Lost at Sea Bk. 02 Ch. 17

"I felt like I should apologize for..." Bella trailed off, not able to find the words. "It's just a little strange being watched like that."

"Then the apology should be mine. Would you like me to turn away in the future?" Quinn asked.

"Well, no. I suppose not. I'm just... I forgot you were there watching and got embarrassed," Bella admitted.

"I did not anticipate your discomfort at being watched," Quinn said.

Bella glanced at Jack, questioningly, not sure what to say. Jack laughed and shrugged. "You did just do a naked ritual in front of the whole ship."

"That's different!" Bella insisted.

Jack smiled. "You two are really going to have to get to know each other better."

"I don't usually feel self conscious," Bella sighed. "It always catches me by surprise, which, of course, makes it worse. I got so lost in the moment, I forgot that it wasn't private. That's embarrassing. Also, I know you two are... together. Most people don't like when their partners kiss other people. I've had enough jealousy aimed at me over the years to feel nervous at the possibility of it."

"Quinn, what do you think of what just happened?" Jack asked, looking pointedly at Bella as she spoke.

"I am glad for your happiness, Mistress. This reconciliation has been something you have desired the entire time I have known you," Quinn said.

"You aren't jealous?" Jack asked.

"Of course not," Quinn said, sounding a bit offended.

"Why not?" Jack continued.

"Jealousy is selfishness. Love should be selfless," Quinn answered firmly.

Jack raised a knowing eyebrow toward Bella. "See?"

Bella laughed and rolled her eyes. "Alright, you've made your point." She smiled at the green warrior. "You are different than I thought you were, Mister Quinn."

"Thank you," Quinn said with a nod.

"Well, I'm going to go see if the pump works. You two can stay down here in the stink and awkwardly dance around your questions and answers for as long as you want," Jack snarked.

"How about we put that off for later?' Bella asked Quinn. The big man nodded again, faint amusement showing on his stoic face.

The three of them trudged back towards the ladder.

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The Kestrel sat in a lagoon surrounded by drooping, wide leafed trees. She was roped to a thick trunk near her bow with her keel resting comfortably on the shallow, sandy bottom. The storm was waning. The rain still fell, but was less fierce. Her crew was just finishing getting the crates up on deck and lowering the gangplank down to the shore.

Captain Vex was laying on the back bench of the aftcastle with her tricorn hat covering her face. She listened to the raindrops hit it and shivered slightly in the cold. She was tired. There was a lot to deal with still, but she knew she needed to sleep. The trouble was, she didn't know if she could. So many of her crew had died, and she could not stop thinking about it.

"We're ready to go ashore, Captain," Danica's voice said.

Belita pushed her hat back and peered out from beneath it, then nodded. "Go ahead. Get th' crew situated. I'll follow." Danica nodded and vanished from Belita's periphery. She put her hat over her face again and laid there, trying to muster the will to move.

Eventually it was the cold that did it. Without the struggle for survival to focus on and keep the body warm, the chill set in. It was a summer storm, so it wasn't all that cold, but the wind at night on wet clothes eventually became impossible to ignore. She'd started to shiver so she sat up with a small groan. Her body was tired from the long, stressful night She fixed her hat, took a breath, and forced herself to walk tall and proud before she came into the view of any of her crew. Sometimes the show was all she had left.

The moment she was through the door of her cabin, the performance dropped. Her shoulders sagged and her mouth opened. Her room was a wreck. The floor was wet. Her rug was sopping and bloodstained. Smears of red arced across every wall where wounded sailors had leaned or slumped. Her bed was stripped to the mattress, which was also decorated with splatters where the layers of sailcloth had soaked through. Her navigation desk was dismantled and tossed haphazardly in a corner. A pile of wet laundry sat unceremoniously in a corner. The whole room stank like the bilge.

All she could manage to say was "Wha?"

Bella's face leaned out from the washroom door frame. "Belita!" The witch's eyes tracked the Captain's expression, and followed her gaze around the room. "Things got messy," Bella said apologetically.

"Aye, that was expected, but why does it smell so bad?" Belita asked.

"Well, the... intake? Was under water," Bella tried to remember the right way to describe what Jack had done. "So Jack and Quinn disconnected it. They tried to attach other pipes to get it above the water, but that didn't work. So she connected it to your bathtub."

