Love Won't Die

"How about some breakfast first, then we can dig into this. You may be surprised, and I think I'll learn something too."

Though I wanted to start in on what she had for me, she was right—it would be better if we ate first. When we finished, I know I rushed her to start. She just smiled.

"My friend gave me more to pass on and discuss. She also told me that she'd call a friend of hers who had more on this, and let me know when she got it. As far as she was told, she said that there was a lady [Liv in The Devil's Gateway] who had classes on this. She was murdered for it, but some of her students kept it up. Anyway, on the birth, she said to check this interesting tidbit out. In Matthew, he starts out with Jesus' genealogy. In it, he starts with Abraham and goes forward to David, then gives Solomon next. What's strange is that in Luke, the genealogy works backward from Joseph, and when he gets to where Solomon should be, as it is cording to Matthew, she says it gives Nathan as the son of David. Nathan, she said, is listed as one of the sons of David by another wife. Check out Matthew, and when you've seen that, I'll give you where to find it in Luke, which isn't right off like Matthew."

My heart was beating faster than usual. Was that right? I saw Matthew, and it was as I'd always been told, how we all believed. Quickly, I looked at Alba.

"Okay, now go to Luke in chapter 3, and verse 31, and check that out," she told me.

When I did, I saw what she meant, what she had been told. One of those two had to be wrong, of that there was no doubt. My head swirled with jumbled up thoughts of disbelief, and wondering of what was right, and my heart beat faster. I was used to what I was always told by our preacher, as well as my parents, but now I had to wonder.

"Was what I was told correct; that they don't match?" she asked. I nodded, my mind still in a fog. Was Jesus in the line of Solomon or this Nathan? I had no idea though it must have been Solomon, right? I scratched my mental head. I didn't know, and now maybe they, both Matthew and Luke, didn't know.

"Want to keep going?" Again, I nodded. "Since we're on David, so to speak, he's the one we're told killed Goliath—the giant who was said to be a Philistine—with a slingshot, right?" Once more I nodded. "Then let's look at Genesis and check this out. You'll see how they're connected, I hope," she said grinning.

What she showed me, and then told me, had me scrambling to check it out. There were several places in Genesis where it mentioned the Philistines, as well as the land of the Philistines. This, in Genesis, was at the time of Abraham and Isaac. The question was whether or not there were Philistines at that time. I'd never heard of that being so, but I went to check it out on the computer. While there, Alba answered the phone. I wondered if it was her friend calling.

Forgetting about who was calling, I became absorbed in what I was seeing. The Philistines weren't known until sometime in the 1100s BCE according to what I read, in the time of Ramses III, son of the mighty Ramses II. That would fit in with the later time of David, but not with Abraham and Isaac. I was stunned. I went back out just as Alba was saying goodbye, and she had a paper in her hand as she looked at me. It was as if she had been shaking her head in disbelief, a frown still on her face.

"Jeez, girl, ready for some more? Oh, that was my friend again. She found a couple more things to look at, one of them kinda long."

Nodding was suddenly getting to be habitual with me.

"Okay, we know a lot about Ramses, right—the guy most often thought of as being the Pharaoh of the Exodus," she said, but looked at me as if expecting an answer. What she said was what I had heard and commonly believed.

"I think so; I'm pretty sure, yeah."

"Okay, hold onto our hats and look up Genesis, chapter 47, verse 11 and see what it says."

There went my head again, and I looked up where she told me, and at her prompting, I read it.

"Joseph placed his father and his brethren in the land of Rameses?" she asked. "Holy shit, if that's so, how could he have been the Pharaoh a ton of years later as the Pharaoh of the Exodus?" she asked, a look of disbelief on her face as it was on mine.

"Yeah, how?" I whispered absently.

"Okay, lets see how this stacks up. She said to prove that it wasn't Ramses, to look at Exodus in chapter 12, verse 40. See what that says."

I did, and read it figuring that it was what she wanted.

"Hmm, from the time of Jacob settling in Egypt, it was four hundred and thirty years. Hell, she was right. If Ramses was Pharaoh in Jacob's time, he had to have lived four hundred and thirty years after that to be the Pharaoh of the Exodus. Hell, that ain't right," she said being as puzzled as I was.

