Love Again

Life had been so good. Anthony Brooks had a nice office job, a boss that felt he could do no wrong, and the salary to more than support himself. That didn't even mention his home life, where he lived in a gorgeous two-story home with his gorgeous wife, Carolyn. All of that, and anything else he might need at the age of 27.

But that was life five years ago. When it had been good. In those five years, Anthony watched as every beautiful grain of his life slipped from between his fingers. The company he worked through suffered a lawsuit and he was one of the first workers to be fired. With the job went the money, and eventually with the money went the house. Carolyn was there through all of it. She was loyal above everything else. She, however, couldn't be there through it all. She had contracted some rare form of cancer, one that Anthony could hardly bring himself to think of. It started in her bone marrow, but it spread so fast. Without the comfort of money, her treatments were too expensive. Before they turned 30, she was gone. Anthony could remember the moment he watched life fade from her once bright brown eyes, now dimmed in her weakened state.

That had nearly killed him. Anthony could still remember looking through every cabinet in the apartment they'd moved to, wanting every single pill to take away the pain and send him back to Carolyn. He was so close. Then, he woke up in the bright antiseptic white lights of a hospital. A few weeks of recovery and a permanent therapy plan meant that suicide wasn't going to work.

So it seemed that 32 was due to be just like 31. He'd celebrated the last birthday in the hospital after his attempt, but now on his 32nd birthday, he sat at the kitchen table, arms resting on the table and sitting in the dim apartment lighting.

He hated this apartment. The barren and empty walls. He knew Carolyn would've decorated by now, considering he'd moved from their apartment nearly six months ago. Yet, he couldn't motivate himself to do so. Everything he owned had a distinctly Carolyn-esque style to it and it caused him to want to leave it all. They all had connections though, so he'd keep it for himself.

Rent was coming up soon. Anthony worked some odd jobs that would pay this month, but he needed to find a consistent place of employment. He'd put it off for a while, but he knew it was time. He weakly promised that he would go on the job hunt soon. He had credentials and qualifications, but he didn't know where he'd end up after all.

As the clock wound down on the day, Anthony laid his head in his arms. Most would cry, but he'd dried himself out at this point. No tears for Carolyn. Just memories. His thinning, weak body trudged away from the table and laid in the unmade bed. His body was tired, but he couldn't sleep. He wasn't sure the last time he had gotten a proper night's rest. It didn't really matter either way. Thus, he wallowed in bed, haunted by the visions of a past he couldn't return to.

When the sun rose, Anthony weakly swung his legs over the bed. He found the nicest pants and shirt he had before preparing to leave. A hot, freshly brewed black coffee was grasped tightly in his hand. He'd sent a few emails prior, to gauge interest and hadn't heard much. Unfortunately, he doubted he was going to a nice office job again anytime soon. Instead, he'd been forced to navigate his path toward a lower end company, something like sales work or marketing work for some small firm. He wandered between job interviews, with nothing feeling all that substantial. Most companies would have taken him, but there was a certain closed off-ness that had developed within him that clearly hindered any real teamwork.

His ghastly figure and gaunt frame carried little soul at this point and his rail thinness was borderline disturbing. This made him feel almost inhuman to most who surrounded him. He ate, but never enough. Without feeling too successful, he set back for the apartment. He made the walk to the elevator, heading for his third story apartment. As he stepped out toward his apartment, he felt the blunt force of another being colliding with his body. He found himself stumbling backwards with another thud following him. Anthony pressed a hand to his head for a second, before gazing forward.

Adjacent to him, a woman sat on the ground with raven black hair covering her face. A soft grunt came as she shifted. She was quick to get back to her feet, gathering herself again before looking at Anthony. His eyes looked upon her for a moment, catching a glance at her face. A thin pale face, with defined cheekbones, plump lips with red lipstick, and the aforementioned dark hair corrected into a long flow over thin shoulders. She couldn't have been much taller than five feet. Her brown eyes were striking, but soft as they gazed back to him. After fixing herself up and wiping away dust, she reached a hand to Anthony. "I'm sorry, I didn't see you there," she added with a soft look of condolence.

