Mary and Alvin Ch. 36

Alvin had dozed off, and Mary and Bonita sat quietly by his bedside. He awoke after a few minutes and looked around the room in confusion. After glancing at the tangle of tubes and wires that ensnared him, he remembered that he was in the hospital. He looked around the room and saw Bonita sitting at the foot of his bed, and Mary by his side.

"Hello, baby, I'm still here," he said.

"Of course you are, my love," she replied.

"I was dreaming that we were flying, you and me. I was holding you tight so that you wouldn't fall, and we were flying in and out of the clouds." He gestured to Bonita. "Nita, baby, can you raise me up?"

Bonita touched the bed's control screen and it rose under Alvin's back, bringing him to a sitting position.

"Do you want some water, honey?" Mary asked.

He nodded and she handed him his cup. He took a long sip from the straw and handed it back to her.

"Did anyone talk to Charlotte?" he asked.

"Mama Jen did," Bonita told him, "She said she'd be here as soon as she could."

Alvin waved his hand. "She shouldn't. I'm alright."

"Do you think there is something we could say that might keep her away?" Mary asked.

"I don't guess there is," he said, chuckling. He looked at Bonita. "I was wondering where you were before."

"They said only two visitors at a time, so I waited while Hannah and Mama Jen came in. I mean, they are your daughters and all."

Alvin looked pained. "Nita," he said, "I think of you as my daughter every bit as much as them."

Mary could see from Bonita's face that she was refusing to cry.

"Papa..."

"Yes, baby?"

"My whole life, the one thing that mattered the most to me was wanting you to be proud of me."

Alvin grinned at her. "Well, I guess it worked out pretty good for you, then."

"I love you, Papa."

"I love you too, baby." She rose and went to him. They shared a long hug, then Alvin said, "Honey, let me have a few minutes to talk to Mama Mary alone, alright?"

"Sure, Papa." She kissed him and left the room. He watched her go, then asked Mary, "They tell you anything about when I can go home?"

"They want to keep an eye on you for a few days."

Alvin frowned. "You know I hate being in the hospital."

"Yes, love, but you just have to man up and deal with it."

"Oh, I know, I'm just bellyachin'. But honey..."

"What is it, Alvin?"

"I don't like the idea of dying here."

"Then don't."

Alvin laughed. "I bet there's a lot of folks in the graveyard wished they'd thought of that."

"Sweetheart, you know I am with you, no matter what you want to do."

"I think right now I just want to sleep."

"We will be here when you wake up, my love."

Alvin slept for the rest of the afternoon, while Mary and his daughters took turns sitting with him.

The light was fading when a nurse came in and told Mary that she needed to take Alvin to the lab for some tests. He woke up while they were talking.

"I'm feeling a bit peckish," he said.

"That's good," the nurse replied, "We will get you supper after your tests." She turned to Mary. "He'll probably sleep some more after that. You look like you could use some rest yourself, dear."

"Have you eaten anything today?" Alvin asked.

Mary shook her head.

"Well, Jeezum crow, go get some supper and some sleep."

"I will, love." She bent down and kissed him. Her phone buzzed and she looked at it, frowning.

"What is it?" Alvin asked.

"Hannah just texted me. She says that she talked to Omar and he wanted to tell you that it's raining."

"I told him it would," Alvin said with a grin.

***

"How's he doing?" Jennifer asked as Mary entered the lounge.

"He seems okay."

"We booked a room next door at the Riverside Inn," Hannah said, "so we don't have to drive back to Londonderry tonight."

"That's a great idea. And I need to eat something. I haven't had a bite all day."

"There's that good Thai place on Union Street. I can go pick it up," Danni said.

They all murmured in agreement and began to shuffle out of the lounge. Mary noticed that Bonita was still sitting, and asked her, "You coming, sweetie?"

"Nope."

"What are you going to do, stay here all night?" Danni asked.

"Yep."

"You going to sleep in that chair?"

"Slept on boats in nor'easters, I can sleep in a friggin' chair."

"Alright," Danni said. "I'll bring you by some food."

"And a fork, alright? I don't use them chopsticks."

As the others filed through the door, Mary lingered. She made eye contact with Bonita, and knew exactly what she was thinking. If it had been her, or any of them, Alvin would spend the night in that chair. Mary nodded, and Bonita nodded back, then picked up the TV remote and returned to flipping through the channels.

