Making Home Ch. 11

AVERY

After lunch, I returned to the house to pack a bag. I didn't have to wait long until Mr. Crawford returned home for our ride down to the metro. Amanda drove, as usual, while he took call after call on his phone. I settled on staring out of the window, watching as our surroundings turned from big empty fields, plentiful with billboards in the ditches, to properties filled with the commercial buildings of suburbs.

The drive itself was a little long, and I tried not to look over at Mr. Crawford while he worked. I could feel his tension when he entered the vehicle, and I suspected that he was upset with me. I couldn't blame him. After I had had some time to mull it over, guilt began to sink in. I knew what I did wasn't right, but I wasn't sure how to fix it.

After some time, Amanda took an exit off of the freeway, and led us into an area with skyscrapers on every street. There were one-ways filled with cars, and I realized that I never wanted to drive in this area. Finally, she pulled into a parking garage and climbed the ramps until she parked.

"We're here, Sir."

With a snap, Mr. Crawford shut his laptop and began to gather his things. I fumbled with my bag, and exited the vehicle before him. There was the low hum of cars below us, and honking could be vaguely heard in the distance.

Amanda gave me a small smile as she rounded the vehicle to direct me. "This way, Miss."

"Right."

She led us through the garage to an elevator and was working with keys and buttons while I looked around. My eyes wandered over to Mr. Crawford briefly, but he was still working on his phone. Finally the car began to move, and a soft whir accompanied the lifting. When we stopped at our floor, Amanda used a key to unlock another door that led us into the condo.

It was beautiful. The space was smaller than I had imagined, but it boasted an urban feel with the exterior wall made up completely of floor to ceiling windows. The floor plan was open, and the layout made the space seem larger than it probably was. Everything looked so clean and sleek that I felt like I was walking into a magazine. It was dark outside by this time, and I couldn't help myself as I ran over to the far end of the room to look at the bustling city below us. It was absolutely incredible. Lost in the view before me, I vaguely registered the sound of footsteps behind me until I could feel a presence at my back.

I swallowed and continued to stare out of the window. "I've never seen anything quite like it."

His breathing was quiet. "I'll admit, I've never taken the time to appreciate it."

"Hard to appreciate something you get to see all of the time."

His gaze shifted, and I could feel his eyes on me. "Not with everything."

Amanda called out before I had a chance to respond, "What would you like to do for dinner, Sir?"

Before I could look at his face, he had turned his attention to Amanda.

"Could you please order Thai?"

"Of course." With a nod, she turned away.

I cleared my throat. "So, where will I be staying?"

"Well, there are three rooms. Amanda usually takes one while I utilize her here, but that should leave the room next to hers free."

"What about Chloe?"

"She won't be with us until tomorrow. Plans are to head back to the house in the afternoon."

"I see."

There was an awkward moment of silence between us. I wanted to address what I had done, but I was also terrified to admit it. I resigned to leave it for another time and turned to head to the extra room. "Well, I'm going to go get settled, I guess."

He nodded at me with a small smile. "Of course."

I walked away feeling worse than earlier today. Mr. Crawford had been tense before, but now he seemed like something different entirely. Almost... disappointed. Part of me reasoned that what I did was well within the limits of our agreement, so it wasn't technically wrong. Also, I didn't owe him anything. So, why should I feel bad about getting even with something he started in the first place? However justified the reasoning sounded in my head, I couldn't shake the heaviness in my heart.

Walking down the hall, I observed two bedrooms. There must have also been a bedroom upstairs. My bag was on a bed in one of the rooms and I noticed that Amanda had taken the smaller room of the two, even though they were both huge, in my opinion. It seemed that she had also given me the room with the better view. I had just unpacked my toiletries and plugged my phone in when there was a knock at the door.

"Dinner, Miss."

I returned her smile. "Thank you."

She smiled softly and nodded. "Of course."

After putting my clothes away, I walked out into the main living quarters and took a seat next to Mr. Crawford at the dining bar. He had his laptop open and was already dished up, his eyes glued to the screen.

"Geez. It never ends, huh?" I tried to joke light heartedly.

He clicked on another email. "Yeah. Help yourself, Avery." He indicated the plate set out for me.

