Lost & Found Ch. 06 Pt. 02

"Gramma, I didn't..." he began, to have her cut him short.

"You lied to her Joey; oh, you didn't flat out tell her a bunch of whoppers, but you left out really important stuff, things she was entitled to know; you lied by omission, and that's just the same as telling her a big, fat lie to her face! Add that to all the other shocks she had to face today, it's no wonder she ran! If you love Luna, you'll go find her, and you'll tell her everything, everything, you hear me? When you're done, you get down on your knees and you apologize to her for doing what you did, and you beg her forgiveness!"

Roisian smiled grimly and fixed him with her gaze.

"She's a good girl, and you hurt her really badly, so now you go find her, you let her say her piece while you keep your lip zipped, and when she's done, you apologize, properly; the worst thing you can do with an apology is ruin it with an excuse, and you have none anyway, so don't you go making up any! This is your mess; baby, go clean it up! Now git!"

Joey nodded mutely, astonished by her vehemence, her words outlining that acid core of guilt in him; she was right; he'd done this, now he had to fix it. He rushed upstairs and hurriedly stuffed clothes into a flight bag, and came downstairs to find his grandmother still there. She nodded at the door as he came into the room.

"You're staying with me tonight, Joey; I'll take you to the airport in the morning, so leave your car in Robbie's parking garage. Move it!"

*

The following morning, Joey waited for his flight, more dead than alive; he'd tossed and turned all night long, unable to sleep, replaying the previous day over and over again. Now he sat uncomfortably in the airport lounge while he waited for his flight, his eyes gritty from lack of sleep, and his brain fogged with fatigue.

Roisian waited with him, not allowing herself to show any of the pain and sorrow she felt for him; right now she needed him to focus on getting on that plane and bringing his girl home again, not sitting alone in his empty house and brooding.

Joey was in a world of his own, guilt and loss ricocheting around inside him, when a tap on his shoulder startled him out of his reverie. He looked up to see Casey standing there, Joe against her chest in his baby-carrier, and a baby-bag slung over her shoulder. She smiled at him as she slipped the harness and handed him his son, and slid the bag onto the seat next to him.

"I can't get him to settle, Joey," she grinned, "he misses his momma, so he's going home with you!"

With that, she kissed him on the cheek and stepped back, ruffling the little boy's hair. Joey glanced sideways at his grandmother's smile, realization blooming inside him; somehow she'd known Joe needed to go with him, and now here he was.

The flight home was uneventful, the plane touching down in Springfield exactly on time. As Joey walked through the 'Arrivals' gate into the main circulating area, he wasn't at all surprised to see Jonah waiting for him. Joey felt a burst of trepidation even as he steeled himself for what promised to be a very uncomfortable meeting with the man who was the nearest thing Luna had to a father. Jonah merely skinned his teeth in his version of a smile, and took Joey's flight bag.

They drove in silence to the Hollister farm, Joey fidgeting constantly, alight with a combination of excitement at seeing her again and dread that she'd reject him finally, utterly, and completely. The little boy picked up on his father's unease and seemed as agitated as Joey the entire time. They reached the farm and pulled into the yard, but Joey sat immobile, too keyed-up to move. It was only when Jonah clapped him on the shoulder that he climbed out of the truck and squared his shoulders.

"Jonah...Sir, I...I mean, Luna and I, well, we..." he stammered, while Jonah waited, his face impassive as Joey tried to find a way to tell him what had happened between the two of them.

"It's okay, son, I know, Luna told me everything; I guess I should'a seen this comin' too. I knowed she was that man's daughter, but I guess with him not knowin' 'bout her she'd be safe, so I never tole her neither; what she didn't know, she couldn't let slip. I guess it woulda come out one day. These things are hard to keep hidden in a place like Springfield, but I thought with him gone, it didn't matter no more; guess we was both wrong. "

He hefted Joey's flight-bag, and ruffled little Joe's hair lightly.

"Looks like his momma, don't he? Luna's inside, son; you go tell her what she needs to hear. Sarah and Miss Rosie told me what happened, and you were both wrong, just like I was; she shouldn't 'a' gone runnin' off like that, but I guess I don't blame her none. Now she's up in there, and it's your move, boy."