One of Blita's eyes narrowed as she ran through her own knowledge of how the bilge pump worked. She knew how to use it, but she didn't know how to fix it. She paid other people for that. Still, she understood enough to follow what Bella was saying. "So my bathtub is now pumping up bilgewater?"

Bella nodded, looking apologetic. "I've been in here pumping it since Jack got it working."

"Well ye have my thanks, but ye can stop now, we're beached so we'll nay be sinking. We can take our time pumping out the rest," Belita said.

Bella walked out into the bedroom. She was naked. "So what now?"

Captain Vex considered asking the witch why she wasn't wearing any clothes, but decided against it when she remembered who she was talking to. She shrugged. "We go ashore and get some rest."

"Oh thank the stars." Bella breathed a sigh of relief.

Captain Vex eyed her footlocker. Normally that would have been taken ashore by her crew. Mister North must have forgotten to give the order, or hadn't gotten to it yet. After the night they'd all had, Belita wasn't going to bring it up. "Ye might want tae get dressed before we go ashore."

Bella shook her head. "I want to wash off first. I only have one set of dry clothes left and I'm covered in bilgewater."

"Fair enough," Captain Vex said with a small, amused smile. "Put your locker on top of mine. We'll carry them out together."

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Dawn was breaking. The storm had passed and the eastern horizon was slowly swelling from black to purple to herald the coming of the sun. The crew of the Kestrel was finishing roping hammocks between trees. The wounded were mostly already asleep. Others were unloading the smallboats they'd used to get supplies ashore. They were all exhausted but still managing to trudge along. Lord Morant and his porters had set up tents near the waterline, a ways away from the rest of the crew.

Bella had found a section of the lagoon that was a bit more secluded. It was deep enough to bathe in, and surrounded by wide fronds that gave a decent amount of privacy. Not that she cared, but she knew Jack did. The two of them had just finished washing themselves off. Bella kept stealing glances at Jack's naked body nearly silhouetted in the faint light. It was nice, but she was too tired to do anything about it.

"I don't think I've ever been so happy to be clean in my whole life," Bella sighed.

"It is amazing what a difference a bath can make," Jack agreed.

The purple light filtered through the trees and cast long shadows over them. They were laying in the soft sand side by side. The water gently lapped around their breasts. Their heads rested against rocks on the shore. Beneath the water they held hands.

Bella had so many things she wanted to ask and talk about, but with how tired she was she knew now was the wrong time to start. She wanted to enjoy this for a little longer. "We shouldn't fall asleep here," she said.

"No," Jack agreed. "I wish we'd set up hammocks before getting clean. I don't want to move."

"Don't you have a servant for that?" Bella asked.

"Quinn isn't really a servant," Jack sighed. "True though."

"Where is he, anyway. I haven't seen him since we left the ship," Bella asked.

Jack let go of Bella's hand and stretched and yawned, then rubbed her hands together under the water. "Hold on," Jack said.

Bella waited, turning her head to look at Jack. "What are we waiting for?" Then the water rippled near Jack's feet.

The surface of the water broke and Quinn's head rose out of it, followed by the hilts of his swords, then his shoulders.. He looked like he was walking up a flight of stairs, coming further and further out of the water until he was waist deep, standing between Jack's knees. Bella was startled, then transfixed. The water ran down his muscled form and seemed to ripple across his raised tattoos. His green skin looked more of a shadowy grey in the dim light. Bella's pulse quickened a bit. Quinn wasn't really her type, but she had to admit he was a very pretty man.

"Yes, Mistress?" he asked.

"Can you set up a place for us to sleep?" Jack asked.

Quinn's eyebrow twitched. "I can."

Jack gave him a flat look laced with amusement. "Are we doing that again?"

"Traditions are important, Mistress," Quinn said gently.

Jack sighed. "Fine. Quinn, please set up a place for Bella and I to sleep."

Quinn inclined his head and walked out of the water, disappearing into the trees without a word.

"What was that all about?" Bella asked.

"Quinn is very particular about how I should tell him to do things," Jack said with a slight roll of his eyes. Bella snickered then held her lips tightly shut. Jack rolled her head to the side and looked at her. "I know that giggle. Spit it out."

Bella smirked. "Well, in my... line of work... there's this term for when the person in the subservient role is actually the one making the rules and calling the shots. We call it 'topping from the bottom.'"

