Majgen Ch. 003

He had successfully manipulated students to do what he wanted, without being direct, on several occasions in the past. In manners that would keep the student in the dark regarding his motives. Often so much so, that they did not realize they had been manipulated in the proper direction at all.

Baglian spent a few minutes planning like this before he realized that; Majgen was not a normal mentarion.

'I can't use subtle manipulation on her. It will be impossible to keep her in the dark,' Baglian realized, he frowned for a moment; 'Training Student Majgen will be indeed be unique.' Like all teaching mentarions Femaron Baglian was used to keeping his mind shielded from his students, and to not allowing them to shield their minds from him.

However, Majgen was not a normal student, as long as she was with him she would have quite a bit of access to his mind, whether either of them wanted it or not.

'There can be no subtle manipulation from my part, I won't be able to hide my motives from her.' Baglian's mind joggled with the unfamiliar concept. 'In the long run, I wont be able to hide any parts of my private mind from her.'

The concept of loss of privacy was not really disconcerting to Baglian. Unlike most higher ranking mentarions he wasn't worried about someone of lower rank knowing what he was thinking.

Baglian's extreme arrogance also made him extremely self asserted. If somebody saw something they disapproved of in his mind, and thought lesser of him for it. Baglian simply didn't care. He knew himself, he liked what he was, who he was. If somebody had a different opinion, Baglian would consider it their problem, not his.

To him the only problems with loss of privacy of mind, while together with Majgen, were practical ones.

Majgen was getting used to the image of colour blue he was transmitting to her. She was slowly starting to pay attention to him again. Baglian wanted privacy of mind a little longer though, especially while contemplating the possible problems of, and solutions, to a student/mentor-relationship with no privacy for the mentor. To buy more time he transmitted a new image to Majgen to replace the blue.

This time he used a memory of sparkling bright purple. He could have sedated her completely, but he wanted her to be clearheaded after his scan.

Baglian had good experiences with using the first several hours of a new student/mentor-relationship; to clarify to the student what conduct of behaviour he expected of that student. He normally used both words and actions, to accomplish this. However, if his student was partially dazed and disoriented after a longer mind sedation, it would be very hard to obtain a similar effect.

Majgen reveled deeply in the colour purple; she closed her eyes and even smiled broadly.

'She hasn't smiled in a long time,' Baglian thought. He could sense how unaccustomed her face was to the amiable expression.

With Majgen focusing on purple, he had sufficient privacy to contemplate the aspect of lack of privacy. Weissme had briefly mentioned the privacy issue to him, but until now, he had not given much thought to the subject.

The last couple of years Femaron Baglian had been working his way towards a career that would give him access to confidential governmental information. However, he had not been given security clearance for any level of governmental confidentiality yet.

Since he wasn't bothered by whatever personal information Majgen might obtain from him, that was not an issue either.

'The only secrets I carry are those related to patient confidentiality. Any mentarion is covered by the same laws of patient confidentiality, so in spite of the fact that she has not yet graduated I do not need to keep such information from her.

'None of the information in my mind is of a type, which it will be imperative for the girl not to know,' Baglian concluded.

'It seems the only direct problem with loss of privacy is that I will not be able to use subtle manipulation as a tool for training her.' Baglian frowned again, he would need to extensively rewrite his usual student training procedures. He didn't wish to stay in taxi gate 7 long enough to do that immediately though.

He returned to the issue of Majgen's abuse of trivial thoughts. He would have to be direct, some in words and actions, the rest she should be able to sense from him herself.

He felt a need to make a decision on one more area, before leaving the hallway. When alone Majgen often resorted to a particular daydream. One directly related to her atypical view on the subject of being discarded as a mentarion. He did not approve of that daydream, nor of her atypical view on failing as a mentarion. However, now that he knew more of her situation he no longer despised her for it.

----=(Majgen's Secret Daydream)=----

After losing her graduation-daydream, at the eve of her seventeenth birthday, Majgen had been unable to sleep well for several days. For years that daydream had been like a sleep inducing drug to her.

