Maniacs! Ch. 09

Why did that smug expression suit him so well? Perhaps because it wasn't self-admiration as much as that 'the cat who ate the canary,' look. Today he was pleased about a particular, naughty accomplishment. Master looked at the stick test, then dropped it into his shirt pocket, even though it had my pee on it.

"That's how a real man does it," he declared. "I knew I'd get ya pregnant."

It was silly, but I loved it when he acted typically alpha male.

"You're incorrigible," I laughed. "Yes, I think I knew that, too."

"What do we do now? Do we celebrate? Tell everybody? Buy all the shit for a baby?" he asked.

I hated to bring him down, but sometimes that's my role. Well, I try not to be a downer but grounding for him. I suppose I need it, too, to not get swept up in whatever passion is possessing my Master.

"I think," I started cautiously, "that most people wait a couple of months before they tell people. The first trimester is when a miscarriage is most likely to happen. Most people wait that long let everyone know they're having a baby."

"That's the stupidest thing I ever heard," Hollis said. "Like anything in life's got a guarantee! Ya ain't gonna lose that baby. Don't even talk like that," he warned me in that tone that sends shivers all through me.

"You're right. It can't hurt me to have faith in something good. I'm not that weak I need to prepare for the worst. I'll just be happy. Are you happy, Daddy?"

"Fuck, yeah. It's how it's meant to be. You're my woman, my property--you're s'posed to have my baby. Not everything has to be so fuckin' complicated. So, yeah, I'm happy, Puppy girl."

Hollis called the El Pozo and spoke to Hugo, then called Kevin. We were going to meet them for lunch at the bar the next day. Hugo would take a break if he could but was always working during business hours. He preferred to be behind the bar, as is often the case with bartenders--once you've seen what people look like from that perspective it can be hard to enjoy yourself as a customer again.

I hadn't had much time to observe Master interacting with his family but got the sense that he just didn't. For him to arrange to have a meal with them was out of character. Why was it so important for them to know right away that I was pregnant?

Perhaps because over the years Hollis had grown frustrated at being pigeonholed as a psychopath. Sure, it was useful to his family and he liked the freedom afforded by being his true self, but it was assumed he'd never have a normal family life of his own. He'd never have a partner (or one he'd keep alive for very long), and certainly never have a baby intentionally. He was a monster without feelings. What would he want with a family?

Psychopaths do have feelings. It's like they are working with a different color palette. Certain defining emotions are intensified. Wrath, rage, frustration, ferocious independence, lust, dominance, and possessiveness--these all burn the brightest in Master's worldview. There is also a kind of euphoria that results in indulging these primary feelings, and it's enough to give me a contact high just by being with him when he's feeling fully alive.

He has other feelings, too, but they are more like ideas than anything that could touch his heart. He can be enthusiastic, playful, creative. He shows concern for me that I believe is real, though, without an ability to feel fear, an emotion like "concern" can only run so deep. I know he feels pride. He's proud of who he is and his fearsome reputation, and I know he's proud of me, too. For some reason I don't understand, he sees me as some prize he's locked down. Locked down and now, knocked up, too.

If he experiences love, I don't think I will ever understand what that feels like to him. I see sparks of it, gone in an instant. In whatever way it is that an animal loves its mate is how Master loves me and maybe less than that.

Probably the most striking thing about his way of being is the total absence of anything relating to fear. Unlike me, he can't get anxious or depressed. He's not neurotic, which is fucking refreshing. All the angst most people let fester inside them he turns outward on the world. As a consequence, there is something enviably uncontaminated about him. Maybe it's how he remains so strong and beautiful while poisoning his body.

I got ready for Sunday lunch. Yes, that sounded absurd to me, but why should it? Unlike me, Hollis at least had family, fucked up as they were. It would be the first time I'd meet Reyna when she was in her right mind. I wondered if she'd remember me from that night. Once her three friends were dead, I'd taken off the balaclava to fool around with Hollis. She'd dissociated from the situation, or that's how it looked to me.

I wanted to look less... provocative than I had that night a few months ago that I'd met them at the roadhouse. Time had flown; it was fall now, going into winter, so I opted for a black knit dress (nice and clingy, but not showing much skin), tights, and sleek zip-up boots. It was a simple outfit that emphasized my shape and my collar, so I figured Master would approve.

"Ya ain't from around here, are ya, girl?" he drawled.

