Lovers, Losers, and Liars

He adjusted the car seat to go back as far as it would go and leaned back, trying to relax. It was no use. He could feel tears leaking down the side of his face. He had been through some rough times growing up but nothing like he was experiencing at that moment. All he could think about were all the times he missed having a father. He looked out the windshield at the cloudless blue sky and thought of all the times he lay in bed at night and fantasized about how his make-believe dad would advise him on how to handle a situation that he'd had that day.

After leaving the apartment, Scott wanted to be alone but the more he thought, the more he needed to let it out. He reached for his phone. "Hi, Sandy."

"Hi, Honey, you sound a little down; did you talk to your mom?"

"Yeah, she pretty much admitted everything. She's been lying to me my whole life. Dad never hit her, she said he never laid a hand on her but that's not the worst thing, she was screwing Jack behind his back."

"Oh, Honey, I'm so sorry. Where are you?"

"I'm by the lake not far from the apartment."

"Do you want company?"

"I don't think I'll be much fun to be around right now."

"I don't care about that, Scott. Why don't you come over and pick me up? If you want to talk, I'll be there to listen; if you don't want to... well, that's okay too."

Sandy was watching out the window. As soon as she saw his car pull up, she yelled to her folks that she was going out for a while. As miserable as Scott felt, just seeing her raise his spirits, at least a little.

Scott was determined he wasn't going to break down in front of his girlfriend but he couldn't keep the emotion out of his voice as he told her about the conversation he had with his mom. She knew there was nothing she could do except listen. It broke her heart to see him in so much pain.

"I just keep thinking about all the times I wished I had a dad," he told her. "I keep wondering if he would have been proud of me."

"Honey, I'm sure he's already proud of you, you're his son."

"That doesn't mean anything. He doesn't know me; he doesn't know anything about me. Hell, after he told me his story and I read those newspaper articles, I know him a lot better than he knows me."

"Well, that can be rectified, Honey. You have his number. Call him, spend time with him, get to know him, and let him know you.

"I know your mother's not your favorite person right now, but she did teach you to be a good person; she's proud of you. I'm sure proud of you. I have no doubt he's going to be proud of you as well, Honey. Call him, set up another meeting."

"I intend to, whether my mother likes it or not."

"I think she already knows it's inevitable, Honey. Don't worry about her right now, she's not going to try and stop you."

"You want to meet him?" Scott asked.

"Me... sure, I'd love to meet him."

"Maybe I should call him now, maybe we could have dinner next Sunday; what do you think?"

"You should call him first before making plans. We don't know what he does on Sundays, but if he's okay with it, I think it's a great idea."

Scott was so nervous his hand was shaking as he dialed the number on the back of his dad's business card. When Derek answered, Scott almost froze and could hardly talk. "Ah... it... it's me--Scott." He could feel Sandy's hand lightly rubbing his arm in a comforting gesture.

"Scott, God, I'm so glad you called, how are you doing?"

There was no mistaking the joy and happiness he heard in his dad's voice. It calmed him down a little. "I'm okay, I guess. I..." he started to ramble, "I talked to Mom, she admitted everything. She said you were working all the time and she was lonely. She fell in love with Jack; he was my stepdad for a while. She said she felt so guilty she couldn't face you so they just left. She said she was afraid her parents would disown her, that's why she made up the lies about you beating her up."

"Scott, that's all ancient history. What about you and me? I hope we can get to know each other."

"That's actually why I'm calling. I was wondering if you had any plans for next Sunday. I thought maybe we could have lunch or dinner together, Sandy, my girl would like to meet you also."

"I have a better idea; my house isn't very big but it has a nice backyard equipped with a brand new grill. How about you and Sandy coming over here? Are either of you vegetarians or have any special diet?"

"No, nothing like that," Scott replied.

"Okay, what do you like?"

Scott looked over at Sandy and quietly asked if there was anything she'd like. She answered that anything was fine with her. "Ah, we're not picky, anything you suggest is fine with us."

"We have a great butcher down the street, T-bone steaks okay with you?"

Scott looked at Sandy, "T-bones?" Her eyes opened wide as she nodded her head with a smile.

"If it's not too much trouble," Scott replied, "that would be great."

"It's no trouble at all. I'll email you my address with directions on how to get here. What direction are you coming from?"