I was a little hurt at his divided attention, but tried not to take it personal. "Right. Thanks."

I scoured the take out containers and found a noodle dish, a saucy dish, white rice, and mixed vegetables. I looked over to his plate and noticed how he had placed the noodle dish on one side, white rice covered in the saucy dish on another, and then scooped a healthy serving of vegetables onto his plate. I decided to follow his lead.

When I finally settled in to eat, I was surprised at the flavor of the noodles. It was delicious, but it wasn't what I expected.

"Are there peanuts in this?"

Mr. Crawford tensed and quickly turned his attention to me. "Why? Are you allergic?"

I shook my head. "No. I just taste something like peanuts. It's different."

He relaxed a little on his stool and then turned toward me. "Have you ever had Thai food before?"

Again, I shook my head. "No. Couldn't ever afford it."

"Ah." He forced a smile. He pointed to a dish, "The noodles are pad Thai. They're a type of fried noodle."

Next he pointed to the saucy dish I had poured over my serving of rice. "That's red curry."

I scooped up a large bite and pushed it into my mouth. The flavor was wonderful, but then I noticed the spice. My eyes began to water and my nose began to run. I quickly chewed and swallowed before frantically looking for something to drink.

Mr. Crawford held out his glass of ice water to me. "Too spicy?"

I glugged it down and coughed. "Just a little."

He chuckled. "Sorry. I guess I should have warned you."

"I could have asked," I offered with a small smile.

He nodded. "Well, if you would like something different, you can ask Amanda and she will run out and get it for you."

I shook my head. "That's okay." Not only did I dislike the thought of wasting food, I didn't want Amanda to have to run out again. I scooped up a smaller bite this time and worked the food carefully in my mouth. "I like the flavor. I think I just need to take it slow."

He gave me a small smile and then returned to his work. I finished eating in silence, trying to keep my face from melting off as I ate everything on my plate. Mr. Crawford finished before I did and set his plate on the counter next to the sink, then picked up his laptop and took it to the living room. When I had managed to eat my portion, I gathered my plate and washed the few dirty dishes that were out before putting away the leftovers.

I looked over into the living room and he was still busy at work. I resigned to working out our conflict tomorrow and approached him to say goodnight. I wrung my hands as I waited for him to notice me, then finally just cleared my throat. "Um, well, I'm going to head to bed."

"Can you wait just a moment? I'm almost done." He still hadn't looked up at me.

I shrugged. "Yeah, sure, I guess."

He patted the seat next to him on the couch. "Have a seat."

I swallowed, feeling a little nervous at the unknown, but took the place next to him. His weight caused the sofa to dip, and I found myself leaning into him as I sat down. Before I could move away, his arm came out and rested around my shoulders, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Typing with one hand now, there were a few more clicks of the keys, and then he shut the device.

"So, what a day," he groaned and set the laptop on the side table. Lounging back, he kicked his feet out to rest on the coffee table.

"Yeah," I agreed.

His thumb was rubbing lightly back and forth while we sat in silence for a few minutes. I noticed that he liked doing that. And I'd be lying if I said it wasn't comfortable to rest against his side. He was warm, and it felt kind of like I fit right where I was.

Eventually, he let out a sigh. "Do you want to talk about what happened today?"

I shifted as I felt my face grow hot. "Only if you want to talk about what happened yesterday."

He turned and looked down at me. "Yesterday?"

"Yeah. When you pretended that you were going to kiss me but you never did." I looked away.

It was quiet between us for a moment. His rubbing had stopped and I felt emotional. I hated that. Every time I ever felt like crying, it was pointless. There was no one there to do anything about it so why bother? I sniffed anyway and quickly wiped at my face.

"Avery." My name on his tongue was soft and gentle.

"I know. I'm catching feelings. Save me the lecture. Please."

He laughed a little. "Catching feelings?"

"Getting attached. Whatever."

He sighed and pressed his lips to my head. "Let's say that there wasn't the contract between us. I'm still not the person you should mix yourself up with. There's a reason that age gap relationships seldom work."

"You don't know that about us, though."

"I do know." He pulled back and looked at me. "You should be exploring what you want right now. I don't know if you've dated anyone before me, but people change as they get older. You might find you want something different than me. Someone younger and more at the same stage of life as you."

