Love Always Wins Pt. 05 Ch. 26-32

"You want to hold her, don't you, dear?"

"Yes! But what? Why?"

"Stupid hospital rules you know. If the mother is asleep, the baby has to be in a bassinet. May I get her for you?"

Oh God! Yes please!"

"Here you are dear. My what a beautiful baby girl you have!"

"Th, thank you! Have you heard anything about my husband?"

"No, all I've heard is what your midwife was able to tell me. I am so sorry! I pray that it all turns out the best for you!

"Oh, and I need to mind my manners, I'm your temporary roommate, Sally Ames.

"However, I would be delighted to have you and your darling little girl as my roommates for the rest of your stay."

"Thank you again! I'm Gwendolyn Menzel and as long as you don't mind being with someone who's troubles might depress you, I would be delighted to be your roommate."

"Oh, pshaw! Your little angel just sort of glows with love, even when she's fussy. There is no way I can get depressed around her and if I can help you in any way that's just a bonus for me!"

By this time, Terri had filled her tummy as well as she needed and now proceeded to squirm and fuss a bit. I put her on my shoulder and tried to burp her. It helped but she was still restless.

Sally held out her hands. "Gwendolyn, may I try? I've had two of the little angels and maybe my experience will help with her." Terri was quiet for a minute or two and then began to cry so I took her back and tried to comfort her. While I held her she stopped crying but continued to squirm and fuss.

I'm not sure why, but I had completely forgotten about Maria so it was a pleasant surprise when she appeared in the doorway to the room. "Gwynn! You're awake! How are you and the little angel doing?"

"Maria! I thought you had gone home! Thank you for staying around! What have you heard about Stefan?"

"Well, to hear the nurses talk, it sounds like they've called in half the doctors in the county and have called up the other half in the state! The only thing I'm certain of is that they have relieved Mr. Menzel of his clothes.

"I see that Miss Terrence is still restless. May I hold her for a moment?"

I handed Terri to Maria. Maria produced a wad of fabric that kind of looked like a T-shirt and draped it over Terri's chest. Terri continued to kick for a few moments and then went fast asleep!

Sally's eyes got big! "My God, Maria! What in heavens name did you do? Is that cloth soaked in chloroform?"

Maria smiled sadly. "No, it's Mr. Menzel's T-shirt. Just before he went down, I thought I could tell or feel or sense that there was some kind of a connection between them. Now I know I'm right!"

That was too much for me! My eyes began running like Niagara Falls again! "Oh, what the fuck is going on? Is Stef going to be all right or is Terri never going to meet her father?" Sally and Maria both tried to console me, but I again wound up crying myself into a nightmare!

Chapter XXIX

"Mrs. Menzel, the nurses inform me that just about every other word out of your mouth lately is an inquiry about the condition of your husband. Doctor Wilson here is prepared to bring you up to speed on what we know now; but first I need to offer an explanation and, I think, an apology.

"I am not plugged into your nervous system, so I am unable to know exactly what you are feeling. However, I do know, in the inadequate way that words convey meaning and feeling, how traumatic a normal childbirth can be and how extremely traumatic abnormal births can be.

"In delivery, and post-partum, it is my mission to minimize trauma to both mother and child while achieving the successful birth of a healthy child. Your husband's collapse introduced an unprecedented level of stress on every staff member present so I probably cannot quantify the level of stress that you experienced. I believe that I was perfectly correct in getting you out of delivery as quickly as the nurses could move.

"On the other hand, my conversation with your midwife this morning has convinced me that keeping news away from you until after this morning's larger than average staff conclave was probably cruel and unusual on my part. I'm certain that my approach did not exacerbate your physical trauma, but stewing overnight in a broth of uncertainty definitely does qualify as mentally stressful, if not torturous. I apologize for keeping you in the dark longer and more completely than I probably needed to."

I acknowledged Doctor Williams' mea culpa with a nod and he proceeded to turn the floor over to Doctor Wilson.

As doctors go, Wilson was a young woman not too long out of medical school. Like many doctors, she was a bit of a narcissist and wanted to be sure that her audience knew just how smart she was. With my background in nursing, I was able to follow her explanation without having to ask more than a few questions. She subliminally bristled at questions which told me that she needed time and a tutor to help her get comfortable with her patients and set them enough at ease so that they could pose questions to clarify the, potentially multitudinous, areas of uncertainty.

