Love, Layna Pt. 01

Hey Readers,

This is a follow up to my previous series, Live on Me. It can be read on its own, but some characters have deeper backgrounds that were detailed in the previous series.

Thank you for reading, and let me know what you think!

Empress Krystal

***

When I made the decision to study abroad, I wasn't really sure what I would find, or who I would meet. All I knew was that there was something out there that I needed to experience, that I needed to embrace, in order to find myself. It was hard at first, being in a new place and not knowing anyone, but I quickly realized that that scary step into the unknown was what I needed to bring myself out of the ashes of my anxious shell and be reborn into who I wanted to be. Sure, it wasn't instant, nothing ever is, but for the first time, I found myself on the path to my future, and it wasn't scary. It was hopeful.

I spent the first year making friends, working hard on my studies in English, and going out to events and live readings. I was a dry sponge, ready to soak in everything that my new life at university had to offer. Time slipped by so fast. Suddenly, I was spending Christmas with the family of my friend Connie, then I was spending spring break with my other friends, Violet and Gwen. Then summer was upon us, and we parted ways until the fall.

I spent my summer working in the university library, sitting at the front desk and bringing borrowed books back to their appropriate place on the shelves. In the quiet of the summer days, I worked on papers for my summer class, and read books, eager to see what knowledge and mysteries the pages of each book held.

Then one day, on a slow summer afternoon, I met a girl named Heather, and the flow of the season began to pick up speed.

***

"Good morning, how can I help you?" I said in my usual chipper voice for helping visitors. There was a strange tinge of fakeness to it, but my years in customer service at Whole Basket Trader trained me to smile even if the building was on fire. Though, I admit, I was never able to perfect the skill.

"Hey, I just need to find a copy of She's Not There by Jennifer Boylan. It's for my gender studies class," the girl said. Before she could even finish her sentence, I knew exactly where to look.

"Sure, follow me. It's over near the back," I said, passing the woman. She smelled fresh and cool, like pine trees smothered in sap. She had her hair cut into an asymmetrical pixie cut, boldly framing one side of her face. Her flannel was loose and dark, with greens and browns blending together, and her jeans accentuated her thighs. Her boots, mostly covered by her flared jeans, were perfect for stepping on someone.

"So, what are you majoring in?" I asked, trying to fill the silence as we passed rows of shelves.

"Bio Chemistry. I'm taking the class as my last General Education course that I need before graduation," she said, keeping her tone low and focused.

"Well, I haven't taken the course, but if they have Jennifer Boylan in the curriculum, then it must be good. Not every gender studies class talks about transgender people," I commented. I had read the book years ago at the suggestion of a friend of mine. I had just started my personal transition to becoming a woman at the time, and it was a wonderful way to know that I wasn't alone and others out there were like me.

"Damn, and here I thought I was going to have to argue with some TERFs before I graduate. Good to know the professor will at least back me up if it comes down to it," she chuckled. I was surprised that she knew about Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminists, but if anything, that just meant I started to like her even more. First the lesbian look and the stomping boot vibe, and now, apparently she was an inclusive feminist. What wasn't to love?

"I couldn't imagine being in a class with TERFs, they would eat me alive," I commented as we rounded the corner of a row of bookshelves. In a matter of seconds, I spotted the spine of the book and pulled it from the shelf, handing it to her.

"Sweet, thank you for your help, um..." she stammered.

"My name is Layna, and it was my pleasure." I replied, giving her a genuine smile.

"I'm Heather, nice to meet you."

We walked back to the front of the library together. The air was quiet and just a little awkward. I took my place at the front desk, returning to a book I was reading, and Heather made her way out the front doors.

At the time, I didn't think much of it. Just another fleeting crush that wouldn't go anywhere. Besides, I had classes to focus on, and I was still finding myself. Sure, I was starved for affection, but I refused to let it control my life any longer. I was determined to keep moving forward.

***

"What do you mean you didn't ask her out?! She's, like, a sapphic goddess! She's the president of the GSTA! She kicks ass!" my friend Connie gushed over the phone. As per usual, Connie, Violet, Gwen, and I were on a call together, talking about our most recent adventures over the summer. For the whole seasonal break, I had so little to share, but now, all of my friends were freaking out over my mention of Heather.