That was true, or fact, that was for sure, but if not Ramses, then who?

"Okay, religion isn't my bag, so what do I know, huh, but it's getting interesting. She gave me something else that I told you might take some time, but how about we let this all settle in your mind some, and go grocery shopping. I have a taste for a good steak and a baked potato, and we don't have either one. Let's both clear our heads a while, okay?"

"That's a good idea, though I'm really curious about what's coming up next."

"Believe it or not, I'm curious what you find too," she said.

* * * *

We shopped for more than steaks and potatoes, but I found that I was relaxed, if thinking a lot.

"I can see your wheels spinning, hon, but it doesn't seem bad on you."

"It's not," I said, "but it's a lot to think about, and wonder too, not just what else you have in store for me, but a lot of other things too."

"Patience, hon, they spent years filling your mind with what they believed; you'll get there okay."

"I hope so, but..." I shrugged.

After making it home, we settled on having a little wine before starting to cook. We were quiet for a while, Alba maybe waiting to see if I wanted to talk. I did.

"What I thought was a book of nothing but unassailable truth is starting to look a little suspicious."

"And?"

"And I find that a part of me wants to say it's not as it seems, that what I thought I knew is still true, still valid."

"Which way do you think you're leaning?"

"Boy, there's sure doubts now, and they're pretty hard to discount. Maybe I'll learn more after supper, huh?"

"Maybe," she said.

"What's bothering me now is that if I'm learning correctly now, and it's all a bunch of lies, intentional or unintentional, I'm starting to wonder if it would have made a difference with Cerise."

"What do you mean?"

"What if it is all a bunch of bull. Would I have been affected as I was if I had known it, or would it maybe have helped me to be freer with Cerise and maybe talk her into going against her parents. She was going because of the hold they had on her; could my hold on her, with some honesty from me, have made her want to stay with me? I don't know. I'll probably be going over that in my mind for a long time, especially if things keep on as we're finding, and yes, I'm including you as you seem to be getting into all of this."

She laughed. "You're right, I am getting into this. Maybe I'm feeling that it's my duty as a lesbian to know this stuff in case it might help another lesbian that's troubled by these church things. Who knows, maybe I'll start a crusade, huh?"

She was grinning to beat the band. I laughed at her silliness.

"I think you need to eat," I said, and we went off to fix our dinner; it would be time for our dinner soon.

* * * *

Back to the bible, we sat on the sofa.

"Okay, I think I remember this—it's homework time for you, but here's what to look for so you don't get mired in all the other extraneous stuff. Jesus preached of a resurrection, and a coming back. What the catch is, is that there wasn't any resurrection known early on in Judaism. It was never promised to Abraham or any of those, just sleep with your fathers.

"Where that resurrection stuff started is said to be from the book supposedly of the prophet Daniel, only Daniel may not have existed, but Jesus either mentions him, or it was put in his mouth about him by the fictitious writers of the gospels," she said, shrugging her shoulders. "I'm passing this on and maybe you'll tell me what you think after you finish your homework."

"So what's the homework?" I asked.

"Read the book of Daniel. It's supposed to give Nebuchadnezzar too often, which means you'll have to look up the kings of Babylon at those times to see how the book of Daniel misses it by a mile, I'm told. After you see that, there's some books that are in the Catholic bible, Maccabees, that you can also find on the Internet. That book is about the time after Alexander the Great's kingdom was divided by his generals, the many wars that were fought between the Eastern kingdom and the Egyptian kingdom. Much of this is a lot of what the Book of Daniel covers as 'visions', she said.

"The upshot of all of this is that Daniel is now thought by researchers, and even the Catholic church, to have been written in the time of these wars, which means that the book of Daniel was probably written somewhere in the 160s BCE, and if so, no Daniel. Anyway, if it wasn't written by a Daniel during Babylonian times, then the book is a fraud for whatever reason. If it's a fraud, then the words that Jesus is supposed to have believed authentic by a prophet of god, are not true. Oh, and you also may find that one of the Persian kings mentioned, I forget which one—maybe Darius—is improperly mentioned as taking Babylon.

