Marion's Story Ch. 01

I nodded but I couldn't hold back my discomfort and she hugged me tight. "Ya'll be OK little squirt, but please don't say anything to Ma."

That was the last time I went out to the treehouse until Sue left for college. She became really bitchy towards me after that incident and it manifested itself many times. She made sure I always ended up doing dishes. Mom tried to put a stop to it but Sue just said. "You want to do them dontcha squirt. The threat was underlying and never said but I knew it was there.

As time passed it increased to include the laundry and helping mom in the kitchen.

The day she left for college was a sad day for mom and the girls but for me I wanted to celebrate, do a jig, I watched as they all kissed and hugged saying goodbye at the bus station. Mom especially looked so sad, all I wanted to do was say goodbye and good riddance, but Sue surprised me, she pulled me into a hug so tight I thought I would die and she kissed me. "I'm going to miss you squirt, I love ya."

'What after all the teasing... how could she say that?' Mom gave me a hug and as the bus pulled away I felt a tear in the corner of my eye.

Beverly and April were nowhere near as mean as Sue, although the one time about a month after Sue left that I did venture up to the treehouse I was made to dress up, but it was friendly and fun, Sues mean influence was gone.

Sandy changed, she became a little reserved and private and I noticed she could never take her eyes off April. At first I thought she was jealous or envious because April was very pretty. It wasn't just the looks though it was the way she talked to her and always found a reason to be close to here. Beverly though was totally oblivious, mostly because she had a new boyfriend Mark. The downside for her was mom hated him. I remember it was many months later, the first time Beverly brought him home for dinner. Mom took an instant dislike to him and she gave Beverly a real long lecture afterwards.

That meant that they had to have clandestine meetings, which was good because it meant that only April Sandy and I spent the time together in the treehouse which was nice.

April and I formed a tight bond but Sandy became increasingly distant.

Then one afternoon April and I were in the treehouse and she had me doing her nails when Beverly burst in panting breathlessly. "Oh my god you are not going to believe this... Sandy got caught at school in the gym making out with Lou Anne Jefferies."

April ripped her hand out of mine raising it to her mouth in shock. "Ooooh yuck, Lou Anne she is horrible, she's not bringing her up here."

It was not disgust that I saw, it was jealousy pure and simple.

After that day Sandy did not return for almost the rest of the year. When I was in the treehouse it was mostly just April and me. Those were the best times, she treated me so nice. She still wanted it to be all girly doing makeup and trying on clothes, reading her girly magazines but it was fun. She taught me how to do my own makeup, she showed me every trick she knew and helped me find a style that suited my facial features.

This was a hard time for me, I was no longer forced to put on the dresses and makeup, I had come to recognize I liked it, the smooth soft feel of the dress sliding over my skin, the slippery wet feeling of the lipstick and that beautiful sensual smells, damn it I loved it I looked forward to getting up into the treehouse.

April recognized it as well but she never made fun of me, in fact it brought us closer together.

She never had a boyfriend as far as I knew and when I questioned her, she always changed the subject and got very defensive and vague.

The big shock came a few months later and it was huge. I found April and Beverly huddled together in the treehouse, Beverly bawling her eyes out. April cradled her head rocking her back and forth whispering. "It will be OK, mom will understand." When I walked in April waved for me to join them and I snuggled up on the other side of Beverly and added my arms to the group hug. I didn't know why or what the hell was going on but I felt I had to do something to ease her pain.

She was pregnant. Mom of course hit the roof and then there were hundreds of meetings with Marks parents and as much as they were all against it Marks parents made him do the right thing and they married. It meant Beverly moved out to live with Mark at his parent's place, she dropped out of school and got a job at the hardware store as a shop assistant.

That episode broke mom's heart, she was so embarrassed she didn't want to go out. Yeah people gossiped and the talk about Bev was pretty mean. Mother and daughter share a special bond and as angry as mom was nothing could separate her from Bev, which was especially true when she gave birth. Mom doted on the new baby, she loved the little cutie as did we all, slowly Bev and mom became pretty tight.

