Man, Woman, and Meaning Between

We drank German beer and hid from the sun. I watched her sharp eyes and full lips, mourning this almost relationship that never bloomed.

"So where will you be in three weeks?" Anna asked.

"Hard to say," I said. "My travel schedule is... not well organized."

"Could you maybe be in Dallas?" she asked.

"Think you can show me around for a weekend?"

"Don't you live there..." Anna drifted off. Her eyes focused behind me.

"What?"

"Come here," she whispered. She nodded at me, behind me. "Look at this."

I slid my chair around the table next to her, bumping shoulders.

"What?" I asked again.

She pointed her finger up to the tree. I didn't see anything.

"Behind the tree. Lean over."

I leaned in to her space, closer until her hair tickled the side of my face, but saw nothing but thick green leaves and the outline of a pale building behind.

That's when the singing started. A woman's voice, alto, clear and beautiful.

I leaned in further, until our cheeks were touching, and the view through the trees opened to the old mansion balcony.

There was a couple up there, a young man in a black tailored suit, and a young woman in a wedding dress. It was beautiful pure white with metallic sequin accents that left her shoulders exposed. She was singing.

Her voice carried through the trees to our patio. I heard the slightly tinny sound of imperfect mixing and saw her microphone. She stared at the young man, her fiance, singing in Mandarin. I didn't need to speak it to know she was singing about love.

Then his voice came in, a tenor. His voice was... fine. Ordinary. The bride was likely a professional singer, and the performance her idea. The groom was going along with it, even if he wasn't as good, willing to test himself to make her day perfect. It felt like a good omen for their future.

I felt Anna against my face, breathing, micro-movements as she leaned in, trying to see and hear everything. I didn't move. I couldn't if I wanted to keep watching.

We were transfixed by this bride and her elegant voice, but more than that I felt the delicate nature of the moment, pure chance finding something wonderful.

I had to fight myself to stay in the moment, to not calculate the seconds until this wonderful thing would end, drinking in every bit of the experience, trying to live forever in each clear note.

The bride's voice cut through the soreness of my feet, through a mild hangover, finding cracks in my sense of self. It found my loneliness, highlighting the pain, twisting and hurting, but her song was also strangely hopeful. It was about love, and the tone in her voice communicated more than any lyrics. I felt hope in her voice, telling me that loneliness wasn't a permanent condition. We could all find love.

When the song ended, we heard the muted clapping of the wedding party.

Holy shit.

I took a deep breath. I had spent hundreds of hours wandering Shanghai and had never seen anything like this. I closed my eyes, taking time to savor the moment. This was the reason to travel, to wander the streets of strange cities without expectation. Unplanned. Organic. I could walk the French Concession the rest of my life and never be at this exact right place at this exact right time.

I turned to Anna. She was watching me. Our faces and lips were close, almost touching. Her brown eyes found mine. I don't know how to explain what I saw. Anna wasn't on the verge of tears, but her eyes looked wet, expressive, processing thought and emotion and the world around us while also staring in my eyes.

"That was..." she hesitated, "that was incredible."

My heart was racing. Her eyes darted down to my lips. I stopped worrying about the future. I leaned forward and kissed her, our lips wet with the taste of beer, and found a small moment in time where I wasn't in control. I was lost in the soft comfort of her lips.

We pulled away. I saw her satisfied smile and a longing in her eyes. My heart was pounding.

"Anna I--"

Whatever I was about to say was interrupted by Anna kissing me back, frenetic energy in her lips and tongue, confidence to pull away between kisses, to regroup and go back for more, demonstrating that this thing between us wasn't some fragile, fleeting moment.

We sat under an oversize umbrella in the French concession, lips brushing and teasing, tongues dancing together.

Anna finally pulled away, her eyes never leaving mine. She took a deep breath.

"We uh..." Anna started, "we should go."

--

We went back to her hotel, rushing together to the elevator. When the door closed, I looked at her face and saw only want. Then I was against her, our lips together, my hands on her firm ass, Anna's breasts smashed against me.

She pulled away for a breath and looked at the elevator display, at floors counting up. Anna must have decided there was still plenty of time. Her lips returned back to mine, tongues caressing and exploring. My erection pressing against her belly.

I heard a ding.

"This us?" I asked.

