March Sucks

Contents: British English spelling and grammar.

This has nothing to do with other stories about February sucking - I just used the title for a laugh. The description of the actual sex, is from a very unusual perspective.

***

March sucks

1st Friday in March

It was the usual format for a Friday night. John, Duncan, and Alex were sinking a few in The Hayride. Whenever the local pool team was playing away it was quiet, and the guys would sometimes have a couple of games. Meanwhile, their wives: respectively, Tilly, Vanessa and Louise, would be talking about less important things in Massalia, the town's best wine bar. That's the way of the world as far as the male population is concerned. Men discuss and deliberate; women merely gossip!

But tonight, Duncan had personal, rather than global, issues, and wanted to share them with his friends.

"I'm concerned about Vanessa." he said. "She's been acting suspiciously."

"Yeah, I thought it might be that." said John.

"Why? What have you heard?"

"Nothing. It's just that a guy with a face like yours, is usually having problems at home. Hence Vanessa; nothing implied mate."

"Sorry. I'm just being sensitive. Anyway, it's those little things only a husband would notice. And don't forget, we guys have a pact to let each other know if we hear of anything suspicious comcerning our other halves. So tell me now, both of you, is there anything on the grapevine? About Vanessa, or your girls, or any of their friends?"

"Nothing." they both answered.

"We know they're organising a hen party for Sally."

"Right."

"Well something smells fishy. Whispered phonecalls and rapid hang-ups when I come into the room."

"But they are keeping the party details secret from Sally, the bride to be." said Alex.

"No, no, he's right." countered John. "Sally's not in his house. Vanessa would only be whispering if it's something she doesn't want Duncan to hear."

"Yeah, you're probably right."

"So, what do we do?" asked Duncan. "I was hoping you guys would come up with some kind of plan. Either to stop things getting out of hand, or at least to discover what she's getting up to. I think she's planning something underhand for this hen night."

"What we do is stay calm and this week, and find out everything we can about the party arrangements." said John. "From our wives, and anyone else who might know. It's not for another three weeks yet, so we'll meet here again next Friday, and pool what we've learned."

2nd Friday

They agreed it would be futile to try and prevent their wives from attending the party. They could only do their best to find out what went on at, or after, the event, and agree on what subsequent actions they would take. The information they'd gathered so far did little to allay Duncan's fears. The girls had hired a private room at the Golden Ball Hotel, and the party would be strictly women only. There would be a bar in the room, serving wine and cocktails, which would be staffed by two females. It got worse.

There were going to be strippers, and the door would have the usual No Entry / Private Party sign. But there would also be a security guy with a metal detector wand. He would be checking invitation cards and 'searching' all the women. So any hopes of getting a phone or camera in there were dashed. There would be 'coat check' style storage, for holding the phones of any participants who brought them. Worst of all, the two strippers had a double room booked that night, at the same hotel.

"The party room is downstairs, and has its own bathroom." said Alex, "But there is no other room off it, or any other exit. So the only way in or out, even for the strippers, is through the door security are guarding."

"Booking a room for them is suspicious. It'd be cheaper to pay their travel expenses. There'd be enough room to invite two women up." said Duncan.

"Or more than two come to that." added John. "They could form a queue!"

That shut them up for a while.

"So how much can these strippers get away with? Legally, I mean." asked Duncan.

"As far as I understand it," said Alex, "there can be local by-laws to adhere to, if they're performing on a public stage. Which also restricts them from interacting with the audience. But a private party? They can get away with pretty much anything. And going to such lengths to ensure no cameras are allowed in, suggests they're probably up to no good."

"And they can get away with even more in their room." added John. "Hands up anyone who has not had sex in a hotel room."

"So we're back to my original question." said Duncan. "What do we do? If my Vanessa is going to suck some stripper when he waves his tackle in her face, I suppose that's not the end of the world."

"I think we should all be prepared for that." said Alex. "Girls will be girls. Especially when they're full of booze."

"Yeah," said John. "and they will be. These guys don't usually put in an appearance till about nine."

