Makara Ch. 10

"Were you there the whole time?" I asked him as I saw him sitting on the couch, recalling the open bathroom door, and how quickly Silas had spoken to the Beta on his way out.

"Yes," he answered, standing.

"So you knew, you heard what he was doing, and you did nothing to stop him?" I accused.

"Yes," he said again, no hint of shame or remorse.

"Then you're no better than him," I spit the words at him like venom.

"I'm no better than him?" He asked, closing the distance between us, his eyes traveling along my body. I was suddenly grateful for how much of me my baggy clothing covered. "You didn't see me taking a turn, did you?"

I was quiet, finding no words to respond to his statement. Claim? Threat? I didn't know what it was, but it made me tense, and I didn't dare relax my shoulders until he looked away.

"We're leaving," he muttered as he turned.

"What? No."

"Don't think I won't carry you out of here."

"You'll have to, because I'm not going anywhere with you."

"Would you rather wait in your room for Silas to come back and do it again?"

My mouth went dry at the thought, and I hugged my arms in closer.

He motioned to the door with a nod of his head, and not liking my other options, I followed him through it.

I made a point not to look at him as we drove, and he made no effort toward conversation, the ride as silent and awkward as one would expect considering the situation. I didn't bother to ask where we were going, I knew he wouldn't answer.

The trees were a blur out the passenger side window, and I hardly noticed them passing. Though my gaze was pointed through the glass I rested my head on, my eyes were unfocused, unseeing. The rumbling of the car became a small source of comfort, the consistency of the sound soothing to my erratic thoughts.

Silas had given me freedom when it wasn't afforded to me, had risked his own life to bring me with him that night he came to kill me, and all because I wasn't happy, because I wanted to leave. I felt safe with him. Not initially, but after arriving at the hotel, and after he refused to send me back to Rodan, I knew my life was safe in his hands, even if my virtue was threatened every minute. My desire to give myself to my mate had allowed me to deny him, despite the neverending pull toward him. I knew I was in danger of giving in at any moment, and I knew his feelings were just as strong, stronger even, as they had apparently grown to the point of threats and violence, his unfulfilled desires poisoning his intentions, but I still never thought -.

I shook the thought away, unwilling to replay the incident again.

I was focusing on keeping a clear head, all thoughts banished for the peace of the quiet darkness of my inner mind, when the car rolled to a stop. Bridger cut the engine, and the sudden silence was enough for me to blink sight back into my eyes.

I leaned forward to get a better view through the windshield, my seatbelt pulling against me as I did. Bridger was already out of the car before I processed what I was looking at. The estate. Rodan's estate. My home. Or at least it was, once upon a time. He started walking to the front door, and I sat in the car, staring at him, confused.

I tore my eyes from his back and up to the building I had grown up in. It seemed bigger, somehow, like I was viewing it through much younger eyes, at a time when I had no cares in the world. I used to be happy here, when my biggest ambition was fitting all my stuffed animals on my bed, when I was still the little girl my father treasured, and Rodan was just my brother who would chase away my bad dreams with animated stories.

Bridger turned towards me, still sitting in the car with the seatbelt on, drawing my attention back down to him. I could have sworn I saw the ghost of a smirk on his face, but it was gone as quickly as it appeared, replaced by an impatient scowl.

He jerked his head, beckoning me from the car. After a brief moment of deliberation, I obeyed, slowly unclicking the seatbelt and opening the door. I stayed beside the car, my eyes flicking between the building and the Beta, not bothering to mask my confusion.

"Why are we here?" I asked him, raising my voice so it would carry across the distance between us.

"Because you need to be," he shouted back.

He ignored my questioning glance, continuing toward the door as I followed a considerable distance behind him, memories of a simpler time and my sheer curiosity setting one foot in front of the other.

I expected him to stop when we reached the door, but my confusion only grew as he continued, leading me through hallway after hallway. I knew where we were going long before we got there, but how he had known the way was beyond me. I spent the journey from the front door to my old bedroom pondering the question, trying to come up with any possible explanation, settling on only one that made sense.

"Do you work for Rodan?" I questioned, having had enough time to coax the surprise out of my voice.

"Something like that," he answered gruffly, swinging open the door and motioning for me to enter. I stepped inside, turning to face him as he still held the door handle.

"Why?"

"None of your business."

I jumped as he closed the door, not caring enough to do it gently.

My wolf roused herself as I looked around, the territory new and different for her. Everything had been cleaned, it smelled fresh, and there was, thankfully, no scent of Silas in the room, save for the one I brought in with me, the one I was trying to ignore. It was nice, like a clean slate.

The door clicked open, and I turned to face who was entering, not entirely surprised to find Rodan closing the door behind him.

My stomach clenched as I remembered the last time I had seen him, staring at me from across the table, his eyes wide with concern as I screamed in pain, but before that, in the bathroom, his eyes had contained something entirely different.

Heat would have flared in me had it not been for the look on his face. A look of such compassion, such understanding, that I allowed myself to feel all the pain, the shame, the betrayal, for what Silas had done. All the emotions that I had drowned in anger came flooding back to me, and Rodan simply stepped forward and wrapped me in a silent hug.

I circled my arms around him in response, burying my head in his chest and letting him chase away the bad as he had done so many times when we were children. It almost seemed normal, if I didn't think about all the years when our father had come between us, or anything that had happened over the last few weeks. Though they burned at my eyes, I refused to shed any tears.

I was content to stay in the embrace, chaste and genuine, until Rodan spoke.

"I told you he would fuck it up."

