tagHumor & SatireLynn and Bobby Ch. 02

Lynn and Bobby Ch. 02


Chapter 2: The Princess

In the months after Lynn and I recovered from Lynn's disastrous affair with Bill we had the best sex I could have ever imagined. We were happy. My work was going well and we enjoyed our nice house in a San Diego suburb. Pretty good for just four years out of college. Then something happened. It was not intentional or premeditated. It was accidental. I accidently got laid. I had to go home and tell Lynn about it. And, frankly, I was a little bit worried. What happened was interesting.

I had had a golf lesson at the club at noon Saturday. When I finished I was walking to my car and there parked next to me was the Princess, who had just finished a set of tennis. Now, the Princess is a thirty-something, well-endowed, flashy blonde who is the trophy wife of a wealthy petroleum engineer, thirty years older than she. Her husband travels to oil fields all over the world and it was common knowledge that when he was away she "slept around." The ladies of the club nicknamed her "the Princess" because they did not like her. She was almost ten years older that me, but built like the proverbial masonry comfort station.

We said hello, both of us a bit sweaty, and stopped to talk a while. The first thing she mentioned was that her husband was in Saudi Arabia. I found the information interesting and wondered who she had her eyes on to service her in his absence. My question was answered when she invited me over to her place for a drink and a dip in the pool to cool off. The Princess aroused my curiosity, if not my libido. There were so many stories and at least two personal accounts of her talents in bed. I was curious about her. And there she was, strutting her tits and showing me what looked like a nice ass in tight shorts. Maybe this would be interesting. To make a long story short, I spent the afternoon at her place.

When I got home it was time for cocktails and Lynn was bubbling with enthusiasm as she served our drinks, telling me all about her bridge club that morning. "How come you didn't come home after you your golf lesson? Did you play a round?

"Play around? Yes I was playing around," I answered, not really expecting her to appreciate my humor.

"Who did you play with," she asked.

"The Princess."

"You played a round of golf with the Princess?" Lynn asked incredulously.

"No, I played around with the Princess."

"Run that by me again."

"I fucked the Princess."

"It's a joke, right?"

"No, it's not a joke. I fucked her. Fucked her all afternoon."

Lynn seemed pissed by what I said.

"It's not a joke?

Her face told me I had caught her by surprise. Lynn did not like the Princess. None of the wives at the club did for obvious reasons.

"It's not a joke. But you'll be laughing about it in a few minutes like it was a joke."

"What do you see in the Princess," Lynn asked

" I don't see anything. I don't even know if I like her. I was just curious."


"I had heard so many stories about her. Two guys at the club claimed they'd screwed her. And suddenly, here she was telling me her husband was in Saudi Arabia, flashing those big tits at me, and inviting me over to her place for a drink and a dip in her pool to cool off. And she had on tight shorts that showed off her ass. I was curious."

"You screwed her because you were curious. You're not interested in her. You're just curious?"

"I was just curious."

"You're a bastard! Curious about what."

"The stories I heard about her. That she was good pussy and gave good head."

"So, you went to her place and then what?"

"We were hot and sweaty so we got in the pool."

"Got into the pool without your swimsuit. And she did too?"

"Well, duh!"

"So tell me about her." Lynn was still pissed, but at least she was listening.

"She's got really big tits, but she's thirty five and they sag down a little bit."

Lynn smiled, licked her finger, and made an imaginary check mark in the air off to her right, saying, "Saggy tits."

"She has a skimpy beaver."

"A skimpy beaver? Oh my God baby, you have just made my day!" She licked her finger and made another imaginary check mark on her imaginary scorecard. Lynn knew how much I liked thick hairy beavers.

"She has a nice ass, but it's not tight like yours, it's a little larger and softer."

"This just keeps getting better." Licking her finger she checked off her imaginary score card saying, "Fat ass."

"It's not really fat, and it's actually kinda fun to play with."

"This broad is no competition! Why are you fucking her?"

"You need to hear the rest."

" What rest? Hell, I got her at seven on a scale of ten. That is if you still consider me a ten. Okay baby, what's the rest?

"You are a ten. And the rest is, she fakes her orgasms."

"Oh my God, are you sure? Tell me about it." At last Lynn was no longer pissed. She was interested in what I had to say. Maybe it would be okay after all.

