Marriage Divorce Life Ch. 02

It appeared they all thought my book would win, there was also chatter about why the author wanted to remain anonymous. That was driving speculation it was a well-known author dabbling in a different genre waiting to see how it was received.

I was asked my opinions as the night wore on. Of course, there were all the other awards, Children's book, Technical books poetry. The speeches were horrendous and so long winded, eventually though it got to the new writer's award. The finalists were all announced and as the big moment arrived, I became very anxious and excited, I was barely able to hold back the excitement. The moment they drew out the winner and announced me as the winner, I thumped the table in jubilant euphoria sighing loudly! "YES, YOU BEAUTY." I won the prize, I cast my eyes around the table embarrassed by my outburst.

The guys at the table were applauding as well, the bloke next to me laughed, "Settle down mate."

Realising I was standing and cheering loudly I quickly sat back don and took a huge gulp from my drink. It would have taken a chisel to get the smile off my face.

Rebecca walked up to accept my award to a round of very loud applause. She accepted it and read out the little speech I had written.

I stole a glance at Shelby as Rebecca read my speech, she was searching the crowd, obviously looking for some sign who the author was. Her eyes passed by me, I thought I was busted but she didn't even recognise me.

The prizegiving continued, as the book of the year was announced I saw Shelby and Paul jump up, he grabbed her spinning her around embracing her tightly when his name was drawn out as the winner. Their hug continued much longer than necessary. His arms stayed tightly wrapped around her and they kissed, not a friendly congratulatory kiss but a deep passionate kiss. The kiss was accompanied by a round of cheering and applause. The cameras focused on them as they held the kiss much longer than they had to. I'm sure he was just milking it for the publicity.

Then to rub salt into my wound I had to listen to him heap praise on the love of his life Shelby for her help. It made me want to vomit. I decided on that note to make an early exit.

I went home with mixed emotions, watching Paul and Shelby hurt but I couldn't hide my smile, it was one of those smug take that you bitch smiles that I couldn't extinguish.

It was one of the proudest moments of my life. I had written something that was so widely appreciated, me the kid from nowhere had written something that won an award. When I left school not much was expected of me. I wasn't a scholar but I wasn't good enough at sports to go down that road either. It was only my love of cars and a push from my dad that got me into selling cars which it turns out I was good at and for twenty years provided for my family.

This however was something special, this was a life highlight. I might never share it with anybody but inside I glowed.

It felt good, it felt empowering and gave me incentive enough to keep going with the writing. I was already into my second novel, but because it was not something, I could write about first hand it took longer. I found myself stuck not knowing how to proceed, so it ended up sitting for quite a while.

The book sales though kept mounting and even made waves overseas. It received plenty of good reviews, it seemed to have hit a chord with people.

My award duly arrived in the mail. I did take great pleasure in framing the certificate but as much as I wanted to hang it above the mantle, I decided that it would remain my secret. I stashed it away beside the desk, at least I knew and for me that's all that mattered. It's funny when I was in a group where people talked about it, I felt this enormous feeling of achievement. I didn't need or even want to tell them. It was mine and I loved the fact that nobody knew.

The fact I had sort of run into the wall with the book drove me into the shed and I took out my frustrations by rebuilding the Impala motor. Cars I love them, always had ever since I brought my first one, I had been obsessed with them ever since. Because I came from a poor family, I had to do all my own mechanical repairs and my dad helped me. We spent countless hours underneath broken-down old bombs that were barely roadworthy. Out here in the shed brought back all those old memories. This shed was much like my dad's, old and a little run down. As I worked, I pictured dad and I working on cars and the memories were fond, it was the one thing we shared.

I was working on the rebuild when I heard a car pull up outside. When I went out to investigate it was Shelby. My heart skipped a beat. She looked smart and as beautiful as ever. Her hair and makeup were perfect and the short skirt she wore showed her gorgeous sexy legs off to their best advantage. Oh god it's not fair that she still has this effect on me. I could already feel my palms getting quite clammy.

She carried a big cardboard box, so I rushed out and grabbed it from her arms. As I took the box she leaned in for a kiss, "I was going through some of the stuff at my parents place and thought you might want some of it back." She grinned.

