Modern Day Marriage

"Travis, about next year's Thanksgiving dinner? What if, we were married...to each other?"

* * * * * *

Betty looked over her outfit one last time before she left to go to her mother's house. She'd picked her outfit with whimsy in mind, but also with very serious intentions. Her dress was a deep red with a wide white belt. The belt cinched her waist in a bit and gave her figure a very much needed lift. It really didn't matter what she wore, Travis loved her anyway. But she wanted to wear something that would show him what he hadn't been taking advantage of for the last few weeks. As a finishing touch, she had a Santa hat perched on her head at a sexy angle.

She'd even gotten some early season Mistletoe to hold over his head to entice him to kiss her. With any luck, she'd be bringing her husband home with her tonight and hopefully to stay. Then they could call off the divorce and have a serious talk about what was wrong with Travis. She could also find out if she'd done anything to trigger it.

Her sister had speculated that maybe it was one of those things that men went through when they reached a certain age. Some of them dyed their hair, some of them bought a sports car and others decided to climb a mountain or run a marathon. She hoped that was all it was.

At any rate, she needed to spend more time trying to make Travis happy and make their marriage work. Maybe she should spend less time trying to arrange her little side visits and more time trying to spice up her and Travis' sex life. She hadn't been with anyone since that Gary creep and she was so horny she'd probably fuck Travis in her parent's bedroom if they left it unattended. As horny as she was though, it had to be Travis. She missed him more than she could ever say.

She was pretty sure that he really didn't want a divorce either. He hadn't taken any money out of their accounts and he hadn't filed for a divorce. His leaving her had hurt her badly though. But in the grand scheme of things, they were going to be together forever anyway so it didn't really hurt them. In fact, it may have made their relationship stronger. If Travis missed her half as much as she missed him, they'd probably never be apart again.

She could only think of one thing that she wanted him to do in order for her to forgive him. He had to either fire that bitch Melissa, or make her apologize to Betty. Betty was sure that Melissa would rather quit than apologize to her, so it would be the same either way. That little bitch was just too interested in Travis for Betty's liking. That shit had gone on for far too long. It was time to stop it.

Betty got into her car and drove to her mother's house. When she went up to the door, it was opened by her brother in law, Kevin. Betty still had trouble figuring out why the hell her sister had married Kevin. He was overweight and dorky. He also hadn't had a job in over four years. He spent all of his time either playing video games or reading comic books.

Strangely enough, he'd turned down a job working in a comic book store. He'd said something about not wanting to dilute his passion for the art form by accepting money. It made absolutely no fucking sense. He stood in that same fucking store for hours every Wednesday when the new comics came out. He argued about the same books and discussed the same fucking characters with the same other nerds. Why couldn't he do it and get paid for it. At least if he was working in the store, he'd be bringing home a little bit of money for doing it. Now he did it for free.

"Hey Betty, looking good," said Kevin.

"Look Kevin," snapped Betty. "Travis is coming over today too. Please don't drive him off by talking about Lord of the fucking Rings or Harry Pothead. Can we spend just one holiday like normal people? Can you talk about football or something normal guys like instead of Goomdorf's magic sword of tranquility or any of that shit?"

Kevin almost shut the door in Betty's face. She barged in and walked right by him. "Bitch," he said under his breath. "No wonder Travis left you."

Debbie walked into the room and hugged Betty. "I thought you weren't coming," said Debbie.

"Mom told everyone that to get Travis to come," smiled Betty.

"Geez, you guys should have told me at least," whined Debbie.

"Why so you could have told everyone?" asked Betty. "Sooner or later you'd have told someone who Travis knows and they'd have told him and Travis wouldn't have come."

"But I look like a cow," said Debbie. "Travis is a real cutie. If I'd known he was coming I could have dressed up, like you did."

"Debbie, Travis is my husband. I dressed up because we're having problems and I need to get him back. Kind of like when Conan the Nerdbarian over there, left you and went back to living in his mom's basement, a couple of years ago," said Betty.

Debbie just smiled, "Yep, but my honey is back now and things are better than ever."

"How?" asked Betty. "You started putting pressure on him because you were working double shifts at the hospital to pay your mortgage. He was sitting home on his fat ass eating bonbons and reading comics. He didn't even keep the house clean. Plus you had to pay for all of his fucking comic books. You wanted him to get a job to take some of the pressure off of you. Remember you needed more income because you were thinking about having a baby."

