Mindgames Ch. 26

Chapter 26: Home

Mariah and Rose stayed with Master Gabriel in a back corridor while Master Animal arranged for a rickshaw. Master Gabriel was too weak to stand without assistance and in too much pain to sit, so they helped him lay down on a bench. Mariah sat next to him, ignoring the pain from her own wounds, and put his head on her lap. She patted his shoulder and told him he would be all right. He muttered over and over. "I wish you were real. I wish you were real." But when Mariah insisted that she was, he cringed away from her.

"Pretend, then," she said in desperation. "Pretend I'm me."

"Is that allowed?" Master Gabriel asked, focusing on her.

"Yes," Mariah said. "Play the mindgame through to the end."

Master Gabriel nodded and then began to cry. Mariah looked to Rose for help, but she just shook her head.

Master Animal returned at last with the rickshaw. Mariah climbed in and put a blanket on her lap. Master Gabriel curled up on his side on the seat and put his head on the blanket. Rose and Master Animal walked alongside.

They came to the entrance hall where Mariah had last seen Master Gabriel, when they had argued. Master Gabriel tried to sit up. He pointed at a closet door. "My medicine bag," he said, sounding lucid for the first time. "It's in there. On the top shelf, behind the towels." He put his head down again and closed his eyes.

Master Animal went into the closet. Mariah could see him tossing stacks of towels and sheets onto the floor. He came out with Gabriel's clothes and his medicine bag. "You see," Gabriel muttered to someone not there. "Everything I told you is true."

"I know," Mariah said, although she understood that they were talking about different things.

Master Animal insisted that Master Gabriel put on his shirt and pants. Mariah helped him. When they were done Master Animal threatened the rickshaw pony with bloody torture and worse if he ever breathed a word of what he saw. When Master Animal turned away Rose put her hand on the pony's arm. "Please," she said. "It's important." The pony nodded and winked at her and started plodding forward.

∞ ∞ ∞

Gabriel was aware of little over the next few days other than fever dreams and pain. And Mariah. She always seemed to be nearby, soothing him, helping him, easing him. He gradually began to understand that his nightmare had ended.

When his fever broke he was laying on his stomach, his backside burning. He could hear Mariah and Rose talking. He opened his eyes. Rose was putting salve on Mariah's back. Gabriel could see that Mariah's skin was cut up, not just on her back but all the way down. His hands clenched.

When Rose finished Mariah said something to her that Gabriel couldn't hear. Rose shook her head. "Don't thank me," she said. "Please." Her voice shook.

Mariah turned around. "Why not?" she asked. She took the tin from Rose and started to apply the ointment to the back of her legs.

"It should have been me he whipped, not you!" Rose whispered fiercely. "But I couldn't tell him. All I could do was stand there."

Mariah put the salve down. "He never would have whipped you," she said.

Rose glowered. "I could have made him, just like you made him," she said. "You needed to be strong for Master Gabriel. He didn't need me." She was crying. "I was useless."

"Rose, listen to me," Mariah said firmly. "Even if you could have eventually convinced Master Animal to whip you, it would have taken too long. Master Gabriel needed us. Master Animal had to whip one of us before they would release Master Gabriel, and it had to be me."

"Animal whipped you?" Gabriel's voice was hoarse.

Mariah was immediately at his side. She put her palm on his forehead and smiled, clearly relieved. "Hey there," she said. She sat on the edge of the bed and took his hand. "You're safe now." Gabriel was sure that Mariah had said that to him many times in the past few days. "You know that, right?"

"Animal whipped you?"

"He had to, Master. They wouldn't let us see you until he did. He didn't want to. He refused but I begged him." Gabriel remembered that he and Mariah had had a fight once, before, about slaves who accepted their tortures. He had mocked them. He knew better now.

He squeezed Mariah's hand. "Thank you," he said.

∞ ∞ ∞

Gabriel dozed. When he woke again he was alone in the bedroom. The pain in his backside was worse than before. He squirmed, and without meaning to he moaned. Mariah came in immediately. Her face was drawn and worried. "Does it hurt?" she asked. Gabriel wanted to be stoic but he couldn't manage it. He nodded.

"Do you remember what happened to you?" she asked. Gabriel didn't know how to answer. So much had happened. Had he forgotten anything? He felt panicked. "At the end, I mean," Mariah said. "What she did to you?" Oh. An easy question. Gabriel nodded.

