All Comments on 'Melting Away, Slowly... Pt. 05'

Excellent demonstration of "things don't always appear as they seem". You take a cheating wife story, switch the roles then make the cheater out to be the victim. Very successfully too, I might add. Good stuff. Almost the mirror image of cheating wives right down to the rational people use to cheat.

But a very enjoyable read. Excellent character development and your plot and their actions remained consistent with your characters. I noticed that some readers are skeptical to the plausibility of something like this ever happening. Let me assure them that not only is it possible but it does happen in and out of marriages and not always with the wife. The way you described Martha’s gradual behavior change after her sons left home and her resistance to seek psychiatric help is very plausible. Especially, when Mark and his sons pointed out observations earlier in her life that were definitely precursors of the same symptoms but of lesser magnitude. What caused these symptoms? We will never know because she is so much in denial that she feels there is nothing wrong with her because she is afraid to find out. Even today, having to be treated for mental health carries a stigma with it. Not only that but you also become an insurance risk. Something Executive Directors and CEOs look at before promoting someone. She is so comfortable in her current lifestyle and refuses to change or rather afraid to try. When she was faced with separation she tried to rekindle their marriage and could only go so far before she had to flee the situation. Even though her body responded to the sexual stimulation but when it was her turn to reciprocate her anxiety levels became so high she had to flee to a more comfortable environment in order to feel secure. Classic autonomic response. She was willing but just not strong enough to overcome the fear and anxiety. Fear and anxiety so strong she avoids any situations that could bring it on which includes seeking help. She’s trapped. It’s not very rational but it happens. Anxiety is worse than depression. Together you’re talking suicidal. Anyway, Great Story P.S. Well thought out. I feel sorry for Martha but no one can force her into treatment unless she becomes a danger to herself or others.

Something did not add up. As I mentioned in my comments to the previous chapters, from all the details the story provides, the relations between this couple must have gone south on a much broader range of problems than the single problem of Martha’s aversion to intimate physical touching (or is it only having sexual intercourse, as she seemed to overcome the former on the night she approached the husband at his bedroom). <P>

They did have more or less normal sex life up to a certain point in their lives, then something happened and she started to change her attitude. A lower sex drive is not something that suddenly appears in mid life. If there are such changes in adulthood – you would look at something that happened to the couple or to the person from that period of time and on (first on a physical level and then if the physical part is ok then you would look for the emotional part). <P>

If the wife – as it seemed at the last stage of the relations indeed loved her husband and truly feared of loosing him, It does not add up that she would still refuse to consider going to a psychiatrist or be checked by a physician. Those should have been the answers to the question she presented to her husband (Is this really necessary?) just before he started the moving -out process. It’s not like she could not have initiated those steps on her own –at least as a show of good will and in order to stop the break up process or delay it. <P>

The same could be said about the husband who could not have stayed oblivious to the fact that his wife was suddenly open to initiate major changes in their relations (true –not including everything in that one evening). He could have used the momentum and nudge her further by reminding her of his earlier requests (to go for therapy and be checked). He could have assumed that standing on the brink of divorce – she might be more amenable to accept his requests. Instead, he let the separation process move in an accelerated pace, and then only after he waits months on the side he ‘recognizes’ (to his relief I suspect) that Martha have not taken any steps ‘to be checked’.<P>

Could it be in part due to the fact that some other dynamics has been going on in his life in the meantime? Namely another woman has chimed in by now? It’s not an unrealistic scenario, where measures which could have been sufficient to salvage the marriage at an earlier stage fall into the category of ‘too little too late’ when one or both partners are finally ready to take those measures… It's not like the husband has not suffered enough and has not earned the right (even martha has granted it to him) to some happiness. So why the effort to excessively and retrospectively paint the wife in even darker colours?