"But Betty that was before I realized how things really worked," said Debbie.

"Oh shit, I have to hear this," said Betty. "Does he have a job now?"

"Well no," said Debbie. "But I had to look at our relationship in real world terms. Kevin doesn't beat me. He doesn't go out and fuck other women. Him being home all the time means that I don't have to worry about someone breaking into our house. And I don't need to have a baby because I've already got Kevin and he's a big kid at heart."

"You tell her honey," said Kevin, from somewhere in the house.

"You two deserve each other," smirked Betty.

Betty went into the kitchen to see her mother. Her mom turned and smiled when Betty entered the room.

"Hi, Betty," she said. "I'm glad you're here. I need you to..."

"Sorry mom. You'd better get Deb to do it. I can't afford to get anything on this dress. I need to look good when Travis gets here. I just came in to find out if you had any wine chilled already."

Her mother just looked at Betty and bit her lip.

Betty went back into the living room just in time to see her son arrive. To say she was shocked was an understatement. Her son had changed over the past ten weeks that he'd been away at school. He'd gained a few pounds. Well more than a few actually. He'd begun to look a bit like Kevin. Except that he had tattoos. Her clean shaven, conservative son, now had a shaved head, a full beard and tattoos all over every inch of exposed skin on his arms. And for a big guy his arms were disproportionately small. He looked like a beach ball with pipe cleaners for arms. He even had a tattoo on his neck. Why the fuck would anyone get a tattoo on their neck.

Betty needed to exchange her glass of wine for something much stronger. When Travis got there she was sure he'd shit a brick. Think about all of the money they were wasting putting their son through college for him to start looking like he should be in the circus. Good luck getting a job looking like that she thought.

Then there was the girl he brought with him. She looked sick. She was very thin with no boobs or butt. She was dressed from heads to toe in black. Her dress was so long it dragged on the ground. At least she only had one tattoo. Unfortunately it was an upside down pentacle and it was also in the center of her forehead. The girl looked like she'd never seen the sun. When she first walked in she was wearing a veil. The veil was made of black lace and she took it off when she first came in.

Betty decided that as weird as her son looked, he was lucky to have the girl. Maybe she shouldn't judge a book by its cover. This girl could be the future mother of her grandchildren.

Betty went over and introduced herself. The girl smiled at Betty and that was when things got worse. As the girl smiled Betty noticed that she had fangs.

"Uhm, honey?" asked Betty. "What is going on with your teeth?" Betty thought that they were those Halloween type vampire fangs.

"My dentist did it for me," said the girl in the deepest voice that Betty had ever heard. Betty was no longer even sure that the girl was actually a she. "I'll keep these until my real fangs grow in," the girl continued. Betty didn't know whether to laugh or cry. She'd be really glad when Travis got there.

Hey, Dad," Betty said across the room to her dad who was watching the football game. Her dad raised his glass and Betty wondered what he was drinking. Whatever it was she needed some of it.

"Where's Travis?" asked her dad.

"Uhm we're taking a little break, Dad," said Betty.

"What did you do to him?" asked her dad.

At that moment Debbie, who was talking to Betty's son, Steve, and his girlfriend, Anastasia, screamed. "You did what?" she shrieked.

Debbie walked away from the pair and back into the kitchen. Betty went over to her son and his girlfriend. She was glad to be away from her father. She couldn't believe that her own father thought that it was her fault that Travis had left her.

"Steven, what did you say to your aunt?" asked Betty.

"Oh Mom, I just told her how we'd both had our useless reproductive organs modified," said Steve.

Betty spit her wine all over her son's face and Anastasia's dress. She had trouble breathing and started gasping. The wine had gone down the wrong pipe.

When she got her breath back, she repeated her sister's question equally loudly, "You did what?" she screamed.

"It's no big deal," said Steve. "It was just a little snip. I got a vasectomy and Anna got her tubes tied. It didn't matter anyway because she can't have kids. I could fuck her every day and shoot loads of spunk all over her and through her and it would never have worked because she's a vampire. Vampires can't have kids, ya know."

Betty heard her father chuckling from across the room. She just stood there and wondered what the fuck had happened to her son. "Is it reversible?" she asked. Steve just shrugged his shoulders.