***

Mary slept fitfully. It had been years she had spent a night apart from Alvin. She looked at the hotel alarm clock. It read 1:59. She stared at it until it changed to 2:00, then, as quietly as she could, swung her legs off the bed and sat up.

The room was awash in moonlight. She looked over her shoulder at Hannah, asleep beside her. Our baby, she thought, his and mine. Danni and Jennifer lay spooned together in the other bed. Careful not to wake them, she stood and stepped carefully around them and went to the window.

The rapids of the Penobscot River glittered below her. She recalled Alvin telling her that this stretch of rough water marked the end of navigation on the river.

The moon hung low over the dark hills. It was waning gibbous, just a day or two short of full. She'd never known the phases of the moon until he had taught her. She thought back to another night, when she had sat and looked at the moon.

It was a balmy spring night. She was four months pregnant with Hannah. Alvin had sailed a boat down east, to Machiasport to delivery it to its owner after overhauling its engine. She had driven up to meet him and drive home with him.

There was nothing special about the trip, or the night, except that they were together, and the moon was shining and their baby was growing within her. So many nights, she thought, when nothing was special, and yet, everything was.

She was startled from her memories by the buzz of her phone. She looked around the dark room. Before she could find it, hiding among the food containers and empty cups on the dresser, she heard another phone ringing, and Jennifer answering it in a sleepy voice.

"Hello? Char? What? Slow down," Jennifer said into the phone.

Mary found hers, but it had stopped ringing, and another began. Hannah sat up and turned on the lamp between the beds. She picked up her phone and answered it.

"Okay, yeah," Jennifer was saying, "As soon as we can. Bye."

"What is it?" Danni asked.

Jennifer looked at Mary, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Daddy had another heart attack while he was sleeping."

The next few seconds were the longest of Mary's life. Not like this, she thought, please not like this. At least I got to be there with my father.

Hannah lowered her phone and said, "Nita says that he's awake, but kind of out of it."

"He's alive?" Mary asked, then burst into tears.

Jennifer wrapped her arms around her and they sobbed on each others shoulders. Danni had Jennifer's phone and was still talking to Charlotte. Hannah was already getting dressed.

Danni put her hand on Jennifer's back and handed her the phone. "Let's get ready and go over there," she said.

Mary and Jennifer both nodded and they all quickly dressed and gathered their things.

"When did Charlotte get here?" Mary asked, as they left the room.

"Just a little while ago," Hannah replied. "She said they got off the elevator and the first thing they heard was Bonita yelling at the nurses, demanding to know where they had taken her grandfather."

Mary could not help grinning at the image.

"Where did they take him? Jennifer asked.

"I guess once they stabilized him, they took him down to the catheter lab to see what happened or how bad it was or something."

Bonita and Alvy were sitting side by side, clutching each others hands when they arrived back at the ICU. They both jumped up, and Mary hugged Alvy.

"Thank you for coming, sweetheart. You must be exhausted."

"No, it was easy with three of us sharing the driving. My mom and dad are in with Grandpa now."

Mary released him and turned to Bonita. She kissed her on the cheek and squeezed her shoulder. "Are you okay, honey?" she asked.

"Sure, don't worry about me," Bonita said.

"Alright, darling. Hang in there, we don't need anyone punching the barn."

She turned and went into the patient area. Bonita looked at her mothers. "What does that mean, don't punch the barn?" she asked.

"We'll tell you about it later," Danni said.

Alvin was lying flat on his back when Mary entered the room. Charlotte and Seth stood on opposite sides of the bed. When Seth saw her, he moved aside, put his hand on her back and whispered, "I'll step out."

Charlotte reached across the bed and Mary took her hand. She looked down at Alvin. He appeared more gaunt and frail than he had just a few hours earlier.

"How do you feel, love?" Mary asked him.

"Well, getting shocked full of electricity ain't my favorite way to wake up, I can tell you that."

"Did they tell you anything?"

"Yeah, they did."

"You want to share?"

Alvin glanced at Charlotte. "I ought to let you guys talk," she said.

"No, please," Mary said, "Stay with us." She was afraid that she might need someone there to hold her up.

"I guess I stove up my heart wicked bad that time," he said. He gestured over his shoulder at the stack of medical equipment in the corner. "Seems like this beeping bastard is the only thing keeping my heart beating proper."

Mary felt a rush of lightheadedness. She was thankful for the pressure of Charlotte squeezing her hand. It seems like the only thing that kept her from blowing away.

"Mary? Look at me, honey."