"Well," said Alex, "if there's no changing room or anything, it's unlikely anyone would get up to any serious mischief in the toilets. So, the real danger is after the show, up in the guys' room. I think the first thing we should do is extract promises that our girls will come straight home when the party is over. All three of us should do that; it'll be a kind of base point to judge them by. Any wife who stays after the party will, at the very least, have gone against our wishes. We should get assurances from them, and each use our own words. Don't forget, they'll tell each other what we said."

"Right."

"Pitch it as soft or aggressively as you feel appropriate. Then they'll all know to be on their best behaviour."

"That's a start I suppose." moaned Duncan. "But how do we know whether they toe the line or not?"

"Short of hanging around outside the party, and dragging them straight home, we don't." said Alex.

"Got it!" shouted John. "A brainwave!"

"That'll be the beer." said Alex. "Drinking alcohol makes you more intelligent,"

"How do you work that out?"

"Alcohol destroys brain cells, right?"

"Right."

"So, picture a herd of gazelles being stalked by a couple of lions. Who do predators pick on first?"

Duncan smiled; he got it. "Old, young and weak!"

"Correct!" said Alex. "So when alcohol attacks your brain cells, it goes for the stupid ones first, the immature, and the ones that are getting senile. Hence, increased intelligence when they've been culled!"

Duncan laughed but John looked frustrated.

"Do you want to hear my brilliant plan or not?"

They did of course, and what he suggested was indeed brilliant. Duncan should buy a pair of spy glasses. They looked like normal black-framed spectacles, but had invisible camera and audio recording. John suggested Duncan check some out on Amazon and go for same day delivery. Once they'd checked them, they only had to persuade one of the party ladies to wear them on the night.

"But not my Tilly." said John. "She's too heavily involved with the arrangements. She doesn't know I'm aware of it, but she's organised the stationery. Official-looking invitations and pairs of raffle tickets to identify any phones and stuff."

"My Louise is a bit of a goody two shoes." said Alex. "I know she would never get involved in anything of a sexual nature. But, having said that, her sister Laura, is even more uptight. And she's bitchy enough to take videos of what goes on. In fact Louise says she's having a hard job getting her to agree to go at all, now she knows there'll be strippers."

"Sound her out then. We'll meet here next week, as usual."

3rd Friday, Hayride

"I've brought Laura along." said Alex.

"Hi guys. This sounds like fun. I've seen Duncan's glasses and they're easy to operate." She put them on. "What do you think? Am I sexy or studious?"

"A bit of both. But won't the other girls think it looks odd, you suddenly wearing glasses?"

"Not at all. It's fashionable these days. Not only clear lenses, but some girls wear them with no glass at all; only frames. They all think I'm a bit weird anyway, so I don't give a shit."

"OK. Keep them and practise a bit more. And good luck on the night."

"Thanks. Well, I'll leave you guys to your drinking. I've got to run."

Same 3rd Friday, Massalia

"So, are we all set for next Friday?" asked Vanessa.

"We are." confirmed Louise. "And I've even persuaded my prim and proper sister to come."

"Why?" asked Tilly. "No offence, but she's boring."

"Because," continued Louise, "she's always criticising me; my flirting, my so-called sexy clothes and so on. I though it would be fun to get her drunk and watch her loosen up a bit. You know, do something embarrassing. Then I'll have a hold over her in the future."

"Great!" enthused Tilly. "It's just a pity we can't get a camera in there."

"No chance of that!"

"I look forward to seeing her taken down a peg or two as well." said Vanessa. "But we need to confirm who's up for extras after the main show. I've checked that both guys are good for a private session in their room. I booked them so I want first crack at the black one. Their only stipulation is no more than four girls."

"Wow! Sounds like they're repeaters."

"Well, I'm more than a little jealous girls." said Louise. "But you'll have to count me out; Laura too. I'll cover for your time if you get up to anything of course, but the sex scene is not for me."

"Understood. But what about Laura? She can get pretty bitchy and judgemental."

"I'll keep an eye on her. We'll spike her wine with vodka; she'll soon get drunk. Then I'll get her clear of the hotel before the naughty stuff goes down."

"Fair enough." said Tilly. "I'm up for some of that naughty stuff, and don't care which man I have. I suggest we just let the strippers choose the other two."

