Lost Love

12:15pm Sat 15th May 1971

She wasn't there and he knew she hadn't 'just popped out'. It was a small flat and it took less than a minute to realise that there were none of her things anywhere. He threw his overnight bag onto the bed and rushed out, his head in turmoil. What had he done? Where had she gone? He ran to Tony and Marion's flat half a mile away. Marion told him that she needed time to think. That he should give her that time and she would return if she wanted. He found her dictionary under the bed when he returned. Marion told him to throw it away, it was of no importance. He kept it. The only item of hers that he had.

They had met at the wedding. He was Tony's Best Man while she was Matron of Honour for Marion. They had hit it off immediately. She lived only a mile from him. He offered to drive her home. She accepted inviting him in for coffee when they arrived.

They had breakfast late, it was almost lunch. She skipped out of bed and headed for the kitchen. He watched her go then got up and followed her. He stood in the doorway watching her every move. She told him not to be so lazy and to give her a hand so he patted her bare bottom. Preparing scrambled eggs on toast for two took far longer than it should. They returned to bed to eat, each threatening dire consequences should the other spill crumbs in the bed.

They learned about each other as they ate. She had a lover, Italian, lived in Turin and married. He travelled and when he was away over weekends he sent her flight tickets. She donned her red hat and flew to his bed. She didn't love him, she loved what he did to her.

He told her of Joyce in Wakefield. She came willingly to his bed where he entertained her enthusiastically and frequently despite the fact she was married to a long distance coach driver. After he returned to London they met in various places when her husband was away. He should have been in Rugby that weekend.

She should have been in Madrid and it had been a tough decision. They agreed that their own moral compasses might be a little off balance then threw the covers off and set about ensuring that the weekend wasn't entirely wasted.

Friday 12th June 1970 she flew to Frankfurt wearing her red hat. He took the train to Nottingham.

Sunday 14th June 1970 he was waiting for her in the Arrivals Hall. She was wearing her red hat. Bystanders would have been forgiven for thinking they had been apart for months not hours. With no subtly at all he ran his fingers down her back from shoulder to her pert bum. She wriggled, giggled and asked 'Would I lie to you?'

They talked nineteen to the dozen all the way back to the flat. Neither mentioned the weekend. They bathed each other, dried each other and slipped between the bed sheets. There was a silence, the first since they had met in the Arrivals Hall.

'Thank you for meeting me,' she said eventually, 'I was afraid you wouldn't be there. Was it a terrible rush?'

'I was home by lunchtime,' he told her pulling her tighter to him.

'Not a good weekend then?' she asked quietly.

'Not a good weekend.' he confirmed, 'You?'

'He pressed all the right buttons but there was a problem with the wiring. It did little for me and got steadily worse. On Saturday night I had to fake it! He knew and asked if I had found somebody else. I told him I had. He asked did I love you and I told him I loved what we did together. We walked around the city for a while this morning, travelled to the airport together and when he left to board his flight I changed my clothes and put my red hat on for you. How about you?'

He told her that boys can't fake it. He used other ways to please her. Saturday they went window shopped and then ice skating. Saturday night they went to the pictures, snuggled up for the last time and parted as friends at the railway station that morning.

She turned to face him, kissed him deep and long then rolled on top.

'So, you're full and I'm empty.' she had said, mischievously.

Monday 15th June 1970 he proposed for the first time. She turned him down in a nice way saying it was only just a month since they had met.

Christmas 1970 They rented a cottage in Cornwall. The hours of daylight were spent walking along the windswept coastal path. The hours of darkness were spent in bed. On New Years Day he proposed for the second time and was turned down for the second time. She said that she didn't need a piece of paper.

Everything seemed to be perfect then at 12:15pm on Sat 15th May 1971 he came home to an empty flat.

Friday 17th December 1971 Tony told him she had moved to Düsseldorf.

Saturday 20th April 1974 he was told she had married Johan.

Saturday 13th July 1985 he married Susan.

Sunday 13th October 1985 Johan was killed in road accident while out cycling.

In 1994 his parents died. He sold their house and paid off his mortgage. He kept the portrait of the Green Lady and the flight of ducks she had replaced. The Green Lady went on his dining room wall. Susan hated it.

Sat 12th February 2005 she married Michael

August 2006 Susan died.