Anna took a deep breath. Her cheeks were flush. Before she could answer, the doors opened. An elderly western woman looked at us as we pulled away from each other. Any attempt to hide my erection would only make it worse.

"We uh..." Anna sounded winded. "Going up?"

"No," she said.

Anna jammed her finger against the "close door" button, dozens of rapid fire clicks. When the old lady finally disappeared behind the doors, Anna was back on me again.

--

Her room was small but neat. The giant suitcase was opened to the side, clothes already hanging up. The moment the solid hotel door clicked shut, her lips were back on mine fumbling to undo my pants.

I'd never wanted anything in my life as badly I wanted Anna, and we didn't have to wait. We were finally together, miscommunication and propriety behind us. Her body and my cock.

She slid my pants off, and looked down at my erection bulging toward her. Anna ran her hands across my cock, and I shifted my hips toward her.

Anna pulled off her top. Her large breasts were smashed between a dark bra. I kissed her neck, then the top of her breasts. She smiled, then started pulling up my shirt.

I could see every contour of her body beneath her dark tights, but even so they had to come off. Anna slid back on the bed, her eyes glued to me.

I looked to the window, a strangely clear view across Shanghai. The smoggy mix had burned away.

"The curtains?" I asked.

"No!" she said. "I need you right now."

I followed her to the bed. She stared down at me as I hooked my fingers around the band of her leggings and peeled them down her body.

Anna immediately spread her legs and leaned back on her elbows, watching me drink her in. Her panties were a pale green, tucked between her thighs, hugging the enticing curve of her pussy. Her shoulders, arms, and legs had a very mild tan, but otherwise her skin was light, almost porcelain.

"Like what you see?" she asked.

"You're beautiful," I said, then I dove on the bed next to her, our lips back in contact. She rolled her body toward me, my leg pressing against her panties, my hands gripping her ass, pulling her close. I felt muscles in her abs and thighs tightening as she grinded against me.

I ran my hands up her back, to her bra strap and found the fastener. I pulled my lips away for just a moment, concentrating, working her bra by feel. I bunched up the fabric, freeing tiny metal teeth, then her bra fell away.

Most of the girls in my life up to this point had been thin, small asses and small breasts. Seeing Anna's breasts drop against her body, large nipples that blended seamlessly into her pale skin, was something else. A novel experience.

"Point for Mark," she said.

"I already won."

She pulled her bra away, and it was my lips against her neck then down her body. My hands went to her breasts, kneading and stroking, my tongue against her hard nipple. Anna moaned.

"Just like that," she said.

I spent time on her nipples, my tongue flat against the top, back and forth, one hand gripping her breasts, the other between her thighs. Anna's hips were writhing against the sheets.

"That feels so good," she said. "But..."

Her eyes shifted down to my cock.

"Condoms?" I asked.

"You don't have one?" she asked.

Fuck.

"No," I said. I had them back at my place. I was lonely but not hopeless.

She ran her hand across my cock, soft strokes.

"We'll figure it out," she said.

Anna lifted her hips, and I pulled off her panties. My underwear immediately followed.

My hand went back between her legs, exploring the soft flesh of her labia. My mouth went to her nipple. I ran my hand up and down her pussy, then used my middle finger to explore her in finer detail.

Anna moaned when I grazed over the more solid flesh of her clit. I circled around it. Anna's only relief came when I broke contact to run my hand against the rest of her pussy, dipping my fingers inside of her for a moment, picking up her lubrication before I was back to her clit.

"Like that," she panted. "And my nipple. Harder."

I pressed my face against her breasts, using soft pressure and my teeth to tug against her nipple. My tongue pressed flat against the top.

"Oh god," she said.

I pulled away to kiss her lips, my fingers on her clit never stopping.

Her eyes shifted back to me. Hungry.

"God I want you," she said.

"Not yet," I said.

She turned away, her body writhing against my hand. Her breathing intensified, her chest and stomach expanding and contracting in a hypnotizing rhythm. With each sharp breath, Anna picked up something between a moan and a cry, soft at first but building.

"I'm uh..." she said, then a sharp intake of breath. "I'm-- don't stop."

Her clit was solid against my wet fingers. Anna closed her eyes and moaned. Her hips jerked up, a spasm through her body, grinding against my hand, a look of pained desire on her face.