A warm thought to make despair and fear give her a moments rest.

Without that, it had become impossible for her to put her worries aside long enough to fall asleep. Majgen had suffered from the loss of her fantasy, slowly sinking into a more constant depressed state. This unhealthy development had continued a few weeks until one evening a new fantasy came to her. A forbidden thought: The thought of what would happen if she was discarded by the Mentariata.

Student Majgen would be expelled from the Mentariata if it was once and for all officially decided and declared: That she was unworthy of a mentarion's life.

If that happened she would be transferred to the Empaticon, the ruling part of the sub-society for weaker empaths. Under that rule Majgen could expect a life with relatively more freedom. A life where she might spend a lot of her time medically deprived of empathic abilities. Maybe only being allowed her empathic abilities when performing simple empathic duties. Duties usually performed by weak empaths, such as searching normal schools for empathic children.

Sometimes Majgen would fantasize that even the Empaticon would rule her completely useless and turn her over to a lifetime without empathic abilities. In such a life her only true lack of freedom would be to have to report to a physician to receive anti-empathic medication on a regular basis. In these most secret moment Majgen would imagine a life where she could get a low waged uneducated job. Maybe serving food in a low quality restaurant on a mining habitat. A life in the shame of failing as an empath, but a life of freedom.

----=(The Conflicts of a Daydream)=----

Baglian understood why she had needed the daydream while living in the Mentariata. He now knew the daydream was not as irresponsibly selfish, as it would appear to a mentarion at first glance.

When Majgen had been deprived of hope of graduating she had of course also lost sight of being able to contribute to society, to fulfill a mentarions duties. So her daydream was solely aimed at escaping the hardships of her current life, not at avoiding duty. Knowing the mechanics behind her daydream, was what made him able to not despise her for it.

Since he no longer despised for her it; he was sure his quality of life would not be affected if he allowed her to keep the daydream. It wouldn't bother him to sense that daydream in her.

'At least not while she is still erroneously convinced that she can do no good as a mentarion,' Baglian concluded. 'I wonder how long she will consider herself useless.'

Apart from his own well-being, there were other factors for Baglian to consider regarding Majgen's rejection fantasy.

'Practically any mentarion who might learn of the fantasy will desire to beat it out of her,' Baglian thought. He had no interest in wasting time dealing with conflicts with other mentarions.

'Such conflicts can of course easily be solved by letting them do it.' However it would be very unlike Femaron Baglian to let another mentarion beat a student of his, for something he had decided not to punish. Unless he was outranked and hence deprived of choice.

'Student Majgen is my personal student, if she is entitled to beatings I will administer them myself.'

He was living and working in Drom though, face to face contact with other mentarions was rare there.

To Baglian a good reason in to force Student Majgen to give up the fantasy was:

'This particular fantasy is a direct anti-motivator to her mentarion training. So far she has not consciously neglected her studies, nor obstructed her training, in order to make the fantasy more likely to come true. However, an anti-motivator like this is very likely to eventually result in subconscious obstruction of further training. Not only that, this fantasy will make it harder for new motives in favor of training to surface.'

There were also good reasons for him to allow her to keep the daydream. One aspect, Baglian considered, was that this daydream had helped her remain mentally healthy while living in the Mentariata.

'The hope of a better life, which the fantasy instills in her; might be needed to keep her stable a while longer,' Baglian thought, 'At least until she realizes that her life with me will be a lot less painful than her life at the Mentariata has been. Provided she is still intent on pursuing an obedient path of course.'

Majgen had retained the fantasy after several beatings relating to it. That fact alone was a strong indicator of how much the daydream meant to her mental stability. Femaron Baglian analyzed those of her subconscious emotional patterns relating to the fantasy. He wanted to find out exactly how important the daydream was to her mind.

He found that if she was forced to give up the daydream immediately, it would most likely be replaced by daydreams of death. Baglian had much experience in areas of mental illness, he knew the possible long term effects of conscious daydreaming of dying.

'Since she is so mentally sound, there should be ample warning signs to warn me in advance before she develops true suicidal tendencies. So daydreams of death will not directly endanger her life in near future,' Baglian thought.