"Well, after we got out of the pool and dried off, we stood there, while I checked out her equipment. Then she took me to her bedroom -- they have separate bedrooms -- and laid me on my back, sucked me to get me hard, then crawled on top and started to fuck."

"She did all the work? The bitch!"

"She did all the work. I just laid there. Now about the point you took off her score for, I think you said, 'saggy tits.' When she's on top, they hang down, right above my face, so that ..." I began to use my hands to illustrate.

"I got it, you bastard, I got it, you don't have to draw me a picture," turning to the imaginary chart and making a motion like she was erasing something.

"Did she bring you off?"

"It took a while. At first I just laid there, playing with her tits, sucking on her extra large nipples, reaching around to play with her ass, which felt kinda nice when she was fuckin' me. It was a lot of fun. It's fun just lying there with her doing' all the work and watching her tits jiggle when she humped. Then I got serious, thought about you, and pumped a load."

"You bastard! You lousy bastard! You actually thought about me while you were fuckin' her? Damn you!"

"Would you rather I fucked you and thought about her?"

"Well, when you say it that way ..." She chuckled, "I can see myself at the bridge luncheon talking to the girls." Her voice took on a high-pitched gossipy tone as she said, 'And, Doris, my husband really loves me. He was fucking the Princess last week but he thought about me the whole time.'" She broke out in laughter, shaking her head back and forth, and blowing me a kiss. "You told me I would be laughing. So, okay, she brought you off. Then what?"

"Well, after I came, she pumped her ass several times, then started making all this noise, groaning and moaning, and closing her eyes and moving her head around trying to convince me that she was having an orgasm."

"But she didn't? Are you sure?"

I just sat there saying nothing and looked at her. Finally, she said, "Okay. Okay. You know what it feels like."

"Damn straight I do. Feels like I got my cock caught in a vice!"

She laughed. "A user-friendly vice. But not all women are the same. Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. After we played around a little, I got on top of her and fucked her real nice. She wanted to blow me, but I wanted to see if I could give her an orgasm. I took my time and did it right. I tried all sorts of little things for almost twenty minutes. I worked on her every way I knew and she didn't come. I was getting tired so I thought about you again -- I'm not putting' you on baby, I really did, I imagined I heard you grunting -- and after I pumped my load, she did her act again."

"Bastard. It still bugs me you thought of me while you were fucking her. But twenty minutes of your best fucking didn't bring her off?"

"Makes me feel inadequate. Presents a challenge."

"You're not inadequate! What challenge are you talking about? What do you mean challenge?"

"I'm going back tomorrow afternoon and try again."

"Try again? You bastard! You're gonna make me sit here, knowing you're fucking her, waiting for you to come home to tell me if you made her come? You're a genuine bastard!"

"Well, darling, you've always told me that all men are bastards and you've told me that I am a genuine man, so ... "

She sat there laughing and shaking her head. "Okay, so what's on your agenda tomorrow?"

"Well, she promised me a blow job and I thought I might eat some pussy."

I thought Lynn was going to jump out of her chair. She shouted, "Eat pussy. Eat that bitch's pussy, while I'm sitting here thinking about you over there with her?"

"Settle down baby. I'm not in love, I'm just curious."

"Well, shit! It's okay I guess. But, I'm curious too. I'm curious to know if there's a third load in your balls this afternoon."

"Now who's the bitch! I can hear your mind clicking like a machine. Make the son-of-a-bitch prove he loves you -- wear the bastard out -- get him off tomorrow morning again before he leaves -- just empty him out -- squeeze the poor bastard like a sponge -- dry him out."

She was laughing loudly and nodding her head by the time I finished my list. "I guess I am pretty transparent. But, right now I love you and I am a horny bitch who wants to spread her legs. If you want supper, you'd better service me now. Oh, and yeah, it really will make me feel better about you loving me."


I was not in the best shape when I went over to the Princess' house the next afternoon. My loving wife had seen to that. Before supper, at bedtime, and this morning! I was tired, but duty calls. Into the breach, Horatio! I was going to bring that bitch off. I did not intend to hear another fake orgasm. I had a plan in my head, even if my dick was a little weak. By the cocktail hour when I returned home I was feeling really good. Mission accomplished! Lynn saw it on my face the moment I entered the front door. She greeted me with words of genuine love and affection.