Joey nodded and slipped the straps of the baby-carrier, intending to carry Joe inside, but Jonah gently took the little boy from him.

"I reckon there might be some hard words said, and he don't need to hear or see that; you go on up; I'll bring him up in a while. You go on now, do what's gotta be done!"

Joey walked up the steps, the slight creak of each step sounding like a gunshot in his heightened state of agitation, pulled the screen-door open, and hesitated, turning back to look once more at his son in Jonah's arms.

"You know you gotta do this, boy," he said quietly, but Joey heard him clearly. He drew a deep breath and stepped into the house. There was no sound, nothing to hint she was here, but he could feel her presence beating against his consciousness, and so he did the only thing he could.

"Luna?" he called, "baby, it's me, please, I...I need to say something to you, please baby, don't do this!"

For long seconds there was utter silence, then came the sound of light footsteps on the stairs, and the sense of her presence intensified. He looked up and his heart slammed against his ribcage at the expression of loss, of deep hurt and deeper betrayal on her face, sorrows he'd put there, after solemnly promising he'd never hurt her or make her cry...

"Why did you come here, Joey?" she asked, her lip trembling, "haven't you done enough? You let me fall in love with you, but you were never straight with me, were you? You hid all those...things; you didn't trust me enough to tell me what was going on, and I found out who I am the worst way I could! Haven't you and your family done enough already?"

Joey paled as he saw how deeply she'd been hurt, but now he had to tell her how he felt, to apologize to her face, and then, if she still rejected him, at least he'd know, and he could leave, because there'd be nothing else to say, and nothing here for him anymore. Luna looked down at him, and his heart sank at the set, angry expression on her face. She looked away, and then spoke again, her voice low and expressionless, but there was still that quaver that said she was trying not to cry.

"Joey, why did you come here? You shouldn't have; just go, please!"

Joey shook his head slowly.

"Please Luna, I wasn't trying to deceive you, honest! I thought I'd kind of break it to you in bits, but I was wrong, that's all I can say; I was wrong, and I'm sorry. I should have been straight with you from the beginning, and I wasn't, and for that I apologize most sincerely; if you give me another chance, it will never happen again, I swear to God. Please, won't you come down so we can talk?"

Luna stared at him for an uncomfortably long moment, then nodded curtly for him to precede her as she glided down the stairs; even in his turmoil of guilt and impending loss, Joey found time to marvel at her lithe grace as she descended the stairs. Once they were in the sitting room, she watched where he sat, then sat as far from him as she could, an action that wasn't lost on him; he was losing her, and now, now was the most difficult part...

"So what else did you need to tell me, Joey? she asked, her voice flat, and her face set and emotionless, but even Joey could see it was only with an effort she could speak to him at all...

"Please, tell me, what more is there to say about your family? Our brother is shacked-up with our sister, and they have two kids, your aunt and her brother are shacked up, also with kids, and you want me to do that with you; have you no shame? I'm your sister, dammit, we've already done stuff no brother and sister should be doing, and why? Because you're not supposed to want to do those things with your sister, it's wrong, it's sinful, and immoral, and illegal, just in case you forgot! But none of that seems to matter to your family, they just carry on regardless! I thought that kind of stuff only happened in Deliverance world, or the backwoods somewhere down south, but no, right out there in the open, in California, no less, blatant as can be, so you tell me, Joey Anderson, what more is there to say?"

Joey swallowed nervously; she was so mad at him; no-one had ever lost it with him like this before, but then he'd never done anything like this before either. Then his mother's words came to him, something she'd been telling him and Robbie all their lives.

"Joey, whatever you do in this life, you have to face up to the consequences of your actions; the man in you faces his troubles, and he takes what comes. That's what a man is, this is what your daddy wanted you to know, and how he wanted you to live your life. Be a man, Joey, just a man, that's all you have to be, because you can't be anything else."

With that thought echoing in his head, he squared his shoulders, and plowed on.

"Luna, I didn't know who your father was, I swear; I just fell in love with you, with Luna Hollister. Robbie and Casey, they love you too, and now they know they have a little sister, all they're going to want for you is that you be happy. That's all I want for you too. Baby, I didn't tell you everything at once because I didn't know how you'd take it. I see now that I was wrong, that I should have trusted you more, and all I can say is I'm sorry; I never meant to hurt you, or drive you away; all I want is for you to come back to me, and that's the truth. After what you heard at Aunt Kat's place you have every right to be angry and confused, but none of that makes any difference to me, it doesn't change the way I feel about you, not one iota, and that's God's honest truth!"