She didn't cry out. She just held that position, all the muscles in her body clenched. Then Anna let go, collapsing against the bed. I kissed around her lips, but she didn't kiss back, her only reaction was against my fingers.

She recovered enough to turned to me and speak. "Fuck."

"Good?"

She smiled.

"I can go down on you?" I suggested.

"No need," she said. Her fingers traced around my cock as she recovered from her orgasm.

Her lips found mine again as she ran her fingers up and down the shaft. I shifted my hips toward her.

Anna slid down the bed, her face toward my cock. I rolled on my back, my erection jutting toward her. Her dark hair dangled around her face and neck. I reached out for her breasts, hanging large against my legs.

She took my cock in her mouth, stroking with her fingers, pressing with her tongue. I got lost in the moment, the pleasure and acceptance from this wonderful woman.

Anna pulled away to wrap her hair in a messy bun, then dived back on me. I watched every motion of my cock inside of her while I experienced the wet pressure of her tongue and lips, her dark eyes checking in, watching the pleasure in my face.

I missed this so much, the satisfaction in her eyes, beautiful naked body, the feeling of her nipples and mouth against me, but not just the sex. Intimacy.

Dark eyes looked up at mine as she pulled away for just a second to smile, to bask in my appreciation for everything that was Anna. Then she went back to it.

The wet friction of her mouth kept escalating, a wonderful pressure building inside of me.

"I'm close," I said. She understood, the pressure of her tongue intensified, her hands sped up.

I bucked my hips in to her as I came. I saw her flinch against the first shot, but she took it, swallowed. Then another.

Anna pulled away, struggling to swallow all of me. Her large breasts swayed against her body.

"Wow," she said. Wiping her lips.

"That was..." I started. "That was a long time coming."

"Accurate," she said.

I had a dry chuckle at my accidental pun as she flopped down next to me. I wrapped my arm around her body and hugged her close. Anna slid her naked leg over mine.

"Does that make me an eleven?" she asked. She turned up to me and smiled.

"Absolutely," I said. "I'll make a shirt."

We laid like that for a time, our bodies intertwined.

"What now?" Anna asked.

"How about we spend every minute together," I said, "until we can't."

"Sounds good to me," she said. I felt her breathing against me. "I meant lunch though. We never actually ate."

"We had more pressing business," I said.

We ordered room service. A bacon cheeseburger and satay and Thai curry. Japanese beer and Vietnamese coffee. We charged my credit card instead of her room. I still had orders.

"Thirty minutes," I said.

Anna hadn't bothered to put on clothes. "I suppose all we can do now is wait," she said.

I bent over her, kissed the inside of her thigh. "I can find something to tide me over."

--

When room service knocked on the door, my face was buried in Anna, lips and tongue against her clit. They knocked a second time. Anna's only answer was "Don't stop."

--

Later.

"We may starve to death," Anna said. Our naked bodies were again intertwined.

"I'll call room service," I said. "I doubt they threw the food away."

--

We ate lunch together. Anna definitively answered the age old question of "Should I eat curry while naked?" The answer was no.

Then we spent the afternoon napping. Even after we woke, it took time to convince ourselves that life should go on, that there were things worth doing outside of a hotel bed.

I went back to my apartment to refresh, and then met her back at the hotel at dusk.

I spotted Anna across the lobby before she saw me. I didn't approach her immediately. I took a moment to watch, to catalog everything about this moment, the way her hair framed her face, inquisitive eyes staring out the window. Anna had changed her clothes. Small shorts and pale cleavage.

We had such limited time. She would leave tomorrow, off to fourteen hour days of financial audits, a hundred million dollar deal in the balance.

Anna saw me and wandered over.

"You look pretty deep in thought there," she said.

"Yeah, just imagining..." What? How to get more time with her? How to sabotage her trip and keep her in Shanghai? It sounded crazy. "Nothing. You look great."

--

We went back to People's Square, then walked east, to the plaza where Nanjing Road meets People's Square. I've never been to Times Square in New York, but it can't be much different than this plaza in Shanghai. The sun had set, but the whole area was bathed in orange light. Hundreds of neon signs cut along the edges reaching toward the sky, grabbing attention for every shop and store imaginable, from luxury watches down to Pizza Hutt.