"Connie, give her a break, she's not as reckless and outgoing as you are," Gwen interjected, laughing at her over the top reaction. Violet was quiet for a while.

"I mean, sure, I heard Heather doesn't want to commit to anything serious, but come on! You've at least got to try!" Connie continued. "I never would have gone on a date with Zach if I hadn't thrown caution to the wind and given him my number after my Calculus class. Now here he and I are, still together after three years!"

Connie had told the story dozens of times. We all knew it by heart. She gave him her number in highschool, he nervously took it and didn't talk to her for a month, and then he randomly asked her to prom and the rest is history.

Violet finally spoke up.

"Doesn't Heather have a reputation of breaking girls' hearts though? I don't want you to get hurt Layna-"

"Oh come on Violet, if she never took a chance, she would never get anywhere!" Connie argued, finally taking her hold on the conversation. "Layna, you at least have to ask her out or something! She's going to return the book, and that can be your chance! See if she wants to get coffee or dinner!"

"I mean, I guess you're right Connie, but I don't know if I have the time for dating," I admitted. The time was the least of my problems though. My real worry was myself. I wasn't sure if I could continue working hard on my studies and myself if I let myself get into a relationship. Not to mention, I still had feelings for my ex, but that was a topic I kept close to the chest. My friends didn't know anything about her.

"Layna, trust me, you'll find time for the right person. Besides, we all know you're a snuggly little teddy bear, and you're gonna go stir crazy if you don't snuggle up with a cute girl before the end of the summer." Connie said, hitting very close to home.

She was absolutely right. On multiple occasions, I had nervously asked each one of my friends if they would let me cuddle up to them and watch a movie or something. Each of them were okay with it, and for that, I was infinitely grateful, but with the long summer break, I was starting to get a bit starved for affection.

"She's got a point," Gwen replied. I sighed, my reasons for not asking Heather out paling in comparison to my simple, yet powerful, desire for affection.

"Fine, I'll at least ask her if she wants to hang out..." I breathed. Encouragement from Gwen and Connie erupted in my ear, and shortly after, Violet's nervous voice crackled over the speaker.

"Just... be careful Layna. Make sure to take care of yourself, okay?"

"I will, don't worry. She'll probably just say she's busy and that will be that anyway."

***

It had been a week or so since I had seen Heather at the library, and I was spending my day at work writing a paper about interpretation and adaptation, especially in relation to Shakespearean Sonnets. Now and again, someone would approach the desk and rouse me from my writing groove, and each time my heart would skip a beat, thinking it could be Heather.

Her book was due by the end of the day, and the last thing I wanted was for her to drop it off when the library was closed and ruin my chances to see her again. I felt relief and disappointment mixing together in my stomach. The absence of rejection was absolutely appreciated, but not knowing if there was a chance at letting Heather hold me was just torture.

As the sun set through the windows, and the orange rays faded into the twilight, I sighed. No luck seeing Heather, and unless she was the kind of person to forget the due dates of books, I probably missed my chance to talk to her again. I finished my job duties, packed up my things, and headed back to my dorm room.

While I walked across campus, I couldn't help but feel a little lonely. Normally there were students all around, either walking to classes, studying, or just hanging out, but in the dead of summer, there were only the occasional community members visiting or walking through. Now, there were just the tall, quiet buildings looming around me, and there was no comfort in their stone structures.

I pulled out my phone and shot a quick text to the woman I wanted to talk to more than anything in that moment. In moments, I was getting a phone call from her.

"Hey, Jessica?" I asked into the phone.

"Yeah, I'm here Layna. What's wrong?" she replied, her voice soothing and caring.

"I'm just feeling... a little lonely I guess."

"Oh Layna, I'm always here for you. Tell me anything you want."

