Man, Get Yourself a Woman

"It's okay," I said. "We didn't do it. We're trying to help."

"Exactly," she said, patting my head. "Exactly right, Paul. That's good. So anyway, women were engineered -- programmed, even -- to be extremely receptive to multiple partners. The default was everything but other men, but if you wanted to tweak it, you could request it."

"And everything was great... for men. Until it wasn't. Because they fucked it all up."

"Yeah," she said. "Good summary."

"So, it's like that old story," I said. "With the guy who turns into a monster."

"Yeah," she said. She sounded a little surprised that I'd know it, or make the connection. It didn't offend me, and wouldn't have even if I'd had the energy.

"When she's with you," she explained, "it's open season. Super dangerous with other men around, actually, because there's a deep conflict between the default programming and the addiction. But at the beginning, when she's separating... oh boy. Yeah. Not as bad with other men, then, actually, though they always find avenues of attack."

"Sorry," I said. "I don't get that either."

She chuckled a little. "Totally okay, Paul. It's my field of expertise. I know all sorts of weird shit. Since I sound like an asshole already anyway, I'll just put it out there: if I were a man out here with you, while she's in there, she'd call you a faggot. She'd go hard on it."

"That's stupid. Why would I even care?"

"Yeah," she agreed, "but it's old and deep. Might even predate the fuckery. It's rage, Paul. It's not strategic."

"Right, except..."

"Except she's really smart," Suzy finished. I'd told her about how deeply Elizabeth had cut me. "Fair enough. Maybe she'd think of something smarter to hit you with."

"What do we do?" I asked her.

"We wait," she said, "and then we go see her, and we take the hits together. It's going to be awful, but it's also going to be normal. If anything truly out of the ordinary happens, I'll know. It's my job. We'll deal with it."

"I'm lucky you came."

"I'm glad you called."

I let her pet me for a while. It helped.

"Hey, can I ask you something?" I asked her.

"Anything," she said.

"What do people do?"

She chuckled. I was going to try to say it better, but she interrupted me with a head pat. She'd made the connection between the question and the wound that Elizabeth had inflicted.

"We work," she said. "It really passes the time. You're a caretaker, now, though, Paul. That's basically your job. The AIs wouldn't be keen on you having any other, so, let's see: art. Games. Exercise. Salons. Those were a thing a million years ago, and they're back. People get together -- sometimes even in person -- and they just talk about stuff. Usually heady stuff; that's the gimmick. People meet up for other stuff too, but those aren't salons. That's just people getting together and doing stuff."

"Sex?" I asked.

She laughed and patted me again. It was more aggressive, but felt friendly. "Yeah, actually. We get together and fuck. We eat, drink, do drugs, and fuck. It's pretty great. There was a big reaction in the beginning, and everybody got super into abstinence and monogamy and everything, but it's been a minute out there in the world. We -- the 'shoots, though please don't try to use that word, ever -- well, we weren't men or women, but we sure as hell weren't built for that shit. The nutbars were fighting a losing battle, and a bunch of them died off anyway. So yeah, lots of sex, and it's fun. Keep it in the back of your mind for later."

"And drugs? But... Healthees?"

She laughed some more. "Our cum's no good, Paul. We can't go nuts, but our Healthees are a lot happier to give us the advice, then wait to say 'I told you so' later. Hell, sometimes I feel like they enjoy that dynamic."

"Smug fuckers."

"Prissy, smug fuckers," she agreed.

"The sex I understand," I said. "You're not like us -- sorry. What I feel for her..."

The patting went back to petting. "I know, Paul," she said, "and she loves you, too. Don't worry about it right now. No pressure, no judgment, no secret plan to corrupt you and make you my boyfriend. Nothing like that. Whatever happens later, happens later. Whatever doesn't, doesn't. If you decide to spend your whole life being Elizabeth's caretaker and nothing else, I'll give you the medal myself. Really truly."

I decided I really liked Suzy. I trusted her. She felt like more of a real person than I was, which was, truly, the oddest feeling I'd ever felt. It helped me work up the courage to ask another big question.

"Am I dumb?"

"Nope," she answered, totally unfazed. "You just don't work certain muscles. You could start. It'd suck a lot at first, but you'd do okay."

"Huh."

"Yeah. Big world. Weird phrase, that. They talked a lot about the world getting smaller back in the day. Then it got empty, but that didn't really make it feel big again... just empty. But then there's the 'net, right? That's big, and it's the world too. Lots of graveyards I guess, but other stuff too.