"I live in Indiana."

"Okay, you obviously know your way to the area. I'll send you directions from when you get off of the expressway to my house. I'll figure lunch around one, but you're welcome anytime you want to get here." They said their goodbyes and disconnected.

Sandy was close enough to catch parts of Derek's side of the conversation. "He sounds really nice, Honey."

"Yeah, I know. The more I think about him the angrier I get with my mom for keeping us apart all those years."

"Honey, please don't be too hard on her. What she did was terrible, I agree, but I'm sure she had her reasons. As long as I've known her you've always been her number one priority. I'm sure she thought she was doing the right thing."

"Sandy, I know you're in her corner..."

She immediately interjected to correct him, "I'm not in her corner, Scott. I'm in your corner. I just don't want to see you reject one parent for another. All this time you've lived with only your mom, wouldn't it be nice to have her and your dad in your life for a change?"

He didn't even have to think about it, "Yeah, it sure would. Okay, I'll try to cut her some slack, but I doubt very much if we ever have the kind of relationship we used to have."

The next day, Derek was walking on air when he strolled into his office. The last couple of weeks had been hard on him, so Amy recognized his change of attitude immediately. "Have a good weekend, Derek?"

"Yeah, I sure did," he answered with a big smile. "My son called yesterday. He's coming over to the house next Sunday and bringing his girlfriend. We're going to have a cookout."

"Derek, that's wonderful."

"Yeah, I'm a little nervous though. I don't have any experience with being a dad and this deal with his mother scares the hell out of me. Although I always expected that she'd run off with a boyfriend, there was always the possibility that they had been kidnapped or that something had happened to them.

"Not that I wanted anything to happen to them but there was always that element of doubt that she didn't simply just abandon me. Then I find out she not only left me for someone else but she's been lying to my son all these years, telling him all kinds of horrible things to turn him against me.

"Amy, I hate her more now than I ever have. I'm not even sure hate is the right word; whatever I feel for her is beyond hate.

"Over the phone, Scott said he talked to her and she admitted lying. I told him it was all in the past but it's really not. This whole scenario has brought it around full circle, and I'm afraid I'm going to say something to alienate him."

"Derek, what good does it do to hate her like that?"

"Amy, I can't help the way I feel. I can't just turn it off; it's not that easy. I'm even pissed at myself for falling in love with someone like that in the first place. I can't believe I was so blind."

"Isn't that exactly what they say... 'love is blind.' Derek, you have to let go of that hate. I'm not saying you should forgive her, but you're right, even if you don't say anything, Scott's going to sense that hate for his mother and it just may put a strain on your relationship with him. You might even have to interact with her at some point; what're you going to do then? You have to find a way to let it go.

Derek had been so excited about having a relationship with his son, he'd never thought about the possibility of being around his ex again. The thought both terrified and enraged him at the same time.

For the rest of the day, Derek's mind was swimming with thoughts and emotions. He didn't feel like going straight home after work, so he stopped in at his favorite watering hole, Plato's Place. Unconsciously, a small smile stretched across his face when he saw Tom, the owner, bartending. He always liked Tom.

"Hi, Derek, hard day?"

"Is it that obvious?"

"I just don't think I've ever seen you in here on a Monday before."

"It's only Monday?"

Tom chuckled, "So, do you still drink your usual on Mondays, or do you want something stronger?"

"My usual is fine, Tom, thanks."

Tom turned to retrieve a frosty mug from the freezer and filled it from the tap. "Here you go," he said, setting the ice-cold brew down in front of Derek. "Now, what has a successful entrepreneur like yourself so bummed out?"

"Reader's Digest version... my ex-wife. For the first time in eighteen years, I have the opportunity to have a relationship with my son, but I'm afraid the intense hatred I have for my ex-wife will screw it up."

"Why do you hate her so much?"

"It's a long story, but in a nutshell, she left me when she was pregnant with my son, no note, no warning, no nothing; I came home from work one night and she was gone. I never saw her again until we accidentally ran into each other in a restaurant a few weeks ago."

"Wow, yeah, that's even worse than my ex-wife story."

"What'd yours do?"

"Stabbed me with a kitchen knife, see," he said, stretching out his right forearm for Derek to see the scar."

"Holy Cow, Tom, she just stabbed you for no reason?"