Betty went across the room and sat down by her father. "What are you drinking, dad?" she asked.

"Jack Daniels," he said, tipping his glass at her. "So now my only hope for great-grandkids depends on your daughter," he said.

They listened as Kevin argued with Anastasia over who had the most supernatural powers. Anastasia, because she was a vampire or Kevin, who now claimed to be a third level Warlock of the dark tower.

Anastasia told him that she'd had more time to develop her powers since she was over five hundred years old.

Betty and her father both looked at each other and he took a big gulp of the liquor in his glass.

"You'd think that in five hundred years, she'd have grown at least SOME titties," said her father. "I'm just saying."

Just then the doorbell rang. "This is a great Thanksgiving," said Kevin, as he got up to answer the door. We have a Warlock, a Vampire, a tattooed guy, Betty is a Bitch and now we have Travis who..."

The room got quiet as Kevin stopped talking in mid sentence.

"Travis who, what?" snapped Betty. She arranged herself on the arm of her dad's chair trying to look as sexy as she could.

"He, uhm brought his own...uhm," said Kevin.

"His own what moron?" asked Betty.

"His own goddess," said Kevin dreamily.

Travis stepped into the room followed by Melissa, who held tightly onto his hand. Things seemed to go into slow motion at that point. Betty saw that Travis had brought Melissa with him and fell off of the arm of the chair in surprise. Her father, who hardly ever got out of his chair, caught a glance of Melissa, got up and walked over to the doorway.

Steven saw her, and started trying to cover up the tattoos on his arms. Debbie came down the stairs to see Travis and froze in her tracks when she saw Melissa. Anastasia bared her fangs at Melissa and hissed. Finally, Betty's mother came out of the kitchen to see why the house had gone so quiet all of a sudden.

"Hi Travis," said Betty's mom. "It's about time you got here. And who is this?"

"Hi Mom, this is Melissa," said Travis, as if it explained everything. Melissa stepped forward and gave Betty's mom a bottle of wine that she and Travis had picked up and took a box from Travis.

"It's a holiday angel food cake," said Melissa.

"Did you make it from your own food?" asked Kevin, gushing.

"Can I help you in the kitchen?" asked Melissa.

Betty's mom smiled broadly. "You sure can," she said, taking Melissa's hand and leading her into the kitchen.

"Why the fuck did you bring her?" hissed Debbie.

"Your mom said I could bring someone," said Travis and shrugged his shoulders. "She's someone."

"Come on over here, Travis. Let's watch some football," said Betty's dad. "Boy is she hot."

Twenty minutes later the living room was quiet except for the sounds of the TV. Travis and his soon to be ex father in law were having a great time watching Michigan State get killed by Iowa.

Across the room, Steven, Kevin, Betty, Debbie and Anastasia were all staring into the kitchen at Melissa.

"She's beautiful," said Steven.

"She's unreal, said Kevin, which earned him a kick in the shin from his wife.

"She's a fucking skank," said Debbie.

"I hate her fucking guts," said Betty.

"I'd do her," said Anastasia.

Twenty minutes later Melissa came out of the kitchen and wandered into the living room. It was a wonder that she managed to navigate the floor in her high heels without slipping on one of Kevin and Steve's puddles of drool.

She perched on the arm of Travis' chair as Betty had on her father's an hour before. She leaned over Travis and her head nestled on his shoulder. Betty started across the room after her but was pulled up short by Debbie.

"I know you're pissed sis," said Debbie. "But don't fuck up mom and dad's Thanksgiving. Wait until after dinner. Then I'll pull her to the side and ask her about her clothes or something and you can have your talk with Travis."

A short time later they'd all gathered around the dinner table. The table was spread beautifully with all kinds of enticing food. A golden brown turkey glistened in the center of the table. There was a ham off to the side. A large steaming bowl of mashed potatoes with a gravy boat near it sat directly in front of Kevin.

Betty's father stood up to say grace but was interrupted. "Hey Anastasia, you can't eat this kind of food. Remember, you're supposed to be a fucking vampire," said Kevin.

"Kevin, honey, shut up," said Debbie. Across the table Anastasia just looked pissed. Then it started. Betty noticed that Melissa and Travis were holding hands. She couldn't take it anymore. She grabbed the gravy boat and flung it at Melissa who somehow avoided all of the soupy brown liquid. She quickly grabbed a biscuit and flung it across the table as hard as she could. It caught Betty right between the eyes. The butter on top of the biscuit smudged Betty's makeup and she screamed. She grabbed a handful of mashed potatoes and flung it at Melissa who ducked behind Travis.