"You son-of-a-bitch! You did it didn't you! You brought that horny bitch off!"

I just smiled and nodded my head yes. "Mix me a drink."

"Start at the beginning," she said as we sat down with a bottle of Glenlivet and two glasses of rocks on the table.

"Well, you were very successful. I was too tired to fuck and I was even worried about letting' her try to blow me."


"Yes, good. Very good indeed. I think she saw it as a sign of affection that I was not interested wham bammin' her. She was impressed that I was nice to her.


"Yes. Shit. That's what I thought you might say. So we sat down and had a whisky. I was real nice to her."

"That's cheating! No fair!"

"All's fair in love and war. So I sat there and talked to her about herself, for over an hour. Asked about growing up, college, the job she had before marriage, what her life was like now, what she enjoyed. She really opened up and talked. We sat on the couch and I treated her like a teen-ager. After over an hour of friendly conversation and laughing, I moved over closer to her on the couch. Then a little harmless stroking, staying away from her tits and thighs, and I kissed her. No masculine aggression. Just soft words and gentle caresses. We were on the floor on a big sheepskin rug after another ten minutes and I was undressing her very slowly, kissing her all over her body as I stripped her. I don't think anyone had done anything like that to her ever. She was used to guys just whipping it out and fucking her. She just melted.

"You are an unscrupulous, unprincipled, son-of-a-bitch! You made love to her. You made love to that bitch! Didn't you? Didn't you?"

"Well, I guess I did. But, baby I never lied to her. I never said I loved her."

"Big deal! I know what she thought. Then what."

"By the time I was ready to eat pussy, she was caressing me and running her fingers through my hair. I was gentle. Very gentle. I started at her breasts and worked my way down very gradually. I stroked her body with my fingertips, being as gentle as I could be. I used my tongue very gently. Her pussy was wet. It was dripping wet. I think she used a lubricant yesterday, but she didn't need one today. I was slow and loving. I started with the tip of my tongue high on her clit then worked my way down from one side to the other until I found the spot she liked best. Then I got the tip of my tongue very softly in that spot. It was just the right place."

"Stop it you bastard. You're making me horny. You unscrupulous son-of-a-bitch! Okay what happened next?"

"Well, after that build up, it took only a couple of minutes of careful work to bring her off. She had a very long orgasm with nice gentle contractions that grew in intensity and very little noise -- just soft moaning - and I kept her going for a long time, just as long as I could. She just laid there, made those little pumps, and enjoyed it. Afterwards she lay quietly and I held her close for about fifteen minutes. I think it was the first time a man had taken the trouble to make her come in years.

"You are truly an unscrupulous bastard. I'll bet you're the first guy ever to worry about her having an orgasm. Did she blow you?

"Yes she did."

"Was she any good?"

"Yes she was. It was a very good and a very unusual blow job."

"What do you mean unusual. How the hell can a blow job be unusual?"

"She didn't move her head."

"Didn't move her head? Gave you a blowjob and didn't move her head? How the hell did she make you come? Did she make you come?"

"Yes, I came in about three minutes, maybe less -- I wasn't watching the clock."

"How the hell did she do that?"

"With her you shouldn't call it head. You ought to call it tongue. She did the whole thing with the fastest tongue in the west swirling around my dick so fast I just lost my mind. Like electricity. I never felt anything like it before."

"After all my work, wearing out your dick, she just popped your cork in a couple of minutes?"


"The bitch! The lousy bitch! You never felt anything like it before? You bastard! You enjoyed it! Jesus! I could cry!"

"You won't though. What you will probably do is start practicing secretly on a bratwurst."

"I was laughing up till now, but this is not funny. It's not funny at all. Just her tongue?"

"Just her tongue."

"You liked it?"

"I liked it."

"Better than the blow jobs I give you?"

"When was the last one?"

"I don't remember. Shit! Double shit! How about tonight?"

"I'm exhausted from what you two horny broads have done to me in the last twenty four hours. My dick needs a rest. Get your learner's permit and we'll try later."

"Learner's permit! You bastard! You're making me feel bad -- you really are."

I took her in my arms and kissed her. Then I held her close and told her how much I loved her. "Now laugh about it. It really is funny. Think of it as a challenge."

