive shelf of reef with it. A humped ridge of rock shifted beside me and then an inch thick membrane the length of a garage door smoothly slid backwards, revealing a huge, slitted eye. I sighed loudly as the shelf lifted up underneath me. Water rushed around me and my weighted legs kept me rooted in place as the head of a monster the size of the Empire State building finished standing. Its arms dragged free of the ocean, leaving behind cascading waterfalls. Pounding waves lapped around the creature's belly as it shook itself. I tumbled down its snout, falling away. I saw a flash of green scales, and then I was rushing towards the water. I tried to fly, but the damn spell Maddie had put on me kept my flight from activating.

"Break the spell!" I shouted.

We're trying, but her magic is really good! The Council of Arcanist wailed in unison.

Then the magic flared and vanished.

My body almost slapped the water -- but then my flight came on at the last moment. Water bowed under my belly, as if it was afraid to touch me. I spread my palms, then shoved myself up and flew around to dart back and away from the creature. My swim trunks shifted -- nanites rebuilding and changing themselves into my costume. Black with silver trim and a dark red cape. My domino mask was the last to come online as it started to scroll with information the various councils were gathering on the entity.

Historical records state it is a corrupted child of Maui, known as Mountainbreaker, the speaker for the Council of History said, her voice stern. It is immune to the weapons of man.

"Great," I said as Mountainbreaker lifted its head back and roared. The sound was deafening and actually caused my cape to snap and flap in the wind. I looked down and saw the boat that had carried me and Maddie to the reef was trying to get away. I looked and saw Mountainbreaker swinging his head around to aim at the boat. He opened his mouth and I saw a bright red light glowing from the bottom of his throat.

"Lead!" I said, holding up my hand. Nanites flowed off my body and started to grab onto the molecules of oxygen surrounding me. Tiny manipulators worked at intense speed, creating a flash of heat from the friction alone as they pushed around the neutrons and electrons and positrons of the oxygen. Soon, I had a chunk of lead the size of a small car in my hand. But by that moment, Mountainbreaker was already almost ready to fire off his mouth beam.

I threw the lead forward. It slammed into Mountainbreaker's throat and the beam struck it. The lead glowed bright red, then melted, filling his throat. He made a gagging, choking noise as smoke started to pour from his nose.

He might survive that, the Council of Combat's speaker sounded just as annoyed as I did.

"Got it," I said, spinning and flying down. Once I was floating above the ship, I looked it over -- letting the Council of Combat count the people.

We're missing Former President Deinhardt, the Combat Speaker said.

"We'll get her next," I said, trying to not think about how intensely worried I felt. I shot forward, flying underneath the boat. My hands grabbed onto it and I let my nanites flow outwards, creating an almost invisible support, that would let me pick the boat up without snapping it in half. I lifted into the air and almost ran smack dab into Mountainbreaker's obsidian studded tail. I put on an extra spurt of speed and cleared the tail before it smashed into me. The people on the boat screamed in shock. I banked away from Mountainbreaker as the immense beast shook himself, opened his mouth -- and then hocked up the lead chunk I had thrown into his throat. Hissing clouds of steam emerged from his throat as the lead was followed by a blast of cold air so intensely freezing that it caused the ocean it touched to snap-freeze.

So, he could blow hot and cold.

Great.

I got next to the shore, which was already being evacuated by local authorities. I set the boat down. The captain jumped off, called out: "Thanks, Archive!" Then he was sprinting away from the scene of the battle. I turned and saw Mountainbreaker had been distracted. An immense mountain of water started to rise from the ocean. It formed into a humanoid shape -- rippling water coalesing into tentacle-like arms, while a humped middle section that might be called a head shook itself. The form wasn't perfect, and great sheets of water continually poured from its sides, only to be replaced by water scuttling up the trunk-like legs.

In the center of the mass of water was a humanoid figure.

My vision zoomed in.

