Momscrolling

Dad says, What did you two do while I was gone?

Daughter says, You mean while you were in jail.

Dad says, Yes, I mean while I was in jail

Daughter says, We hung out.

Dad says, Did you two ever get a chance to talk about—erm—you know?

Daughter says, Kind of.

Daughter shrugs, Not really.

Dad says, Ah.

Dad says, Shoot.

Dad worries privately about Mom.

Daughter says, No, but Mom did ... say some stuff.

Dad looks at Daughter.

He has an eyebrow raised.

Daughter shrugs.

She does not elaborate.

Dad says, Hmkay.

Dad goes back to watching TV.

Mom texts Dad.

It is 4:26pm.

The house is silent.

The sun is behind a cloud.

Daughter is asleep.

Dad is half-asleep.

His phone vibrates.

Mom is at the supermarket.

She wants Dad to text her a list of things he might like her to cook for dinner.

Mom is feeling domestic.

She is feeling like herself.

She wants to make her people happy.

She buys the organic strawberries Dad likes.

She buys the sour candy Daughter likes.

She buys herself a small bouquet of daisies.

They are pretty.

They make her smile.

In the parking lot, a man approaches her.

Mom is carrying a bag full of groceries.

She is wearing a big hat and sunglasses.

The man is asking for help.

He says, Please.

The man is thin.

He is dirty.

He is hungry.

His voice is hoarse.

Mom hesitates before she says, Okay, sure.

She sets her groceries on the roof of her car.

She fishes some cash out of her purse.

She hands the man a twenty.

He blesses her and then walks cheerily, with a lopsided gait, into the grocery store.

Something about the man deeply unnerves Mom.

Mom gets into her car and drives home.

She gets out of her car and looks in the backseat and there are no groceries there.

Her first impulse is to suspect, somehow, the thin man from the parking lot.

Then she recalls setting them on the roof of her car, and forgetting them there.

Mom frowns at her reflection in the backseat window.

Her car's engine ticks.

Mom drives back to grocery store.

Her grocery bag is on its side near the exit to the lot.

Red sunny strawberries are strewn about the pavement.

The daisies are unsalvageable.

Mom salvages the remaining groceries.

As Mom walks back into the store to buy a fresh carton of strawberries, she spots the thin man exiting.

He does not seem to see her.

He has purchased a tall boy of beer that he now carries out in a white plastic grocery bag.

Mom watches the thin man's difficult way of walking.

Mom wonders about the thin man's mother.

Mom comes home to a quiet house.

She says, Hello my beautiful family!

No one answers.

Guys?

Mom feels a panic attack start to come on as she is putting away the vegetables.

She has to sit.

She is thinking.

She is remembering.

Mom is sweating and shivering.

She is hyperventilating.

Her head is light and her vision is going in and out.

Dad says, You get my strawberries?

He stoops down and plants a kiss on her head.

Mom stays seated and unwell-feeling.

She smiles at Dad.

She hopes everything is okay.

She hopes that her face conveys to Dad that as far as she knows everything is okay.

Dad sees her face and can tell she is not well.

Dad puts the strawberries down and hugs Mom.

Dad says, Everything is okay, baby.

Mom nods and tries to say, Okay, I know.

As if this is obvious to her.

And as if its obviousness to her should be obvious to him, too.

He chuckles.

She chuckles.

Dad says, You okay?

Mom says, Sorry, just another one of those headaches.

Mom touches her head, feels psychic pain, and lets this show on her face.

Mom stands and makes dinner.

When Daughter comes downstairs, Dad is in the kitchen with Mom.

Daughter sits at the table and plays on her phone.

Daughter chews sour candy.

In the air around her hangs a perfume of tangy sugar.

The whole house smells nice.

Mom and Dad are kissing a lot today.

Dinner is ready.

The house is quiet while they eat.

The plates are clean.

Daughter departs for her room.

Dad starts to disappear too.

Mom stops him with a look.

Dad says, Okay, you need to get something off your chest.

Mom says, Yeah, I do.

Dad sighs.

He takes a seat.

He crosses his arms.

He looks up at Mom and says, Well, go on then.

Mom is a little nervous.

She is a little afraid.

She is a lot anxious.

Mom says, Okay.

She says, Okay, so, here goes.

Dad waits.

Mom is quiet.

Dad is waiting.

Mom says, You were gone for a month.

Mom pauses.

She takes a breath.

Mom says, It was really, really hard.

Dad is not uncrossing his arms.

He is not relaxing.