Mariah said, "I need to . . . " She gestured to the bathroom door. Gabriel didn't understand at first, but then he shuddered. How many enemas had Mariah given him when he was feverish? He had a vague recollection of two, maybe three, but he thought there had been more.

Moving off the bed made the pain worse. He hunched over and allowed Mariah to lead him, shuffling, to the bathroom. Someone had put a footstool in there, a big piece of furniture for the small room. "It's easier if you take your pants all the way off," Mariah said in a calm, clinically detached voice.

Gabriel didn't want to. He clutched at the waistband of his pajamas. "I know I'm not a healer, or even a nurse," Mariah said, "but we can't call anyone else in. Just pretend that I'm . . ."

Gabriel felt even more ashamed. She had done so much for him, even taken a beating for him. "Healers make the worst patients," he tried to joke, his voice quavering. He closed his eyes and pushed his pants down. He was barely able to kick them away. Mariah helped him kneel over the footstool, a towel folded under his knees.

She showed him the enema bag. "So you can see how small it is," she said.

"What's in it?" Gabriel asked, trying to sound like he was neither terrified nor mortified.

"Chamomile, lavender, geranium, and tea tree oils," Mariah said. "It's only a few ounces. We cleaned you out the first time; this is just to rinse the cuts. The vet said we should put ointment on a dildo to prevent infection." Gabriel cringed. Mariah nodded. "I thought an enema would be less upsetting to you. He said it would work."

"A vet saw me?" Gabriel said. "I don't remember." He struggled to sound nonchalant.

Mariah shook her head. "Master Animal talked to Master Richie. I told him what to ask. He didn't say who he was asking about."

"Why not?" Gabriel asked. Nothing made sense. He was so tired.

Mariah put the enema bag down and sat down cross-legged in front of him, so they were face to face. She waited until he looked at her. "Because no one can ever know what happened to you," she said. "Ever." Gabriel started to protest but Mariah spoke over him. "Miscegenation it's called. The punishment . . ." She shook her head. "Promise me."

"People should know," Gabriel said. "People should know what it's like to be a slave. I can tell them."

"No!" Mariah put her hands on his shoulders. "They'll punish you, worse than a slave." Gabriel shuddered, horrified. "Promise me."

"Don't let them," Gabriel said. "Please, don't let them hurt me." Were they here now? Were they coming for him?

"I won't," Mariah said. "But you have to work with me."

Gabriel nodded. He would do whatever she said, if she would keep him safe.

Mariah picked up the enema bag and stood up. "This won't hurt," she said. Gabriel tried to breathe through his panic. He was in the same position he had been in the last time he had seen his mistress, when she had shoved the cactus phallus into him. He began to shake with the memory of pain, of his mistress's glee in inflicting it. Then Mariah's hand was on his hair, caressing him. "I'll wait until you're ready," she said.

Gabriel tried to calm down. He focused on Mariah's hand. "Okay," he said. Still Mariah waited. He could hear her taking deep, ostentatious breaths. His eyes welled with tears when he recognized that she was doing what he had once taught her. He forced himself to try to match her breathing. After a few minutes his body relaxed.

Gently Mariah pushed the small bulb at the end of the enema tubing into him. He felt stretched, but Mariah was right that it didn't hurt. The warm liquid flowed into him. To his embarrassment he became aroused. He turned his head so he was facing away from Mariah. "It's okay," Mariah said. "It's normal." The tears overflowed his eyes.

The liquid stopped. "I'm going to take the tube out," Mariah said. "I want you to try to hold the liquid for a few minutes." She pulled the bulb out slowly and returned to caressing Gabriel's hair. "Just a little while longer."

"Your bedside manner improved while I was gone," Gabriel said. He tried to sound lighthearted but his voice was two octaves higher than normal.

Mariah gave an embarrassed snort. That made Gabriel laugh, which somehow increased his arousal.

"Master, I need to ask you . . ." Mariah paused. "If I'm going to help you get well, I need to know . . . "

"It's okay," Gabriel said, although he desperately wanted to not answer any questions.

Mariah took a breath. "When you were with them, did they make you . . ." She pressed forward. "Did they force you to have sex?"

"No," Gabriel said, his head still on his arms. "They weren't interested in that. I think they thought depriving me was another way to torture me. Kevra remarked on it once."

"Kevra? The housegirl you wanted to rescue?" Mariah's voice was sharp.

Gabriel nodded. "I still want to," he said hoarsely. "I promised her." He started to get upset again. "I can't leave her with them."

"You have feelings for her?" Mariah asked.

