Loosening Up Bk. 07 Ch. 06-10

"Errr, that wasn't quite what I was thinking."

Dave continued his teasing, "So, the real question is whether you want to complete the remaining people on the list in alphabetic order or just fill in randomly?"

"That's also NOT what I was thinking," JR insisted. She looked peeved at his teasing.

Still smiling Dave said "Ask your question a different way."

"I think I already have my answer to one part of it. You'll note that I said 'engage with people' NOT 'have sex with them'. I know the Circle is about loving friendships, but ... well, there are opinion leaders and you are one of them. I want to find out who the others are, and I don't intend to play them off against each other or any other nefarious goal I have. I just want to be sure to get to know them ... and ... that sounds bad doesn't it.

"The other part to my question is that I'd like to know what some of the others have done in order to loosen up their thinking so the outside world doesn't interfere in their lives and their membership and residence in the Circle."

Dave got serious, "I'm sure you've heard about some of them. Most of the tasks to loosen up challenged various people who were 'up tight' to do risqué or sexual things that were outside their comfort zone: wear sexier clothing, dispense with under garments, flash a few others especially of the opposite sex, hang out around here naked or in a monokini like you are now. Then there was another class of things that were sexual acts and activities that stretched people's thinking and forced them to think about their sexuality, including relative to the outside world: dancing at the Club Ecstasy is fun, making an adult film was another of those activities, or engaging in sex with multiple partners -- think gangbang without the rough treatment or stigma attached."

"Oh, wow! Those are kind of severe."

"Are they? How much do you want to loosen up? The Circle is full of people that have loosened up and done all of those, including Alice and me and we started light years behind where you are. Once you get to this state, you are less likely to judge others by the standards outside the gates to this place -- including yourself. That's important. You expand your own thinking about acceptable, tolerable, and intolerable behavior. Relationships take on new meaning. You become amazingly tolerant of other people."

JR thought and said, "I guess I have to decide about what I'll do, and I do need to do something. Some people in the Circle still seem kind of conservative."

"Are they? I could count the number of Circle members -- men and women -- on one hand that haven't done both of those last activities, and mostly for lack of time. Even the guys have danced at the Club on Ladies Night; we may not be the prettiest or handsomest on the planet, but we knew how to get a good laugh of our female audience. Remember the movieThe Full Monty? Well, we got a lot of laughs. We even had the hats.

"Further, many of us may not repeat those activities, but we pushed outside our comfort zone at least once. Doing those kind of things changes your perspective on sex, relationships, and on the outside world."

"I wouldn't even know how to start on some of those more 'serious' activities." JR rolled her eyes.

"You let somebody know, perhaps one of the women, and they'll help organize it for you. We go to the Club about once an evening every three or four weeks, Mike Holiday is always looking for new talent, and many weekends the men help 'initiate' someone that wants to try the adult cinematic industry. Note that there are disguises you can use."

"You won't be my mentor?" JR asked. Dave could tell by the tone of her voice that she was hopeful he'd play that role. That wasn't surprising since he was known and more or less trusted in this new setting.

Dave shook his head. "I'm your colleague at work, lover, and friend, and that would complicate those things. Alice would be glad to help you -- any body; I recommend a woman. She can be more objective about you. I might develop a bias of some kind to try to force you into some behavior pattern that's influenced by the other business stuff. She won't have that problem."

JR looked around, saw Alice, excused herself, and went to see whether she could enlist Dave's wife as her mentor, at least as far as her sixty-day trial of the Circle went.

Bridget took a seat next to Dave a moment later. "Hey, Uncle, got a minute to help a struggling student?"

"Sure. What's your GPA so far? I don't think your struggling, but tell me."

"4.00, but that's beside the point. I have a philosophical question about my Philosophy class."

Dave smirked, "This should be good."

"It is, I think. I have to write a term paper for the class that takes a stand contrary to most contemporary thinking, but it has to be something that I really believe in. Now, with the Circle here, and how we flout much of society's memes about relationships, I thought this should be easy, but then I started to get cold feet because I could get so explicit about how I live. Do you think I should write about the Circle?" She looked expectant for a profound answer.