Anthony refused her help, pressing his weight to his hands and shifting back to his feet. He looked at the woman, now gazing down at her with his six foot something frame. "It's not hard to miss me," his cold deep voice challenged back.

He hadn't felt much compassion for other people, and despite the kindness of this stranger, he still felt nothing. He saw the frown on the woman's face before he turned away, toward his apartment. A soft grumble came from the woman, but he didn't comprehend whatever it was. Before long, he plunged himself back into the darkness of his lonely apartment. Tomorrow would have to be another job hunt today, though he decided that he'd rather do it on his laptop. He had too much of the world for today.

He laid down, not even moving to bed this time, instead opting for the couch. He stared at the ceiling until the visions and the memories played again. Just Carolyn, standing with an outstretched hand and ushering him home. He wanted to, but he knew he couldn't. That was all gone.

Before he knew it, the sun rose and shone upon the pale skinned man. He sat up, grunting softly as he looked forward. He followed his usual routine. Piping hot black coffee in one hand and his laptop set next to him. Next up was what felt like endless hours of typing up resumes and question answers, just in the hope that one employer might look his way. It was annoying, but necessary. It wasn't long before the sun was down and even the malnourished stomach of a widower needed something to eat.

He moved toward the kitchen, hunting for food, but found none. He considered going to bed and ignoring his hunger, but he knew that he couldn't. He'd have to get groceries sooner or later. He trudged to grab his wallet and then moved out the door. He pressed the button and waited for the elevator. Before the soft ding sounded through the third floor, Anthony heard another door close. His eyes drifted down the hallway and he caught a glance of the woman from the day prior. There she was, wandering toward the elevator. As Anthony boarded, he considered pressing the button to close the door, but even he wasn't that cold. He put a thin fingered hand over the doors and watched as the dark haired woman stepped into the elevator.

"Thank you," she said quickly before taking the corner opposite himself.

The silence was almost defeating, another reason Anthony had nearly closed the door. Eventually, it was interrupted by the voice of his elevator co-rider. "I'm Elena, by the way. I think we must live on the same floor."

"I guess we do," Anthony replied in the same cold tone.

"I just moved in a couple weeks ago. I haven't seen you around much," she replied, ignoring his coldness.

"No one really does," he added.

Even still, Elena wouldn't let herself be silenced. For some reason, she'd made it her mission to get Anthony to speak to her.

Her face contorted into thought as she tried to think of anything to get him to talk. It almost put a smile on Anthony's face, something that had become quite rare.

She was cute, not that he really saw that in anyone anymore. That didn't change much about the neighbor being cute. He found it almost sickening how much she seemed to have Carolyn's sweetness.

He found that his brain was caught in thought. His eyes noted that Elena's lips were moving but he heard absolutely none of it. Eventually, the elevator met the bottom floor. "Goodbye neighbor," she uttered, giving a glance and a smile as she wandered off.

He wasn't annoyed per say, but he wasn't absolutely loving the attention he was getting. He thought it would be whatever and she'd likely forget about him soon enough. He made his trip to the store, getting enough to sustain him for the week before returning to rot on the couch again.

Yet again, another night of lying on the couch and gazing into a past life that he'd never be able to get back. Anthony hated being alive. More than he'd ever be able to convey. The morning came yet again, yet the sun was not up. A storm was on its way to town and seemed to match the inner depths of Anthony's mind and emotion. Today was therapy day, because of course it was.

He followed the usual routine, this time pouring a hot black coffee into his thermos before leaving. He double checked the hall for a moment, praying to whatever being that Elena would not try to speak to him again. He was especially cold on therapy days. He reached the elevator and drove to the therapist's office.

Tonya, Anthony's therapist, entered the lobby and urged him to her office. Anthony at the very least liked the woman. She sort of reminded him of the mother he didn't have as a kid. She was older, probably close to her sixties, but she was wiser than that. He knew next to nothing about her personal life, but that was only sensible with her occupation.

The session went as usual, following the therapy plan that had been set following Anthony's attempt. A lot of grief therapy and a push to get him going outside more. Anthony made an empty promise to try to get out more, but he knew he wouldn't. The final question struck like an arrow to the heart as Tonya leaned closer. "Have you considered getting back into dating?" She asked softly.

