Miss Mannerly

"Richard, I try not to keep my emotions hidden, but I don't believe I know how to share. I start to say or do something and feel a restriction come over me and I pull back."

Richard nods and tells her, "Yes, I see it. I believe I also told you, on that walk home from our chess game, that I wanted to take you for a ride and show you some beautiful scenery and sit with you at night before a fire and teach you to fish. I'm not certain of everything I said, but I think I was not being truthful with myself, and that is worse than not being truthful with you."

Marion tilts her head to one side and says, "I don't understand, or at least I am not sure what you are saying."

Richard chuckles and tells her, "Well, I told you that you are a very smart woman and I would just let you figure out what I meant. So, I think the best thing for me to do is, wait for that to happen. You looked so comfortable in that chair, when I walked into this room, that I wanted to pick you up, if I could do so without waking you, and carry you to your bed. But I also wanted to talk to you and hear your voice and it took me a few minutes of watching you sleep to decide which one to do. Somehow I am wishing, right now, that I had made the other choice."

Marion points to the other chair and says, "Why don't you sit over there in that chair and tell me what is going on in town."

"I will tell you what you have missed this week, but I cannot touch you from over there. I have only a few days of being able to touch you, without someone observing, and not understanding, before I have to go back there and then I will be deprived of that joy, so don't send me away. Instead, let me hold you hand, or sit with you on my lap so I can feel your warmth or maybe just rub your feet. Do you like to have your feet rubbed?"

"I have never had my feet rubbed before, but I am enjoying you doing that for me."

Richard stands and looks down at her, "I have found there is something about the human touch that is calming. Touch heals, placates, inspires and soothes. I don't want to offend, or give you the wrong idea about my intent, but someday, when we know each other a little better, I do want you to sit on my lap and let me comfort you. You know, I believe Ted is in love with Claire and I wonder when he will tell her so. I would like to be here to know that he can do that. It has been a few very difficult years for her and he has kept her happy. You may not think she is happy, but I see it. She may not live much longer, but she deserves some affection for what is left of her life."

She stands and starts to stoop to pick up her shoes and he puts his hand on her arm to stop her, and then collects her shoes but will not give them to her, saying he will carry them upstairs. "Yes, Ted loves Claire. I asked him and he was a little frightened, but he did admit it. He thinks he is too far below her, for her to return his love. I suppose that is another of those problems similar to the ones I have with my position. If another woman my age came to town, they would not be watched as closely as I am."

"Come let me see you to your room. I have a surprise for you, tomorrow."

"A surprise?" Marion asks, showing more excitement than he can ever recall. "What is it?"

"Now, that would be cheating", he teases, watching her face. "If I told you, it would no longer be a surprise."

"Richard!"

"No, you will just have to wait", he says, for the first time able to really tease her and watch for her reaction.

"But that's not fair!" she exclaims, grabbing his arm to slow him down.

He leans toward her, teasing, "It doesn't matter if it is fair or not. You will have to wait."

"Are you always this secretive?" she asks, trying to prevent her laughter from keeping her words from being understood.

"I try not to be, but I want to see your face, when you see your surprise and if I tell you about it in advance I will miss that pleasure", he says, taking her hand for the last few steps up the stairs.

"Here", he says as he opens her room, "go to bed, get a good night's sleep and I will take you for a short ride in the morning."

However, the next morning it is snowing and Richard says they must delay the surprise until the weather is better. They spend some time with Claire, together and separately, with Marion often trying to tease out of Richard, information about the surprise, but he refuses to budge.

By suppertime Claire pleads to be taken downstairs for a good supper in the dining room. Instead, Richard has a table set up in her room. He says Ted must join them and when the table is set, and the food brought up, Richard carries her to a chair. The four of them talk and laugh and supper lasts a long time, until they are sitting over cups of coffee when Ted begins to talk about the newest political rumors.

Claire gets a sad look in her eyes, and then she shakes her head before saying, "I am so happy I don't have to see grown men making fools of themselves anymore. It used to be fun, but I think I like my life better without all the childish temper tantrums."

Richard stands and says, "Ted, let's get her back to bed before she tells us about the governor throwing food at his secretary of state."

