Michael Ch. 13

It was partly in an attempt to reset their relationship that made Amanda and Michelle decide a change in environment was needed. London was the acceptable choice for both. Michelle felt compelled to inhabit the same city as Gabrielle. Amanda was looking forward to catching up with Megan and Richard and her sister, Amy, who had been left bewildered and resentful by events.

Time for me to be a proper sister. That she and Amy were directly related by blood hadn't changed anything. Perhaps on some level, Amanda already knew.

"Amy is going to freak when she finds out."

"Well, she isn't going to find out until she is older. Now is not the time to be throwing that into the mix." Megan had been adamant over the phone. Amy could find out the truth when she learnt about the trust fund.

"Isn't keeping secrets a bad thing? Especially in families and relationships?"

"Amanda, the only thing that keeps most families together is secrets and living in happy fucking ignorance. Works a charm." Megan shot back. "Now be a good big sister, take the bashing Amy is going to give you and smile sweetly."

Amanda conceded Megan had a point. It was another reason for leaving Sammie behind at the compound. Strange women in collars turning up on the doorstep was not what her sister needed. Michelle's point-blank refusal to accommodate Sammie was the principal reason.

"We will have to make do with Tilly, between us. The fat lard is fairly useless, but we are going to have to rough it. Besides I need Sammie to help run this place with Roland gone, she has ideas and skills--and don't sulk!" Michelle yelled as Amanda stormed out.

Michelle, as ever, rounded on Sammie to vent her frustrations. "This is all your fault!"

"Me?"

"Yes, you! You've totally failed to keep Amanda in check. How the fuck could you when you are both smacked off your tits on coke, and getting off with each other, or fucking Harriet on the quiet."

"I'm fucking her in front of Tilly, so not that quiet!"

"I swear to fucking Christ, I will smack that fucking mouth--what!"

Sammie was smiling. "See, there you go again. You going to smack that fucking mouth off Gabrielle?"

"That's different." Michelle rubbed her face in annoyance.

"For now, maybe. But a few months from now? The novelty has worn off, she's annoying you, back chatting you, what then? Smack her?"

"No, fuck's sake, it's different with you. It's one of the reasons why I don't want you with us. Spend some time with Amanda and get away from mouthy women who aggravate me."

"Always someone else's fault, isn't it? That's what the abuser always says. And what about Tilly? Or Max? They're your old life aren't they?"

"Tilly doesn't count and Max will be doing his own thing. We can operate independent of each other, you know. Fuck it, do what you want, just make sure you keep this place running, get the Pussy gang to help you, I don't care, I hate this fucking place!"

And like her daughter, Michelle did some storming of her own.

****

It had taken Gabrielle several days to come around to the idea of contacting Michelle, then several more to actually do so.

Gail screamed at her, and then her parents visited. Gail having broken the sisters' pact by telling them what new folly their dreamer of a daughter was planning.

As ever, the greater the opposition, the harder her resolve, but waiting at the cafe, Gabrielle was starting to have doubts. All she wanted was a nice woman to settle down with, maybe even get married, teach and be happy. Her solution was to contemplate getting involved with a mob boss.

This fanciful description made her giggle as she sipped her tea which in turn gave her hiccups. Bother! She had put on one of her favourite outfits--an elegant black, floral-patterned dress, and now she had hiccups. It was a bad omen, Gabrielle sighed to herself as Michelle walked in.

The woman was gorgeous! Gabrielle's insides dissolved into a pleasurable warmth. Black trousers and tanned frock blazer, white top, a splash of colour with a light mustard scarf, a concession to the seasonal chill. Hair, fair to blonde, styled but casual, brushing her shoulders, lean, easy loping stride. Kind of butch, but feminine butch.

Gabrielle waved, and Michelle made her way through the tables, stooping to kiss her on the cheek.

"Lovely to see you again," said Michelle, aware that even the sight of this woman made her happy. It was unnerving.

"And you, I couldn't just leave it after last time, I felt bad."

"No need. It was a lot to lay on you and I wanted to be honest before we went any further."

"I appreciate that. Do you want to? Go further, that is?"

"Yes, first time I saw you I was like wow, you really threw me, think that's why I was so aggressive."

"Really?"

"Yes." Michelle stopped, remembering Sammie's advice. "No, I'm trying to excuse my behaviour after the event. Truth is you annoyed me. After that came the wow bit."

"Oh, you are being very candid. Why are you so aggressive?"