I peeled myself away from him and rolled my eyes, recalling that he had, in fact, told me so. It was easier not to talk about it, so I avoided the subject, asking an unrelated question.

"Why does Bridger work for you?"

He let me step back before answering.

"My mother was his true mate. Working for me makes him feel closer to her," he paused, shrugging dismissively. "Or something like that."

"For how long?"

"Officially? Since I became Alpha, but we were in...discussions...long before that."

"Why didn't he stop him? If he's working for you, why didn't he stop Silas? Tonight, or when Silas came here to kill me?"

"Your mother killed mine." Rodan shrugged again. "That could be reason enough for him to want you dead. He didn't tell me about either incident until after they happened."

"He wanted me dead," I repeated. "As you did...that night." I didn't have to say which one.

"I didn't want you dead, Makara, I simply realized that it would be convenient if you died."

I opened my mouth to complain, the protest already on my tongue, but he continued, not allowing me a moment to interrupt.

"It's a sentiment I no longer harbor."

His words were soft, contrasting greatly with the hard stare he gave me, his eyes so intense it was difficult to hold his gaze, but I found I couldn't look away. His muscles tensed, as if he had put such meaning into his statement that it was hard to control his body's physical reaction. His mouth tugged into a small, gentle smile, and I knew exactly what he was offering me. An apology. Or at least as close to one as I was likely to get from Rodan.

I nodded noncommittally, not sure if I was ready to forgive Rodan, but entirely sure I couldn't stand his stare for much longer.

His smile widened, and as if my response had been what he was waiting for, he let his shoulders relax, sweeping his eyes from my face, down my body, undettered by my baggy clothes. My face reddened, and I looked away, but I could still see him watching me through my peripherals. It was a long, tense moment before he spoke again.

"So? How was it?"

"How was what?"

"Sex."

I rolled my eyes again.

"I didn't have sex, Rodan, I was raped."

"I know. But, I can smell your release as well as his. You came."

"So?" I asked, more defiantly than I felt. I remembered it with conflicting feelings. I was so angry and hurt that Silas would cross that line, that he would take the one thing he knew I didn't want to give him, but the actual...event...had been pleasurable, careful as he was to avoid pain. I knew it was just my body reacting to stimulation, but with the bond, it was so hard to remember it entirely negatively, even though I knew I should, even though what happened was wrong.

"So you enjoyed it then, the feeling of a man inside you." It was more of a statement than a question, and his words gave me little choice but to remember the sensation he was referring to.

I remembered his fingers first, the way they had stroked me from inside, making the path wet enough for when he quickly, finally, slid his long length into me. I nearly shuddered at the memory, bolts of excitement shooting from my core at the prospect of being filled again.

"Thought so," he smiled, nostrils flared and inhaling deeply. I knew what he was smelling, and my cheeks darkened.

"Tell me, Makara, how did he take you?" He took a step closer to me, reaching a hand out, so close to touching me that my stomach leapt, first in anticipation, and then disappointment as he simply twirled the lose fabric at the hem of my shirt between his fingers.

"Did he lay you on your back?" He shifted his hand, enough so that his fingers grazed my skin above my pants, gently swiping along my side as he began to circle me. "Did you wrap your legs around him as he thrust between your thighs, revelling in the weight of him on top of you?"

My breath got heavy, and my eyes fell closed. I wished I could open them, for the blackness offered me images I did not want to see, as Rodan described them in detail.

"Did he bend you over? Using his grip on your hips to pull you onto him?" Rodan's hands moved to mirror those he described, flipping up my shirt so the tips of his pointer fingers would rest against my skin as he settled on my hips.

I received another image of a man behind me, his strong chest towering above my smooth back. A man. Not Silas, I noticed, as the features blurred and sharpened.

"Did he have you ride him?" His words were a husky whisper in my ear, and when my imagination shifted to match his description, I realized it was Rodan underneath me now, underneath me, and behind me. I squeezed my legs against the growing ache in my core.

"Silas was a fool," he told me, moving one hand to drag a finger gently down the back of my neck. "He underestimated you, tried to control you, tell you what you wanted. He told you you couldn't resist him. But you could, if you wanted."

He loosened his grip, shifting one hand over the top of my ass as he moved to stand in front of me again, never lifting it from my body.

"I made the same mistake. But not anymore." He waited for me to make eye contact with him, his lust-filled face not offering much contrasting to my fantasies. "You're in control, Makara."

I had never been in control before, not with Rodan. The statement made me feel like I could do anything. But with his hands, his voice, his breath on my neck, there was only one thing I wanted, whether it was right or wrong.

I looked to his lips, remembering what they felt like against mine.

"If you want something," he said through his smile. "You'll have to take it."

Fear shot through me. I was afraid of my control, of the consequences my decision would inevitably have. I wanted Rodan, but he wasn't my mate, he was my brother, and he was a dick, for the most part. But he was being so sweet, and he was pushing all the right buttons, and I knew the bond would allow me to enjoy it despite my reservations.

"It's alright," he told me, noticing my hesitation. "Just take the first step. Tell me, show me what you want, and I'll take over."

He had one hand under my shirt, resting on the bare skin of my waist, his other came up to my face, gentle fingers stroking along my jawline, tingles rippling out from the contact.

It felt good, and I knew it could feel better, like it had with Silas. I wanted that again. No, not Silas again, it could never be Silas again, not after he took my choice away. But this, this was my choice. I wanted it, and it was my choice.

Tentatively, and with no small amount of encouragement from my wolf, I leaned forward, stretching to reach Rodan's lips as I kissed him.

"Good girl," he groaned, pulling away just long enough to get the words out before his lips came crashing back down on mine.