"Hey, look at us," she said, "it's our own little salon."

"It's nice," I said. "You're really good at... whatever this is. At a lot of things."

"Thanks, Paul. I appreciate it. Listen, we've got time. What would you like to do?"

"Sorry," I said, "but I think... just this. Is that okay?"

"Well, you're a little heavier than one of those old-world house cats, but yeah, it's okay. Can you just let me shift positions a bit?"

I did, and for the next half hour or so, she was as patient with me as I'd been with Elizabeth at the beginning. Then it was time. We went to Elizabeth's door together. I unlocked it and led the way.

Elizabeth didn't attack either of us, but there was murder in her eyes again. The prior day's sword had been ice. Her new one was fire. She was wielding both.

"You." That was for Suzy.

Suzy waved. "Hey again," she said. "I came to check up on you two. Not doing so great, huh, Elizabeth?"

"I'm fine," she lied. "No. No, I'm not fine. Paul is mine. He's being awful, but he's mine. He's not yours. How fucking dare you be out there, and leave me in here, and... you didn't. You didn't. You wouldn't dare." She turned her ire towards me. "You wouldn't. You wouldn't. You didn't. You didn't?"

Each punctuated phrase got its own emotion. Her rage turned into fear. Her certainty disappeared. I saw her trying to recapture the fire.

"We didn't, Elizabeth," I said. "Now, you can take off your equipment if you want to, but you don't have to. Or I can help you."

"Or I can," Suzy offered.

Elizabeth was having none of it. "I was a good little girl, Paul. I was a good kitty. You fucked me. You said you loved me, and you fucked me. You fucked me, and you loved it. What did I do wrong? No... no, I didn't do anything wrong. I know I didn't. This isn't fair. Everything was wonderful, and you ruined it!"

She knew she couldn't rush us or lash out. She turned and stomped off into a corner, then made a quarter turn and stomped to the other. She crossed her arms and stewed, and then realized she looked ridiculous -- like she'd been sent to a time out. She couldn't abide that, so she turned again and walked back towards us. I could see in her eyes that her rage was balanced against her knowledge of what the AIs could do to restrain her.

I was a wreck. I wanted her, and knew I didn't deserve her. I ached for her touch. I wanted to fuck her. I knew she needed cum, but couldn't bring myself to ask, let alone insist.

"Elizabeth," Suzy said, "part of being a good little girl is growing up into a bigger girl. That's what Paul's trying to help you do right now. It's hard, but it's for the best. He does love you."

"He loves someone else more," she retorted. She stared blazing daggers into Suzy, but let her off the hook. "Someone he's never even met."

Suzy nodded. "Okay. But think of all the versions of you he loved more than the one that was at the shelter. He'd never met any of them either."

"Means to an end," Elizabeth said. "How are you any different from those monsters you talk about? I'm a thing to be changed. I'm a transitional state to you, but I'm a person to me. I'm me. I'm suffering. How can you do that to me? You're hurting me to kill me. You're hurting me to replace me. You want her."

I felt like every kind of shit. In that moment, most of all, I felt like stupid shit. I was not smart enough for the conversation. I knew Suzy knew it. She knew she was alone, and that I was useless.

"She's gone," Suzy said. That brought both of us up short.

"What?" Elizabeth asked.

"She's gone," Suzy repeated with a shrug. "Think about it, Elizabeth: she never met Paul. She never met me. All the new music, art, books, games, and everything else from the past month or so -- none of that was her. She's gone. She cannot exist. You'll be gone tomorrow no matter what. You'll be gone in five minutes. It's the same for all of us. Paul is trying to help you grow up. Does that mean you'll become a bit more like her? Sure. But you'll never be her. You'll be something new. I think you'll be someone smart, and beautiful, and thoughtful, and kind, and all the rest. I believe that if you try to get through this hard part with Paul, you'll be better than if you tried to stay his little girl forever."

Elizabeth folded her arms again. Her face got caught between ugly rage and genuine thought. With a concerted effort, she shook off the latter. She looked Suzy squarely in the eye again.

"To. What. Fucking. End?"

I knew I was out of my league, and it sounded like a really good question.

"To go outside," Suzy said. "To meet other people. To write again, if you want -- or maybe something completely different. You know what? There are even jobs you can do from home, through the net. You never have to get one if you don't want, but you could. You could meet all sorts of people through the net, too, actually. You could make friends. Paul seems like a great guy, Elizabeth, but he doesn't need to be the only person in your life."