Translated to layman's terms, Stef was in a coma, probably due to a burst aneurysm, from which they did not expect him to recover. I could tell that Doctor Wilson was itching to get into extreme measures and was frustrated by the "Do Not Resuscitate" order on this potential guinea pig.

Wilson did broach the suggestion that I, the wife of the patient, could lift the DNR order and allow her to "Life Flight Mr. Menzel to a larger and better equipped facility where I could potentially save his life."

I don't think that she realized that I was a nurse and seemed surprised when I pursued her suggestion with a request for specifics and an analysis of costs versus benefits. In the end, it was obvious to me that lifting the DNR was little more than a permission for Wilson to kill Stef sooner than would otherwise be the case. There was a small chance that Stef would survive any one or even all of the suggested procedures, but almost a zero probability that he would come through without significant brain damage.

It was with a heavy heart that I refused to lift the DNR order and requested that Terri and I be allowed to sit with Stef until he passed on. Wilson was obviously offended, but Doc Williams cleared his throat and entered the conversation. "Gwynn, you realize that physically, Stefan is in better shape than many people half his age. The only thing wrong with his body is in his brain. He could be in coma for months and months before he dies."

"Yes Doc, I understand exactly what I'm getting into. I don't understand exactly WHY I have to do this for him and his... I mean, our daughter, and I don't know how long I will have to do it, but at some point I will know when it is time to pull the plug and let him go away."

"What will you do when he passes?"

"As per his wishes, I will have his remains cremated. Then when Terri is old enough to understand what is happening, she and I will scatter his ashes on the south slope of a place called 'Jay's Roost' which overlooks the landscape where he learned most of his woodcraft."

Doc took a deep breath. "All right child. I'll see what I can arrange."

The Universe has played any number of dirty tricks on me and teased me with any number of unusual experiences, but now came the strangest period of my life. Doc got Stefan set up in a room with two beds and a bassinet. Terri and I lived in that room with Stefan. After Maria made a sort of harness cradle for me, I could nurse Terri while I held Stef's hand.

Being a nurse, I usually tried to help whoever came in to change the bedding and to clean Stef up. Unless there was an awkward spot and an extra hand was really needed, I was usually "allowed" to just watch the proceedings. While Stef was being tended to, Terri was usually happy to lay in her bassinet and watch the mobile that one of the staff had hung over it.

When Terri was sleepy, she could doze in almost anyone's arms, including mine, but she would stir and kick until she finally began fussing and eventually crying. The only way that she would sleep was to put her beside Stefan's body and put his limp arm around her. As soon as she was beside Stef and under his arm, she immediately became quiet and dropped off to sleep.

When Terri would wake up when cradled with Stef, she would simply open her eyes and begin looking around. She never fussed unless she needed a diaper change or she was hungry. It was unnerving to sit and watch her watching and listening to everything going on around her, so I began reading to her when she was awake and alert. At first, I read magazine articles to her and later books that I found in the hospital library.

I will confess that I was a little jealous of Stef and his relationship with my... uh, our daughter! I had it bad enough that a couple of times I caught myself looking into a mirror and wondering what I could do to make myself more attractive to Stef! I know, I know; highly illogical, as Mr. Spock would say—but, given the right circumstances, the human mind does do some pretty crazy stuff.

I notified Stef's sons about his situation and over the course of about a week, all four arrived, spent a few days until it was clear that nothing could be done, and then left. As near as I could tell all of them arrived expecting to say goodbye to their father and steeled for the decision to pull the plug on Stef.

All of them were upset to hear my decision to keep Stef on life support—I'm pretty sure that Ben was flat-out angry—until they saw their half-sister and how she behaved around Stef. All of them left me with instructions to notify them in advance if and when I decided that it was time to end life support. That way they could be present when the end came.

Of all the relatives, it was Amber who spent the most time with me. She had enough information to know that the name applied to our baby was not an accident at all and pursued the facts related to the case like a bloodhound on a scent.