Jessica, my ex girlfriend, was always so wonderful. When I decided to study abroad, she supported me and helped me make it happen. When I wanted to make sure that our relationship wouldn't hold me back from finding myself, she supported me. We may have technically broken up, but we still cared about each other and talked on the phone when I had the chance. There was so much love between us, and because of that, I felt free. Sure, I was more inclined to be tied down and controlled in the bedroom, but I knew that I needed to take the reins on my life and work to become the best me that I could be.

I told Jessica about Heather, and how my friends pushed me to try and ask her out in one way or another. Jessica laughed as I recounted Connie's passionate talk of taking risks and how I was a cuddly teddy bear. Nobody knew how cuddly and needy I was more than Jessica.

"I think I actually agree with Connie for once!" Jessica laughed. Her voice held no hint of jealousy, but I was worried.

"Really? I mean, I'm not sure what will happen. What if we start dating and it gets serious? Or what if she freaks out because I am transgender?"

"Oh Layna, you don't need to worry about me. I love you for who you are, and if you are dating other people, that doesn't change how I feel. Sure, I'll respect any boundaries you need to set, but you'll always be my sweet little Layna." Jessica purred through the phone. Time and time again, Jessica had reminded me of her love and respect for me, and each time, I still felt the deep and wonderful warmth of acceptance and care. My anxiety liked to tell me otherwise, but Jessica washed all that anxiety away.

"Thank you Jessica. Thank you so much," I whispered to her, wishing I could hug her.

"You're welcome, Layna. And as far as you being transgender goes, if she doesn't like that, then that says way more about her than it says about you!" Jessica said, laying down the hard truth like it was her job.

"You're right! If she doesn't like it, then she doesn't deserve me!" I exclaimed, my confidence boosted by the power of my closest friend and ex.

We kept chatting for a while longer, but as I made it to my dorm room and it got later, my stomach started to growl.

"Go get some food, and don't lose hope! You have wonderful friends to support you, and I am here if you ever need to talk," Jessica said, wrapping up our conversation.

"Thank you Jessica, I love you so much, and I'll talk to you again soon."

"You're always welcome. I love you too. Bye!"

With a small click and a beep, I was left to myself with the goal of food and relaxation ahead of me.

***

The next day, I came into work like always, setting my bag down and checking the book return drop box for anything. There was only one return, and I sighed in relief to see that it was an astrology book. I took it back to its shelf and slipped it back in its place before returning to the front desk. As I rounded the corner, my heart skipped a beat and I stopped in my tracks.

There Heather was, entering the front doors of the library, book in hand. Our eyes met for a moment. The sweet hazel glow of her pupils was mesmerizing.

"Hey Layna, sorry I'm late," she said, stepping toward the front desk. I realized I was still frozen in place and my cheeks started to burn.

"No, you're not late, we're open!" I exclaimed, my voice cracking just a little as I made my way back behind the desk. She laughed and put the book down on the desk.

"I meant the book."

"Oh, right, yeah," I stammered. In my head, I was kicking myself for being so uncool. This was supposed to be my chance to talk to her! I was so confident last night, but with one look of her eyes, I was flustered like a school girl.

"I was going to bring it back last night, but a late fee is a small price to pay to get to see you again," Heather said, her smile bright with the morning sun. I could feel my heart beating in my chest. Was she flirting with me?

"Is this really happening?" I muttered absentmindedly. I was so flustered that I hadn't even scanned the book into the system yet and just held it idly.

"I can pinch you if you want," Heather smirked, clearly having fun with me. She leaned forward on the desk.

Her threat of a pinch snapped me back to reality just enough to actually do my job and scan the book in.

"So... was coming to see me worth the twenty-five cents?" I asked, trying to hold my own against her teasing. Heather pretended to think for a moment.

"Hmmm, I don't know..."

"Hey, I'm worth at least a dollar!" I retorted, giving her a playfully nasty look. We both laughed together for a moment, and she took a quarter from her bag and slapped it down on the table.

"That should cover it. Anything else I can do you for, Ms. Librarian?" Heather purred. I was still blushing and she wasn't making it any easier to compose myself with her playful words.

"Well, This may be a little... improper, but I was wondering if maybe... you wanted to get brunch sometime? Or coffee?" I asked, remembering that the worst possible situation was that she would say no or have other plans. Her flirting had made it clear that she liked me, but my anxiety always made things difficult.