"She also mentioned that all this being true, that it is the fake lynchpin—along with the apostle Paul—leading to Christianity as we know it today. Okay, that's it. I know you'll figure all of this out, and cut through the bull I think you've been fed a bunch of bullshit, if you'll pardon my silly, unknowledgeable opinion," she said, smiling disarmingly.

A feeling of wanting to argue with her sparked up in me, but I put it aside as a habitual thing. "You're right," I said. "There's enough already to have made me wonder and my mind to work overtime on it. I think I'll go now and see what I find. Stop by and let me know when you go to sleep, okay?"

"Sure I will, and maybe get an update too," she grinned.

"Yeah, I'll let you know," I smiled.

* * * *

She was right, it was like homework. First off, I found the chronology of the kings of Babylon and wrote them down. Next I searched out the historicity of the taking of Babylon, and who did it, as well as how. Then I looked up those Maccabees, and found that those books were on the Internet. I copied them, and saved then on a document so I could manipulate what was said as I found a need, if I had a need to do so. Next, I opened up the book of Daniel in my bible. Luck was with me on that seeing it was only twelve chapters. I remembered our preacher mentioning it, if infrequently.

After I had read it, I realized what was wrong with the improper mentioning of Nebuchadnezzar; sometimes what was attributed to him had to be wrong according to what seemed to be the known chronology of the kings there. I also saw where the resurrection was spoken of, but when I did a search of 'resurrection', it wasn't really mentioned save by Daniel. There was something about bones rising in Ezekiel, but that referred to something wholly different. It was looking like Alba's friend was right on in everything she said so far.

Anyway, I decided that Maccabees could wait until tomorrow when I had a fresher mind. For now, I had enough to think about Just as I was shutting down, Alba came to say good night and get her update.

"I saw the inappropriate use of Nebuchadnezzar, the line of kings of Babylon, and who was the last king, but it wasn't the one in the bible if what I read of what is supposed to be historically correct. Oh, and the Persian king who took Babylon is incorrect too. It looks like you and especially your friend, are right so far, and what's in the bible is wrong."

"So what do you think about it all so far? And how do you think it' may affect your sleeping?"

"Damn it, Alba, as the saying goes, it sucks, I think. I don't want to believe that what I've been reading and finding is true, but how can I deny the facts, especially since they're mostly from the bible. It's sort of trying to tear at me, but... Anyway, I thought I'd save the Maccabees for tomorrow when hopefully my mind will be fresher. That's it so far."

We said good night and exchanged our usual hugs and kisses, then I tried to sleep, but thoughts kept coming at me. There was still that part of me that had all of the church preaching drilled into me that wasn't wanting to give me up, and making me not wanting to give it up. Two different me-s, and like being a church believer as I had been and a lesbian too, that couldn't be; neither of them could be.

What if what I thought I was finding out was true, that all of what I thought was true was actually false? Why that bothered me was Cerise. Would I have acted differently if this hadn't clouded my thinking, my being? Might I have thought with a different mind and fought for her, tried to make her want to stay with me? I hadn't even tried to talk her into staying, to let her know way before she left how much I loved her.

Thinking like that, I began to look at our preacher, and how he had, along with my parents, shaped how I thought, what I thought and believed, and how I turned out to be so confused. I wanted to be angry at him, and also at my parents, but then again, my parents were probably also misled, and too, had no conflict with their so-called normalcy as I did. Still, it didn't help in how I was suddenly wanting to rail at our preacher. He should have known what I was just discovering and know the falsehoods I had just learned were in the bible. Then I felt a rage try to well up in me.

Fortunately I was able to use my ability to block things out, and squelched those thoughts and feelings. They would not serve me at this time. What would serve me was to keep learning, and to think of Cerise. That I did, and it did soothe me though it was close to making me melancholy. I blocked that too, but not Cerise. Before too long, I must have fallen asleep

Chapter 10

Though I hated all that had happened to me, save for Kayla and Cerise, I began immersing myself into learning. What I had been led to by first Alba, then her friend, was gripping my mind to where only the thoughts of Cerise could interrupt me. Thinking of her last night and not having the demon, or demons, attacking me was a relief, and if I could, I wanted to keep it that way.