Dave studied the stunning teenager, examining every part of her luscious body. She was wearing the standard monokini and her firm breasts sat high on her chest displaying her gorgeous areolas and nipples. Her blonde hair cascaded past her shoulders and a few strands lay seductively over her right breast, moving slightly in the light breeze.

Dave engaged on the topic, "Professors like well-documented stories. Enough has been written about the Circle that you could cite, and as you said, we flaunt a lot of society's rules. Use the scrapbooks in the Circle library. I think for your paper I might pick one or two principles rather than address the whole gorilla. What's your teacher like?"

"Young and bushy tailed guy," Bridget said with a grin. "I'd do him, except he's married. He seems quite liberal or at least he talks a good line in that direction. He's a self-proclaimed radical on some things, hates most government involvement in our lives, and isn't much on any church or religion."

"This sounds like fun. As I said, narrow the topic from the whole Circle to one or two of our prime principles. I suggest our being non-monogamous and non-possessive. You could touch on fidelity in there, too; that's a good philosophical concept because you could talk about fidelity to what?

"

Bridget nodded. "Thank you. You confirmed what I was thinking. I just wanted an outside opinion." She leaned over and pulled him to her for a long hot kiss. The kiss morphed into more kisses, and then his hands were on her body fondling her breasts and exciting her.

Bridget panted, "Yesssss, please. Let's go inside. I need you."

Dave kissed her again, "And I need you."

Dave looked out at the class of students for his Circle 101 course. Those interested in 'pledging' the Circle were all present and including Cookie, Alan, Elton, Wes, Cord, and Barry -- all six by way of a fraternity party some of the members attended. Also included were Chris and Jess Thomas -- Nikky's parents; Juan and Ann Carlos -- Bill Lewis's ex-wife and new husband; Adam and Jill Timms -- the flight instructor and his wife; Nikky, Joyce, Bill, and Gene. Lastly, there was JR who he noted had dressed about as seductively as possible without displaying tits or ass or getting arrested. Dave smiled at her loosening up garb. She changed in the office late in the afternoon so that she could 'tease' some of the men in R&D and in the prototype factory before she went out for a 'casual evening' looking hotter than Hades.

The other Circle members in attendance include Athena, Taylor, Alec, Candy, Talia, Morgan, Cricket, and Alice. Dave liked having two of his wives present as well as some of the other Circle members looking into filling in some missing background pieces to their education about the Circle.

Tables had again been set up classroom style in the core living room and Dave had a computer projector and some PowerPoint slides he'd put together on the evening's topics: polyamory and compersion.

Dave introduced the topic and then picked on Alec with his advance permission. "Alec, one of the first times you were at the Circle, Taylor set you up with Cricket to dance and she went off with Dale and me. What happened, and how did you feel?"

Alec laughed. "I was very taken by Cricket, but I figured that I belonged to Taylor and that she belonged go me. I saw her kissing you and then Dale as you danced and I was instantly jealous and angry at her. I got mad and called her on her behavior. She told me nicely that Cricket would be receptive to my advances, but ... well, I got angrier. I thought she was trying to palm me off, and I didn't want MY GIRL kissing OTHER guys. After our confrontation, we left the party. I was fuming."

Dave said, "And what did Taylor tell you after that episode?"

Alec grinned, "She firmly and insistently told me that she didn't BELONG to anybody. She chastised me for being possessive and even for being jealous. She told me she liked me a lot and might even love me, but that didn't imply OWNERSHIP. She explicitly didn't want to own me, and told me I couldn't own her. We were just in a nice and loving relationship, and that included sex. If I wanted more than that -- meaning my being possessive and controlling, then maybe we should rethink our relationship and its long-term viability. She put it on the line."

Dave prompted him, "Did she say anything further about the sex?"

"At that time only that she had the right to sleep with as many people -- male or female -- as she wanted, including me provided we remained good friends and lovers. It wasn't a threat. We talked on and off over the next couple of weeks and I did notice that her vocabulary and verb tense changed to imply that she'd already slept with many of the men in the Circle including you."