4th Friday, The Golden Ball Hotel

The bridal party was under way and getting very raucous. Half a dozen of the partygoers were already having some sort of competition with shots. Ironically, they had also been making plans for additional entertainment. But they were only there to observe it. No cameras, no plans to have sex with the strippers. They had been the first ones into the room when the door opened, and had quietly spiked the open bottles of wine with Ecstasy. They intended to stick with shots and see if the bride could be persuaded to go too far with one of the guys.

"I'm a bit concerned about Duncan." Vanessa was saying. "He's been acting suspiciously."

"In what way?" asked Tilly.

"Oh, it's those little things only a wife would notice. Mainly hanging around every time I'm on the phone. And last night he gave me the best fucking since our honeymoon. Do you think he might have guessed what we're up to?"

"I don't see how. Anyway, he can't get in here. Or in the guys' room. We'll just have to keep a weather eye open when we go through to the lifts."

"I suppose so."

Laura shuffled closer.

"Come and join us Laura," said Tilly. "I like your glasses, are they new?"

"Yes." said Laura. "They don't have corrective lenses though; they're just for fashion really."

"I like them too, sis." agreed Louise. "Where did you get them?"

"Er, Amazon."

"Cool, can I try them?"

She put them on herself.

"They're a bit heavy."

"Oh, I'm sure you can find some lighter ones if you're interested."

The door opened and in they came. A black fireman, twirling a thick piece of hose, and a policeman with an oddly phallic-looking baton. The girls erupted. After a few routines, where the uniforms slowly came off, they were both down to blue leather thongs. The time-honoured cry went up:

"Off! Off! Off!"

The girls doing shots sat back in their seats, holding their drinks in front of them. Their body language showing they were observers rather than participants. The rest were feeling the effects of the wine and Ecstasy. Laura discreetly pressed the audio video recorder in her glasses.

As the guys made their naked way round the room, the excitable girls made sure they all got a squeeze of the goodies. Even Sally, the bride to be, was cajoled into having a quick feel of the black one. But on the second pass, she drew the line at sucking. Ecstasy or no Ecstasy, the lady would not be turned. The group of shot drinkers were most disappointed.

Tilly got a fistful and a mouthful. And was somewhat surprised, when Louise followed suit. She was not as uptight as her sister, but this was still unlike her; tonight she seemed to be cutting loose. Laura the prude joined Sally the bride and sat back in her seat. Actually, she was feeling horny. But she had an agreement with the husbands. Anyway, someone had to take a moral stand. She watched Vanessa and Tilly making fools of themselves, and her glasses watched too.

Piped music started to play a selection of slow songs. The two men returned to their makeshift dance area, still unashamedly naked. It was obvious that anyone who wanted to, could go and dance with them. Traditionally, at this stage of the proceedings, the guys would not actually invite anyone back to their room. It was up to the women to make all the running. The dancing was as outrageous as would be expected in a private setting. Breasts appeared, and penises were manipulated. Male hands ventured up the backs of dresses. Some were lifted high enough to reveal underwear, or lack of it. Sally, and a couple of her bridesmaids got ready to leave.

Laura was satisfied with her footage of the sucking and subsequent dirty dancing. She stood up, intending to leave with Sally, but suddenly felt queasy. She headed for the toilets, picking up speed as she got near. Bursting into a stall, she fell to her knees, and chucked up noisily. Ecstasy and vodka in the wine, don't take everyone the same way. Soon, a hand was stroking her neck, and helping her to her feet.

"Come on, I think you're done now. Let's get your head under one of the taps."

Laura, hair still wet, was in a taxi by the time the strippers took three of the women up to their room.

Last Saturday in March, Starbucks

The guys had agreed on a debrief over breakfast and coffee. It got off to a bad start.

"She fucking lost the glasses!" Duncan raged. "And they cost me sixty quid!"

The other two commiserated.

"She says she only had the one glass of wine, but it made her vomit. Stupid cow!"

"Any chance they might still turn up? Did you check with the hotel?" asked John.

"Yeah, she did that herself this morning. No sign of them. She thinks they ended up falling down the toilet, while she was heaving."

"Shit! Now we'll never know." said Alex. "A mate of mine on the taxis says only Sally and a couple of mates came away early. The rest all left between eleven and half past; which sounds reasonable"

"Tilly got in before midnight." said John. "That seems about right; she said they had to wait a while at the hotel because the taxis got busy. Theirs dropped Louise off first. I checked out her undies though; nothing untoward."