Maddie was beaming -- her hands working furiously. Her left hand was forming the arcane rituals required to maintain the oceanic form. Her right though was taking advantage of the fact she controlled the water with her mind. A collection of chunks of metal and rock and bits of sea-life were floating around her body, her hand plucking a piece here, a chunk there, using the combined material to start craft something.

"Come on, big boy," she said -- her lips read by my nanites and turned into verbal words despite the distance. "Lets dance!"

"She's insane," I said, shaking my head.

Oh, like you're not having fun too, the Combat Speaker said. You were going insane on that beach. Admit it.

I paused.

"...maybe..."

Mountainbreaker opened his mouth and roared out a stream of liquid fire into the water-mecha's face. Steam filled the air as I lifted off and shot forward faster than the speed of sound. The sonic boom that I left behind me got Mountainbreaker to turn away from Maddie's water-mecha. That meant that his snout was right there. My fist smashed home and a resounding crack filled the air. Mountainbreaker stumbled backwards, shaking his head slightly as the cloud of steam was blown away by the shockwave.

"Heeee is not phased," I said.

Immune to the weapons of man, I said! The Combat Speaker snapped.

Then Mountainbreaker -- moving with astounding speed for someone the size of a fucking building -- flicked me with his tail. The impact sent me streaking backwards. I smashed into something hard and unyielding and crunched into it. Rock and rubble scattered down my head. I shook myself and then stepped out of the crater. Rock skittered away from my face and I brushed my hands along my chest. I blinked and saw that I had impacted the side of Mt. Fucking Kea. The jungle surrounding me looked only slightly disturbed by my passage. I sighed.

"Well," I said. "At least it's dorm-" Red light glowed behind me.

I turned.

"Aww come on," I groaned as I saw lava start to spill from the impact site. It flowed towards me sluggishly as smoke burbled from the caldera. I shook my head. "How much time do we have before this volcano erupts due to fucking magic?"

Magic? The Council of Arcanists asked.

"It's obvious that Mountainbreaker is starting the volcano!" I said, angrily, kicking at some of the lava. It actually felt kind of pleasant, but the contact let me extend a sheen of nanites. The tiny robots worked furiously, but without the force field produced by my body, they crisped too quickly to stop it. I stepped backwards.

Uh, I believe if we do not cease his magical influence over the volcano, then Hawaii will be destroyed in... there was a short pause. Five minutes!

"Great."

I took to the air, shooting back towards the fight.

Mountainbreaker slammed his fist into the head of the water-mecha. The water froze into solid ice, then twisted. Moutnainbreaker's arm was yanked painfully to the side, causing the kaijuu to screech in fury. Not pain. Fury. I darted down from the sky and flew in a corkscrewing pattern around his body, my palm lifted. I created a series of blasts -- spheres of dark energy -- and opened up. I went with minimal power. Since, well, full power would also destroy Hawaii. The spheres slammed home and created a series of black-white flashes of light along Mountainbreaker's chest, shoulders, and face.

He bellowed even louder.

The water-mecha slammed its left tentacle into Mountainbreaker's throat. The water flowed in at a constant rate, causing Mountainbreaker's throat to bulge. It shook itself, then made a choked, gurgling noise. Ice rushed upwards along the tentacle, covering the water-mecha in a single instant. Then Mountainbreaker slashed his tail through the water-mecha, which shattered into a thosuand pieces. Mountainbreaker turned and started to cough out chunks of ice from his throat.

I shot forward.

Maddie was falling.

At that height, it'd be like hitting concrete.

I caught her.

I arced up.

Maddie shuddered against me, sounding miserable. "B-B-B-Bikinis are n-n-n-not g-go-good for this, uh, fight."

I nodded as we darted back and away from Mountainbreaker. The immense lizard was starting to turn back towards Hawaii.

"What do we do?" I hissed. "Mortal weapons cannot hurt it!"

"Use this."

Maddie held up what she had been building. It looked like an obsidian chunk with a wrapping of red weeds keeping a dead sea-urchin stuck to the side. I blinked at Maddie. She grinned weakly at me.

"Superweapon," she said. "Try it."