"And your reaction?"

"Anger and jealousy, at first. I accused her of being UNFAITHFUL at one point, and she went off like a skyrocket about that one point. She explained that we had no agreement between us to be unfaithful to; and that I had been making dozens of assumptions about our relationship and she didn't agree with many of them. She blasted me for taking her for granted. She told me to stop making up stories about our relationship and to step up to reality."

Dave posed, "What ultimately happened?"

"Taylor gave me many articles on polyamory, and I also talked to you several times about the Circle and your experiences, especially with multiple wives. I gradually started to see things in a different way."

"What was motivating you?"

"Oh, God, this is embarrassing. For one, I admit the pretty women and the open sexual atmosphere in the Circle appealed to me. But I also fell deeper in love with Taylor and didn't want to lose her as a friend and lover by acting like I had a steel rod up my ass that then resembled nineteenth century monogamy. More and more, though, I made friends with people in the Circle. I discovered how they thought about things, and saw other viewpoints. I was so blinded by monogamy I couldn't see any other possibility for a long time."

Cricket snickered, "Eventually, he did make love with me, but it was damned long seduction."

The whole class laughed and Alec blushed. "And I loved every second of it, my darling friend." The two blew kisses at each other across the room in a theatrical way that made all the others laugh, including Taylor.

Dave then addressed the class. "What that real situation brings out are the traditional and hard to change viewpoints about man-woman relationships outside the gates of the Circle: start to date somebody, man is dominant, woman becomes a possession, assumptions of monogamy, exclusivity, and fidelity are made -- often by both parties, romantic behavior by the either party with a member of the opposite sex produces jealousy and anger, possibly endangering the long-term relationship.

"Alec changed and adapted and feels the better for it." Alec nodded. "Imagine what could have happened if he persisted in his old beliefs and habits. The relationship with Taylor would have been in jeopardy and probably failed. He'd threaten her with dissolution and absence if she didn't behave according to HIS moral code.

"Taylor would be angry with him for the threats, his behavior, and attempts to bring her under his control. Moreover, the friends he'd started to make here would philosophically side with her and he'd slowly lose them as he also lost Taylor. There would be so many lose-lose situations it would be hard to count them all.

"Take that situation further. Imagine a married couple like ... Adam and Jill here." Dave gestured to the couple as he moved in front of them at the front of the 'classroom' and they smiled. "Jill has an affair that Adam discovers. He threatens and lords over her. She's has even LESS reason to behave and be nice to Adam on that basis because of his anger and possessive attitude. She becomes mad at him for not seeing things her way or at least being tolerant. Ultimately, the marriage fractures, friends are lost or are forced to choose one or the other, their home gets divided, their children take sides, and on and on. Lose, lose, lose, lose, lose, right down the line due to a lack of tolerance."

Jess Thomas asked, "What would happen in a more enlightened scenario?"

Ann raised her hand and Dave called on her. She said, "I was there with Bill. I have excuses, but I did have an affair, the marriage broke up, and ultimately I married Carlos -- my Lover. Bill finally came around four years later, we reestablished a loving and intimate relationship, and now he's back in my life again. I love them both, as well as the others in the Circle. Fortunately, although it took over five years, we eventually made a win-win out of what I did. For a while, though, Bill wouldn't even talk to me. The divorce lawyers made a lot of money off of us."

Dave said, "Realistically, the marriage floats along sliding into the doldrums. Eventually, one party wakes up that things are not right and then seeks a change, possibly even with someone other than their mate. Instead of an affair, today, I'd invite that person as a friend into the family. I'd talk about where I want things to go with my mate, and lay out the path forward. That may be hard to accept at first, but over time people are able to loosen up and adapt to new situations."

Dave shifted the discussion to the topic of Compersion -- the feeling of joy one has seeing and feeling indirectly another's joy, such as in witnessing a toddler's joy over some new toy or discovery and feeling joy as a response. More relevant to the Circle, Compersion is the feeling of joy associated with seeing a loved one love another or being loved by another. Some define it as the opposite of jealousy."