'In reality daydreams of dying will be more constructive for her training than daydreams of being discarded. Especially since early stages of death fantasies will force her subconscious mind to find and deliver other sources of hope to her conscious mind.'

Baglian was not bothered by moral inhibitions regarding the concept of temporarily forcing the young woman to daydream of dying. On a longer term he was sure that swift progress in her training would be good; both for her and for society.

There were aspects concerning the matter of Majgen's secret daydream, which Baglian had not considered. Majgen's subconscious mind had slowly but surely taught itself that self-destructive tendencies in Majgen had a direct effect on her surroundings.

A self-endangering effect.

Every higher ranked mentarion, spending time around Majgen, had been made acutely aware of the unique strength and rapid effects of Student Majgen Rahan's emanations. Many teachers at the Mentariata had personally witnessed incidents of mentarions run amuck because of Majgen's emanations themselves. The rest had been either verbally informed, like Baglian was before he came to the Mentariata. Or had been shown memories of such events.

The high ranking mentarions knew that it was possible for graduated mentarions to resist the effects of her emanations, as long as they remained aware of the danger.

Majgen's subconscious, however, was not blessed with understanding such distinctions. Her subconscious did not understand how self-destructive feelings in Majgen lead to real physical danger, and it also did not understand how that danger could be avoided in spite of self-destructive feelings. The scientific causality was too unemotional to be comprehended by subconscious pseudo-logic.

During her years in the Mentariata Majgen had on a few occasions been in mortal danger, caused by her own subconscious emission of self-destructive emanations. Her life had not been in danger every time her emanations had caused her unpleasantries, but threats to her life had occurred on enough occasions to make her subconscious aware of the danger.

Majgen's subconscious was, like Baglian, convinced that if she gave up her year old daydream of rejection, she would resort to daydreams of death.

Majgen's subconscious was convinced that daydreams of death would cause rise of self-destructive feelings in her.

Majgen's subconscious was convinced that self-destructive feelings in her would put her in mortal danger.

The prime directive of Majgen's subconscious was to keep Majgen alive.

The first time a teacher had discovered; Majgen actually desired expulsion, she had been beaten severely. Even before the third lash had struck her Majgen's subconscious had understood that if Majgen didn't consciously daydream about expulsion regularly; she would be less likely to be punished for it again.

However, her subconscious had long ago learned the difference between pain from corporal punishment and mortal danger. The desire to keep Majgen out of mortal danger, had much higher priority than the desire to avoid pain.

After this first beating, Majgen's subconscious mind neglected to send it's conclusion on to her semi-conscious mind. It even began an active effort to convince Majgen's conscious mind that; it would be impossible for her to put all thoughts of expulsion out of her mind. The purpose of this had been to make her conscious mind less likely to draw any conclusions that could endanger the forbidden daydream.

The conscious parts of Majgen's mind were still fully occupied with contemplating and enjoying the colour purple, which Baglian continuously transmitted to her.

Her subconscious parts were not.

Majgen's subconscious mind was actively processing the input Majgen gained from her senses. Especially Baglian's emotional emanations as received by her empathic senses. When Baglian had started to contemplate whether or not to deprive Majgen of her old daydream, Majgen's subconscious had received information of his contemplations, and had instantly started processes to plan how to defend the daydream.

Active subconscious processes were too swift for simultaneous conscious analysis.

Sooner than Femaron Baglian was done contemplating even one aspect in favor of forcing Majgen to cease the old daydream: Majgen's subconscious was already done planning several courses of action. One for each likely method of force, which it had perceived from in Baglian's mind.

Consciously Baglian had no concept of how severely Majgen's subconscious was willing to fight for the daydream. His conscious contemplations on the matter of her daydream, were pointing him towards directly ordering her to cease conscious daydreaming.

However, while Baglian had been contemplating he had still been scanning Majgen's mind. His subconscious had noticed her subconscious processing his contemplations.

Baglian's subconscious could clearly see a discrepancy, between the plan in Majgen's subconscious and the plan in Baglian's conscious mind.