She looked into her husband's eyes.

"It's alright, Mary. I can take what comes, so long as I have you with me."

"Always, my love."

He turned his head and looked up at Charlotte. "You're gonna be a grandma soon," he said, with a little bit of a laugh.

"I am," she smiled.

"I'm sorry that I'll miss seeing that."

"You might get to meet him yet."

"Maybe." He closed his eyes. "I'm wicked tired," he said. "Think I'll nap a while."

Charlotte leaned down and kissed his forehead. "I love you, Daddy," she whispered. Alvin smiled as he drifted off to sleep.

***

Alvin woke up and saw Hannah and Bonita sitting side by side next to his bed. He raised his hand and slowly waved his finger back and forth. When they lifted their eyes to look at him, in a throaty voice he sang, "Come Mister Tallyman, tally me bananas."

Hannah let out a sob, but Bonita replied, in a whisper, "Daylight come and me want to go home."

Alvin gestured for her to come closer.

"What is it, Papa?"

"Nita, go get that nurse."

Bonita looked alarmed. "Are you okay, Papa?"

Alvin nodded. "I'm fine. Go out there and tell them that I am going to go home."

Bonita stared at him for a moment, then patted his arm. "Okay, Papa."

"Wait," Hannah said, "No, Papa. You need to stay here."

Bonita stood up. Hannah seized her hand. "Nita, don't do it."

"Let go, Hannah," Bonita said. Her voice was tender, but firm. "You know that if that's what Papa wants me to do, I'm going to do it."

They stared into each others eyes for a long moment. Without looking away, Hannah said, "Papa, are you sure?"

"I'm sure," he said.

"Okay." She let go of Bonita's hand. Bonita stepped around her and left the room.

Alvin beckoned for Hannah to come closer. He held up his hand and she took hold of it.

"Papa. I'm scared," she whispered.

"Don't be, sweetheart. I'm not." He squeezed her hand. "I spent my whole life pretty much doing the things I love. I married two wonderful women, and had three beautiful daughters, and they gave me beautiful grandchildren. Why should I be scared?"

Hannah nodded and kissed her father's hand.

"Now, do me a favor, sweetheart," he said, "Go find your mother for me."

"Okay, Papa."

Hannah left the room and Alvin was alone with his thoughts. He was sure of his decision, but he was not entirely at peace with it. The problem was, he did not believe he could achieve peace while being poked and prodded. How was a man supposed to get his thoughts in order with all the dinging and beeping and someone coming to poke a needle in you every friggin' time you turned around?

He had been thinking about his father. I've lived more than twice as long as he did, he thought. He remembered standing on the dock in Key West, a young man then, only eighteen years old. He had just learned that his father was dead, and as he stood against the rail, looking out at the green Gulf water, he made the most important decision of his life. His place was at home. It still was.

Mary came into the room, with Hannah close behind. She turned and said, "Sweetheart, let me talk to Papa alone, please."

Hannah nodded and backed out of the room. Mary closed the door, then stood at the foot of Alvin's bed.

"You had Bonita tell the hospital that you want to go home?"

"I did."

"You think maybe you could have told me you had decided?"

"You're right. I'm sorry."

"You sent Bonita because you knew she wouldn't try to talk you out of it. You thought I might."

Alvin looked away for a minute, then made eye contact with her. "No," he said, "I sent her because I thought that it would be an easier weight for her to carry than it would be for you."

"That should have been for me to decide."

"Alright. I won't do it again."

Mary sighed and sat next to him, took his hand in hers and kissed it. "If it's what you want to do, I am with you. You know that."

"Well, it ain't what I want, but it's the option I hate the least."

They looked into each others eyes. After what felt like a long time, Mary nodded, and said "Let's go home, my love."

***

The old farmhouse looked pretty much the same as it had when he was a kid. Everything around it had changed. There were fields of corn and pastures filled with livestock where he had once played with his brother and sister among weeds and wildflowers. The house by the pond that he had helped Jennifer and Danni build had stood there for more than thirty years, but he still thought of it as new. So much still seemed new to him, the alpaca barn, the smokehouse, the farm stand by the road. He looked at the pigpens and the rows of beehives and the tall riggings of hops vines, and he shook his head in wonder.

Before they reached the dooryard, he asked Mary to stop the car.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" she asked.

"Yes," he said, "Just give me a minute."