Michelle regretted mentioning it but was determined not to hide who she was. "It's an anger management issue. If it's any consolation, I used to be a lot worse, but it's always there, always has been." Michelle shifted in her seat, ordering a coffee as the waitress approached. "I really like you, Gabrielle, but unless you know me and what I am like, it will end in tears. I can pretend, put on a show, but at some point, you are going to come face to face with me. Might as well be me from the start." And if this goes wrong, I'm going to kill Samantha Beechum. Judging by the pensive look on Gabrielle's face, going wrong was a safe bet.

Gabrielle chewed her lip. She was a mix of excitement and worry. Michelle was the most exotic, attractive woman she had ever met. That someone like Michelle was interested in her was a source of great wonder. Gail would have slapped her for being so foolish.

"I have some questions if that's okay?" Gabrielle produced a notebook. No matter that her stomach was churning, she was determined to stick to her plan.

"Do you interview all you potential girlfriends?"

"No. Only the potentially dangerous ones."

Michelle sat back, running her hand through her hair. "Yeah, fair point. Go ahead."

"I understand you are wealthy and not poor as you made out?"

"Yes."

"Is it true you have hurt people?"

"Yes."

"Would you advise me to go out with you? Honestly."

"No."

"Why not?"

"You're a nice person, a decent person. I don't want to hurt you." Michelle surprised herself with how much she didn't want to hurt Gabrielle yet feared she would.

"Thank you for being so honest. I will be honest in return. I am very attracted to you. I enjoyed our time together and would love to see you again. I'm not interested in riches, I don't want expensive gifts. I don't like that you have hurt people. If we went out, I would ask you don't hurt people. I like to travel--but I pay my way--films and cinema, books, theatre and cats. I do not accept cheating in anyway. Your past is your past and I won't pry or mention it."

Michelle found the formality of Gabrielle's proposal hopelessly endearing.

"That's all fine. I will not provoke or initiate trouble but I do sometimes have to defend myself. I am sexually promiscuous, but I will be faithful. I'm not interested in wealth either, no, scratch that I am interested. I love the freedom it affords me. I love travelling too, have started reading more, non-fiction mostly, but films, cinema and cats are problematic for me."

"We move in different worlds, have a different outlook on relationships, have little in common and you dislike cats. How can you dislike Mr Snuggles, he is adorable."

"I wouldn't know."

"Well, he was right in front of you," laughed Gabrielle.

Wiping her hands, Michelle could feel the panic rising. She never revealed her issues--even her husband had only been vaguely aware of them, and certainly never to someone she barely knew. Until prison, Michelle had no idea that her condition had a name. Her primary emotion was a crippling awareness that she was different, a legacy of childhood.

"I have a form of visual agnosia. I can't see your cat. Any cat, or dog, Other objects too. The world I see is different to the world you see." Michelle could see the concern and confusion. She ploughed on, deep red with embarrassment. This was like revealing her soul. "My brain cannot download certain images for want of a better description. It becomes a splodge, a shimmer, sometimes a Kafkaeresque nightmare. I have a problem with the cinema too. Close up, a phone, tablet, TV even, I'm okay, but sitting away, it's too big and it gets all fragmented. My brain jumbles things."

"Oh god, you poor thing!" Gabrielle just wanted to hug her.

****

Richard smiled at his daughter. Notwithstanding Michelle's accusations of going to seed, bordering on obese, Amanda was too young and too fit for a few months of hedonistic behaviour to have any impact.

"You're looking well." They were alone in the kitchen. Megan had taken Amy to stay at her friend's house, a deliberate snub to her big sister for causing all the recent trouble.

"Thanks, you too. Its been a weird few months."

"I guess so, it was always going to happen, though, given your linage. Your birth mother is a selfish person who tramples over everyone." Richard said this without bitterness. It was a matter-of-fact observation without rancour.

"Hard to disagree." Amanda saw Richard and Megan with new eyes. Michelle's disparaging comments about Richard, her sexual exploration and discoveries about herself allowed Amanda to see what had always been there in Richard, a calmness rooted in deep submission. Amanda had always bent him to her will, which allowed her to open up more with him than Megan, confident he would always accept and understand.

Megan was different, she ruled Richard utterly, yet both were devoted to each other. Her claim she had never cheated on Richard was true by her definition. Richard was a participant and a willing partner in her sexual adventures. That this now encompassed Annie, Amanda's ex, neither surprised nor shocked Amanda. What it did was liberate her understanding and relationship with them both. Alongside love was awareness of her parents as individuals in their own right.