"Yeah, I did the same with Vanessa." said Duncan. "She is the top suspect after all. She got home after half eleven, but there was nothing suspicious in her knickers either."

"I have to be honest," said Alex, "Louise is such a goody goody, I never thought of checking hers. I know she got home around eleven forty, which fits with what Tilly said. Still, I'll have a sniff around when I get home. She's unlikely to rise till this afternoon. Then I'll have to put up with her moaning and groaning all day, with a sore head."

"Maybe we should be relieved." said John. "Looks like none of them did anything."

They went home.

Louise was, as expected, still in bed, dead to the world. Alex looked in the laundry hamper and studied her undies from the night before. Sensible white bra and panties with no unusual deposits. In fact. he wished she would occasionally wear something a bit more sexy. OK, so the bra had landed on the floor, not quite making it to the hamper; but she'd been pretty far gone when she got home. In the bedroom, her boring skirt and blouse were draped carelessly over the back of a chair and her handbag was lying on the bedside table. Her outer clothes were also free of suspicious stains and he automatically folded them as he put them away.

Alex had known all along he would not find anything, but also knew he had to try. There was a kinship with his drinking buddies and he owed them at least as much diligence as they'd shown. He turned to leave the room and stopped. He'd better check the bag too, just in case. He opened it and found no secret underwear or condoms. But a small inner pocket had something bulky in it. Her house keys? He unzipped it, and pulled out something black.

"Jesus!" he said out loud.

Louise stirred, mumbled something and went back to sleep.

Alex shot downstairs and called Duncan.

"Can you get back to Starbucks straight away?"

"I suppose so."

"Call John and be there as soon as you can. I'll go now, and get more coffees in."

"What's happened Alex? Cum stains in Louise' knickers?" said Duncan sarcastically.

"No. I always said she wouldn't do anything wrong. But she did get drunk. And it would appear she picked up Laura's glasses. One of you had better bring a laptop!"

"You guys would make a great advertisement for us." The barista gave them a big smile. "Not many come back for seconds, an hour after they left!"

They took their coffees to a table.

"Laura left the other bits and pieces with me." said Duncan. "She only took the glasses once she knew how to operate them. I've got the USB connection here. And there's some instructions if you need them."

"No, I think I can manage." said John. "They're probably in Chinese anyway. And stand by to be disappointed guys. We'll probably only get the vids that her sister took in the private room. It's doubtful there'll be much else. Louise must have taken them off Laura when she chucked up."

John set it up, and their assessment was correct. The laptop began to play back the movie of the strippers, waving their tackle in the air, and making their way around the baying girls. On their first pass, one group got a substantial handful of cock each. Ranging from full-on masturbation to Sally's tentative squeeze. It was noticeable that another group were having nothing to do with it.

As the guys came round a second time, the first girl - they agreed her name was Claire - deep throated both of them. Then Vanessa did the same. Tilly grabbed first the white one and then the black one and sucked them vigorously.

"Jesus!" Alex exclaimed, for the second time that morning.

His demure little Louise had just copied Tilly, also managing two mouthfuls. John and Duncan sympathised. It must be worse for him.

"Don't take it to heart mate." said Duncan. "A few glasses of wine, and they all do it."

"Not true." replied Alex. "Sally and Laura are both sitting back and refusing. I can't believe Louise did that!"

The next scenes were a lttle quieter and they could make out some dialogue. Some of the girls were getting up and dancing with the naked men. There was an appreciative sigh as the white guy showed them that Claire wasn't wearing any panties. She appeared to whisper something to him and returned to her seat. Tilly took her place and could clearly be seen allowing him to pull her dress off her shoulders and lower her bra. John squirmed as both her breasts popped out and the dancer lifted her high enough to suck her nipples. But the real shock was Louise again. The black man pulled her dress up at the back and got both hands under her panties. He gripped her buttocks tightly, opening and closing them while they French kissed. Alex was speechless.

"What's happening now?" asked Duncan.

Laura was looking at Vanessa. The audio was perfect.

"I've changed my mind. This is going too far for me, Laura. Shall we go?"