Dad is waiting.

Dad is listening.

Mom says, It was just so, so hard.

Mom pauses.

Mom says, I don't think you have any idea what it was like.

Mom says, For her.

Mom is quiet.

Mom is shaking her head.

Mom is not looking at Dad.

Mom is crying.

Mom says, I can't believe you did this to her.

Dad has no reaction.

He does not say anything.

Dad is waiting.

Mom is saying, I can't believe you did this to US.

She is not looking at Dad.

Mom does not have to look at Dad.

She already knows he is not reacting.

Mom says, You put us through hell.

Mom is crying.

She is sniffling.

Mom says, And now, all of a sudden, everything's okay again.

Mom wipes her face and her nose.

Mom says, I am still a wreck.

Mom shakes her head and cries and laughs.

She points to herself and says, Gosh, and she is STILL a wreck.

Mom stops crying.

Mom says, You are just back to your normal fucking self, as usual.

Dad is nodding.

He has an eyebrow raised.

He is not offended-looking.

He is concerned-looking.

Mom says, You know, I thought a lot about leaving you.

She says, I thought a lot about what would happen.

She says, With her, and with me.

Mom looks up.

She is staring into the distance.

Mom says, But you know what?

Mom is not waiting for an answer.

Mom says, She didn't want that.

Mom is quiet.

Mom says, She needs you.

Dad nods.

Dad says, She needs you, too.

Mom says, Does she?

Does she though?

Mom is crying again.

Mom doesn't mind crying in front of Dad.

He is receptive to it.

It helps him understand her better, sometimes.

Dad is crying, too, even though he isn't letting it show.

Mom says, I watched the videos.

Dad looks at Mom.

Dad says, The what now?

Mom says, Someone sent them to me.

Dad is confused.

He is a little scared-looking.

Dad says, You watched them?

Mom says, Someone keeps sending me—.

Whoever that was in the courtroom, that day the—.

The one who—.

Dad says, You didn't need to watch them.

Dad says, Why on earth did you watch them? Are you trying to hurt yourself? Does it help you hate me more? Does it help you hate Daughter more?

Dad is visibly bothered.

Mom is quiet.

She is staring into the distance.

Mom is not answering Dad.

Mom is not doing or saying anything.

Dad says, Christ almighty, woman.

He shakes his head.

Mom says, You really didn't hide it, in hindsight.

Mom says, I knew, somehow, but I forced myself not to know what I knew.

Dad says, Don't beat yourself up.

Mom says, I'm not.

Mom says, I'm just trying to make sense of why it hurt so much to finally have to face it.

Dad says, Well.

Dad says, Sure looks like you're beating yourself up.

Mom grimaces, almost like she might cry again.

Mom stops, and thinks instead of feels.

She thinks instead, balancing her emotions aloft like they are a big rubber ball on the tip of her nose.

Mom says, When she was a little girl, she used to have nightmares.

Dad says, I recall.

Mom says, She would climb into bed with us and cuddle up.

Dad nods.

Dad remembers.

He smiles, embarrassed-looking.

He is embarrassed for acting so bothered.

Mom is crying.

Mom is smiling.

She is thinking.

She is saying, Those were some good years.

Dad says, Yeah.

Mom gets up and blows her nose.

Dad says, Do you feel better?

Mom looks at him.

Dad says, Did you get whatever it was off your chest?

Mom says, Um.

Dad says, Because I think I'm about ready to tuck in.

Mom blinks at him.

Mom says, Where were you when I got home?

Dad answers immediately, I was napping.

Mom says, Were you? You didn't look like you'd just woken up or anything.

Dad says, I hadn't, I guess. I'd been napping, but then I was awake when you got home.

Mom says, You're lying, even after everything.

Mom laughs and shakes her head.

She says, After everything, and you still lie to me.

Dad sighs.

Dad says, What am I lying about, now?

Daughter says, Dad, cut it out. She's not dumb.

Daughter has appeared in the kitchen.

She is in a cami and panties.

She is hugging herself tightly.

She is not looking at Mom.

She is looking at the wall.

She sighs noisily through her sinuses.

She flashes red from the tension.

Mom and Dad look at Daughter.

Neither of them knows what to say.

None of them knows what to do.

Daughter scoffs.

She rolls her eyes.

Daughter looks at Dad and says, Fine.

Daughter says, He was in my room, Mom.

Daughter shrugs.

She looks away.

Mom looks blankly at her girl.

Mom's forehead crinkles with dismay.