"Thanks, but I'm not sure there's anything of relevance in there."

She shrugged, "If you don't want it throw it away, but I'm sure once you look inside you will change your mind."

I showed her indoors and went and changed washing the engine oil off my hands. I put the jug on and started to make a hot drink. She said, "I would prefer wine, if you have any. Knowing you though, the fridge will only be full of beer."

I lifted up a bottle of Chardonnay and waved it at her. She grinned, "Well bugger me, wonders will never cease."

I poured us both a glass and opened the cardboard box. The first thing that I pulled out was our wedding photo and I glanced up at her quizzically. "You don't have a copy, so I got one for you." She said it with a guilty sort of embarrassed sigh.

I put it to one side, "Thanks, I will put it away later." Next was my writing award from College. As I pulled the framed certificate out, she blustered, "I never knew you could write. Finding this was a bit of a shock."

I stared at it, now sitting in a brand-new frame, "Where did the frame come from?"

She scowled, "This is important, it should be on a wall somewhere, so I had it framed for you." Her frown deepened, "Why didn't you tell me?"

I chuckled, "I guess there are things you don't know about me."

"Obviously." She mumbled. Next out was the old manuscript itself. I had stored the award and manuscript away. They were from part of my life I had forgotten; they had been hidden out in the shed under a pile of other stuff which is why I missed them when I packed everything up. They were from another life. As I pulled it out Shelby smiled, "You know I read that and I can see why you won...that is bloody good, why did you stop writing?"

"Well, I met and fell in love with a literary genius and after that I was always too embarrassed."

"Oh my god, why would you be embarrassed?" She snatched the manuscript from my clutching fingers and slammed it down on the table, "Tom this is good, I'm not saying it to make you feel good. This is damn fine work. You might not believe me but you have a talent."

I laughed, "That was from a long time ago Shelby, a very long time ago. Another lifetime and a lot has happened since then."

She shook her head in frustration, "If you said something we could have worked together."

"Forget it Shelby, thanks for finding it though."

The rest of the box was photos from the kid's childhood. As I picked through them it brought back all those wonderful memories and I couldn't hold back a little tear. She saw it and blubbered, "I was sure you left these by mistake, I know regardless of how you feel about me you would have wanted these."

I nodded, "Yes indeed, thank you."

She wiped away a little tear, "I have made copies, which I kept as well."

I nodded accepting that she evidently felt the pain as deeply as me.

She surprised me by suggesting she drive back to the fish and chip shop and get us dinner. I laughed, "You're going to the chippy? You have got to be joking."

She laughed as well, "Actually I thought the food was rather lovely last time, but it's a bit windy out there this afternoon though."

"OK you get the food and I'll clean down the table."

I got changed and tidied up a bit. I was laying out the plates when she arrived back and we sat down to an early dinner. I put on the evening news as we ate. The meal was quiet, with the TV running in the background.

As we were finishing up there was a brief snippet on the program 'THE PROJECT' about a Facebook group that started, the group was focused on unearthing the identity of the unknown author of my book. Shelby laughed, "I joined the other day, somebody will know who he is, this is a small country, and his identity will eventually come out."

"It might be a woman." I suggested.

"No, it's a man Rebecca told me so. She has spoken to him, just never met him." Adding, "She accepted his prize at the awards."

The mention of that night brought back angry memories of seeing her and Paul together. She saw me expression change and she reached for my hand, "hey, why the sad look?"

"I suppose you were there with old lover boy?"

Her face shrivelled in a guilty grimace, "Please don't keep referring to him like that, yes, I did accompany him. I did have a lot to do with that book, if I hadn't helped him it would never have been finished."

"I suppose you celebrated together afterwards as well." I snapped indecently.

Her guilty look turned to one of anger, "We don't live together anymore Tom, you made sure of that, I am a single woman now."

We sank into an awkward silence before she burbled, "Can we have a conversation about what happened without starting another war?"

I nodded, "Yes it's probably time isn't it."

"Tom why the divorce? Why couldn't you wait one measly month so we could talk?"