April as well spent a lot of time with Beverly in the lead up to the birth, keeping her company and helping her through all the hateful nasty things that were said about her.

I had my treehouse back, but it wasn't the same. I piled up all their clothes and makeup into a corner and brought my guitar up and focused all my attention back on that. It just wasn't the same yes I loved the guitar but I couldn't drag my eyes off the clothes. It felt weird being up there alone. Every day I looked at the clothes and the shoes and the makeup and little by little I slipped back into dressing up. First it was the false fingernails, convincing myself it was to help play guitar, but then the clothes; I loved the dresses and the shoes. April had a pair of black sling backs she left up there and we were about the same size. They had a four inch heel and the reason they stayed in the treehouse was because mom hated them. She gave April a real telling off the day she brought them home from a friend's place. "You look like a tramp." Mom cursed. "Nothing but a damn street walker now get them out of my house."

So thankfully for me I got to play and wear them every day. Don't ask me why but I loved them. I walked around and around the treehouse luxuriating in the look and the feel.

When I wore April's pantyhose and those shoes I was transported to Hollywood. I loved dressing up with my guitar and pretending I was a star.

That's how Sandy and April busted me. My makeup perfect, her sexy blue dress and those gorgeous black sling backs guitar in hand singing away.

I didn't see them at first and I was brought out of me reverie by their laughter. When I turned and saw them I was horrified. A feeling of deep shame and embarrassment washed over me and I dropped my guitar.

I was that scared I started bawling but April instantly ran to me and embraced me into those loving arms. "Hey squirt, it will be OK." Sandy joined her and we hugged tightly.

An image formed in my head as we hugged and I pulled back. "You were holding hands!"

April nodded smugly. "Yes we were weren't we?"

Sandy giggled. "I guess we are as busted as you."

"So what, are you guys more than friends?"

April drew me back into her hug. "Little bro, please don't hate me I couldn't handle that. Yes I finally woke up. I have had these feelings for a long time, but I think maybe you know what that feels like... To want something that you know will bring you shame."

Sandy whispered. "Please don't tell anyone, I have had enough of nasty comments and name calling. I love April, she is my soul mate."

April sighed with a huge smile and they fell into a cuddle. "Are you OK with this Marion?"

I smiled. "If you don't tell I won't either."

So that became out new little clique. Mom felt safe about Sandy being there thinking with me there nothing was going to happen and she was happy that April and I had become so close.

So every day, well it felt like every day the girls helped me with my makeup and clothes. They gave me a real sense of style, we read magazines and followed trends it was a magical period for me.

It was a real sad day when April headed off to college and I was left all on my own.

Mom fretted and worried about me especially since I didn't have any friends, so she talked to the local minister from her church and got me involved in the church choir and the church band. I loved the band it wasn't the music I wanted to play but at least I got to feel what it was like to play with other musicians. Most of the kids at school teased me about being in the church band and choir, but I didn't care I was playing music

I did have a few friends but we were never close, we played ball occasionally but I never invited them to the treehouse. I still felt this underlying embarrassment. I knew what people would say and Mom couldn't handle another scandal the poor woman had suffered enough.

The church also had something I had lusted after for years, an electric guitar and I loved it. OK it wasn't my beloved telecaster but it was a fender, an old Strat copy. It may not have been authentic but it played and sounded like the real thing.

Being part of the choir helped with my singing, the choir master Mr. Bell couldn't believe I was a Mezzo soprano and I could sing four octaves. He loved having me in his choir even although I ended up singing the female roles.

My mother was so proud of me, I still see her standing there tears rolling down her cheeks hands clasped together like she was praying.

My biggest problem was schoolwork... I sucked as a student, I never cared about it and I pretty much went to school for music and to eat my lunch.

It brought about the first real knock down drag out fight my mother and I ever had. She wanted me to go to college and all I wanted to do was play guitar.

"Marion if you don't take your studies seriously you won't be able to go to college. Honey I only want what's best for you, but if you won't study I am taking your guitar off you."