"Feelings?" Gabriel said. "She was kind to me. She tried to help me." He laughed bitterly. "But she thought I was crazy, deluded. I think that was the hardest thing of all." He raised his head off the footstool to look at Mariah. "Almost the hardest thing." He put his head back down. "But to leave her with those monsters . . . "

He and Mariah were quiet for a few minutes, until Gabriel started to wriggle uncomfortably. Mariah stood up. "You can use the toilet now. I'm going to give you privacy. If you feel up to it after you can take a quick shower." She started to walk out of the bathroom but turned back to him. "If you feel faint . . ."

Gabriel had stood up. He smiled haggardly at her and nodded. "I'll call for you," he said.

∞ ∞ ∞

While Mariah waited for Gabriel to finish his shower she changed his sheets. Through the open bedroom door she could hear Rose and Master Animal in the living area and smell the aroma of a new batch of Rose's chicken soup.

Gabriel came into the room just as Mariah finished making his bed. He had put his pajama bottoms back on but was carrying his top. She handed him a fresh set of nightclothes. He nodded his thanks. Out of respect for his modesty Mariah turned away as he changed his pants. "Don't put on the shirt yet," Mariah said. "I need to put more salve on your back."

Gabriel lay on his stomach. Mariah smoothed the ointment onto him as gently as she could. When she finished Gabriel twisted onto his side and took her hand. He squeezed it convulsively. "You've been so good to me," he said, sounding teary. Mariah blushed and tried to draw her hand away, but Gabriel wouldn't let go. "Even after the things I said to you. I wanted to apologize to you, but then you were gone, and then I couldn't get home to you." He took a ragged breath. "I was afraid you hated me. That was the hardest thing."

"Hated you? No." She started to say more, but fear won out. "I don't hate you," was all she could manage.

"I'm glad," Gabriel said. He wiped his eyes with his free hand. "I don't think I could bear it."

Mariah tried again, her pulse hammering in her ears. "I don't hate you, Master," she said. "I love you."

Gabriel's expression slowly changed, but not how Mariah had hoped. She saw him withdraw into himself, his face becoming utterly blank. He laughed a cold, empty laugh. He let go of Mariah's hand and turned away from her.

"What can a slave know of love?" he said.

∞ ∞ ∞

With a tremendous effort Mariah kept her head up as she walked out of Gabriel's bedroom. Master Animal was standing on the other side of the door, holding a tray with a bowl of broth and a cup of tea on it. Rose was behind him, carrying a vase filled with fresh flowers. It was obvious to Mariah from the way they avoided looking at her that they had heard what Master Gabriel had said.

She started to scowl, but she suddenly realized how ridiculous the situation was. She smiled ruefully. "It's all right," she said. "He'll come around."

Master Animal flashed a grin and said, "I have no doubt of it." At the same time Rose said, "Of course he will!"

∞ ∞ ∞

Gabriel slept more than he woke for the next few days. Mariah tended to him with a forced cheerfulness. She was relieved that he was able to give input into his own care, and that he approved the broths that Rose made for him and the medicinals Mariah put together. Yet his eyes were haunted, and every day he grew gaunter.

One afternoon Master Animal watched her put salve on Gabriel's back and then insisted that she get some rest while he and Rose kept Gabriel company. But just as she shut the door to his bedroom behind her there was a knock at the front entrance to the apartment. With a sigh she went to answer it. It was so out of context to see Master Stefan here and not at the stables that at first Mariah did not recognize him. The instant after she placed him she remembered that Gabriel was furious with him. In the instant after that she remembered why. Should she hate him? If not for what he did to his slaves, then for what that treatment had led Gabriel to do? No, her sense of fairness would not allow her to blame on Master Stefan what she herself bore responsibility for.

Master Stefan watched without his usual sardonic half-smile the play of emotions on Mariah's face. She bowed her head and murmured, "How may I help you, Master?"

"Is he here?" His voice was expressionless.

"Yes, Master," Mariah said. "But you can't see him." Hurt flashed on his face, quickly suppressed. Mariah added, "He's ill. Nobody can see him." She did not move out of the doorway.

"Too ill to visit his horse, or even send word, days after he was supposed to return?"

Mariah had forgotten about Pegasus. "Is she okay?" Mariah asked. "Did she recover from her . . . " Mariah couldn't remember what Gabriel had said was wrong with her hoof.

Master Stefan tilted his head as he regarded her. "If Gabriel wants to know, I'll tell him myself." He stepped past Mariah into the living room. Mariah placed herself between him and Master Gabriel's bedroom. "Learnt loyalty, have you?" Master Stefan said. But he walked past her and opened the bedroom door.

