Mid-Life Crisis (750 Word Project)

A short story based on a conversation I had at the gym.

I am my own editor and it shows.

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"According to FaceBook, you're having a mid-life crisis." Those were the words I heard from my wife when I came back from my run.

"What are you talking about?"

"It says that triathlons are the new form of mid-life crisis. That middle aged men start to feel powerless and that is one way they attempt to add meaning to their lives." I started competing in triathlons four years ago. I started with the sprint triathlons and was working my way up the food chain. Next month I had a mile swim, a thirty-mile bike ride and a 10K run scheduled.

"Whatever." I said as I grabbed a Gatorade from the refrigerator. I took a chug. "It could be worse."

"What do you mean by that?" Linda was still in her sweatpants and t-shirt that she had slept in. We had two kids in college and another in high school and no reason to be getting dressed on a Saturday morning.

"Remember Dave Collins?" Dave had left his wife of twenty years and taken up with a sweet young thing in her twenties. Rumor had it she was very good in bed and even better at helping him spend his money. All our friends felt bad for his ex-wife, but I knew that it had never been a happy marriage. I felt worse for their kids who only saw their father every other weekend.

"I guess so, but that's an isolated case. I don't think most men have that issue."

"What about Isaiah James? He certainly had a mid-life crisis." That really was a mess. He decided he wanted to experience more of the world, bought a 40-foot sailboat and left to sail around the world. At least he didn't leave any kids behind, but his wife was shell shocked. She was deeply connected in the community and didn't want to leave all that behind. They were still married, but he hadn't been back home in years. He was nothing more than the occasional postcard when he made port. It wasn't clear how faithful he was being on his travels, nor was it clear how heterosexual he was these days given the pictures of him and his crew that we had seen.

"Tommy's not having any issues." She argued.

"Tom's mistress is that '68 Barracuda he spends his evenings with." He purchased an old car and had been restoring it himself. Tom was a quality control engineer, so learning his way around the garage was a new experience for him. Getting his hands greasy after a decade of pushing papers around was a way for him to reclaim his masculinity. Unfortunately, it meant any conversation with him devolved into a story about finding the right gasket cover for his car. Furthermore, he had dropped at least $200K into that little hobby of his.

"Maybe, but Bob is the same as ever."

"Bob has always dealt with his issues the same way -- at the gun range." Bob had enough firepower to overthrow a Third World country. He collected rifles of all varieties and would go shooting most nights. He spent a fortune on ammunition and was starting to get a little scary with his conspiracy theories. He was convinced society was going to collapse and that we would all be begging him for protection someday. He was lucky his wife had kept him from storming the Capitol on January 6th. "It's more of a whole life crisis, instead of a mid-life one."

"Maybe I am struggling to accept my old mortality, but I'm not wasting our money, and I'm not sleeping around." I stripped my shirt off over my head. "Besides, I've lost my gut, and I have more endurance than I've had in ages." I stepped towards my wife and pulled her shirt off her. I proceeded to plant a long sensual kiss on her. She tensed at first and them relaxed against my body.

I stepped back. "Now if you will excuse me, I need to warm up the shower." I kicked off my shoes and dropped my shorts right there in the kitchen. "Shall we conserve water?"

She picked up our discarded clothing off the floor. "Why is it that when we shower together, I don't think we actually save any water?" She reached out and briefly fondled my cock. "I do appreciate your increased endurance, but it doesn't really result in a lower water bill, now does it?" She walked towards to laundry room. "I'll meet you there."