Moving to the sink, Amanda was about to rinse out her mug.

Seeing her hesitation, Richard asked: "Is anything wrong?"

"No." She left the tap running and handed him her mug. "It needs rinsing."

"Of course. What you like another tea?"

"No. My hair needs tending too. Sammie normally does it. I'll fetch my comb," again she stopped. "There's one on my dresser in my old room. Bring a towel as well."

"Of course, dear," smiled Richard.

****

"I don't want your pity, it's not a big deal," Michelle's hands were between her knees, her body hunched defensively. Her tone spiked with hostility.

"Okay, I'll think I'll have a danish, do you want anything?"

"No."

"I shouldn't really, it's not a weight thing, least not yet anyway, but it plays havoc with my skin. Honesty, I just look at chocolate and I get a pimple, usually on my nose. I should get fitter though, do you ride a bike? Maybe we can take a ride to the country, hire a car and take some bikes, bracing air. What do you think?" Gabrielle talked smoothly and easily.

Michelle allowed herself to be swayed by the chatter. "Sounds great. I work out a lot, maybe we can do that, I'm a good instructor. Teach self defence classes too." Slowly, the panic and tension began to ease.

"Oh, yes that would be good. I did try a self-defence class but I found it intimidating and the instructor was well a bit condescending. I'm not very coordinated. I guess you are."

"Yeah, I used to do underground fighting when I was younger."

"Why underground?"

"What?"

"Why did you fight underground?"

Try as she might, Michelle failed to suppress her laughter. At least it lifted her mood.

"Not really underground, I meant semi-legal. Girls beating the shit out of each other, I used to do it with another girl, we were a good team."

"You must think I'm foolish." Gabrielle reddened. She always blushed too easily. It maddened her when she was younger.

"No. You're perfect, you really are, thing is I'm going to inadvertently introduce you to things that will spoil that perfection and I really don't want to do that."

"Oh, shut up." This time Gabrielle was annoyed.

Michelle shut up.

"Look, I'm not some delicate flower, I'm a grown woman of 29--well, 30. I've done things. I even say the word 'fuck' occasionally!"

"Normally you say 'bother'"

"Well, true. It's prefectly fine word to express one's frustrations."

"Does the word 'cunt' ever get a look in?"

"No! It's a nasty, demeaning word, and I never use it!"

"Then nor shall I."

"You're mocking me."

"A little, sorry."

"Accepted, besides teasing is what friends do. What happened to the other girl? Do you keep in touch?"

Michelle made a face. "Sort of."

"Have I asked the wrong question?"

"No, well, yes, it's kind of difficult for me. Her name was Shan, we were very close, really hit it off, lovers too, then it all went wrong and now she is in a better place."

"Oh, God, I'm sorry for your loss, I must learn to stop prying, I didn't mean to upset you."

"Hey, it's okay, she isn't dead, just being looked after. She had mental health issues and things went badly wrong, so now she is receiving care, good care, the best."

"Oh, thank god, I mean not that she is in care or anything, but if it's the best place for her. Do you still see her?" Gabrielle assumed Michelle was paying for the care.

"No. That wouldn't be good. She partly blames me. What love was there, well it's all hate now. We should talk about something else." Michelle didn't want to discuss Shan.

****

"So, you've never actually met, Michelle? The left side is a bit tangled."

Moving to the problem area, Richard shook his head. "No. She was on remand when I first met Megan. I didn't know she was related, that only came out after sentencing, you two girls needed looking after and I had fallen for Megan and the rest is history."

"You did a great job, for all three of us."

"It's been a joy, trust me. Think I fixed it."

Amanda reached up to her hair. "Thanks, I've got used to having my maid do it."

"Well, I'm happy to step in, you know that." He heard the front door. "Think your mother is back."

"I swear, I'll swing for that daughter of mine! Rude, obnoxious--what on earth are you doing?" Megan stopped dead, unwrapping her scarf from her neck.

"Amanda's hair needed tidying up, dear. Amy being difficult?"

"Well, Amanda can do her own bloody hair!" Megan filled the kettle. "And preferably not in the kitchen."

"Mother. Nice to see you," said Amanda with a trace of a smile.

Slamming the kettle down, Megan looked at Amanda hard. "Richard, can you give me and Amanda a moment."

"Yes, dear, I'll be in the lounge."