"Nah, she stabbed me because I was beating the hell out of her boyfriend," he said with a chuckle.

"Oh," Derek replied with a smile, "unfortunately, I'll probably never get that chance. My ex ran off with some guy named Jack Wilson, but he's in the wind now too. He took off on her a few years after she left me."

"Hah, poetic justice, as they say."

"Yeah, I guess, but it doesn't help my situation. Suffice it to say, there are other circumstances involved, but I never knew I could hate anyone as I hate her. It scares me."

"I know what you mean," confirmed Tom, "I actually thought about rigging the brakes on their car after the divorce. Then I thought, with my luck they'd kill some other poor bastard and they'd survive.

"You should see a shrink; that's what I did."

"Huh." Derek chuckled, "I saw one for five years after she left me. That guy really did help me. Did yours help you?"

"Well, he was a she, but yeah, she did; not to mention that I wound up marrying her sister."

Derek laughed at his friend's turn of events. "Does she still practice?"

"Yup, she says going to keep practicing till she gets it right," Tom replied with a chuckle. He grabbed a napkin and a pen from behind the bar. "I don't have her number handy, but here's her name. Her office is just off of North Avenue in the city."

"Thanks, I just might give her a call," he said as he drained the last of his beer. They said their goodbyes and Derek headed for home.

That week was hard on both Scott and his mother. He barely spoke to her at all. She wished she had someone to talk to and ask for advice, but she couldn't afford a therapist and she didn't have that many friends. She couldn't talk to any of the few she did have, because that would entail confessing to what she'd done and that was a nonstarter.

She hated going to bed at night; there were no distractions. No matter how tired she was, she'd lie there, alone with her thoughts and her regrets. She kept telling herself she must have been crazy. Derek might not have been the most exciting guy around, but he loved her, there was never any doubt of that. Back then, if she'd had the sense and maturity that she currently had, she would have never cheated on him, not with Jack, not with any of them.

Toward the end of the week when Scott told his mother he and Sandy were going to visit his dad, she didn't like it but she couldn't stop him if she wanted. Again, she begged her son for forgiveness but knew in her heart things would never be the same between them. She tried to put on a brave face and asked him to convey her deepest apologies to his dad. Scott said that he would.

He picked up Sandy and headed for Illinois. He had Sandy read him the directions when he exited the expressway and pulled into his dad's driveway a little after eleven o'clock.

Derek had been keeping one eye open for them as he was getting ready and was out the door almost immediately. He felt like a child at Christmas as he greeted them, almost running from his porch. He didn't want to rush things; he knew Scott had to warm up to him in his own time, but he couldn't help the enthusiasm as he shook his son's hand. "Hi, Scott, I'm so glad you called." He looked toward the beautiful young lady to his right, "And this must be Sandy; I'm so glad to meet you," he said, shaking her dainty hand. "Welcome to you both, come on in."

He led them into his modest, three-bedroom ranch home and showed them around. "I know it's not much, but it's comfortable," he told them.

"It looks pretty good to me," Scott commented. "Mom and I live in a small two-bedroom apartment.

"The best part is back here," he said while leading them through the kitchen and out the back door to a beautiful large deck overlooking a well-manicured, fenced-in lawn.

"Oh wow," both Scott and Sandy said simultaneously.

"I have a buddy who's a carpenter. We built it together shortly after I bought the place."

Sandy directed Scott's attention to the other side of the deck. "Look, Honey, he has a hammock out here."

"Yeah," Derek replied with a small laugh, "believe it or not, I sometimes sleep out here when the mosquitoes aren't bad."

"I believe it," Sandy responded, "I'd sleep out here all the time. It's so quiet and peaceful, you can't even hear the cars."

"Yeah, the way the houses are built out here, they kind of act as a sound barrier. It's the main reason I bought this place." Derek offered them a chair and ran through a list of things he had to drink. They both stopped him when he got to iced tea.

As they sat back and started to relax, Scott was soaking it in. "Man, this is really nice."

"Yeah," Sandy concurred, "I could get used to this real quick."

"Well, you know you're welcome any time."

Trying to fill a silent moment, he unwittingly broke his dad's good mood. "Mom wanted me to tell you she was sorry for what she did."