"I really don't think you know me well enough."

"Have you had a serious relationship before?"

"No. So what?"

"I know people. It's my job to know people. It's a large part of business. You're young, you're beautiful, and you should be going out on dates."

"Are you saying you wouldn't take me out on dates?"

"That's not what I'm saying at all."

"Well, okay, then what is it?"

He sighed and ran a hand down his face. "I need a long term commitment. That's why I'm paying you to pretend that we're in one. But, eventually, that's my next step in life. A wife and family."

"Who says I don't want a family?"

"In the next few years?"

I chewed my lip as I thought about medical school. At least three years in class, one in internship, and then residency. Could I afford to be pregnant and care for a child at the same time? I swallowed as I contemplated.

He nodded knowingly. "It just wouldn't be fair of me to ask that of you, especially if we were only casually dating."

I licked my lips. "Here's the thing. I do have fun with my life, but that's besides the point. I should get a say in what I want. I mean, I'm the one who knows what I want, with all due respect. You don't know that I don't want kids right away." I shut my eyes and took a few breaths. I could feel my heart rate going up and tried to calm down.

"Okay, fair. I don't know that. But I can take a good guess at what you want as far as your schooling and future career goes. Medical school?"

"I could hold off on it-"

He shook his head. "Absolutely not. This is exactly what I'm talking about. You're ready to give up your dreams for something you aren't even sure about."

"Fine. Regardless, I'm honestly sorry that I acted that way." I moved to get up and leave.

"Would you please wait? We aren't done here." His hand circled my wrist and I allowed him to hold me back. "I know that you're sorry. I could feel it all afternoon."

I felt myself slump a little. "I don't like you mad at me," I admitted.

"I don't like being upset with you," he agreed. We sat there in silence for a minute before he spoke again, "Do you want to talk about why you did it?"

I shifted so that I could face him. "Because it felt like you teased me with the promise of... IT at brunch. I wanted to do the same thing to you."

"I see." He sighed and closed his eyes while pinching the bridge of his nose. "Avery,"

"No!" I shook my head, my eyes welling up. "This sucks. And it's really hard. I don't want to want you to kiss me, but at the same time, I can't fight it." I clenched my hands into fists and stared down at them. There was a huge lump in my throat that began to throb painfully. "I can't do this. I don't think I'm strong enough."

His brows pulled together in a frown. "Strong enough for the job?"

I sniffed and quickly wiped at my eyes with the back of my hand. "No. Well, yeah. I guess that's part of it. It's too hard to resist, well, wanting you. This is just all too hard. Not to mention that you don't seem to want to even give me a chance."

He reached out and tucked my hair behind my ear. "Hey, look at me."

My eyes reluctantly found his, and his stare was so intent that I couldn't look away.

"I understand what you mean. I really didn't think it would come to this and be so damn hard." He ran a hand through his hair and groaned. "I thought that maybe with someone younger, I'd be less tempted. Disgusted, even. I'm not that kind of man. But,"

I bit my lip as I waited for him to continue.

His hand came up and cupped my face. "Maybe we should reconsider whether this is really right for you. Right for each of us. If you're catching feelings, as you put it, we should end it before it goes too far."

I sighed. So, this was it. He knew just as well as I did. My mind began to race, trying to solve a problem that was quickly materializing before my eyes. It wouldn't be so bad. I had been through harder times before. I could find a way to get my work study job back. I could take out loans to pay Caleb off. I could resume living the way I did before Mr. Crawford. I knew how to do all of that. It wasn't a luxurious or easy lifestyle, but it was one that I was confident that I could survive in. Staying with him was too unstable. There wasn't much room for screwing up, and so much relied on me. In the end, the stress and pressure was too great.

Tears gathered as I contemplated, and I sat up and turned away from him. "I don't want to quit, but I think I have to. It doesn't seem like we're going to come to an agreement, and I don't want to force the issue."

The silence was heavy. I prayed that he would tell me otherwise. That he would ask me to keep trying. But, I also knew that wasn't my lot in life. Life wasn't fair or kind. It just was the way that it was. And Mr. Crawford seemed like he was very logical in his actions. He didn't seem to allow emotions to affect any decision he made in life.