As Taylor and Amber departed at the end of their stay, Amber gave me a hug and said, "I don't know how this will turn out, but I will pray that everything comes out as best as is possible! If you or the little angel need any help at all, call us!"

One surprise was the trickle of mail addressed to us that slowly swelled to a flood as the days went by. It turned out that the three of us were the subject of an article in the local paper and the story went viral on the Internet (I'm sure that it was the photo of Terri with her father that pushed the article up over the top). Sally Ames, it turned out, was the author of the article—and wife of the editor of the local paper. After a while, I was spending substantial amounts of time reading cards and letters loaded with well wishes and prayers to Stef and Terri.

At first I was oblivious to almost everything but Stef and Terri, but after a few days it registered that usually someone was in the room with us. To start with, it was almost always Maria and Sally with pinch-hitting from Laura Nguyen and Alexi Makarova who had met us in the delivery room. If I had to go to the bathroom, the library, or whatever, I never had to pull Terri away from Stef and put her in the bassinet; there was always someone there or just coming into the room who seemed delighted to be asked to watch Terri while I was away.

Chapter XXX

It was about day fifteen when I was nursing Terri and holding Stef's hand that I heard someone enter the room. One was the light and energetic stride of Maria and the other was a slower, heavier gait that I had heard before but had not memorized. A large hand gently settled on my shoulder and Doc Williams' comforting basso profundo rumbled through the room. "Well, child, how are we doing?"

I turned to offer a standard formulaic greeting, but found myself momentarily struck dumb! Suddenly, it seemed like I was a little girl again watching The Song of the South and staring at the sad, concerned face of Uncle Remus as he sat beside little Johnny after his injury. It was strange; physically, Doc and Uncle Remus had very little in common besides skin color, but the visage of sad concern that both expressed was identical.

My eyes began to brim with tears. "Oh Uncle... I mean, Doc! It's hard! It's so awful hard!"

"Shhh, it's all right, child. Thank you for the promotion—although I scarcely deserve it.

"Let me slip back to more familiar ground and just play doctor. You and the baby need fresh air and sunshine. It is a beautiful day outside and I prescribe a walk for you and the baby."

I began to take a deep breath but Doc brought me up short with, "Tut, tut! Let me finish!

"I had planned to dragoon nurse Makarova, but Maria the magical midwife appeared serendipitously and agreed to watch Mr. Menzel while I guided you about the hospital grounds and the nearby park. I have also absconded with a baby carriage that your little bundle of love can ride in. You will NOT carry little Terrence. If she needs to be carried for whatever reason, I will do the carrying. If she needs to be held, we will find a spot where you can sit and hold her.

"So, let's load the baby buggy and get the two of you a dose of fresh air and sunshine!" Doc flashed a big, bright, toothy grin and added with a wink, "Stat!"

Doc's word seemed to be Maria's command! Suddenly she produced a light sweater for me and proceeded to wrap Terri in a blanket that seemed to materialize out of thin air! I hardly had time to think before Doc was pushing Terri's buggy out the door and I was trailing behind like a foal following its mare.

I have to confess that Doc was right. The sunshine and fresh air were better for my morale than the biggest cup of morning coffee in the world! The only problem was that I felt like it was a guilty pleasure since my enjoyment of the walk, the new scenery, and Doc's kindly banter did not lessen the guilt that I felt for "abandoning" Stef!

I guess that my guilty pleasure lasted for about an hour or a little more. When we got back into the hospital, I was a bit surprised that there seemed to be more people—staff, patients and visitors—in the halls than usual. Doc parked the baby buggy near the front desk and proceeded to carry Terri to Stef's room. Doc entered first and then sidestepped out of my way. Something was different about the room, but I was largely oblivious since I was more concerned about keeping up with Doc's long stride.

Needless to say, I was caught completely off guard! "Surprise!" came from a roomful of voices as my foot crossed the threshold! I froze in shock as my brain took in the scene! Instead of two twin-sized hospital beds there stood one full-size bed. Stef was resting quietly in the bed and many of the hospital staff, all of the hospital board, some of the town officials, and the media were crowded like sardines into the little room!