Thursday 10th August 2006 after the wake he lifted the Green Lady down, carefully removed the back and the contents, cleaned the glass inside and out and replaced the contents in a different order. He hung the frame back on the wall and stepped back to check it was straight. His Princess smiled down at him. In the office he took the big English/German dictionary down from the shelf. It opened easily at 'Liebe'. He opened the envelope and slid the postcard sized black and white photograph from the protective tissue. He checked it for damage before putting it in a frame and placed it on his bedside table.

Wednesday 6th May 2015 - He was sitting in his garden making the most of the springtime sunshine. His mobile rang - It was Tony. He listened in silence. 'Can you send me the all details, now please?' was all he said before breaking the connection. He went inside, threw some food into a bag and some spare clothes into a rucksack. He was just locking up when his mobile pinged.

He rang the clinic while waiting to be boarded at the tunnel and was told she was unlikely to last the night. He asked that they should give her the message 'I'm on my way Princess.'

TomTom said it would take eight and a half hours door to door. He entered the private room at the clinic seven hours forty minutes later. A nurse sat beside the bed.

'You are Peter?' she asked. Peter nodded barely registering anything other than his Princess laying motionless in the bed, only the slightest movement of the bed covering indicating that she was still alive.

"She asked me to give you this," she said handing him an envelope, "I'll leave you alone to say your goodbyes."

Peter sat carefully on the side of the bed. He kissed her forehead "Hello, Princess." he whispered.

Her eyes flicked open, she smiled and in a weak voice replied "Hello, Peter Rabbit."

He sat holding her hand as he spoke of the 371 wonderful days they had enjoyed together. He talked gently and tenderly for nearly an hour never once alluding to the sadness and loneliness he had endured over the past forty four years. He had lapsed into a confused silence when, suddenly, her eyes opened.

"Kiss me Peter Rabbit, properly." she whispered

He kissed her tenderly his tongue slipping easily between her lips as it had in the old days. Her tongue met his.

"I love you Peter Rabbit." she murmured as their lips parted.

"And I love you Princess." he replied clearly, hoping that she had heard his reply. He sat holding her hand while she made her final journey, thinking again of the so little time they had enjoyed together. After a while he roused himself and opened her letter.

My Darling Peter Rabbit, he read,

I love you and have done since we first met. I'm saying that now in case I don't have the strength to finish this letter.

Thank you for coming, I hope I knew that you were near.

I am so, so very sorry that I ran out on you. I panicked! I wasn't ready to marry. I should have trusted you to understand and to be patient. I spoke with Marion who said it would be best if I left and took time to think things over. That way I would know if you cared enough to come and get me.

I left my dictionary in the hope that you would find it and bring it to me. I waited for six months and you didn't come. Marion told me you had found another so I looked for work abroad and left to work in Germany just before Christmas. I soon heard that you had married I felt everything was over between us and married Johan. After he died I visited Marion and was told that you had a family and had moved. It was a long time before I married Michael.

Last year, after I had been diagnosed, we visited Marion and Tony, you had left only a few days before. I went for a walk with Tony and he told me you had asked after me. We had a very long walk and I asked all about you and your family. Tony told me everything, that you had gone to their flat the day I left and begged for my whereabouts, you wanted to return my book and talk things over and try to work things out but at every turn Marion had advised you against any action. She was advising me the same!!

I learned that you had married very late, had no family and now lived alone, as Tony put it, 'with your memories'. Tony made me promise to say nothing to Marion but gave me his email address so that I could contact him when I needed to.

Please don't think too badly of Marion. I hope she was doing it with the best intentions and it just snowballed. Johan and Michael both know how much I love you and accepted me on those terms. They looked after me well.

There! I've made it!

I love you Peter Rabbit

Bye bye

Your ever loving Princess XXX

With each line more tears built up behind his eyes. When he read that she had deliberately left the dictionary so that he would have an excuse to visit her the dam burst and tears flooded down his cheeks. He carefully wiped the first tear-drops from the letter, held it to one side and continued reading pausing only to wipe his eyes when vision became too blurred to read. He read it through twice more before folding it neatly, putting it back in the envelope and placing it carefully in his jacket pocket.

He leaned forward and with tears still streaming down his face kissed her forehead.

"Goodbye Princess," he said, "I've always loved you."