Anthony felt a surge of emotions, assaulting him all at once. He considered yelling at Tonya, but also falling back and crying until he died finally. Yet, none of that came. He sighed a heavy sigh and looked forward to Tonya. She knew exactly what that meant. The therapist showed a soft smile, looking closer to her client. "I know there's so much you're working through. This situation is unprecedented. But, it's something to consider. Just a thought."

The therapy session wrapped and Anthony fled back home. His thoughts were scrambled. One was consistent though, as he imagined the answer to the last question. He'd never even really thought of dating again. The memories of Carolyn were ever present and he always thought that finding someone else was a betrayal of his love. But... the thought was interesting. He was a lonely man and the thought of sharing his life again was nice.

He eventually reached the third floor and trudged back to his apartment. Before he could enter though, he noted a Tupperware container sitting just ahead of his doorway. His hand reached down and picked it up. He also found a note atop the container which was filled with chocolate chip cookies. The note read, "Dear neighbor, I hope these find you well. I made these as an apology for running you over in front of the elevator, Elena, apartment 307."

Of course she was in the apartment right next to his. Anthony clutched the cookies. He wasn't angry, but he didn't understand why this woman wouldn't leave him alone. He looked to his door, apartment 308, before turning to look at 307. He reached up with his right hand and knocked carefully.

"Coming!" A voice chimed from within. In only a second, the woman opened the door. "Hey neighbor," she smiled as she glanced upon his lanky frame.

"How'd you know which apartment was mine?" He asked bluntly.

"It wasn't hard to figure out. You're the only one on this floor who never leaves."

Anthony sighed, realizing she was correct. "You don't have to apologize about me running into you," he conceded, "and you don't need to be all friendly either."

Elena cocked an eyebrow. "I don't have to do anything. I choose to be friendly. We're neighbors and I don't know many people around here," she replied.

Anthony sighed, knowing he wasn't going to break her intentions of trying to make a friend. He couldn't muster much, but a short reply. "Thank you for the cookies, Elena."

He turned to leave, but Elena called out again. "I don't think I caught your name," she added.

"Just call me Anthony," he replied shortly before entering his place once again.

Elena smiled a bit, knowing that at least she'd made a bit of progress in trying to make a new friend with her neighbor.

Anthony laid on his couch, placing the cookies on the living room table. He gave in and quietly took a bite of a cookie. His taste buds were flooded with the best cookie he'd had in years. "Damn it," he grunted, almost upset with how good they tasted.

His head laid back against the couch once again. As he settled into his routine of gazing into the ceiling and fading into some memories of days past. This time though, something was different. He could see Carolyn, but someone else was there. Soft features and a thin face with strong cheekbones. He couldn't make it all out, but it felt familiar. Anthony faded into sleep, letting himself wallow in it for a short while longer.

The sun rose as always and Anthony followed suit. He grabbed himself the usual cup of coffee and accompanied it with a cookie. He hated how much he enjoyed the sweets. With a grumble, he wandered to the table and decided to write out a thank you note for Elena. He penned something short and simple, before leaving to tape it to her door. Before he could place it, the door opened and Elena was there behind it. "Hey Anthony," she said with a beaming smile, almost sickeningly sweet in her nature.

Anthony staggered back a little, looking forward to his neighbor. "Hi Elena," his breathy tone returned, "I just wanted to thank you for the cookies. They're... good."

It wasn't easy for him to be positive anymore, after all that he'd experienced. He hated how jaded he'd become mostly because he knew how much Carolyn would've hated it, but who could blame him?

"You don't have to thank me," she said.

He almost felt bad for how he couldn't return the smile that decorated her face. "Were you off somewhere?" He asked.

He wasn't even quite sure where the words had come from, but they came from his mouth all the same. "Oh, I was just heading out for work," she added softly.

"That's nice. What'd you do for work?"

He hadn't really had a conversation with anyone that wasn't Tonya for quite a long time. He never had the energy for some reason. Yet, the words seemed to come to him as he stood ahead of Elena.