"Sure, when are you off next?" Heather asked without hesitation. She was still smiling and her eyes were still as bright as ever. She really said yes!

"I'm off tomorrow! But I would have to look around and see what places have good brunch offerings," I trailed off, realizing that I hadn't really prepared for Heather to want to go somewhere.

"No worries, I know the perfect place," she said, taking a small piece of paper from her pocket and sliding it toward me. "Just send me a quick text at some point today and I'll send you the address and we can decide on a time."

I took the piece of paper, and unfolded it. It had her name and phone number on it, with a little heart after it. I didn't think my face could get any more flushed at this point, but if it could have, it would have.

"That sounds like a good plan-" I said, stopping as I looked up. She was already walking to the exit.

"See you then cutie!" she called as she waved her hand in the air and exited the building. I barely managed to wave back before my composure broke and I was squealing like a little girl. My fleeting crush wasn't fleeting! She thinks I'm cute!

I could hardly focus on anything for the rest of the day. I was staring off and thinking about Heather and how confident she was. Just thinking about going out someplace with her made my heart flutter. I let my mind wander to more than just a date, and afterward I had to go to the lady's room and splash some cool water in my face.

"Note to self: no fantasies like that at work again," I muttered. I could only imagine how embarrassing it would be to get caught in a sexual fantasy while at work.

As the day came to a close, I finished up my work and headed back to my dorm room. As I walked back, I shot Heather a quick text, and she quickly responded, sending me the address of a small, local cafe called "Morning Glory".

***

The next day, the sun was rising into the sky, painting the city in bright hues and casting short shadows onto the busy streets. Up above were the tall buildings of London, old and full of history. Untold numbers of people had walked these streets, but, to my excited heart, it felt this path was special to me.

I approached the door of a small store, tucked away in the corner of a large building, with a small sign that said "Morning Glory" and had the image of a flower printed on it.

"Layna, you made it!" Heather called from a table for two after I entered. The atmosphere of the room was immediately inviting, with wooden furniture and bright flowers growing near the windows. The man at the counter smiled and welcomed me as I went to sit across from Heather, and the only other customers in the room were an older couple finishing their meal and sipping on their drinks.

"Wow, this place is really nice," I commented as I continued to take in the room. Along the walls were an assortment of family photos in the cafe. It looked like the business had been handed down through the family, and every step was documented throughout the years with these photos.

"It's my favorite place to stop and get a quick drink," Heather said, admiring me as I stared at everything but her. Behind the counter were dozens of jars of beans and a shelf of various teas in brands that I had never seen. Vines crept around the shelving and ceiling, framing the room in a deep green.

"And of course, they serve some pretty fantastic brunch. Especially if you like french toast," Heather continued, trying hard to hold in her giggles at my awestruck gazes around the room. It took a couple seconds for what she said to hit me.

"French toast?! I love french toast!" I exclaimed, my mouth almost immediately starting to water at the thought. Heather's stifled laughs burst forth, and she covered her face.

"You are way too cute," she said behind her hand, her cheeks turning a light pink. My face turned more of a crimson at her remark, but we were interrupted by the gentleman behind the counter who now approached our table.

"Heather, go easy on her," he scolded, setting two menus down on the table. She shot him a knowing look in return. He then turned to me. "My name is Scott, I'll be serving you today. Can I get either of you anything to drink?"

Jessica was quick to answer first.

"I'll just have the usual, the Columbian 100% Typica beans for a café au lait."

Scott nodded, and turned to me.

"Umm, I don't know, do you have any good tea recommendations?" I asked, feeling a little silly with my order compared to Heather's, but she was still just admiring me.

"You can never go wrong with a classic english breakfast tea, but if you like something with a bit more of a kick, we have a special masala chai tea with a dash of warm milk that's pretty popular," Scott explained.

"I'll go with the english breakfast tea I think."

"Alright, I'll have those out in a little bit," he said, taking a note and making his way back to the counter. I finally noticed Heather's affectionate gaze and the embarrassment struck me.