"Why wait, you told me you had been sleeping together for six bloody months and I begged you not to go to that damn workshop. You obviously planned to leave me when you got back, otherwise why go?"

She groaned, "I had to go, it was booked and paid for, and after our fighting I thought some space might be good for you, I hoped you could see the possibilities."

"Well, he didn't have to go...did he?"

Sulkily she sighed, "I tried to explain I needed that time together with him to see if it would work."

"So, you were contemplating leaving me for him?"

Her head dropped and her moist eyes looked away guiltily, "Yes if I am honest then yes, I thought about it, but I knew before I went that it's not what I wanted. It was stupid on my part. We had such a wonderful marriage and we were so in love. All my friends were jealous of me. They all adored you, still do really. Everybody thinks I'm a fool."

"Why Shell, I still don't get it?"

"It was lots of things I suppose, all the usual suspects, I'm a woman getting older, losing my appeal, the kids vanished leaving a vacuum I needed to fill in my life with something. Paul and I were already close and he is young, charming and good fun. He covered me in compliments and flattery. He was depressed and needed some affection which I gave him, that affection grew into something more which made me question everything."

"But why wouldn't you talk to me, you must have realised how I was going to react, after twenty years you have got to have?"

"Tom honestly I thought our love would get us past it. You have always been so loving and generous. I saw you working and talking with the kids as they grew up, teaching them not to jump to conclusions, not to rush into situations or decisions. You taught them to step back and think, find alternatives rather than fight. I hoped that would be how you would react."

"Twenty years and you thought I would let you have an affair, and just accept it?"

"Yes...no, not really. I hoped, I prayed that you would at least let me explain and then...I don't know after that. I just didn't expect you to explode."

Shaking my head, I muttered sternly, "Well you thought wrong."

"I see that now, I needed that month, afterwards I knew it would never work."

"Are you saying that you no longer see him?"

She grimaced, "No I see him, we just couldn't live together."

"Why did you come today Shell? You could have mailed all this stuff."

"Because I wanted to talk to you, to be with you. Believe it or not I bloody miss you."

Sighing sadly, I mumbled, "Yeah I miss you as well."

Her voice firmed, her face taking on a determined look, "Tom, I really miss you, I want you back, this whole thing has been a huge mistake."

That caught me by surprise, "You what?"

"I want our marriage back, it's not too late, it won't be final for months. Tom, I want us to be together again."

"So, it's over between you and lover boy then?"

"No not completely, we still see each other occasionally."

"I see and these occasions do they include sex?"

She stared back at me unflinchingly, "Sometimes yes."

"But that would stop if we got back together?"

She shook her head slowly in the negative, "Not necessarily, I would still like to be able to see Paul...occasionally."

"For sex?"

"No not always, but if it happened yes."

When I sat there flummoxed, she reached across for my hand, "Tom there are many types of marriage, what I am suggesting is an open marriage."

Choking on my beer I growled, "What.... Jesus Shell are you saying what I think you're saying?"

She nodded before I blustered, "Good god almighty, you have to be joking."

"Tom it could work. That month I was away, I wasn't just thinking about Paul I was thinking about our relationship. I realised I couldn't live without you. I loved our life together and I wanted it to continue, but there was that bit of me that wanted Paul as well. That's when I thought, why not? Why couldn't it work, other people do it."

"This open relationship...would it be open for me as well?"

She smiled teasingly, "Yes that is the description of open isn't it?"

"You're bloody crazy Shell."

Playing seductively with her glistening hair she whispered breathlessly, "You don't find that suggestion even remotely interesting?"

Confused and bewildered I moaned, "No not really."

She flinched and tears rolled slowly down her cheeks in admission that I was right. "I'm sorry Tom things got so twisted between us, I never wanted it to rip us apart. Paul needed me so badly and you're so strong I thought you of all people would be able to accept this as a possible solution."

"What is the solution you are suggesting?"

"In a crude sense I want to be able to have my cake and eat it to. I want my wonderful loving caring husband and my lover as well."

Her face flushed bright red and her eyes fluttered unable to look straight at me, "Tom open marriage does work, thousands of people from all over the world are embracing it. Damn it I have friends that have an open marriage and it works beautifully. They respect each other, they love each other but from time to time they see other people."