Baglian expected that if he gave the order, Majgen would respond with honest attempts to cease daydreaming. He also expected that he might have to reinforce the order with smaller physical reprimands a few times.

Majgen's subconscious expected that if Baglian gave the order, then Majgen would react with pure disobedience. After strong prompting from her own subconscious mind.

Even with the emotionally based pseudo-logic of a subconscious mind, the inconsistency was evident.

Baglian's subconscious informed his semiconscious mind of the discrepancy. This again caused Baglian to gain a conscious instinctive feeling that he ought to do a precognitive analysis regarding the order, prior to voicing it.

Femaron Baglian initiated an analysis how Majgen would most likely react to his order. The result surprised him.

'Direct disobedience as the most likely reaction?' Baglian was baffled, 'Nothing I have seen in her until now has indicated she is close to rebellion.' The Femaron continued his scan, it took him a bit more than fifteen minutes to trace the causality back to her subconscious fear of self-destructive thoughts.

'One day I will most likely need to work on that phobia,' Baglian thought. 'but not too soon. On short term it will do more good than harm.'

Baglian decided to let her keep the daydream after all. In his latest estimate making her give it up immediately, by ordering her to, would require an extreme amount of punishment. Such severe beatings administered by him, would in his opinion not only set their student/mentor-relationship of to a bad start. It would also ruin his plans of letting Majgen's anxiety dissipate.

'It would also be mentally unhealthy for her. When needed a student's will should always be bent, not broken.'

----=(Taxi Gate 7, Part 4)=----

After deciding to let Majgen keep her daydream, Baglian could clearly sense how plans of rebellious acts dissipated from her subconscious.

'Well this is a unique experience,' Baglian thought, 'to see a sedated person react to my thoughts while I am still scanning.' Like most experienced mentarions Femaron Baglian was used to the mirror effects of active mind sharing. However, watching a subjects subconscious mind sense and react to his thoughts, while her conscious thoughts were occupied elsewhere; was quite different.

'Training Majgen will indeed be interesting,' he mused.

Baglian was tempted to stay in the hallway a while longer, to take more time to observe more mirror effects. The scientific potentials of gaining further information of subconscious mechanics this way, were fascinating to him.

He took a moment to slightly stretch his neck muscles, by moving his head. This also made him able to inconspicuously glance at one of the clocks build into the wall ornaments. Nearly two hours had passed since he first began scanning Majgen.

The high cost of the first class cab waiting outside didn't bother Baglian, he was a wealthy man. Same as any other skilled Femaron who could be bothered to earn cash. If the expense had been a nuisance to him, he could also have asked the Mentariata to cover it.

The temptation to stay longer was not hard for Baglian to resist though. In his opinion his student had spent too much time at the Mentariata already.

Most mentarions spent ten to fifteen years as students at a mentarion school. It was the general opinion amongst mentarions, that this time was productive for the majority of students. Baglian agreed with this opinion. However, he felt Majgen should have been pulled out of the Mentariata long ago.

Baglian considered Majgen's abilities to be too unique to squander her time. In his opinion it had been a waste to keep her in an education system, which she obviously didn't fit into, for as long as five years.

He slowly faded the intensity of the image of colour purple, which he had been feeding to Majgen's mind. That way she slowly lost interest in it, when the image no longer occupied her he ceased transmission entirely.

Majgen's anxiety returned gradually, in tune with the disappearance of fascination with purple. She felt inclined to think of trivia even sooner than Baglian took his palms of her ears, but she decided to resist the urge a while.

She could sense level emotions of intrigued fascination in Femaron Baglian, she sensed no signs of anger yet. Her conscious use of trivial thinking was mostly a preventive means of protection, so she did not usually wait until signs appeared before resorting to it.

However, Majgen would not allow herself to think of trivia until knowing if he wanted her attention, it would be directly disrespectful under these circumstances. She also wanted to apologize as soon as possible, for not having brought a full set of uniforms as ordered, and she could not phrase an apology while burying her thoughts in trivia.