"I edit books for publishing. We work under a smaller publishing firm, but it's sort of like fulfilling my dream of writing a book myself."

Somehow, the aspiring author fit the few things he knew about this woman. "That's... nice," was all he could really muster.

"I'd ask about your sudden interest in me, but I have to get going. Maybe if you wanna talk more, I'll see you after work."

"Sure," he replied without much thought.

She nodded to him and waved to him. "Then I'll see you tonight," she said gleefully before disappearing into the elevator.

His eyes filled with shock as he finally stepped into the realization of what happened. He slammed his palm to his face with an audible, "Fuck!"

Anthony hadn't meant to get more involved with the neighbor, but now it looked like he needed to at least clean up the place if he was seeing Elena tonight. What did that even mean? 'Seeing' her? He wasn't sure, but he decided it meant that he'd do the best that he could to at least look presentable.

He spent the rest of his day cleaning the apartment. More than once he ran into objects that held deeper memories than he was ready to face at the moment, but he pushed through. He turned the lights on, finally brightening up the whole place. For once, it almost looked like someone lived there. He still wasn't quite sure about what the actual plan was, but he knew that he'd do the very best that he could. Somehow, that culminated in him cooking dinner. He was never the best cook, but Carolyn had taught him a little before she passed. She always worried he'd go crazy without her. God, if only she knew.

He chose to cook an old dish from Carolyn's family. It felt near sacrilegious to cook it without her there, but he didn't really know if he had many other ideas. The recipe was simple, but he hardly knew how Carolyn had ever made it so well. Before long, the dish was done and as he prepared the table, he heard a soft knock at the door.

He moved toward the door, opening it to see Elena standing just ahead. His eyes glanced over her for a moment, in a way that almost disgusted him. She didn't seem to notice, instead taking a whiff of the air. "Wow, that smells delicious," she said softly, gazing forward to him.

Anthony looked back at her before realizing she was just standing in his doorway. "Please, come in. I just finished up dinner," he instructed.

She followed along, finding a place at the dining table. She was dressed in her work clothes, a black skirt with leggings underneath, paired with a simple long sleeve white frilly top and a jacket that now laid on her lap. "You know you didn't have to make dinner, right?" She asked.

"I wasn't really sure what I'd agreed to earlier in my defense," he replied, moving toward the fridge, "would you like a beer?"

She nodded and soon, Anthony came to the table with two beers and sat parallel to her. "I figured I could get to know my next door neighbor. I figured it's the least I can do after I ran him over."

Her eyes had a twinkle of teasing in their brown irises. Her thin face contorted into a wide smile that would've been infectious to anyone but Anthony. She was cute, which he hated even thinking, but it was true. Not like it ultimately meant all that much. He'd be friendly with her as long as she was around, if he had to. That was it though.

Elena drank from her beer and looked over Anthony. "You're pretty quiet, huh?" She asked, teasing him a bit.

"Just... withdrawn," he replied.

"There's nothing wrong with that," she shrugged.

She finally took her first bite of the dish and glanced up to him. Her eyes widened and looked up at him. "Holy shit. This is fantastic," she chuckled.

Anthony hadn't even touched his meal quite yet, more concerned with whatever this woman wanted. He couldn't really figure her out. Or maybe he'd be one body too detached from what normal people do.

"I'm not annoying you, am I?"

Anthony shook his head, maybe not as deliberately as he'd hoped it would be. "No, Elena. It's really nice to have company for once... I'm sorry. It's been a long time since I even really talked with someone else."

Elena looked at him, her soft compassion oozing through. "That's okay," she promised. She couldn't tell everything that was happening behind his eyes, but she could see it was something deep.

"You know I don't really have a lot of friends around here. I know we met under strange circumstances, but I had a good feeling about you. So far, I've been right," she admitted.

Her brown eyes were so soft, yet almost piercing as they stared back at him. He could feel something he hadn't felt in a long time as they kept a hard focus upon him. "You know... if you ever want to share a dinner, you can just knock. I just cook for myself every night," Anthony added.

He couldn't really explain it to anyone but he did enjoy the company that she provided. She was sweet and she seemed genuine in every way. "I'd like that," she smiled and took another bite.