Then Mom squints at Dad.

Dad is quiet.

He is not responding.

Mom says, Why was he in your room?

Daughter says, He just wanted to talk.

Mom looks at Dad.

Mom says, Really?

Dad looks at Daughter.

Dad looks like a stranger to Mom.

He says to Mom, You know I didn't do anything, right?

Mom is scared.

Mom is angry.

Mom doesn't know how to tell when she is being lied to anymore.

She is asking, What?

Daughter says, Jeez Dad, you even sound like you're lying when you're not.

Daughter looks at Mom and says, He didn't do anything, Mom.

Daughter looks seriously at Mom and says, We just talked.

Daughter says, Trust me.

Dad says, Sorry.

Dad says, I didn't want to tell you I was in there with her, but I swear we were just sitting and talking.

Dad says, I'm really trying to do this right.

Mom does not know what to think.

Mom does not know what to believe.

Mom is scared.

Mom says, I just want to be part of this family again.

Mom says, I want to feel like I matter to you guys.

Mom says, I'm not even angry about the videos.

Mom looks at Dad.

Dad looks bewildered by what Mom has just said.

Mom says, I'm upset you didn't want me there.

Mom says, That you didn't trust me.

Mom says, That you kept all that extra love to yourself.

Mom sobs.

Daughter tears up, goes to Mom, and hugs her.

Mom is saying, Why didn't you guys want me?

Mom is saying, I wouldn'tve—!

Mom is saying, I would've—!

Daughter is hugging Mom.

Dad is looking away.

Dad's eyes are wide and red with emotion.

He looks like he might be sick.

He looks guilty all over again.

Mom says, I wish I could have been part of this, too.

Daughter says, You are part of this.

Mom is shaking her head.

Dad says, You said you knew but you didn't want to know?

Dad stammers.

Mom glares at Dad.

She says, I didn't want to know you were excluding me.

Daughter hugs Mom tighter.

She is whispering into her ear, You are loved, Mom.

Dad is quiet.

Daughter cries and says, You still have me, Mom, I'm still right here.

Dad says, We are all here.

Dad tries to join the hug.

He wraps his arms around his two ladies.

Daughter pulls away.

She looks up at Dad.

Daughter says, You lied.

Daughter says, She was never going to tell.

Daughter steps away.

She is looking at the floor.

She is shaking her head.

She is saying, You were so, so, SO stupid.

She is saying, I never should have—.

Daughter is walking away.

She is leaving the kitchen.

Mom says, Daughter?

Daughter is going to her room.

She is crying pure fury.

She is saying, Goddamnit, goddamnit, goddamnit.

She slams the door.

Mom says, Daughter, wait!

Dad is watching Mom leave.

Mom is trying to go after Daughter.

She is following her.

Dad grabs Mom.

He says, Give her space.

Dad is holding Mom.

Mom is not struggling.

Dad is saying, We are all tired.

Dad says, We should all tuck in.

Mom says, No.

Mom says, I know.

Mom says, Okay.

They tuck in.

Daughter is sleeping.

Dad is sleeping.

Mom is thinking.

She is worrying.

She is lying next to her man.

Is he her man?

She is not sleeping.

Mom is thinking and worrying.

Mom gets out of bed.

Mom walks downstairs.

The stairs creak.

The air is cold.

The air conditioner is loud.

The living room is dark.

A street lamp is shining orange outside the window.

Mom sees a silhouette in the blue-purple dark.

It is Daughter.

Daughter is looking outside.

Mom says, Hey.

Mom sits next to Daughter.

Daughter says, Hi.

Mom says, Whatcha lookin' at?

Daughter shrugs.

Mom puts her hand on Daughter's shoulder.

She asks, You okay?

Daughter shrugs.

Her eyes are puffy and sticky.

Mom says, You know, your father and I.

Mom pauses.

She thinks.

She sighs.

Mom says, Things aren't great, you know.

Mom waits for a response.

There is no response.

Mom looks outside.

She can see a tree swaying in the wind.

Mom says, It's hard.

Mom sighs.

She is thinking.

Daughter says, What's hard?

Daughter looks at Mom.

Daughter is not crying.

Mom looks at Daughter.

She says, You are.

Daughter sighs.

She nods.

Daughter looks at her hands.

She says, Sorry.

Daughter is looking outside again.

Daughter is watching that tree.

She is watching a car pass by.

She is watching a headlight's shadow streak across the yard.

Daughter is looking outside.

Daughter is not looking at Mom.