Richard pulls back her chair and Ted lifts her from her seat. Marion can see the muscles bulging in his arms and she knows he does this for her, whenever it's needed. As he puts her on her bed, he arranges the covers over her and asks if she is warm. She pats his hand and looks into his eyes and says, quietly, "Yes, Ted, I am wonderful. Thank you."

As two maids come in to clear the supper dishes and put the room back to order, Richard and Marion are leaving the room when Claire calls to Ted, saying she has something she wants him to do for her.

At breakfast the next morning, Richard asks, "Are you ready for your surprise?"

Richard watches as she wiggles with excitement, as if she is a small child. Then he laughs as she says, "Yes, yes, yes. This morning? Are we going to take the ride this morning?"

He considers delaying their excursion until later in the day, so he can watch her anticipation grow, but finally gives in, "Yes, alright, we will go this morning. But, we need to make another stop first. I found a book store and we need to get your school books."

Marion puts her hands up to her cheeks and complains, "Oh my heavens, I have forgotten that I need to do that."

With the twenty dollars from Mister Hanson, the Judge and the city council, plus a few dollars of her own, Marion selects a variety of books. By the time they are all stacked up, the pile is so large the book seller suggests he send them to her school on the next train. Marion is relieved that she will not have to manage all of that and her bags, and readily agrees, paying the small shipping fee.

The surprise is waiting. Richard considers blindfolding Marion, but fears with all the snow and slush in the street, he will cause her to fall or step into a puddle of the mushy stuff all the way to her knees. He need not have bothered about the blindfold. She spends so much time holding up her skirt and looking where she is stepping she has no idea where they are going. When he stops they are standing before a stable.

Marion's reaction is to show total puzzlement, "Richard?"

"Come on, you will like it, I assure you." He takes her elbow and leads her inside the small door at the side of the building. She smells horses and all the varieties of smells that come with the large animals. He leads her down an isle between the stalls and stops before one stall, where a dark reddish brown horse, with a length of white shows from her eyes down to the tip of her nose, stands quietly watching the humans.

"Marion Mannerly, I would like you to meet Splendora. No, no, don't be afraid. Take your hand out of your muff and curl you hand into a fist and hold it out to her, so she can smell you. Yes, just like that. See, she is snorting and blowing on your hand. She likes you. Marion, please say something. I don't know if you like my gift or not, and I cannot tell from your face. All I see are tears. Marion?"

Without warning she has her arms around him and is crying against the roughness of his coat. When she can finally control herself, she asks, "Is she really mine? All mine, and no one else will ride her?" She looks up at him and says, "But you will have to teach me to ride. I don't know how." And Marion is crying again.

After he can finally get her out of the stable, back into the street and into a waiting buggy, she has asked him at least a thousand questions about food, grooming, what she should wear, where she can find boots plus every other imaginable subject related to horses. He almost stops at the book store to see if there is something that will answer her questions. But inside himself, he delights in her and her enjoyment of the horse.

When the buggy stops in the circular drive at Claire's house and he has helped her step down, and into the house, he stops for a moment and says, "Marion, I know, I can see it in your face, but I want you to say, in words, how much you like Splendora."

"Richard, I don't know how to tell you about something I have never had before. I am all I have ever had. Not a single soul has ever had to depend on me and now I have an animal to care for and am almost frightened that I will not do what is needed, when it is needed, or even know what is needed. If you tell me I can depend on you for that kind of help, I will say that I am so happy, I could kiss you."

"Then do so" he says, enjoying her pleasure.

It is not something either of them expects, truthfully. They are so pleased to be friends that a simple kiss seems to be just an expression of that friendship. Laughing lightly, Marion puts her arms around his neck and rises onto her toes and he still has to bend down a little and hold her so she can kiss him. And when she has done it, she stops and looks him straight in the eye and says, "May I do that again? And this time will you kiss me, too." He fears he will make a complete fool of himself, because this is something he never intended, for so many reasons. But that first chaste kiss from her broke something inside him and he fears it is his wall. He gathers her for a proper kiss and holds her like he would want to be held and kisses her long and thoroughly, moving his lips across hers and feeling her warmth so close to him. She finally pulls back and does not take her eyes from his as he slowly lowers her to stand on her own legs, which she knows are trembling. But she cannot stop them and doesn't want to look anywhere else, but at him.