He was looking at the front porch. Everyone was there; Tim and Molly, Theo and his new girlfriend, Lucille or Loretta, or whatever her name was. Charlotte and Seth and Alvy, Jennifer and Danni, Hannah and Omar with their children, Bonita and Jamie, Andy and Jessica and Rachel. Alvin breathed deeply and fought back tears.

"They love you, baby," Mary whispered, "We all love you."

Alvin sighed and nodded. Mary pulled the car as close as she could to the front steps. Bonita opened the passenger door and held out her hand. Alvin took it and she helped him to his feet. He looked at each face, but could not think of words to say.

Jamie and Alvy each took one of Alvin's arms and draped it over their shoulders. Stepping slowly, they helped him walk up the stairs and into the house.

"Do you want to go upstairs or stay down here, Grandpa?" Alvy asked.

"Best take me to the bedroom, I reckon," Alvin replied. They half guided, half carried him up the stairs and into the bedroom and lowered him on to the bed. Mary followed them in and helped Alvin find a comfortable position sitting up against the headboard, while Alvy and Jamie slipped out of the room.

She stroked his hair and kissed his forehead. "How much are you feeling up for?" she asked.

"Well, if you are talking about sex, I'm afraid I may disappoint you, honey."

Mary laughed. "I was not, but thank you for the consideration. I meant about having visitors."

"I'm wicked tired, Mary, maybe if it's only a minute or two each."

"That makes sense, my love." She kissed him and turned to leave the room. At the door she stopped and looked back at him. "Honey," she said, "I've never been disappointed."

Tim was the first to come into the bedroom. The two brothers sat together in silence for a few minutes, then Tim said, "I can't be no head of the family, you know that, right?"

Alvin chuckled. "I suppose not."

"I think that's going to have to be Mary."

"Ain't she already?"

They gripped hands until it hurt, then Tim got up and quickly left the room. Alvin pretended to not hear his brother's sobs.

The family trooped through, singly or in small groups, each person dealing with the situation in their own way. Bonita was stoic and reassured her grandfather that all was well down at the wharf, and Alvy apologized for Jasmin's absence.

"She can't fly right now, Grandpa, the baby is due in two weeks."

Alvin patted his arm. "You'll be a good father, Alvy."

Alvy shrugged. "I've got a name to uphold."

Hannah and Omar brought in the children. Jeannie told Alvin that she hoped he would get well soon, but the look on Joey's face made it apparent that he knew better.

"Am I doing the right thing?" Alvin asked Jennifer and Danni.

Jennifer thought for a minute. "I don't know if it's the right thing, Daddy, but it's what I would do."

"What about you, Danni?"

"You know, I have thought about it a lot. About how I want to go."

Alvin nodded. "You're in a dangerous line of work."

"Well, that's just it," she said, "I think if I had the choice, I'd die in the line of duty."

"I think I understand that," Alvin said.

"I wish I did," Jennifer muttered.

Charlotte was last to enter the room.

"Something I wanted to ask you," Alvin said.

"What, Daddy?"

"Do you still go talk to your mother's grave?"

"I don't talk to her grave. I talk to her. Whether she can hear or not, who knows? But, yes, I go there every time I am in town."

"I'm not going into the ground. Mary knows. I want to go in the ocean."

"Of course you do."

"I guess if you ever want to talk to me you can just go down the shore."

"I will, Daddy."

"Charlotte, I want to say thank you."

"What for, Daddy?"

Alvin was quiet for a minute, and Charlotte thought he might have dozed off. But then, he spoke.

"When I was young, I didn't think much about family. I guess I thought of it more like a duty, an obligation. But, then you come along. The prettiest little baby. And from the first time I looked at your face, family has been the most important thing in the world to me. Thank you for teaching me that."

Charlotte stayed by his side as he drifted off to sleep.

Alvin dreamed. He was standing on the town landing, the old one, before they raised it and built the new harbormaster's office. There was a tremendous yacht against the dock, the biggest one he had ever seen. He walked to the rail and saw that the deck was crowded with people. There were men dressed in formal wear and women, all beautiful, some in evening gowns, others in bikinis. One of the women waved to him, beckoning him to come aboard. He took a step toward the gangplank, but then turned and looked up the hill, toward town. Night was falling and the buildings were dark silhouettes against the sky. There was only one lit window. He thought it might be above the hardware store.

He looked back to the dock, but the yacht was gone. Where it had been berthed, Sea Jay bobbed on the incoming tide. He noticed, though, that the boats's name was not spelled out, in its place were three letters, C and J and H.