Mariah hurried after him. Gabriel was lying on his stomach, his sheet covering only the lower part of his body while the salve Mariah had put on him dried. Master Animal sat in a chair, talking with him. Rose was adjusting the window shade. When Master Animal saw Master Stefan he quickly flicked the sheet up to Master Gabriel's neck, but it was too late.

Mariah tried to come up with an explanation but her voice died in her throat. "Who did you get to whip you, Gabriel?" Master Stefan's voice dripped with disdain. He sneered at Master Animal. "You?" Master Animal shook his head. "One of them, then," Master Stefan said, pointing in turn at Mariah and Rose. Rose cowered. "You criticize me for my treatment of my grooms, but you put your own slaves' lives as forfeit for your sick pleasure?"

Gabriel started to sit up in bed. "He doesn't answer to you," Mariah said fiercely.

Master Stefan sneered at her. "If word of this gets out, you'll answer to the executioner. You should have stopped him." He glared around the room. "All of you should have."

Gabriel grunted as he put his feet on the floor. "They couldn't stop me," he said. "They didn't know." Master Stefan crossed his arms and scowled. "I was far from here. I wanted to learn why Jordyn . . . Why Mariah . . . But the humans only saw that I was naked. They thought I was a slave. I couldn't get home. I had to be rescued." He covered his eyes with his hand. "But when they came it was too late."

Confusion, then shock, then understanding registered on Master Stefan's face. Mariah started to speak, but Master Stefan raised his hand to silence her. "Leave us. I'll talk to Gabriel alone."

∞ ∞ ∞

Although Gabriel had told Mariah, Animal and Rose that he was willing to speak with Stefan, he had a sinking feeling as they left. He watched as Stefan closed the door after them and then deliberate unbuttoned and took off his shirt.

Gabriel cowered. "What are you doing?" he asked.

Stefan sat on the edge of the bed, facing away from Gabriel. "Look," he said.

Gabriel could see nothing at first but Stefan's well-muscled back. But then Stefan shifted slightly, so that the afternoon sun shone directly on him through the window. There were faint white lines on his skin, the remains of scars long faded. Gabriel touched one with his finger, tentatively. "What are you telling me?" he asked.

Stefan stood and grabbed his shirt. With his back towards Gabriel he said, "As a boy I was a weakling. The youngest of four brothers. They thought it was hilarious to strip me naked and pretend I was their houseboy."

Gabriel shuddered. "Your own brothers whipped you?" Stefan nodded as he put his shirt on. "Miscegenation," Gabriel whispered half to himself. "How were they punished?"

Stefan shrugged. "Never got caught."

"You never told anyone?"

"Not until today." Stefan turned to Gabriel. His sardonic half-smile had returned.

Gabriel sank down on his pillow. He winced. "Why now?"

The half-smile faltered. "Because I know what you're going through." He sighed. "I know that those marks on your back will fade with time, but the knowledge never will."

"What knowledge?"

Stefan looked out the window as he answered. "That the only difference between you and me and the houseboy up the hall is the clothes on our back."

"I've always known that," Gabriel said. "I've tried to tell you. I've tried to tell everyone."

Stefan's face hardened. "Did you beg for mercy?"

Gabriel nodded.

"You've tried to tell everyone that slaves are as human as we are, but you never understood that we are as lowly as slaves. Now you know: we're a shirt and a pair of pants away from being animals."

"Worse than animals," Gabriel whispered.

"Yes," Stefan agreed. "Worse than animals."

∞ ∞ ∞

Stefan and Gabriel were silent, each caught up in their own thoughts. The sun moved lower, and Stefan's eye was caught by Gabriel's physique. He was horrified. "Didn't they feed you?" He grabbed the bowl Animal had left behind. "Just broth? You need to eat!" He opened the bedroom door. On the other side Animal and Mariah pretended that they had not been hovering there. Stefan glared at Animal and showed him the bowl. "What is this?" he demanded. "You're starving him!"

Animal and Mariah looked at each other while Stefan glowered at them.

"He has some internal injuries," Animal said mildly. "He'll be eating solid food soon."

Stefan assessed him, then nodded. "He'd better," he said. "I'll be checking on him." He crossed the room and with deceptive calm put the bowl down on the counter, next to a pot of the soup and a platter of cornbread. He stopped short and sniffed. He looked at Animal for leave.

"Help yourself," Animal said.