Thankfully, Richard thinks to himself, he has enough presence of mind to let go of her and take a step back as her arms fall to her sides. After a deep breath, he says, "Would you like to go tell Claire what your surprise is?"

"No, I want to kiss you again", she says, her voice trembling as she pleads.

"Marion, please" Richard asks. "We need to go upstairs, to see Claire."

Claire doesn't know what the problem is. One moment, Marion is bubbling about her horse and then gets strangely quiet. The next moment, Richard laughs about all the questions Marion asked and then, he too, gets so very quiet. After they have gone to their rooms to change into dry clothes and stockings and shoes, Ted is left behind with Claire. "I am not sure what happened today, but something obviously did."

Ted agrees, "Perhaps we will discover what it is, if we watch closely or perhaps one of them will want to talk about it. But I agree. Something about them has changed. Now, are you ready for some lunch or would you like to rest for a while, first?"

"I think I will have my lunch now and then take a long nap. Ted, have you ever wished for a friendship like those two have with each other?"

"Claire, I think that is what we already have, between you and me." Then he leaves the room to tell someone to take lunch to her, because he does not want her to see the look on his face.

The remainder of the afternoon is quiet. Marion stays in her room for a while, after eating a few bites of her lunch. Richard leaves the house again, to tend to some paperwork at the Capitol, about a trial that will be held in a few weeks. Marion finally goes down to Herbert's study and finds Ted there. She says little to him although he asks about her horse. She picks up the book she was reading the night before and reads for a few minutes and starts to nod before giving up on the book and lays her head on the arm of the chair and goes to sleep.

When she wakes up Richard is gently lifting her to his lap and sliding onto the seat of the chair under her, pressing her head to his shoulder. "Sleep, I just want to hold you."

Marion tries for a while to go back to sleep, but cannot, feeling the warmth from him is the first time she can ever remember being this close to another person. She finally says, "I think we broke it."

Richard responds, "Yes, I am afraid we did."

They are quiet for a long time. Perhaps one or both of them sleep or cat nap for a while. Richard's head is tilted to one side with his cheek on top of her head. He would tighten his arm under her back, but fears it would frighten her, so he sits, enjoying the feel of her, so close to him. And Marion sits with her hands in her lap. He picks up one of her hands and holds it, slowly stroking his thumb across her knuckles, and then stops but does not let go of her hand. She curls her fingers around his, enjoying his touch.

Very quietly, so as not to wake him, if he is asleep, she asks, "Do you think we can get it back?"

"I do not know. I am thinking about that."

Christmas Day is beautiful. The sun is shining and the world looks like it is filled with the sparkle of diamonds. They have decided to wait until later in the day to open their gifts and are sitting around Claire's room when she says, "I want to make a snowball."

Richard stands and like a dictator says, "No." as if the subject is closed.

But Claire is persistent and says, "Richard, do you know how many days I have spent inside this house. I want to make a snowball."

He is shaking his head saying, "No", after each of her remarks. After her second attempt to convince him, he says, "No" and walks out of the room leaving the door open.

Claire turns to Ted and repeats, "I want to make a snowball."

Ted pleads, "Claire, be reasonable, it is freezing out there."

But she will not give in, "Ted, you have been here with me every day and you know how many days that is. I want to make a snowball."

The nearest thing Ted can think of to do, to make her happy is to tell her, "I will go outside and bring you some snow and you can make a snowball, right here in the comfort and warmth of your own room."

But Claire pleads, further, "But it won't be the same. I remember Richard and I used to have snowball fights and I can throw straighter than he can, just maybe not as far. Ted, I want to make a real snowball." He walks out of the room shaking his head. She looks at Marion and says, "Marion, make them see reason. I will do everything they say. I will sit in my chair, I will wear gloves, I will come straight back into the house and stay in my bed for the remainder of the day. But, this is important to me, I want to make a snowball." When she looks up, Richard is carrying a long slender sled, with rusty runners and Ted has a pile of quilts.