Luna stared at him, her heart breaking at the look on his face, the loss and longing she was feeling herself, but this couldn't be, it just couldn't! She steeled herself for what she was going say, because there was no other way to go with this.

"Joey, you can't feel that way about me; I'm your sister, didn't you hear what I just said? Didn't you hear your aunt tell me who my father was? He's your father too; no matter what we did before, we're brother and sister; nothing can change that!"

Joey's face was a mask, his heart in his eyes, and much as she wanted to run to him, to hold him and take away that pain inside him, that one fact held her in place; what they wanted was wrong, it was against the law, it went against some of the most fundamental beliefs of her faith, and there was nothing they could do to change that.

The sound of Jonah clearing his throat made her whirl around, her hands flying to her mouth as young Joe grinned and wriggled in his arms as he reached for her. Tears spilled from her eyes to run unnoticed down her cheeks as the little boy gurgled and tried to reach her, his little face creasing with worry when he saw her crying. She spun around to glare at Joey, her heart hammering in her chest.

"Why did you bring him here? That was a dirty..." she gritted, her teeth clenched to prevent her fury erupting, but Joey cut her short.

"I brought him because he's our boy now, not just mine; he wants his momma; he wants you...and so do I. I love you, Luna Hollister. I have from the first moment I saw you. I love you now, and I will always love you. Please, come be part of us, we need you, Joe needs you, we both love you; none of this has to matter, not if we don't let it; we can work this out."

Luna wrung her hands in despair; she wanted so much to do just what he said, to take Joe and hold him, love him, be his mother, but that thing would always be there, that one fact that couldn't be denied; Joey was her brother, and it went against every law and every moral code there was; incest was incest, and they'd already crossed that line, albeit unknowingly; now she knew, how could she pretend it wasn't there, that it didn't matter?

Jonah stepped between them and silently held the little boy out to her. Luna glared at him, in an agony of indecision, and then, with a soft cry somewhere between joy and anguish, snatched the child from him and held him close, murmuring and kissing him, while Joe crowed with laughter as he once more held and tugged her glorious copper hair. When she surfaced, Jonah led her back to the couch and sat her down, where she waited, her arms wrapped around the little boy, stroking his hair as she looked from Jonah to Joey, to Jonah again. He sat in his chair and reached for his pipe, and put it back in his overall bib pocket with a sigh when she glared at him.

"So what do I do now, Jonah?" she asked, her tone challenging, still spoiling for a fight.

Jonah leaned forward, to fix her with his gaze.

"You do what you were fixin' do originally, what you left here to do, no wait..." he held up his hand, "lemme finish. It don't matter about you and Joey, and who your daddy is, and what happened all that time ago; that was then, this is now; hell, you lift the skin on near-on everyone in Laroque County and they's kin to one or t'other of you underneath; what happens between you is between you, and the fact you' all are related don't mean nothin' much; most folk in this town are damn' near that close kin to you, and they all got their stories too; it don't mean they go blabbin' them all over town. Remember, some things belong to the family, and they ain't for other folks' ears; remember that, and you'll be fine. Think on this: your momma's friend, Myra, she got a daughter 'bout your age, right? Young Emily, works in the Stop'n'Shop."

Luna nodded, her anger derailed as she wondered where he was going with this.

"Well, Myra and her big brother, Blaine, they were real close, and she was real broken-up when he went to the Gulf. Boy got his-self killed in Oman, car-bomb, never even got to the fightin' in Kuwait, a real shame, he was a nice kid, and a good soldier. Eight months after he was deployed, young Emily was born, and it didn't take too long for folks to put two and two together. But it don't matter to the folks in town; they don't hold it against young Emily for what her momma did, and Myra, well, she been alone and grieving ever since, and the town respects her loss, and they don't trouble her none with gossip and talk. "

Luna stared at him, then glanced at Joey.

"So what's your point?" she asked, anger still boiling just below the surface.

Jonah grinned at her as he took his pipe out and pointed at her with the stem.