Jack started to protest, but closed her mouth again before she actually spoke. Her eyes narrowed in Bella's direction and she shook her head in mock anger. "Yes. I suppose it is like that. He does have a knack for getting what he wants out of me."

"You poor thing," Bella teased.

"Honestly, that part of him has always reminded me quite a bit of you," Jack

Bella opened her eyes wide and blinked in mock innocence. "I have no idea what you mean."

Jack scoffed and flicked water Bella's direction. "He'd say the same thing, but without the act. Well, no. I suppose it would just be a much more subtle act."

"I've never been accused of being subtle," Bella smirked.

"I suppose I have a type," Jack deadpanned.

"So, are you going to explain how he just appeared out of nowhere and walked out of the water right in front of you?" Bella asked.

Jack shook her head. "No."

"Is this another one of those things you're going to tell me you can't talk about and I shouldn't ask?" Bella pushed.

"Exactly," Jack nodded.

"Fine," Bella was too tired to argue.

"I'll tell you eventually, I promise," Jack said gently.

"This one I'm just curious about. Its the other stuff I'm actually struggling with," Bella sighed.

"It's all the same stuff," Jack sighed. "Let's talk about something else."

Bella's hand found Jack's again. "I'm too tired to talk anyway."

"Alright," Jack said, giving Bella's hand a squeeze. The two women lay there in the water, exhausted, full of joy at their reconnection and worries they refused to give voice to yet, watching the sun slowly rise.

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Captain Vex took Will's hand and started dragging him deeper into the trees. Will winced as she squeezed the bandages covering his rope burn from his earlier harrowing escape, and the bite wound from his fight in the hold. "Watch the hands,' he said, following quickly after her.

Captain Vex looked back, noticing the bandages for the first time and let go. "Ooch, sorry about that. Ye alright?"

"It isn't too bad. The Doctor just wants the bandages to stay on to help protect against infection," Will said. "Where are we going?"

"Somewhere out of sight," Captain Vex answered. She had a flask in her other hand and took a long pull off of it.

Will let himself be led into the thick palm forest, scanning his surroundings. "We shouldn't go far. Who knows what's out there."

"We aren't," Belita said. "I just need tae clear my head."

"Alright, how can I help?" Will asked.

"Ye can fuck me," Belita said, unable to keep the bitterness out of her tone.

Will pulled her to a stop and she turned around. Concern was plain on his face even in the shadows of the early morning light. "You don't seem like you're doing very well."

"That innae your problem. I don't need talk. I need tae fuck and not think for a while," Captain Vex said. She looked around, decided where they were was secluded enough and peeled off her soaked coat. Her white blouse beneath it was wet and transparent. He could plainly see the indentations of her nipples and their rings through the fabric. It reminded Will of the aftermath of the small storm inside his lighthouse, and their encounter on his desk.

He could feel his body reacting, his pants feeling tighter, but he shook his head. "This doesn't seem right."

Captain Vex began unbuttoning her shirt. "What do ye want, Will? Begging ain't my style."

Will gently clasped his bandaged hands over hers. "Slow down."

"That innae my style neither," she said flatly.

"You're angry," Will said. "It's not exactly a great starting point."

"Fucking dammit all, Will! I dinnae ask ye tae analyze me. I just wanted tae stop thinking for a bit, tae feel somethin' else so maybe I can let go of this bullshit and get some sleep!" Belita shook him off and started buttoning her shirt up again. "Go away."

Will took her hands again, stopping her, pinning her hands to her chest gently. "No."

Belita's eyes snapped up to meet his, blazing with anger. "Ye don't get tae say no tae me. I'm your fucking captain."

"So fire me," Will shrugged. "I'm not leaving you alone in uncharted woods on an island we just crashed on."

She stopped struggling against him. "Disobeying your captain doesn't get ye fired, Will. It gets ye hung," she said fiercely.

"You can hang me later," he said. "Right now, I'm staying."

All the fight seemed to drain out of her. She shook her head sadly and clenched her fists as hard as she could, barely holding herself together. "It wasn't supposed tae happen like this."

"What wasn't?" Will pushed. He had a feeling he knew the answer, but he wanted her to say it.