Claire laughs gaily as the two men take their burdens downstairs, Richard carrying Claire and Marion carrying the sled with Ted bringing up the rear with his load of quilts. They take her into the study, which is warm and is lit with a few lamps showing off a small Christmas tree gaily decorated with a pile of gifts beneath the tree. Ted spreads the quilts around to get them warm. Marion wraps a warm cloak around Claire's shoulders and around her thin legs and the men wrap her in the quilts. She laughs, as the men carry Claire on the sled, with her arms around their shoulders as they walk out the front door. They put the sled down in the circle of snow inside the driveway and she begins to make snowballs, throwing them at anyone within reach of her shots, as the others do much the same.

Marion throws a snowball and hits Richard in the middle of his back. He turns, with a snowball in his hand, ready for retaliation. Then he drops the snowball and walks to her, to brush snow off the shoulders of her cloak and just stands there looking down at her.

In ten minutes, Richard announces the time is up. Claire must be taken back inside the house. She argues, but only half-heartedly and has a few tears in her eyes, either from the cold or more probably from the pure pleasure of doing something that any normal person does with a fresh covering of snow in their front yard.

They spend a short while in the study, opening gifts and Claire has her Christmas Day dinner in her bed. The other three join her in her bedroom, after which she tells Claire and Richard that she wants to talk to Ted and the two of them can go back to the study or anywhere in the house they like.

"Do you think he will tell her?" Marion asks.

"I don't know, Marion. I suspect if he does not say something, she may tell him, instead."

They are sitting in the matching leather chairs in the study with their feet on the matching hassocks. They have pulled the chairs together until the chair arms are touching. Occasionally, Richard will look at Marion, but for the most part, he is staring into the fire. Marion is half sitting, half lying on her side looking at Richard.

She reminds him, "I remember what you said about being here the day he told her."

He has a confused look on his face as he tries to explain, "Yes, I remember saying that, but I feel different now. I thought I knew my sister. But I am beginning to believe she is much stronger than I thought. She certainly surprised me today."

Marion smiles as she watches his face change when she says, "Perhaps she is somewhat like her brother, in that way."

"Marion, I am no longer sure that I am strong. I think you proved that to me yesterday. I have been thinking about what we broke, about how we will get it back to what it was before."

She does not challenge him, but she genuinely wants to know, "Are you sure you want to go back to the way it was before?"

Richard shakes his head and leans over to take her hand, "It was a comfort to me. You are a comfort to me. There is such stillness in you. It is so calm and reassuring to me. I believe I was hurting, for a variety of reasons. I am in pain for my sister Claire and how badly she is hurt. Herbert was my friend and I regret the loss of that friendship. I worry for Mister Chin's failing health. But I also believe I was looking for something which I choose to call affection, and I allowed you to believe was trust."

She is trying to help him find the answer to his confusion, "Is that the part, you believe you were lying to yourself about?"

He seems to be answering his own questions, "That is certainly part of it. But there is more. I was so strong and sure of myself. I have always been a solitary man. I was going to make myself believe that I could have a woman as a friend. I did not know I feared to let you see I wanted more. I did fear you would run away from me."

"Richard ..."

"No, I think I need to finish this, before you convince me that I do not see what has been before my eyes, all along. I saw you, I do not mean that I went around town following you, but I saw you. At first I saw your beauty. It took my breath away. I know there are other men who saw your beauty and wanted you. I feared they would capture your interest. You are so much younger than I am and I feared a younger man would see how beautiful you are and I would loose you. The night I walked you home, with the snow falling softly around you, was a revelation to me. Your new cloak covered you from head to foot. The hood covered all but your face and there were snow flakes on your eyelashes. I was holding the lantern up and although I knew you were beautiful, all I saw was your smile. I knew none of those other men saw anything but the surface, but you were sharing your trust with me. I saw your confidence and I thought my own matched yours. I saw you being so careful of whom you spoke to and occasionally I heard what you said, or it was repeated to me, correctly or not. You are certainly a continuing topic of discussion. I believe I was doing much the same, being careful with whom I associated, and careful of what I said. There were always so many things I wanted to tell you. I would begin to speak of one subject and think of another. I regretted that our times together were so short. I always wanted so much more of your time, but dared not ask for it. You seemed to have this enclosure about you, which you did not want anyone to pierce. I believe I also have a similar enclosure that I keep about me. I wanted to see what was inside your enclosure, to see if it was anything like what is inside my own. I thought then, and I still think that we are very much alike, and I believed then and still believe, that we have something special, which I choose to call affection, or trust. But I think now, there is more to it than that."