"Is this wrong?" I asked.

"Nope. You're hair's fadin' out," he remarked, playing with a pastel streak.

"Yeah. Did you like it bright?" I asked. I was still curious about what turned my man on... other than violent sadism and his pregnancy fetish, I still didn't know if he had a "type." It was nice to be with someone so accepting of my appearance, but it still left me insecure not to know his thoughts about it.

He shrugged. "I like how it made ya look like a doll. That little sweet face with the big eyes, the fake hair... it was freaky. I liked it... when my dick was in your mouth."

"I think my man is a strange person," I said happily.

"Hey, at least I ain't boring, right?"

I burst out laughing. "You've saved me from my boring life. You turned it upside down, Master."

"I turned your life upside down?" he said, looking around at his clean and still mostly empty house. "Everything's changed for me, too."

"Too much?"

"It's all things I want. I ain't scared of growin' up. I see guys like that around, guys I've known forever who don' change. It's kinda pathetic... I ain't like that," he said decisively. It made me happy.

"Just don't change too much--because I love everything about who you are, Holly."

"C'mere," he said and gave me one of those obligatory hugs he interpreted was what I'd want at that moment. I still loved the sensation of being folded into his strapping body... even if it wasn't anything he needed. Being buried to the hilt in my pussy was the only type of embrace that held any meaning for him.

Speaking of which, I felt his cock swell and he roughly pressed me against it by bruising my ass. He pulled up my hem to grind on my crotch for a second, instantly giving me an aching clit erection. Something kicked deep inside me that couldn't possibly be the baby yet. Then, he stopped and stepped away. The same frustrated sigh rushed out of both of us.

"Ya get more later, Puppy. We gotta go."

I sighed. "I guess I appreciate that you're punctual. Most of the time I like it."

"Ya get your treat later... as a reward for puttin' up with my family."

"I thought Hugo seemed okay last time. I just wish he treated you with more respect. You're a good son, Holly."

He snorted. "I'll be a better father than son," he said and gave me a brilliant black grin.

When we showed up at the El Pozo, Kevin and Reyna were already there at one of the larger tables. We sat across from them.

"Dad's in back... talking business," Kevin said in a low tone.

"She knows everything. You can talk in front of my girl," Master said.

"Everything?" Kevin asked. I wanted to like him, but he loved to stir the shit, it seemed. It rarely got a rise from his older brother, but that didn't stop him. It was like a compulsion with Kevin to be kind of a dick.

"She knows about me. She knows about you guys, too, and she don't judge it."

Oh, I would come to judge it harshly, but it wasn't the incest taboo that bothered me.

Reyna looked uncomfortable and slurped the last of her soda through a straw.

"Want another one?" I asked. She gave me a shy smile. "Thanks," she said. I stood up to get us some drinks from the bar.

"What are you drinking, Daddy?" I asked. Kevin had a beer so I didn't bother to offer him anything. I would have, though--I'm always polite to him, but only because it annoys him.

"I ain't drinkin' today--I'll just have a beer. Somethin' in a bottle," Master said. It made me smile because that was just so him. With his constitution, beer didn't count as drinking.

I walked over and ordered from Hugo's waitress, who was behind the bar. Not too many customers at the moment. Other than weekend nights, it couldn't be predicted when the place would be busy. It depended on when travelers happened to take a wrong turn on their way someplace else. The only people who intentionally came out here were groups of bros with their dirt bikes. I found the landscape quite beautiful and was happy to live in Meggido, but that probably had everything to do with my man. I saw life through a rose-colored gas mask, so to speak.

About ten minutes later, the patriarch walked his business associates out to the parking lot. Those guys made Hollis look like an altar boy. When he returned, however, Hugo looked lighter, like he'd shit a brick but felt better for it. Money had been made and this was very good for my man for two reasons: Hugo would be more agreeable and there would be another fat contribution to Master's retirement fund.

Though you wouldn't know by looking at him, he'd accumulated serious wealth. The less I knew about that, the better, as far as I was concerned. I didn't need to give Hollis any reason to doubt me. If something were to happen to his money while he was high out of his mind, I honestly didn't know what my life expectancy would be. Of course, it wouldn't be avarice that would motivate him to murder me. It would be the humiliation of the betrayal. Carrying his baby wouldn't save me.

When I returned to the table, Hugo was seated at the head of it.