"But... he is. He was, and it was good, until he ruined it. You want me to go outside, but I'd have to wear all of this, and apparently other men would even be too dangerous to be around, so why not just stay inside and be free? Naked? Happy? Nothing feels better than sex -- except cum -- so why not just do that forever? It doesn't make any sense. The world is fucked. Why not fuck it? You know what I mean."

"It was good," Suzy agreed. "I believe you. I hear what you're saying. You're not wrong about any of it. But here's the problem, Elizabeth: you're going to keep changing no matter what. Paul is trying to plan ahead for you. None of us know for sure what you're going to be like later, Elizabeth, but we have to try. If you want -- if you try, too -- you could be a bigger part of that process every day. We want that for you."

"Really?" Elizabeth asked. It was a challenge, not a concession. "What if... I stopped? What if I just stopped taking the cum? What if you just locked me away somewhere, let me lose my mind, and then we could just start over again? And then it could go back to how it was. Two months, maybe. Two months of sex and cum, naked, happy, and free. Off the cum, start over."

"Elizabeth, baby," I said, "I don't think-"

"Yeah," Suzy said, casually imploding my world. "Theoretically possible. If that's what you want, we could make it happen. The drugs would work for a while, even, since you've gotten so much cum. That's the bitch of it, though, Elizabeth. The people who did this to women -- your great grandmother, and so many others -- they were devils. They were demons. They were evil geniuses. Without cum, there's no escape. You'd have to live through most of it. You'd be awake. You're freaking out after your second hour without Paul being in the same room, and you've gotten all your cum -- yesterday, and today so far. If you keep getting your cum, and you put in the effort, this will get better. You'll get better. Without cum... it's all just terrible, until you slip away completely. Is that worth it? Let's say you can do it at all. You're strong. You're stubborn. Sure. Is it worth it?"

All the real weapons in the world wouldn't have made it a tenser stalemate. Suzy stood firm, with the benefit of experience and that stabilizing regimen she'd mentioned back at the shelter. I was already burnt and frostbitten -- a pincushion for daggers, knives, and swords. Elizabeth was the third point of the triangle. She was collared, but in rebellion. She was wearing loose-fitting clothes over her harness and plug panties as a fresh act of defiance. There was another opportunity for me to speak, and I pointedly passed it up.

Suzy did something to Healthee and House. I only knew because my eye-HUD got nudged. I let the information through, which I usually didn't. I saw that she'd warned them about what was to come. She'd asked them to let it happen, within reason.

"Fuck," Elizabeth spat.

"Yeah," Suzy agreed.

"FUCK!" Elizabeth shouted. It made me flinch. She worked up her whole body, taking in air and preparing her muscles. "FUUUUUCK! FUCK! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOOOOOOU!"

She yanked at her collar, then brought up her other hand to remove it properly. She finally got it off and threw it to the ground at my feet. She stripped off her loose shirt and pants, then screamed at House to unfasten the harness in the rear. That went next, and then the plug panties. Her Healthee forced her to be careful with those, and that only made her madder. She even tore off her socks. She realized during the process that it looked more petulant than angry, and that made her madder still.

I sent my own signal to the AIs. I told them I deserved and accepted whatever was coming, if Elizabeth chose to lash out at me directly. They acknowledged the message, but made no promises.

Elizabeth stared murder at me again. It was cold. "Take off your fucking clothes, Paul," she said flatly. My Healthee didn't object, so I did what she asked. I'd only worn casual sweats. They were off in an instant. Elizabeth looked me up and down, judging me like a piece of meat. She let me sweat.

"I want sex," she said. "I need cum. I fucking need it." She turned to Suzy. "You can leave, or you can help. Don't look at him. Look at me. Leave, or help me."

"Sorry, Elizabeth," she said. "I'm not going to promise you anything blindly. Help you how?"

I could see her thinking -- trying to make plans. "By taking off your clothes, and then kissing me. We'd kiss and fondle each other right here, in front of Paul. He doesn't get to join in. He doesn't get to touch himself. He just watches."

"Well, that only involves me and you touching each other," Suzy replied, "so I'd probably do that for you, Elizabeth. But there's more, isn't there?"