Simply referencing the woman who hurt him so badly was like nails across a chalkboard for Derek, but he managed to keep his rage in check. "Tell her I said thanks," he said, pretty well masking his feelings, "but why don't we just concentrate on ourselves; are you working?"

"Yeah."

Sandy chimed in, "Huh, slaving is more like it."

"I work for a roofing company," Scott continued.

"Jesus, that's got to be unbearable on hot days. I sure hope they pay well."

"Not really, I make a couple of bucks over minimum wage."

"That's it?"

"Yeah, I'm just a trainee. Most of the time I just haul shingles and supplies up to the guys on the roof."

"Wow, I guess it's safe to say you're not afraid of hard work," Derek said with admiration. "Sandy, what about you?"

"I work as a cashier at Target."

"She makes almost as much as me," said Scott. "How about you?"

"I'm an independent rep for Leica. They make an unbelievable array of products, everything from ground penetrating radar and mapping units to the world's finest cameras. They're world-famous for their optical lens quality. That's what I cover; I mostly sell cameras, microscopes, and binoculars."

"I'll bet not many people buy microscopes."

"I don't sell anything to people, Scott. I sell to companies and large corporations. I sell microscopes to hospitals, universities, and science labs, places like that. They range in price anywhere from sixty-five grand to a few thousand."

"Sixty-five thousand dollars for a microscope?" Scott was astonished.

"That's as high as my product line goes, there are others out there that cost much more. Titan makes one that runs over six mil. Most of the microscopes I sell run between four and six grand a piece, but I rarely sell just one or two. A college or hospital will usually buy anywhere from fifty to a couple hundred at a crack.

"Enough about work; you guys getting hungry? I have a salad in the fridge, and some potatoes in that little burn pit over there; ever had potatoes smoked and roasted in a pit of burning leaves and wood chips?" Scott and Sandy looked at each other, then back at him and shook their heads. "Oh, you're in for a real treat," he told them.

He was right, neither Scott nor Sandy had ever tasted a meal any better. After filling their stomachs, Derek made another pitcher of iced tea and filled their glasses.

As they all sat around talking, Scott couldn't believe how comfortable he felt in his father's presence. He hated to think about leaving but it was getting to be that time. Sandy didn't want to leave either, but Scott was driving, and unless she wanted to hitchhike home, she had to go with him.

They had barely pulled into traffic when Sandy almost screamed with enthusiasm, "Scott, your dad is FANTASTIC," emphasizing the adjective.

"Yeah, he kind of is, isn't he. I can't believe Mom ditched him for Jack. I don't remember a lot about him, but I remember them yelling at each other a lot."

"I wish we could have stayed longer."

"I've got to be at work by seven tomorrow morning, Sandy."

"I know, but it's still early."

"I also have sixty bucks in my pocket."

"Sixty dollars?"

"Yup, and a room at the Day's Inn on route forty-one is only forty-eight dollars—fifty-two with tax," he said with a smile.

Sandy suddenly saw the logic in leaving early. She reached over and kissed him on the cheek. "You're pretty fantastic yourself, big boy."

Scott's mother had been torturing herself all day with one fearful thought after another. She had about a million questions for Scott when he walked in. "Hi."

"Hi."

"Are you hungry? There's some chicken in the fridge."

After the meal they had at his dad's, Scott wasn't planning on eating again until breakfast, but he and Sandy had worked up an appetite so he threw a couple of pieces of chicken on a plate and stuck it in the microwave.

"So... how did it go?"

Scott didn't reply right away. When the timer dinged, he took his food and sat down at the kitchen table. "I can't believe you left him for Jack," he finally said. "He's got a beautiful house in Arlington Hills. You should see the deck in the back; it's really nice. He has his own business and I got a feeling he makes a lot of money."

That wasn't what she wanted to hear. She was hoping her ex would be living in an apartment like them, but she had more questions... "Is he married?"

"I don't know, I don't think so. He didn't mention a wife and he was the only one we saw. I was going to ask a couple of times, but then we were always talking about something else and I'd forget."

He took a bite of chicken and it reminded him of the dinner he'd had a few hours earlier. "Mom, have you ever had roasted potatoes from a burn pit?"

The question brought her back in time to when she and Derek were first married. The memory made her smile. "Yeah, he learned that from his mom and dad. Were they good?"