"So, I'll be an abuelo soon, is that right?" he said to me.

I glanced at Hollis, who looked equally surprised. He raised his oversized hands innocently. "I didn't say nothin'," he said.

"He didn't have to. Why else did he want us all together for lunch? The food here is so delicious?" Hugo quipped. "And at my age, you can tell by looking at a woman."

I tried hard not to blush. I hadn't realized it was obvious yet. Maybe it wasn't and he was just messing with me! Hollis clasped my shoulder possessively, down into the bones. Other than his firm grip, I could sense how relaxed he was, which was unusual in his father's presence. I knew this because the tension lingered for hours after they'd seen each other, and that was nearly always about work or something Hugo needed done around the roadhouse. Today, Hollis was contented.

"Yeah, that's why. I thought y'all should get to know Puppy. But if ya don't wanna call her that like I do, you can call her Holly."

"I hope we'll become good friends. You're always welcome at our house, of course," I said, looking around at my three new in-laws.

Hugo's lips corners turned up in a way that gave me a rare glimpse of his son in his weathered face. Reyna seemed to struggle with the conflicting impulses to warm to me and her fear of Hollis. Her gaze kept traveling to my neck where various extreme love bites were healing beneath my collar. There was frightened recognition in her eyes--I realized he'd done it to her. Every family has water under the bridge, but it was a lot to ask someone to sit across the table from her attacker as if it's normal. Not that I'm so well-adjusted and normal--I felt jealous of Reyna that she'd been with Master. Even if it had been a traumatic experience, I couldn't get my brain around the idea a woman wouldn't want him.

"Maybe we can go shopping together to buy you things you'll need for the baby," Reyna said. She sounded sincere and melancholy. I could see that she needed a friend. Her brother wasn't the whole world to her, even if he wanted to be. I'd pieced together a picture of that relationship from comments Master had made and it wasn't a pretty one.

"Okay, that could be fun! I don't know anything about babies. I should probably get some books," I laughed.

"They have those!" the girl said brightly. She was endearing in the way developmentally delayed people can be. It was more likely that she'd regressed to a time before her brothers destroyed her.

Kevin did not look excited about the news. He was sullen and Hugo noticed this. Though the younger son was his favorite, Hugo wasn't above stirring up conflict between him and Holly, even if that meant scolding Kevin.

"Don't you have anything to say to your brother and his lady? This should be a happy occasion, son."

"Congratulations. I just never saw you having kids, is all. I mean, not intentionally," he couldn't resist adding. "She seems like she'll make a good mother."

"And he'll be a good father. A lot of people wait until later in life nowadays. I don't think there's anything wrong with making sure you're ready," I said diplomatically.

"Jesus, woman. Are ya sayin' I'm gonna be an old dad? How old do ya think I am?" Hollis teased.

"Not old! I just assumed that's what your brother was getting at when he said he didn't think you'd have kids. It was that you waited a while."

"Uh-huh. Must have been what he meant," Master said sarcastically, but he didn't seem bothered by it. He leaned over and kissed me. The smell of beer from his mouth turned my stomach! That was odd. Or maybe it wasn't. "Oh, shit... I think I have morning sickness. Will you order for me, love?"

"Yeah, sure. Reyna. Go with her. It's female stuff," Hollis said gruffly. Kevin visibly bristled at that--he told his sister where to go and what to do, not Holly. But she was already eagerly at my heels as I fled to the ladies' room.

She waited for me outside the stall. I'm not sure what she was meant to do, but it did seem traditional to have company for morning sickness bathroom trips. I only had ginger ale in my stomach so puking that up didn't make me feel much better. After a few dry heaves that almost knocked me over, I did feel well enough to emerge. I splashed my face with cold, rust-colored water and tried to fix my makeup in the grimy mirror.

"What's it feel like?" Reyna asked. "Is it really bad?"

"No, like being carsick for a minute. I feel fine now," I said with a smile.

"Oh... that's good. But I meant, what's it feel like to be pregnant?" she asked.

I patted my face with the scratchy brown paper towel. "That's a good question... I'm not sure yet. I think it's too soon to tell. It's exciting, though. And my boobs are a little bigger, meaning, they exist now," I chuckled.

"I wonder if I'll ever have a baby," the girl said wistfully. "But I don't think Kevin would let me."