I can truly see how the husband has gone from repeated frustrations to finding another woman. <P>

It just did not ring quite credible to me where at the end of the fifth chapter we are suddenly being barraged by so much damning information about Martha’s patterns of behavior about which there was not a hint earlier. She is made to be almost an autistic and extremely socially challenged. And on the level of rigidity the children describe her, it’s very hard to believe that even the thickest husband would not have noticed a wife who never agrees with anyone else's POV and always feels reluctant to be touched or to touch. <P>

Moreover, such symptoms can not be ordered to be faked for years if you have this kind of aversion all along, and they don’t come out of nowhere if those symptoms just start -presumably as soon as the children leave. One way or the other something does not add up in the analysis of Martha’s pathology. Still I very much enjoyed the five chapters as a whole.

The husband is the classic "Nice Guy" that women/wives and bosses are so good at taking undue advantage of: Reliable, consistent, flexible, forgiving, patient, and understanding. He is slowly realizing the problem with that, and gradually becoming more of a "Bad Boy." The real problem he had was the very gradual withdrawal of the wife, so gradual that he did not see it until too late. This happens in many marriages, as in mine, particularly when both are busy working and parenting. Even so, he could well have said something of his concern to her over the years, only to be scorned or denied (or worse, ignored). Been there, done that, too. The blame here is fully the wife's. He is the victim, but takes it in stride while learning to be a bit selfish finally. He is not arrogant at all, merely giving her a small fraction of her own medicine. Actually, I admire this husband. PostScriptor, I suspect you've been near these kind of situations in real life. Good writing job.

This was a wonderful story about the gradual dissolution of a marriage caused by a frigid, unemotional wife and a sexually charged young in heart husband. I can't sympathyze with the husband completely,however in that he never attmpted to involve Martha in his dance class and when she attempted to initiate love making with him he got mad at her dislike for providing oral sex. He was pretty arrogant and self centered himself. It was hard to empathize with either of them, both selfish in my opinion.

the Ct. Yankee

PS Great writing though

The story was good, the writing was good, so what's not to like? Well, I guess it takes two to tango, and Mark blames everything on Martha but I think Mark also bears some of the blame for their failed marriage. Mark indicates he tried on multiple occasions to talk with Martha about their lack of intimacy, but we have only seen a tiny bit of this in the story itself. What Mark failed to do was to take a firmer stance earlier in the course of Martha's withdrawal from physical and emotional intimacy. Just as with the LW stories (and real life stories too) where the woman feels she is not getting enough attention, romance, loving, or whatever and seeks it outside her marriage rather than having a frank discussion with her spouse (to really give him a chance to change, to correct the situation), I have the sneaking suspicion that Mark never really put his foot down until he had someone else. Now why is that? Obviously he too derived some comfort from having the companionship of a spouse, even if she was not sharing his bed. It seems he did a lot of the cooking. I sense that he was a bit submissive for a time. If my wife withdrew from me, decided she no longer cared about sex, and periodically put me down both at home and in public, I would not simply keep it bottled up inside me the way Mark did in this story (for years, apparently). OK, he "begged" for physical intimacy but he never demanded it. What if he had said, "Wife, I feel that you don't love me any longer and I think we should get divorced?" Maybe the shock of it would have been enough to push her to get some help (and I think she did really need some, no make that a lot, of help). It's like a mid-course correction for a rocket to the Moon; a small correction early in the journey results in a large shift many miles further along the route. Waiting until the rocket is much closer to its destination requires a much larger correction. Now maybe it would not have made any difference, but I feel it would have been far more honest than Mark did do, which was to let the situation fester until it was much more difficult to change, and then to sneak around behind Martha's back to find intimacy and loving. It also would have given Mark the moral high ground -- in this story, he committed adultery yet only a modest percentage of the readers have been highly critical of him for this. Had this been a woman doing what Mark did, we would have seen comments like, "Kill the whore, throw out the trash, once a cheater, always a cheater, etc." I guess I'm feeling as if Martha was an uncaring bitch who did not seem to love her husband nearly so much as she loved herself, but Mark was not such a sympathetic character either. Had we found out that Martha was having one or more affairs on the side, and that's why she was behaving disrespectfully and without love towards her husband, I might have felt more empathy for Mark. Please keep writing.