I frowned, taking the object gingerly.

Mountainbreaker started to walk towards Hawaii. The water under and around his feet sloshed and swirled around him, leaving behind white suds. I gulped, then threw the obsidian chunk at his head. It felt painfully like throwing a rock at Dr. Plasmos. And it wasn't even a big rock. The obsidian bit pinked off the side of Mountabreaker's head and tumbled into the sea with a pitiful splash. I turned my head down and glared at Maddie. She had stopped shivering and was looking at Mountainbreaker with a huge grin.

I sighed and looked back up.

With a sound not unlike a bunch of bubblewrap being popped simultaneously, a white crust grew across Mountainbreaker. It flowed along his flesh and his spinal ridges and his tail, solidifying him into a single mass of gnarled white encrustations. I blinked slowly as Maddie whooped.

"It worked!" She thrust her arms into the air, almost punching me in the nose. "Shoot him!"

I shrugged, then flicked a sphere of dark energy at Mountainbreaker. The encrustation that covered him -- it looked damn familiar, but I couldn't quite think of what it was -- shattered into a thousand massive chunks. Mountainbreaker roared in pain and fury as the chunks slashed along his skin. Purple and blue blood fountained into the air as he was gashed from head to tail, leaving him bleeding and wounded from thousands of cuts -- some deep, some shallow. The massive beast stepped left, stepped right, tottered backwards and collapsed into the ocean with a fomph.

I blinked slowly.

"What the hell was that!?"

"Mortal weapons could not pierce his hide," Maddie said, sounding proud of herself as cheering came from the beaches. People were coming back out, pumping their hands into the air, clapping for the two of us. "But do you know how sharp coral is?"

I grinned. "So, uh, I guess you could say we got him...coralled?"

Maddie reached up and smacked me in the face.

When we landed on the beach, the news media had arrived, as had several dozen emergency response teams. Repair and refitting after a battle was the primary job of half a dozen empowered individuals whose abilities were more focused on construction and transport and logistics than smacking big people with bigger fists. I waved at them as they splashed into the ocean, already shouting ideas to one another about how to clean up the massive spread of possibly toxic blue blood into the ocean. Before I could pay any attention to them, one of the CNN reporters who had gotten to the scene first charged forward and thrust a microphone into my face.

"Archive, Archive, what can you tell us about this monster?"

"Well, uh, he was bad?" I suggested.

Maybe inform them of the monster's name! The Speaker for the Council of Interpersonal Interactions spoke up.

"And his name was Mountainbreaker. Some, uh, ancient god-thingy," I said, nodding.

"And who is your partner?" Another reporter asked.

I looked down. Maddie's costume was...

Well, even a Class 16 intelligence couldn't come up with a good costume in the time it took for me to fly her from the battle ground to the beach. She had fished a domino mask from somewhere and slapped it over her face. Other than that, she was just a regular looking eighteen year old gorgeous cheerleader-style girl. I gulped, then blushed. She wasn't, though. She was a super-genius and a supervillain and I was not admiring how her bikini lay across her chest.

Not at all.

I looked back up at the cameras. "Brainkini," I said. The first name that came to mind, popping in there without giving me a chance to stop myself.

"Brainkini?" Maddie and the reporters said at the same time, in roughly the same tone of voice.

"She's new!" I stammered. "And we have to, uh, investigate the, uh, volcano! Bye!"

I grabbed Maddie and we shot into the air.

###

"Brainkini?"

"Hey, I was thinking quick!" I stammered, spreading my hands as Maddie tossed a neutralizing device she had built from tree bark, the guts of a beetle and a few pieces from my cellphone into the volcanic caldera. The volcano trembled and the lava settled back down, fading from sight.

Maddie shook her head. "You freaking doofus." She smiled, then leaned forward and kissed my cheek.

I blushed. "What was that for?"

"For not just bringing me back to jail," she said, shrugging. "I mean, I figured the titty option had a seventy five percent chance of success, considering, but..." She shook her head. "It's still nice you let me stay."