"Why does he decide? What if you meet someone and want to marry him or something?" I asked.

Reyna's laugh at that had a bitter edge, jarring against her child-like affect. "You really don't know Kevin!"

"No, I don't." But I was getting the picture. What Hollis had done was wrong, but it was in the past and there was nothing he could do now to change it. This was ongoing.

"Did, um, Holly tell you anything about us?" she asked.

"I'm not sure. Probably some things. Is there something in particular on your mind?"

"You can't tell anyone. If you did, I'd just deny it and he would, too. No one could prove anything," she began, sounding a lot like she was repeating a lecture she'd heard from someone else many times, "not like anyone even cares..."

"Reyna, what is it, sweetie?" I asked. 'Sweetie?' I'm not the girl who calls people that, am I? It must be the hormones taking over.

"Kevin is like my boyfriend... like in every way. I've had boyfriends before him! But he always convinced me I was supposed to be with him because no one else could take care of me right."

"What do you think? Are you happy with your brother like that?" I asked.

"Well, I'm lucky to have him... I'm such a basket case, who'd want me? No one else would put up with my shit! But I do think about having kids, being a mom, having a husband who's not blood. You know?" Her earnest green eyes are bewitching.

"Yeah, I think so. It's normal to want those things, I think. Have you ever told him that someday you want to have that life? He must know you'll move on."

She looked at me like it was an asinine thing to say. It was. I'm not a therapist!

"Don't tell anyone, okay? I mean it. Kevin would be so mad at me! At you, too, and trust me, you don't want that," she warned.

It never crossed my mind to be at all afraid of the effete boyband-looking creep, but for a minute, I truly was. Her tone sent a sickening chill through me.

"Shit--I'm sorry about this--" I said and shoved her out of the way to puke again.

The waitress was serving lunch when we returned. Sunday was by far the best day to eat at El Pozo because Hugo's cook made authentic pozole on that day only. A lot of his customers dragged their asses back to the scene of the crime for the hangover cure. It appealed to my tricky stomach as well.

"Everything all right?" Kevin asked Reyna as he cast a suspicious glance my way.

"Yeah, she feels better now," she answered damn convincingly, almost as if she'd forgotten that she'd confided anything in me at all.

"Good, she has to eat," Hugo said. "This stuff builds up your strength. You want your baby to be strong like his father," he said to me.

Master's spoon froze in its path for a second. I saw him arch an eyebrow. It was odd how his father had just nearly complimented him. Objectively, Hollis was stronger than most. Still, it was notable.

"What do you want me to do today, Hugo?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" his father replied.

"Figured that was a hint you need me to do some heavy liftin'. So, what is it?"

"No, nothing today, son. You and cachorrita enjoy your day."

"Means 'little pup,'" Hollis whispered to me.

It seemed my father-in-law approved of me. I supposed that made life easier. I was also grateful not to have a mother-in-law because I've heard they tend to be awful. Mine would have been to Hollis, had she known where I am. I'd escaped from her years ago. She was a far scarier type of psycho than my psychopathic killer lover. The majority of psychopaths aren't violent, just evil. Mac's bloodlust was merely dangerous and inconvenient.

A few minutes later, Kevin stood abruptly to leave.

"But I'm not finished!" his sister said about her bowl of soup. She was a slow and dainty eater, but that didn't mean she wasn't hungry.

"Let her eat, man," Master said. "She's lookin' skinny."

At that, Reyna looked frightened that Holly had noticed what her body looked like at all. Kevin sure didn't like it, either.

"Fine, she can walk home. It's not far." He was right--it was a couple of miles but seemed far enough to be rude not to wait for her.

"I'll drive you, princess," Hugo said, annoyed.

After Kevin fucked off, Master asked what was wrong with him.

"He's spoiled--that's what's wrong with him. He wants to finish college now. I said fine, he can earn the money to pay for it. He expects me to pay for it, then he'll come back here to work for me. I told him that's not how it works. This is not a summer internship!"

I chuckled at that. It certainly wasn't any type of internship I'd ever heard of.

"You laugh, but this is serious! Holly and I, we don't see eye to eye on many things, but he understands how things are. This is why I don't worry about you, cachorrita: he would never bring you anywhere near our family unless he could trust you. Kevin is a bright boy but he lacks good judgment. Hollis is a grown man; his brother still has to grow up and he didn't like it when I said so."