He cleared his throat. "If that's really how you feel, then I appreciate your honesty."

I allowed the tears to roll down my face and nodded. My voice was raspy as I fought back my emotions, "When would it be best for me to leave?"

"Well, it's already late tonight. I'll have Amanda drive you back in the morning and I'll send for a service to pick up Chloe."

I stood up from the couch and nodded. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry."

"Me, too. That it didn't work out."

I stood there waiting for him to reach out for me or say something. Anything. If he gave me any kind of sign that he didn't really want me to leave, then I could tuck back into his side again. But, it never came. His resolve was as strong as ever. I walked back to my room and silently closed the door. After changing into my pajamas, I turned off the light and crawled into bed. Ugly and silent sobs wracked my body until I just couldn't hold onto consciousness anymore. I gave into the release of sleep, even though it was a restless one.

It was late when I woke up and couldn't fall back asleep. Mr. Crawford and his lack of disappointment in my decision wasn't comforting, but after I had rested a bit, I reasoned that it did make it easier. He just wasn't as into me as I had hoped. And, I wasn't going to continue to pine after him if he didn't want me equally as much. Frustrated with my insomnia, I slipped out of bed to go make a cup of tea.

It was dark in the condo with only the light of the fridge's water dispenser casting a dim glow over the living space. I walked down the hallway and rounded the kitchen bar when I slammed right into a large figure who was headed into the kitchen. I immediately recognized the soft plushiness of his robe, and arms wound around me before I could fall back.

"Avery!"

"Mr. Crawford! Uh, sorry! I didn't think anyone would be up."

He stepped away as if holding me was burning him. "It's okay. I'm just glad you didn't get hurt." He jerked his head toward the kitchen. "I couldn't sleep. Just thought I'd make a cup of tea."

I rubbed my arm as I watched him move to the cupboards. "That's actually what I was going to do, too."

His back was to me now as he worked. "Sit. I'll make you a one." He looked over his shoulder, moving his arms quickly to cinch his robe tight. "So, up late?"

"Um, not really." I tried to clear the raspiness of sleep from my voice. "I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep." I took a seat on one of the stools while he worked, and eventually he set a steaming cup in front of me.

"Thank you."

"Sure."

He was busy a moment longer while he finished making his own cup. I loved watching him move. His broad shoulders and his arms seemed thick with muscle. The smell of him, after our collision, lingered as well. I tried to shake those thoughts from my head and blew on my tea. Instead, I focused on watching the steam waft up in curls. It smelled flowery, like lavender, chamomile, or maybe even both.

It wasn't long before he walked around the bar. He stood next to me until I looked up at him, and his eyes were soft. He cleared his throat. "I'm going to sit on the couch if you'd like to join me? You don't have to, of course."

I stood from my spot and palmed my cup. "Yeah, I'll do that."

He smiled and led the way into the living room. He took a seat on the cushion closest to the windows while I sat down on the opposite end. We were no longer bound to be physical, after all. I sniffed my tea and relished in the soothing scents.

"I know it'd be soon, but do you already have an alternate plan?"

I shrugged. "I'll probably just ask for my work study job back and crash with my old roommates until I can find a more permanent place to live."

"You could live with me."

I stopped mid-sip and looked over at him.

"Sorry. I didn't think that one through before I spoke." He cleared his throat and straightened.

"Yeah," I chuckled lightly before drinking my tea.

He reclined in his seat and took a pull from his own cup. He seemed at rest until he sat up again, bending his leg at the knee as he turned and brought it up to rest on the couch. "Well... it's not completely out of the question. You could still live with me." His eyes seemed alive now. "I would just charge you a little rent or I could write it off as a donation to a college student. I could find a way to make it work for you if you needed a place to stay."

I swallowed and nodded. It was my turn to be the logical one. As much as I wanted to be close to him, I knew there would be dire consequences if I gave in. "I don't think I could live in the same house as you and the employee you would hire to replace me."

"Right." He nodded and looked away for a few moments before sliding back into his spot. "You're right, of course."

We sat there, the air growing heavy with awkwardness. Eventually, he sighed and set his cup down. "Avery, I do want you. I hope you don't think that I don't."