She giggled and said in her gossipy bridge club voice, "Doris, I've got my work cut out for me next week. That gal that Bobby's fucking is using a new technique to blow him and I've got to learn it." She laughed. "Lets go to the club for dinner tonight."

At the club, who would walk in but the Princess, her tits standing out proudly. She was being escorted by her brother-in-law, which was respectable, in spite of several rumors about them. Her husband's brother was in his early fifties, single, and quite attractive. She seemed embarrassed that I saw her.

Lynn was amused. "She looks guilty. She probably doesn't want you to know he's fucking her."

"We can't be sure that he is.

"The girls at the bridge club are sure."

"That's just gossip."

"Maybe. But she looked awful guilty just now when you saw her. What did you say was the next priority on your list?"

"I want to fuck her lovingly and give her an orgasm."

"I hope you do. I want you to give her a nice big one. The best she's ever had. Do you want to know why?"

"You're going to tell me anyway."

"I want that bitch to be unhappy with every guy she fucks from now on. And after you give her a really good orgasm from a loving fuck, she will be. The only thing she'll remember will be the orgasms you gave her and she'll be disappointed with every man after you."

"The betrayed wife's revenge."

"Exactly!" Then in her bridge club voice she said, "And Doris, we've all had the wrong idea about her. She's actually very nice if you give her a chance. Bobby said he talked to her about herself and before you know it she was having really great orgasms."

I shushed her; afraid the next table would hear. She continued with a chuckle, "If anybody had said I could joke about you fucking some blonde bitch, and not feel a thing when she walks by me in a restaurant, I would have said they were crazy."


I rested a day and then, taking a half-day off from work, visited the Princess' house again. Lynn was still on board with my program and I kept my fingers crossed. This time I spent only a half hour on the couch talking to her about her life, before I made the same careful teenage approach. When I got back home at cocktail hour Lynn was waiting and was in a really good mood. I had news that would make her next bridge club morning the best of her life.


"Do you want the bottom line or a play by play?"

"Darling, the way you fuck, I have no doubt whatsoever about the bottom line. Give me a relaxed play by play. I'll pour the scotch."

"Okay. For a half hour I played nice on the couch. We had a drink and a couple of puffs. Then, I took a gentle approach and gave her what I would describe as a polite, missionary fuck, taking my time and being very careful where my dick rubbed her. I was fucking for her orgasm, not mine. Less than five minutes in to it, she started a slow gentle hump -- not a fake hump for show -- but a real hump she couldn't avoid. I would call it a very ladylike hump. I had her and I kept her. She just built and built and then she moaned softly and her pussy started a series of soft contractions. Her contractions started very softly and then her orgasm mounted in intensity. She just poured out juice. Her contractions were long lasting and steady. I'd say her orgasm lasted at least twice as long as yours, maybe longer. No loud noises -- just soft moaning with increasing intensity, and her hands caressing my back and pulling me close."

"Twice and long as me? The bitch!"

"Yep, maybe longer. Then I held her close and she just lay there holding me, caressing me, until I started humping and thinking about you and then she humped back till I pumped my load. She held my head in her two hands, looked up at me and told me it was the best "loving" she had ever had."

"The L-word! I was afraid of that!"

"I don't think so. She was trying to tell me how gentle and caring I had been. What she needed was tenderness -- that was the secret to her satisfaction. We took a break for a drink. Then I started talking to her in my 'serious voice.' I said I had seen her with her brother-in-law at the club. Then I said that I didn't want her to keep secrets from me. If I were going to see her, she would have to be completely honest."

"I told her I wanted to see her again but I had two friends who told me they took her to bed, and then I said 'I don't want to be sitting at the club bar with some guy who's been in your bed and me not know about it. Do you understand that?' And she said she understood."

"So I steered her over to a small desk with writing paper and pen. I took out a sheet of paper and handed her a pen and said, 'Make a list of all the guys at the club who have been in your bed. If the two guys I know were in your bed are not on that list, I'm walking out now and I won't be back.'"

Lynn started to laugh. "Oh my God! You bastard! You made tender love to her, got her to fall for you, got her to want you again, then threatened to leave her if she didn't list all the guys she's fucked? You're a total bastard! I hope to hell she told you to fuck-off."

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