"Go upstairs to our bedroom. I'll join you shortly."

Both women waited until they heard Richard moving around upstairs.

"Daddy, on a promise?"

"No games, Amanda, you've always had him on a short leash, don't start reeling it in a bit more."

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"Don't try and kid me. I've been playing him for years and so have you, except now you realise what the game is, and how to make him do more."

"Like you do?"

"Yes, like I do and only I do. He's my puppy dog not yours."

"He's my father, and if he wants to be my puppy dog, then I'm happy to indulge him. How's Annie?"

"She's good, we're fucking like rabbits."

Temporarily sideswiped by this blunt answer, Amanda rallied. "Seems we are sharing puppy dogs, now--no wait you're her puppy dog aren't you?"

Flushing, Megan stuck her chin out defiantly. "Yes, and so what if I am?"

"Just that if we are sharing, then I think toys should be equally shared don't you?"

"So you see your father as a toy, now?"

"And how do you think he would react if I did? What if we both had him at our beck and call, and running around after us? Could make for a fun weekend."

"Seems you are your mother's daughter."

"I'm as much yours! Our adventure in Titchester showed me a lot about the real Megan. I liked her too," smiled Amanda.

"You did, huh?" Megan looked at the steam coming from the kettle.

"Yes, seems I have two cool mums."

"Don't flatter me, it won't work," Megan was pleased with her daughter's words, and Amanda knew it. "I hear you have been finding yourself?"

"Someone has been tattling."

"I have my sources." Megan smiled. "Good for you. It's what I did at your age."

"There you go. Perhaps Daddy can polish my boots?" Amanda waved her boot under Megan's nose.

"It seems tattling is rife," responded Megan sarcastically.

"Yes. Rachel is terribly indiscreet."

"I thought we are in this together?"

"Oh, we are, but I am happy to try all permutations."

Megan gazed at her daughter, a daughter who had grown enormously in the last few months. Amanda had discovered her power and was now flexing it. The memory of using Amanda in her fantasy chat with Peter popped into Megan's head. A memory that had once shamed her now didn't seem so bad.

"I think we should get your father back down, cups of tea don't make themselves and he has a meal to prepare."

Amanda flashed Megan a broad smile, her boot dangling on her crossed leg. "I quite agree, mother."

****

Michelle and Gabrielle walked down the street, meandering their way past a parade of shops, the younger woman hanging onto Michelle's arm.

"Fancy a bag of chips?" Michelle stopped by a chippy that had just opened its doors.

"Sure."

They pushed through, the atmosphere thick with fried smells, the window fogging with the heat.

"A couple of minutes, you guys eating in?" The guy at the fryer yelled.

"Yeah. I'll take a pickle and an orange Boost too," Michelle flashed her phone over the terminal. "Still want them served in a bag, though."

"Seriously? A pickled onion?" Gabrielle wrinkled her nose. "And you expect to seduce me?"

"Didn't even cross my mind, and I fancied a pickle."

"Is there something wrong with me? I kind of gave you a signal on our last night, and now it's not even on your mind?" Gabrielle had firmly resolved there would be no sex, but still, a woman liked to think she was desired.

Flipping open her Boost, Michelle smiled at her. "I would take you in the ladies right now, but I'm trying to do this in a way that I think you would appreciate. Clearly, I missed the signal saying you are a lusty wench that demands ravishment."

"Well, I'm not doing it in the toilets of a chip shop!"

"Shame, it's my go to place for ravishing gorgeous women."

"Do you think I'm gorgeous?"

Pausing as the chips arrived, Michelle did the honours with the condiments. "I think you have a rare beauty, your sexuality is natural and warming and you are blissfully unaware it. Your blindness to it, enhances and enriches you, it gives you a power over me that is intoxicating and captivating."

Gabrielle blinked as she bit into a hot chip. "Gosh!" she whispered.

****

"Dinner will be ready in about 20 minutes." Richard announced to Amanda and Megan as they watched an afternoon movie.

"Good." Amanda waved him away and then nudged Megan, who had dropped off.

"20 minutes and we eat," Amanda repeated the message. "Tired?"

"Your sister is exhausting me."

"I'll talk to her."

"Good luck. When she gets bored of blaming me, she starts blaming you."

"I'll take the heat."

Megan yawned, watching Amanda's boots on the footstool. "I should tell you off for resting boots on the furniture."

"I should rest them on you."

"Oh, honey, you really are pushing me, aren't you?" laughed Megan.