The video shows me with my eyes and mouth open as big as saucers and totally inarticulate! Doc steps forward with Terri in his arms and speaks. "Gwynn, the community, and especially the staff of the hospital have been touched to our hearts by your courage and fortitude in the face of daunting odds. The night staff has been especially tormented to see you writhing in your so-called sleep as you seemed to be tilting with whatever demons were populating your nightmares. Everyone who has paid one iota of attention to the situation has been amazed by the faith shown by this little angel of yours that I am now privileged to hold in my arms.

"Several days ago the hospital board was debating if and how we should help you. Jesus Gomez was cleaning the hall outside the meeting when he heard enough about the topic at hand to know that he needed to speak. He spoke one sentence and seems to have carried the board, the staff, and the community over to a single purpose with those words—how could we, who are supposed to be so smart and wise, not demonstrate at least as much faith, trust, and love as that displayed every day by your little angel, Terrance Aravaipa Menzel, as she watches over her father and apparently is watched over by him in turn?

"Ours is a little community. What we call a hospital here is what most in the big metro areas, call a clinic. The facility is owned by the community and exists to serve the community in our times of need. Little Terrence is a born citizen of our community and she is in need. So long as she needs to stand with her father, this room is hers!

"The only time that anyone has seen you sleep peacefully has been when you have managed to rest your head on Stefan's lap. The bed is for you so that you can let Stefan drive away your demons while you sleep in peace."

By this time I was totally overwhelmed and well on my way to collapsing as my legs turned to mush. From behind me I heard what sounded like a familiar voice, "Mendoza, here's a chair. Sit down before you fall down!"

I sat down rather heavily and turned my head toward the voice. I was confronted by a trim older woman wearing a VFW garrison cap. "Captain O'Hara! Omigod! What are you doing here?" I leaped to my feet and crushed her in a hug.

"What am I doing? Trying to breathe!" she replied playfully as she returned the hug.

I dampened Margaret O'Hara's shoulder for a few moments while I pulled myself together. Finally, I was able to break the hug. "Captain, we have to talk later. Right now, I need to do more than bawl on your shoulder!"

Margaret kissed me on the cheek and said, "That's the soldier I remember! Go get 'em tiger!"

I turned to face most of the room and said, "Omigod! I haven't felt so much love in one place since I was a child—maybe ever! I cannot believe what you are doing for Stefan and Terri and me! There is no way that I will ever be able to repay all of you for the cornucopia of love and caring that you all have blessed three poor souls with. Right now, about all that I CAN do is to give each and every one of you a hug and a few tear stains of thanks before you leave this room. My God, I love each and every one of you so much! So very, very much!"

Everyone applauded and then laughed as Terri waved her hands around like she wanted to clap too. Doc's laugh was followed by the rumble of his voice, "Well, Gwynn, I think that Miss Terrence approves of your oratory.

"I will cuddle her up next to her father and then I think that we need to get out and give you a chance to replace however many fuses that may have blown in that switchboard in your head.

"I would also like to request that all of you here give exit priority to the hospital staff who need to be getting back to their places. For the rest of you, please be gentle with Gwynn's time. I'm sure that she would be delighted to have longer chats with every one of you so long as it is not done as a marathon moment in a crowd such as we have here."

Everyone followed Doc's suggestion except for me when Mr. Gomez stepped before me. "Jesus, so it is your fault that this has come to pass." I said with a smile before I grabbed him in a crushing hug and then sobbed in a broken voice, "I thank you from the bottom of my heart! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"

He hugged me back. "Every Mass we all pray for the three of you, Señora! My friends tell me that this is happening in every church in town as well as the little house that is being shared as a Synagogue and Mosque." He left with more tear stains on his shirt than anyone else did!

When everyone was gone, I kicked off my shoes and crawled into the bed with Terri cuddled in between Stef and me. For the first time since Terri was born, I was able to sleep for six hours straight without nightmares!

Chapter XXXI

When I woke up I saw that Terri was wide awake but quiet as a mouse in spite of the fact that we were hours past her feeding time. I changed Terri's diaper and began nursing her. Then I noticed that someone had left a cup of fruit and a container of yoghurt on the serving table next to the bed. Damn, it tasted good!