The characters and the plot are quite plausible and true-to-life. I, too, feel sorry a bit for the wife; it may well not be her fault that she rejects intimacy. But it IS her fault for not seeking help after repeated suggestions. Simple49er, you are right that she is lucky to have people around her to take care of her. The husband's path to recovering his own life is reasonable and believable. But counseling for him would likely add nothing more than confirmation that he is doing the right thing for himself. Couples counseling would have been a waste of time with a wife whose mind is already is already made up. (Ask me how I know that.) Seems to me the husband is quite romantic to appreciative women, most especially for those who like to dance, a majority I suspect. And he did not set out to cheat. Rather, his goal was to recover and recapture the joy of life. He did all the right things before tentatively giving up on her and before making the final cut, and doing so in a very civil and caring manner. She is the one who created the distance between them that he was fighting. He was ultimately forced to choose the only method of communication that she could understand: actions. I find him a very sympathetic character. Of course, I see myself in the husband, having been there. My solution was a bit different, but the method to get there was virtually identical. My sympathies to JDseller, but life is considerably more complicated when it's your own. I stuck with 25 years of hell in marriage before I saw the light and put my foot down to force a change for the better in my wife (without further waste of time in counseling), but I am an exceptionally patient and stubborn man. It worked for me, but it has been intense. Anyway, this story really hit close to home. Good show, PostScriptor. drfarmer

I really enjoyed this story

This story was very very good. It is well written, but then that goes with out saying. But for me the story itself is good. Very readable and I enjoyed it. Yes it is sad readign aboutt he break up of a marriage. But Martha has a lot to figure out. I glad the husband has Steph for comapany. The story ended well. So Well done.

A well written tale, so sad but true of life sometimes. The conclusion was sad but true. I was hoping to find a sizzling ending (selfish I guess) but it could not have ended any other way. All the characters come out with what they wanted and the son's even realized the position their mother had put there Dad. Again a great series and I thank you for sharing your time talent and works.

However, it didn't do it for me. I like a story to have at least one sympathetic character, so consequently you left me feeling unfilled. In all fairness I had to give you a 100 even if I didn't like your storyline because you are an outstanding author.

Thank you for the entertainment. I'm having some mix feelings which I'm not able to express today.

The author's style, writing as if he were talking to you, when you read the work, seems to sell the story and the characters to the reader. I have enjoyed every word. Thank You for the effort and willingness to write a very well done story.....Rich

I agree, he should have divorced her before the cheating. He was well on his way in distancing himself anyway...was the adultery supposed to help the situation with Martha somehow? Characters not really that likeable to me except for maybe Stephanie. Mark was just whiny and Martha could have been a piece of cardboard. The story was interesting nonetheless and I like the way you write. Thanks for the entertainment.

a heart felt emotional ride that led to self awareness and growth.

well done..

I swear that I left a comment for this story, before. I must be getting senile. As always a very well written and intelligent story.

I don't agree with Mark's solution to his problem. He wanted to try out a "new" model before moving on. I do agree with him that Martha's actions would destroy any marriage. I just think that he should have divorced first. Then he could go hunt whatever he needed to be complete.

My parents divorced after thirty years of marriage. He cheated on her for twenty of those years. I would not want to have lived with my mother but he should have left rather than cheated. So should have Mark.

of a real relationship.(Would be a 100 from me but I didn't really like either character-he wasn't exactly a romantic ball of fire so what does he expect?)Pistolpackinpete

Years ago in Bosnia when they had thousands of orphaned babies in orphanages who were not getting daily hugs and caring adult who would coo and kiss them, they began to notice a serious deteriation in them. I still wonder about those survivors, if they are OK. Many of those babies died; others showed serious mental problems; many as they got older could not relate to other people. Martha seems like one of those children grown up: her inability to empathize, her unwillingness to share physical intimacy of any kind (she could barely touch her grandchildren), and her decision to not get help, make her seem pathetic. I actually fee sorry for her. She is lucky so many others are not like her and will care for her as she gets older. He did the only sensible thing the could: divorce. However, were I his girl friend, I would give him the same advice he gave Martha: seek counseling. Years of emotinal deprevation had to have affected him and he could do with a tune up before he committs to a relationship: for all the sensible things he said, he really needs an objective observor to help him time things up. Great job.