She didn't. Instead she stepped forward and held onto him like flotsam keeping her from drowning. She didn't cry, she just squeezed and pressed her face into his chest, hard. She was a strong woman, and it wasn't comfortable, but Will let her do it. She strained and shook and let out inarticulate, pleading noises of frustration and rage while occasionally thumping her fists against him until she finally had to rest and breathe. Will squeezed her back, just as hard, like he was trying to crush her shoulders together. When she finally relaxed, so did he. Neither of them let go. He kissed her forehead and stroked her hair. "You did all the right things. Your ship, your crew, and you, all held together and never broke. That's why we survived."

"Not all of us," Belita trembled.

"Have you ever heard of a ship surviving a Grindylow attack?" Will asked. "I haven't. I wasn't even sure they were real. I don't think anybody gets away from them."

"Except us," Belita nodded into his chest.

"Because of you and your crew," Will said.

"And you. It was your idea that saved us," Belita said.

"That wouldn't have mattered if your crew broke," Will said. "You picked them, led them, and inspired them. They held together because of you and your officers."

"I've never lost so many," Belita's breathing was shaky. "I'm used to taking risks, but I... I'm not used to failing like this."

"Before when you took risks, you figured you'd make it through them, or you'd all just die?" Will asked.

Belita nodded into him. "Aye."

"So you're used to winning, not surviving," Will sighed.

"I hate it," Belita said, turning her head and laying her cheek against him and puller her arms in so her hands were resting on his chest. He'd never seen her seem so small.

"As far as emotions are concerned, surviving is pretty much always worse than dying. If you're dead you can't feel guilty, or anything else" Will agreed. "Unless you become a ghost I guess."

"I dinnae even know why I'm talking tae you about this. We barely know each other," Belita said bitterly.

"Because I'm here?" Will suggested. "And you need to get it out?"

"Because ye dinnae fucking leave when I told ye to." Her words were harsh, but she didn't move, and he didn't let go.

"Nope," Will said. "I'm stubborn like that."

"I hate this," she said through clenched teeth. "I don't want tae feel it."

"And you thought you'd just drink and fuck it all away?" Will smiled sadly.

"It's a sailor tradition," Belita shrugged.

"Oh, I know. I've done it a few times myself," Will said, giving her another small squeeze.

He made a fist and thumped him in the chest again. "So why are ye so damn unhelpful?"

Will pulled back to look her in the face. "Because I know it doesn't work."

Belita's eyes started to water. "Fuck you." She squeezed him tight again. "So what does work?"

"This is a good start," Will said gently.

The light of dawn filtered through the trees and cast glowing stripes across their bodies as they held each other like life preservers.

"I think we're a lot more alike than I first thought," Will said after a while.

"Oh, this will be rich," Belita scoffed.

"I'm not sure if anyone told you yet, but back on Barcola, I wanted to die." Will said gently. He felt Belita stiffen slightly. That told him everything he needed to know, so he kept going. "I didn't want to kill myself. I just didn't care whether I lived or not. Sound familiar?"

"Maybe," Belita sighed.

"I was tired of it all," Will continued. "In spite of that, I survived. What no one else knows is that I'd done that sort of thing a few times before, too. At the time I didn't want to admit that I was trying to get myself killed, but that was what I was doing. After the faceoff with the Witch Hunters, Jack called me out on it. She made me admit what I was doing."

Belita arched an eyebrow at him. "So I can blame her for this conversation?"

"Definitely. More people blaming her for things means I don't have to do all the work myself," Will smiled.

"The pair of ye deserve each other," Belita teased. Some of her mirth was starting to come back. "Ye're both annoyingly right a lot."

"Her more than me," Will agreed. "In this case she reminded me that a lot of people depend on me, and at the time I wasn't thinking about them."

Belita nodded in understanding, but said nothing.

"After some difficult conversations, I was reminded that there are people I really do care about. Me staying alive is important to them. I'd lost track of that at some point, and it made it easy to disregard the consequences of my actions. If I died I wouldn't be the one dealing with it, so it seemed fine to me. Maybe even better. It seemed like a decent way to escape what my life had become. It was made very clear to me that I was wrong about that." Will continued.

"And you think I need it made clear to me the same way you did?" Belita asked rhetorically.

"Maybe. I think we're both the kind of people who thrive in chaos." Will said, a bit lost in thought. "It's exciting, but it makes it easy to ignore long term thinking. People who tend to run towards danger instead of away from it don't usually live very long. If it's something you make a habit of, at some point you have to become comfortable with the idea of dying. After that, it's easy to make rash decisions, and maybe even hope that this time is the last time."