"My point is, these things sort themselves out; there ain't no need to go lookin' for the big picture. The little picture's usually what you need to keep your eyes on. You go, Lu-Lu, you be a momma to this little boy here. I ain't got no children I know of, so right now this is the closest I got to a grandson; he needs you, so you look after him, y'hear me?"

Luna looked rebellious, her eyes flashing even as she held her voice down so as to not spook little Joe.

"Uncle Jonah, you knew about Joey all along, didn't you? " she gritted. "You knew who his father was; you knew he was my half-brother, you bastard, and you didn't say anything, you just let me... why the hell did you let this happen?"

Jonah nodded slowly.

"Okay, mebbe I deserved that, but I had my reasons too; I said nothing because there warn't nothin' to say or do; way I see it, who your daddy is don't mean that's who you are, and it don't matter anyway; he's dead and gone, all them things he did, they're gone with him. I know what he did to his daughter, things like that don't stay secret in a place like Springfield, and what he tried to do in that church; Miss Sarah told me what happened to him in prison; his daddy destroyed my family, and he destroyed his own, and now he's dead 'cause of it; it just seemed to me that I should let the dead bury the dead; what else should I have done?"

He jabbed his pipe-stem at her for emphasis.

"Way I see it, young Joey here's Miss Sarah's boy, you're my baby sister's girl, that makes you good folks from where I sit, no matter who your daddy is; Steve Dolan was an accident in your momma's lives, nothin' more; it don't mean he gets to rule yours, neither. Rakin'up the past wasn't going' to solve nothin', I could see how you were with each other, you were both so happy, and I didn't see any reason to go spoilin' that for you, so I kept shut; sometimes the best thing to say is nothin' at all."

Something else seemed to be on her mind.

"Was it Dolan my mom was afraid of? Why? Did he even know or care about me?"

Jonah took his pipe out again, staring wistfully at it, before setting it down on his lap.

"Me and Miss Sarah, we go back a long way, you know that. She's never kept secrets from me, and she told me about Joey, about what that man did to her. He came round one time, blusterin' and actin' all that, threatenin' to take Joey away from her, which was the kind of stupid you could only get from that family. Anyway, young Frank kicked his ass for him, sent him to the Emergency Room! Word got out about what he'd threatened Miss Sarah with, and your momma was afraid he'd do the same to her when he found out she was pregnant, so she left."

He grinned suddenly.

"I sure wish I'd seen young Frank kick that smug sumbitch's ass, it might 'a' helped make up for what his family did to us..."

At Luna's enquiring look, he sighed, once more fiddling with his pipe.

"I guess you're old enough now to know the whole story; it aint pretty..."

Luna settled Joe more comfortably on her lap, one arm around him, and her free hand somehow in Joey's as she waited, fascinated, to hear what Jonah had to say.

"Back when the three of us was just kids, mebbe six, seven years old or so, and Laurie was still just a baby, my daddy worked at the Dolan's tire re-molding plant in Monte Vista; he was a press-operator, been there since he come back from Vietnam, and momma worked in the office, processing the orders; that's where they met. She was real pretty. You've seen pictures of Laurie when she was young, how pretty she was? Well, momma was even prettier."

He stared into the distance, his eyes hooded and his voice deeper, softer.

"Daddy had an accident, a stack of old tractor tires fell on him, crushed his pelvis pretty bad, and that was the end of his job; Dolan's just let him go, with no compensation, and they took no blame; their lawyers tried to make him sign papers in his hospital bed, stuff about how he was at fault and absolving the company and the plant of any blame. When his insurance ran out, they brought him home from the hospital and he was stuck in that front bedroom. We didn't have enough money for no wheelchair or anythin' like that, and VA welfare people never replied to momma's letters askin' for help; likely never even got them, seein' as the Postmaster then was one of Dolan's kin, so momma had to keep workin' at the plant."

He paused, looking at his pipe, then slid it regretfully back into his pocket.

"Round about then Steve Dolan's old man, Jerry, started sniffin' around momma; he wouldn't leave her be; he used to come here and be puttin' his hands all over her, knowing daddy couldn't do nothin' about it; if daddy'd been on his feet, Jerry Dolan would've been one dead sonuvabitch!"

Jonah looked pensively out the window, then resumed his story.