"I'm sorry Shelby but, you and I live in different worlds. This fantasy world you describe is not something that I could ever contemplate."

The mood had changed, no longer friendly and warm now there was this dark permeating uncomfortable silence.

I had questions, thousands of them.

As we ate, we talked about other things, simpler things. Friends, work...things that we didn't have to think about. I got us another bottle of wine and she gulped hers greedily. After we finished and I had done the dishes I asked, "Do you want to go for a walk, the beach is nice this time of night."

She replied quickly, "Sounds divine." As we walked down to the beach she reached for my hand and we walked that way her hand clasped tightly in mine. God it felt good having her this close, her hand in mine. It was like old times, like when we dated, sneaking off without her parent's knowledge.

As we walked, the clouds drifted high above, the stars gliding out from behind the thinly layered cloud, adding their luminous glow I asked, "So what happens now?"

She lifted my hand and kissed it, pulling me to a halt facing her, "That depends on you doesn't it. You're the one with the decision to make."

When I didn't answer she reached up her arms sliding around my neck and she kissed me, a long lingering tongue swirling spine chilling kiss. Her hot body pressed tightly against mine a warm relief from the cool night air. "Tom darling, I want you so bad, I will accept anything. If we make love tonight and tomorrow you kick me out, I won't care, I will celebrate spending more time with you."

"Sorry Shell but this is all happening a bit quick for me, shit we haven't even spoken for months and suddenly we're supposed to be lovers again. No not now, I need to think."

She sighed, "I can wait, I think you're as lonely as me, are you dating anybody?"

"No not at the moment."

"But you have dated?"

"Yes, I've had a couple."

She laughed, "Yeah I know, our friends do talk even if they don't talk to me directly. I was shocked though, Jocelyn.... oh my god what were you thinking?"

I laughed, "She asked me, and for your information it was fun."

She frowned, "Fun...Jocelyn...Oh my god, I don't believe it." She screwed up her face in disbelief, "You mean she was good in bed?"

She wasn't actually, but I didn't want her to know that, "Yes she was, she is a very sexual woman, still waters run deep you know Shell."

She rolled her eyes, "Well I bloody never, how often did you do it?"

I laughed playfully, "That's for me to know, and you to find out."

"If she was so good why did you stop seeing her?"

I shrugged, "We wanted different things, you know what that feels like."

She grimaced ashamedly before leaving. I walked her out to her car and we shared a kiss through the open window before she drove off. Bloody hell, what a day...

As the night crept in cloaking the world in darkness, I pulled out my old story that Shelby had brought. OK it was from a long time ago, my senior year but as I read it, I realised some of it was pretty good and as I flicked through the pages, I recognised some of it would fit perfectly in my new book. The words flowed, my roadblock dissolved, I wrote and wrote dragging myself off to bed well after midnight.

The next week flew by. Fuelled by the story I wrote in school I found new ways to move my new story forward integrating the new with the old, it was the shot in the arm I needed, every night I spent my time busily typing away.

The week just vanished. Yes, Shelby was in my mind, I couldn't shake everything we discussed during her last visit.

She as well fuelled my thoughts. It started easily with daily phone calls, then grew into meeting for lunch during the week. I have to admit it was fun and it became out thing. We fell into a routine I guess you would say. She called me most nights and we talked for ages. She came to the car sales yard and we shared lunch. Sometimes she brought it and sometimes we went somewhere.

That became our routine, unexpectedly we found ourselves friends again.

It carried on that way for well over a month before one Friday lunchtime she asked if we could go to a movie or something. Consequently, we went on a date. The food and the movie were excellent and we shared a coke at the movies using two straws, her hand clutched tightly in mine.

As I dropped her off at her place she said, "You could come up for a drink before you leave if you want?"

"No thanks Shell, it's a long drive." We shared a quick kiss before I headed home.

Saturday, she turned up at home with the makings of a picnic and we walked down to the beach. With the blanket spread out we enjoyed a sumptuous feast and had to lie down to get our breath back.