Betty realized that she'd thrown mashed potatoes on her husband and screamed again. Anastasia took that opportunity to throw a handful of green beans at Kevin.

The beans and the sauce they'd been prepared in were still very hot as they splashed in Kevin's face. The large uncoordinated man was incensed. He got up from the table, quickly ran around it and grabbed one of the legs off of the turkey and started beating Anastasia with it. Steven got up and tried to pull his uncle off of his girlfriend and the two men ended up wrestling on the floor, inadvertently rolling over the would be vampire who was trapped under them.

By this time Betty and Melissa had gotten up and were walking around the table towards each other as well. Debbie again tried to restrain her sister, who had started the whole mess. Betty was so incensed at Melissa that she back handed her own sister in an effort to get free. Melissa had decided by then that she was tired of being on the receiving end of Betty's attention. She grabbed the bowl of cranberry sauce and flung the entire bowl at Betty.

The bowl didn't travel well and ended up on the floor off target, but the sauce drenched Betty, ruining her outfit, her hair and her face. Betty also tripped on the slippery mess and ended up falling on her ass.

All across the room there was chaos. Only Travis and Betty's parents weren't involved. Betty's dad went to the china cabinet and opened the first drawer and reached for something way in the back. His hand emerged with a pistol that he fired once into the ceiling to get everyone's attention.

The sound of the gunshot immediately halted everyone in place.

"God damn it. Stop this shit right now," yelled Betty's father. "Look at what you've done."

"She started it," claimed Betty pointing at Melissa.

"Betty, it was you who threw gravy at her and started this," said Debbie.

"I was only reacting to what she did," snapped Betty. "She was holding my husband's hand in front of us."

"Don't you mean ex husband," said Melissa. "You filed for a divorce from him. That makes him a free agent."

Around the table everyone gasped in shock.

"Is that true Mom?" asked Steven.

Betty nodded her head and kept her eyes down. "I don't want a divorce," she screamed. Her voice was on the verge of breaking down. "I only did it because your father moved out. I needed to get his attention so we could talk. There was never going to be a divorce."

"There was always going to be a divorce," said Travis. "You just filed before I was ready to."

"But why would you want to divorce me, honey?" asked Betty. "I love you."

"Yeah," said Travis. "You love me so much that you've been cheating on me for months. I know that Gary wasn't the first time Betty. You broke my heart. You should have known that if I found out about your cheating there'd be no hope for us."

All around the table everyone got quiet. Nothing was said for a few moments and then Betty's father broke the silence.

"Betty, he's not telling the truth is he?"

Betty couldn't meet her father's gaze. "It was only sex, Dad," she said in a very quiet voice. "It didn't mean anything. There was no love involved. I just wanted a little something extra. It had no bearing on my marriage. Travis is the only man I've ever loved and there's no way I'll let that little bitch have him."

"Something extra," snapped Debbie. "Betty you're a God damned fool. As much as I love Kevin's lazy ass, quirks and all, I'd die to have what you just fucked up."

"Hey," said Kevin.

"Shut up Kevin," said Debbie. "Travis loves you, or loved you, Betty. He talked about you like you were something special. And he worked his ass off trying to give you everything you asked for. For years you've bragged about how good he was in bed. Were you lying?"

"No," said Betty. "It's just that...well lately he's been so tired from what goes on at work that we cut down to only doing it three or four times a week and I kind of need more. Not that any of the guys I went out with were as good as he was. I just thought that until we could talk about it I'd get some extra on the side."

"I'll take four times a week," said Melissa.

"How often are you guys doing it now?" asked Debbie.

"We aren't," said Melissa. "Yet."

"But..." said Betty. "I thought that..."

"Betty, you aren't wrong. I've been in love with Travis for years. But we haven't done anything sexual at all," began Melissa.

"Yet," said Travis, who hadn't said much until then.

"Travis loved you with all of his heart," said Melissa. "I knew that it would take him a long time to get over you. But you hurt him so bad that he has trust issues now. I think deep down inside he really just wanted some way that he could get back with you and still keep his pride. I think that he never imagined that he could be happy with anyone else."