The minister wasn't that happy about losing his guitar player but he backed mom, he did throw me a lifeline. He sat mom and I down together and explained that if I could pull my grades up a couple of points, he had a few contacts at the University of Kansas in Lawrence near Kansas City and they had the best music program in the state. He suggested to mom that rather than fight me in what I studied if I focused my attention on a music degree, I could easily find work as a teacher or many other fields but the first part was the degree. Mom although unhappy decided that he knew best and if it was what I wanted she would support me.

Studying music seemed an impossible dream but with some hard work and staying away from the treehouse I was able to get my grades good enough to apply. Mr. Bell also pulled some strings and he actually managed to get me a scholarship funded by the church.

That was the hardest part for me, putting everything aside and focusing on studies. Math's was easy, music is a mathematical scale so lots of what I learned in music theory carried over into math. It was the other subjects that posed the biggest threats.

Funny how life works I was thrown another much needed life line by my English teacher who when she saw I was interested in music started talking to me about lyrics and poetry and how they all aligned and suddenly I saw it like a big road sign lit up in the sky English was important... and she helped me write some songs but more importantly poetry. Having never taken it seriously in the past suddenly my eyes were opened and I could see things I never saw before. The power of words became apparent.

Words carried strength and when strong lyrics were inserted into music it was lifted to ethereal levels and people paid attention.

With their help I managed to scrape through with enough merit marks to get my application at least looked at.

Mr. Bell had another project. He spent some time helping me write and perform a song which he recorded on an old Tascam 4 track to send with my application and that was what probably sealed the deal for me.

Mom lost her final child, the tears in her eyes flowed faster than the Mississippi as I headed off to the big smoke of Lawrence. Having turned 18 I felt like the world was mine for the taking. The scholarship covered tuition and accommodation, but it didn't cover everything, if I wanted to live, I was going to need a job. Mom gave me enough money to get me started but it wasn't much. Finding a job became priority number one.

I quickly moved in to my dorm and met the guys I was rooming with. This wasn't going to be a fairy tale, not everything in life works perfectly. The two guys I shared with were jocks of the highest order. Music or the arts did not impress them one iota.

I found a noticeboard with jobs advertised on it and I went knocking. It took me a few days but I did find a job stacking shelves at the Merc Co-op in Hillcrest shopping Centre. It was a night shift job but at least it was a job.

School was incredible, I was blown away oh the first day, walking around the facilities. Oh my god the studios were amazing and the instruments were incredible. Having spent my life reading magazines stacked with pictures of instruments I seriously lusted after and to be here having them stacked up here in front of me. Wow unbelievable.

The girls, don't get me started on the girls... It was like a magazine centerfold had been opened and all of these beautiful girls came cartwheeling out. Everywhere I looked the place overflowed with hot chicks. I walked around with a constant hard on.

Fashion, although I had made a pact with myself to put away my desires attached to dressing my head was spinning with the shops. Lawrence was so much better than little old Dodge.

Now I could be found not only drooling in music shop windows but women's clothes shop windows as well.

Life was good but hard. I had sort of figured this was going to be easy. In Dodge I cruised without sounding big headed I was a big fish in a little sea. Here I was nothing there were guitar players who were 100 times more technically proficient than me so I studied I studied hard, the only saving grace was my voice. A male with a Mezzo soprano voice is rare and that was the area I was being pushed towards by my tutors.

Being away from home allowed me to develop, not only my direction and studies but my style who I was and what I wanted to be. At home it was impossible to move far outside the box, always under scrutiny of family or friends. Here I started to let myself go a little, the most noticeable change being my hair. I let it grow long like so many of my musical idols and it was going OK. I had hair long enough to require a hair tie whilst at work.

Musically as well I was starting to discover new artists and performers. The university held regular concerts for touring artists and local students got support roles.

Growing up my influences were all hard rock, driving blues rock based bands but as I watched the myriad of touring artists so many were from the indie genre and quite frankly I loved it.