Alba let me go about my researching, only interrupting me to have me eat a little; it was consuming me. Spending the day and into the late evening, I searched for what I could find on the Internet. There was so much, and though it was pretty much a jumble of information in my mind, I was discerning the start of a pattern that was fitting the outline of what Alba had told me. It seemed that during the time of their subjection to the general's of Alexander after his death, the Jews were clinging to their religion. Was it the only thing they had?

Most of the people had to be living hand-to-mouth; not everyone was a merchant or rich. Most had to be dirt poor, and unless I missed my guess, were taxed more than they could bear. I had to know more, but it wasn't jelling fully.

That night, though she was lost to me, I directed my mind to my times with Cerise, and dwelled on the love we had shared for those beautiful years we had together. The demons in my mind tried to enter in, but as if they were weakened, I found I was easily able to push them aside. Were they losing their power over me? I would have to talk to Alba.

* * * *

I went to work, having slept peacefully, and when my work day was finished, I couldn't wait to talk with Alba. After dinner, we sat and she listened for a minute as I told her what I thought, and how my sleep had been.

"Honey, what they put in your mind—that which made you feel so ashamed and guilty of having—you're finding that what they told you had to be untrue, and the rational, reasoning side of your mind is shining light on that darkness they put in you," she said after I had asked her what she made of it.

"At least that's how I see it," she added, "but you know I'm prejudiced by virtue of my not believing. Only you learning the facts will tell you for sure. If the nightmares do go away, I think you'll be able to say that your learning has shone a light on the darkness of what they taught you . I'd keep at it if I were you. You're sleeping though you're thinking of her, and mightily by what you say," she said with a sideways look at me that showed me some of her grinning.

Somehow I felt that what she said was right. I decided to see if I could find some books on those Maccabees, and whatever else that might be of interest.

"Want some help?" Alba offered. "We could have dinner out, then search the bookstores."

"Okay, if you don't mind," I said.

"Oh no, I don't mind. As I said, this is interesting and getting more so, and it's more than just the phytologist in me."

* * * *

We had a light dinner, then went at it. There wasn't much time, but with the two of us, we went through a few quickly. At a small bookstore, Alba showed me a book.

"This looks like it might be interesting; maybe what you're looking for," she said.

It was a history of Israel from Alexander to Bar Kochba, whoever he was. The index looked interesting though, and it promised much about the Maccabees, and had some fairly detailed maps if I needed them..

"It may be what I need. This encompasses the times that your friend gave us on when Daniel was written."

* * * *

I spent as much time with reading it as I could. It was more than interesting, but it would have to wait until the next day. I took it to work with me, but maybe I shouldn't have; it was hard to find time, not to mention privacy, to read it as I should.

After dinner, Alba told me to read away, she didn't mind, and I went to my bedroom. It was interesting, but taking time to absorb it as best I could, I found that I had to leave off and content myself with reading some, then taking the time of think on it and absorb it properly.

That's how it was during the week, and I was so into it that I declined going to the club and told Alba to go on and enjoy it for both of us. Reading, and going to the Internet to try to round out what I was reading, I was surprised to hear Alba when she returned.

"How're you doing?" she asked.

"This is so interesting, Alba, but it's all been so strange to me that I've been spending a lot of time sorting it all out. I'd not heard of any of this before."

"Any tidbits to share?" she asked.

"It's starting to make some sense, and it's about to blow my mind. Maybe soon I'll have learned enough to tell you about it, but right now, it's still too hazy."

"I'm looking forward to what you make of it, but I'm tickled that you're not being bombarded by that damned preacher, pardon my French."

"No worries, your language is about how I'm starting to feel."

"Hey, that cute femme you were dancing with last asked about you. I think she has a crush on you."

"Did you get her over it?" I teased her.

"Hmpf! I tried, but she's stuck on you, for a while at least. Cute as can be though, and she's got an ass to die for. Nice and compact, and rounded like I like 'em," she said with a fake swoon.

That set me to thinking that I should go to the club on the next Friday and dance to see what happened, or more precisely, if what happened the last time wouldn't happen. This learning was, I hoped, what would free me from those nightmares and that, demon, or demons, that haunted me when I loved, or thought about loving Cerise, and even Kayla back then. With that in mind, I vowed to continue to learn.