Dave turned back to Alec, "How do you feel now when you see Taylor making love with somebody, say on the patio on one of our exhibitionist evenings?" He grinned.

Alec said, "I am swept away in her happiness to be loved by someone else -- male or female. I've even started to hope she has a great sexual and orgasmic experience. Of course, I do hope we can be together 'later', if not that night then sometime soon." He smiled.

Dave picked on Taylor, "And what are you thinking seeing Alec with one or two of the other women?"

Taylor grinned. "First, I still watch his reaction to seeing me with somebody. I don't want him to back slide to his old way of thinking and I watch out for that. Other than that diminishing concern I feel the same way he does about whomever he's making love with. I want his experience to be great, sexy, arousing, and I also hope we'll have some time together to do the same things in the near future."

Dave turned to Barry, "What do you think about the emotions expressed by Alec and Taylor?"

Barry gestured at the two of them, "They're so genuine in what they feel. I know they're walking the talk. They really feel that way about seeing each other in a romantic situation that doesn't involve them."

"Do you think you could feel that way if you saw a woman you liked say making love with someone else?"

Barry nodded, "I do now. Prior to learning about this concept for the first time a couple of weeks ago, without examples and discussion, I realized that some of the absolutes that I grew up with had alternatives to them. I never knew there were other options."

"What were some of the absolutes you had?" Dave asked.

"Monogamy -- the only way to have a relationship, and that HAD to be an exclusive man-woman relationship. The man 'owned' his mate -- we've talked about that. The only reaction to seeing your mate with somebody else HAD to be jealousy and rage. Heck, I thought love was an absolute, yet I realize I grew up seeing it as conditional. 'I'll love you IF you do this and don't do that' kind of stuff. My parents are in that place. The Circle doesn't seem to put conditions on the love people feel for each other."

Several heads nodded, mostly the current members. Alice said, "We don't. It's called unconditional love."

Dave said, "Let me cite an old quote by someone, 'You can waste your life drawing lines, or you can live your life crossing them.' Of course, there are also words people say about getting outside the box, but most people don't do that with their own life. To them, living outside the box means going to a new restaurant for dinner. To us, it means we've redefined how we live and whom we live with in an intimate way. Which example is really outside the box?"

Dave introduced 'Polyamory' and got the group talking about the pros and cons of the concept. "Can one person be all the things another person wants or needs in their life? Should they be?"

Everyone nodded knowingly at the expected answer. Dave called on Cookie. "What do you think?"

"I know the answers are no and no."

"In what ways wouldn't ... Alan ... be the one and only perfect man for you for the rest of your life? Excuse me Alan for picking on you." He grinned.

Cookie thought, "I love Alan, but he doesn't like science fiction, and I like to talk about my favorite books with someone. I like live music, and he could care less; now I've found friends here that are willing to go to clubs and concerts. He's a great lover, but ... well, Taylor eats pussy better than he does, and you even have that A-spot thing you do." She giggled.

Everyone laughed and Alan blushed. He teased, "I guess I need lessons from you two."

Cookie went on, "He can be moody, but less so since we got associated with the Circle. He needs to talk about his needs more than he does. I feel he hides some of his emotions from me."

Dave started, "First, when you start comparing people consciously to one another you set up a potentially bad dynamic. If I were inside Alan right now, I bet you're not his favorite person for calling him out in public on those things. One part of living and loving with multiple people is you have to be hypersensitive to their feelings and emotions. While there are lots of upsides, there are also downsides, and needing to mince your words frequently is one of them. When in doubt, shut up."

Dave went on. "In our example, in traditional society you would have to give up on all those little things that bug you about somebody. Instead you can have all their positives, and dismiss or mitigate their negatives or weaknesses. You fill in with someone else or even multiple others.

"What are the other downsides?" Dave asked the group.

Cookie said quickly, "You get pulled in multiple directions. You have to talk out things a lot more with your 'boyfriend' or husband."

Barry volunteered, "There's not enough time in the day to get to everyone you love."