At home my song writing had faltered because my lyrics didn't fit the rock or blues grooves, but now with new rhythms an open mind my lyrics fitted perfectly, it was all starting to work.

My love life, well actually my lack of one was a major stumbling block. My hormones were raging like never before and I was masturbating that frequently I was worried it was going to fall off.

It wasn't just the desire to find a girlfriend I was also fighting the growing urge to dress. The urges weren't an instant arrival it was more like a gradual manifestation. Watching the incredible array of gorgeous girls walking around campus it was hard not to notice all the wonderful dresses and fashions. Dodge was hardly the fashion hub of the Midwest but here on campus hot chicks in brand new fashions were everywhere. Every time I walked past a girl in a beautiful frock, or tight fitting jeans, I wondered how it would feel, what it would look like on.

Being a slightly built guy, I had never struggled to fit my sister's clothes, I mean they were a few years older than me so it wasn't an issue, but here and now I pictured myself in all the beautiful outfits.

At work I had started to make inroads on getting rid of my raging hormones and that relief came in the form of Molly Campbell. She worked at the supermarket with me. She wasn't exactly a supermodel but she was very pretty. A lush auburn haired beauty with a slender figure, shapely but not buxom, she fitted the epitome of a regular small town tomboy. I watched her sexy ass wander up the aisles in her tight fitting leggings thanking the stars for baggy jeans, keeping my erection hidden within.

We quickly struck up a friendship based purely on music. She loved music and constantly walked around with her headphones on singing and dancing like she was at a club. Unfortunately for the rest of us she was tone deaf, not that she cared. Ignoring our pain she sung at the top of her lungs, to her credit she knew all the words.

My problem was being stuck in the friend zone and I couldn't find a way out. We talked about everything, about the boys she liked, who was boyfriend material and who wasn't, I was like her girlfriend.

Back at the dorm I started to compile a selection of women's clothes. Alone and locked in my room, I pulled on my silky lace panties, I slept in my negligee I wore pantyhose on most days and it was getting harder to keep the inner me under wraps. It was going to happen I was going to get busted sooner or later I just knew it. So when one of the guys I was working with said he needed a flat mate I jumped at the chance. It took a lot of emails and paperwork with the scholarship board but eventually they agreed. A separate room with its own lockable bathroom filled me with a lot more confidence.

I bought little pieces of clothing when I could afford it but the real bonus happened when the boss at work asked me to clean out the lost and found locker holy shit it was like Christmas all over again. There was everything panties, bras, clothes two little cases full of makeup even some jewellery. I kept all the good stuff and dumped the rest. It was heaven all these cute little items sexy bras and so many pairs of panties.

Molly took me by surprise one evening, one of her friends, stood her up and she asked me if I wanted to go and watch her favorite band. I couldn't believe my luck and agreed without even thinking about it, my heart raced, my palms got sweaty, OK it might have been a friend only date but it was a date.

It turned out to be this all-girl indie rock group. The moment we walked in I was hooked, the place was pumping the crowd was into them big time, the audience which was about 90% women and to a one they were singing along with the band, and just like Molly they knew every damned word. The band was awesome, OK they weren't like a top line band but they played original material and their songs were all catchy with good hook lines. They were pretty damn good. We found a standing table close to the front but off to the side and I leaned over so Molly could hear. "How come the audience is mostly chicks?"

She laughed. "Come on Marion, you get it surely... They are all gay, the girls in the band are gay everybody in here is gay."

I glanced across at her squinting. "Everybody?"

She smirked. "Well maybe not everybody, but yeah most are."

She gave me that cute smirk. "You're a muso, what do you think of the band?"

"They're great, I love their sound, but you say they're gay?"

When she saw the look of confusion on my face, she laughed harder. "Yes, they are lesbian's dumb ass."

I nodded in acknowledgement. She frowned. "You do know what a lesbian is right?"

"Yeah my sister is gay."

She looked at me with new respect. "Well good for her."

Now I was confused all she ever talked about was guys. "So, what about you? Are you one of the people here who isn't gay? I mean all you talk about is guys?"