Thousands of tourists, most of them Chinese, wandered ahead of us, taking pictures, flashing double peace signs, or making tiny hearts with their fingers.

"There are no cars on Nanjing Road," I said. "Only people."

"So many," Anna said.

Anna and I took selfies together, and eventually a young Chinese couple stepped in to help. I had always resisted taking pictures in China, but I took them with Anna, smiles and longing stares, the neon lights of Shanghai behind us.

I saw pictures as a crutch. I didn't need to prove what I had seen or done, and I refused to end up an old man sitting in America, looking at pictures of this other life. If I missed China, I would get my ass on a plane and come back.

So what had changed?

Anna was adjusting her hair. "One more," she said. "Okay maybe two more."

China would be here forever, but Anna wouldn't. I wrapped my hands around her waist and pulled her tight, looking at her eyes while a stranger snapped pictures, painfully aware of the transient nature of this moment.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing," I said. "Just happy."

"Me too."

Anna showed me the pictures as we walked down Nanjing Road, past fast food and luxury shops, past touts selling fake watches and real women, kids launching cheap plastic helicopters in to the sky, dodging the trolley that looked like a miniature train. Our pictures together reminded me of engagement photos. I didn't say anything. I just gazed at her smile as she scrolled through images of us together.

--

Back in her hotel room. We forgot to buy condoms, but it didn't seem to matter any more, to either of us. I ran though the consequence, some of them scary. I didn't care. I welcomed a future with her.

We were naked almost immediately, Anna on her back, dark hair on white sheets, legs spread and waiting. My lips were against her neck as I entered her. Anna released a sigh so thick it was practically a moan. She was wonderful and wet against my cock, soft heat and friction as we restarted a kiss that had never truly ended. I went slow, not caring about pleasure, only wanting the moment to last as long as possible.

While my cock explored the interior of her body, my lips explored the rest. Lips and neck, behind her ear down to her collar bone, large breasts, circling around to her nipples then back to her lips.

Anna would bite her lip or moan as the mood struck her, all while I worked my body against and inside of hers.

Then I was coming again, less violent than that afternoon, but far more intimate, every muscle in my body under tension while Anna moaned, running soft hands down my back.

--

"You okay?" Anna asked. Her head was resting on my shoulder, her eyes turned up to mine. I was living in two moments, the wonderful here and now and the future, when she would be gone.

"I uh..." I said. "I guess I'm missing you already."

"I'm still here," she said. Anna slid her leg against mine to reinforce her point.

I closed my eyes, trying to capture this perfect moment, her soft skin against mine, the way her messy hair seemed to cascade across everything.

"Why don't you extend your trip?" she asked. My heart went racing again. "You already extended your trip once."

"More than once."

"Why not two weeks more?"

It was so obvious. I usually returned to America as a convenience, to reconnect with my other life. That other life was lying against me. The cloud of a tragic narrative that was forming in my mind broke. I bathed in warm joy.

All I could do was hug her.

"It's okay to live in the future," she said, "just live in a good one."

"You're pretty smart," I said.

"Don't tell anyone."

--

Anna had to work. Two weeks of fourteen hour days. A sprint. Gather enough data to approve or reject a hundred million dollar deal. I checked in with her every evening, but I tried to give her space. She was tired and needed to focus.

I rearranged my flight. I considered upgrading us both to first class, but that was probably pushing the limits of "spends some money for Godsakes." I did pay to move our seats next to each other.

We spent five hours together in the airport, then another sixteen on the flight, planning our opened ended future.

--

Weeks later.

"I heard it went well in Shanghai," the CEO told me. "No Robert?"

"He couldn't make it," I said.

"Their boss told me to thank you personally, said you took good care of... Anna?"

I sighed. How much should I tell him? Dating accounting from our biggest client wasn't exactly a conflict of interest, but if we broke up it would be drama.

"She doesn't show up on any org charts," he said, "but apparently she's important. Their CEO said she is special."

I took a deep breath.

"She and I..." I said, "started dating--"

"Seriously?"

I nodded. "Anna is wonderful."

"Not a great decision--"

"I know."

"If you fuck this up--"

"I won't."

He leaned back in his chair and smiled. "I told you to show her a good time, not marry her."

"Catastrophic success?" I said.