"Yes," she said. "There's more. Then we go to the bedroom. Paul lies down on the bed, and he takes it. I mount his face. He worships me. You get my cum for me. You jerk him off, and you go to fucking town on his asshole. I know that will make him cum, because secretly he's a bitch, and he's sad that nobody fucks him. Then, when I'm satisfied, I get his cum -- all of it -- and then you can leave if you want. If you stay, you don't do anything else with him, or me, unless I say so. Paul stays, obviously, since he never fucking leaves anyway. He doesn't touch me again unless I say so. That's how you can help me, Suzy."

"Well now," Suzy said, "that involves Paul, so Paul has to agree."

"He fucking better," Elizabeth seethed.

Suzy shrugged. "If that's how you want to play it, Elizabeth. If you want to be shitty like that, I'm not going to stop you. You're having a hard time, and I'm here to help. I'm not going to fight Paul's battles for him."

"Well, Paul?" Elizabeth asked. "What's it going to be? That's how I want my sex. That's how I want my cum. But it's up to you. It always is. You own me."

"No, I don't," I said. I was shocked I had the presence of mind or the courage.

Elizabeth scoffed. "I live in your fucking apartment and I literally can't live without your cum. I'm horny all the time, and you're a man and I'm a woman. It's primal. Suzy's beautiful. She's drop-dead gorgeous. She's prettier than me. I should want to fuck her more than I want to fuck you, but I don't, because I'm a slave to men. Call it what it is. You had no problem with it before."

"She's not prettier than you."

"How would you even fucking know?" she retorted. "She's not a woman. You're not thinking clearly. You don't need my pussy juices to live, but you're still compromised. FUCK. Just... shut the fuck up, Paul. Yes or no."

I shrugged. "Yes. Obviously yes. I love you."

Suzy started to take off her clothes. The shirt and pants slid off like water. As far as I knew, the one constant of fashion was that it was easy to remove. Her black boy shorts were thick, and she took her time with them. I figured it was a power play.

"Love," Elizabeth spat in the meantime. "Astrology for the horny. God of the gash. Apology for the prick. Vagueness for the void."

"Holy shit," Suzy said. "Did you just come up with that?"

Elizabeth was stunned by the question. She blinked a few times, and her eyes drifted down and to the right. "I... maybe. I... shut up. You're beautiful. You're fucking beautiful, and I want you." She closed the distance with the naked mutie and pulled her into a violent, searing kiss. To Suzy's credit, she was ready for it. She returned it with vigor and enthusiasm, refusing to let Elizabeth win -- or, at the very least, insisting that they were team.

Elizabeth held on to her sanity for a long time while mauling her nurse, or whatever Suzy should have been called at that point. She tried to set the terms, exploring the slightly shorter girl's body with her hands and grasping everywhere, amateurishly asserting ownership through aggressive foreplay. She spent a lot of time on Suzy's larger breasts, then found her thicker, but incredibly taut, butt. One hand slid around, across the thigh, to find her pussy. Both girls reacted in shock. Suzy's discipline broke all at once, and Elizabeth withdrew her hand as though she'd been burned.

"Sorry," Suzy said. "Clit. Huge. Everywhere. Lots of it outside. Offshoot."

"Oh," Elizabeth said. "Sorry. Wait. No. What? Fucking... more. Kiss me again. Touch me. You're beautiful. I want you."

"You're not so bad yourself, hot stuff," Suzy said. She'd recovered quickly, and was clearly far more in control of herself than my angry, confused, extremely horny girl.

Elizabeth glanced over at my cock. It was getting hard. "Don't," she said simply.

I nodded.

"Bedroom," she said. She took Suzy's hand and set the pace. They walked very quickly together. I followed behind.

Elizabeth folded her arms expectantly, and I took my position.

"I have to hear him say it to me," Suzy said.

"Fine," Elizabeth replied.

"Paul, Elizabeth wants me to jerk you off and fuck you in the ass -- with a rather large toy, I'm assuming. Probably something to capture your cum, too. Is that okay?"

I nodded. "Yes, Suzy. Whatever she wants."

"There," Elizabeth said. "Finally."

She mounted my face aggressively, just like she'd said she would. She grabbed my hands and put them well above her ass. "For balance only," she said. I nodded into her pussy. It was on fire, and it was soaked. I marveled that she was hanging on.

I was completely helpless. Elizabeth soon lost her mind. Healthee stopped her from suffocating me, but she was too far gone to even notice or care when it did. She just ground her clit somewhere else on my face while I took in as much air as I could. Down below, where I couldn't see, Suzy was as kind to me as she thought she could get away with; it helped that Elizabeth hadn't thought to mount me in reverse.