Mom is not looking at Daughter.

Mom says, You and him.

Mom pauses.

Mom says, Do you want to be with him?

Daughter is not reacting.

She does not move.

Daughter does not look at Mom.

She is still looking out.

Still watching the tree and the street and the dark.

Daughter is looking outside.

Daughter does not speak.

Mom asks, Well, do you?

Daughter does not look at Mom.

She stares outside.

She is crying.

Mom says, Do you want to be with me?

Mom is watching Daughter.

Daughter is looking out.

She is thinking.

Daughter is not speaking.

Daughter is crying.

Daughter is not answering.

Daughter does not know.

Mom kisses Daughter on her bare shoulder.

Daughter does not react.

She lets her Mom kiss her.

She is looking outside.

Daughter wants her Dad and Mom.

Daughter does not want her Dad and Mom.

Daughter does not know what she wants.

She is young.

Mom says, If you don't want me, that's okay.

Daughter does not react.

Daughter does not want to reject her Mom.

Daughter does not want to accept her Mom.

Mom touches Daughter's hair.

Mom touches Daughter's cheek.

Mom turns Daughter's face to hers.

Daughter is beautiful to Mom.

Mom kisses Daughter.

On her mouth.

Their lips touch.

A tiny, barely audible expenditure of breath escapes Daughter's nostrils.

The kiss Daughter gives has a duration, a sincerity, and an audible expenditure of feeling that is atypical for Mom and Daughter.

Mom says, Well, that was nice.

Mom feels how nervous she is, like the cops might knock at any moment.

But for the A/C, it's nice and quiet.

Daughter makes a sound that to Mom conveys urgent interest in further kissing.

Mom giggles, and kisses her girl again.

Their noses touch.

Their smiles touch.

Their tongues touch.

Their saliva tastes the same.

Mom is touching Daughter.

Under her night shirt.

She is touching Daughter's bare thin skin covering her warm ribs.

She is kissing her.

Daughter is letting this happen.

She is not sure if she wants it to happen.

She is not sure if it is okay to want it as much as she wants to want it.

But she is not rejecting it.

Daughter is letting her own Mom feel how she has grown.

Mom is not asking.

She is not making sure Daughter is okay with what is happening.

She does not have permission to be doing these things.

Does she need permission?

Mom is so used to being Daughter's permission-giver.

Mom is so used to having permission from Daughter.

To take care of her, to love her.

Mom is so used to permission, she does not think to ask.

She does not need to ask.

Mom has permission to be a Mother.

Daughter is crying.

Is she crying because she is happy?

She is crying because she is sad?

Does Daughter know why she is crying?

Daughter does not know.

She is young.

Mom is taking Mom's night clothes off.

Daughter is taking Daughter's night clothes off.

Daughter is not wearing underwear.

Neither is Mom.

They become naked together.

Mom and Daughter collide, naked.

There is so much more skin than either has ever dared to enjoy.

Oxytocin blossoms, burgeons.

Floods mother and daughter full to moaning, clutching, bursting.

They are not hugging so much as pulverizing each other.

They are not kissing so much as gorging on each other's breath, tonguey, voice holes.

Daughter's mouth is hot, the voice of her high and flutelike with abandon.

Daughter's skin is smoother than Mom's, her muscles sinewier, her bare buttocks bouncier.

Mom grasps hot, hungry handfuls of Daughter's bucking, grinding, sweaty ass.

Daughter's hair is shimmery and itchy and soft.

It smells nice, and a little sweaty.

It feels like Daughter, even if so much about this moment is unlike anything.

Mom is touching her own girl.

She is feeling her up.

She is groping her.

She is fondling her.

Daughter's tits are so horribly small.

They are the most perfect tits Mom can fathom.

Mom is cupping her girl's bare tit.

She is caressing her nipple.

She is kissing her clavicle.

She is sucking her slim cushion of breast fat.

Her nipples.

Daughter's nipples are small even when they're hard.

They taste faintly stinky, too, like Daughter's BO.

Her stomach quivers and hops ticklishly as Mom kisses her there.

Her hips gyrate and grind and beg as Mom kisses them, too.

Daughter's thighs clench rock hard, then soften to noodles, then petrify again.

Her knees make her snort.

Her shins make her quiet.

Her feet make her giggle.

Daughter's toes.

Mom is madly in love with Daughter's teen girl toes.

They are unpainted, and vinegary, and adorable.

Mom is worshiping Daughter, cleaning her toes with her own saliva.

She is loving her in new, more flavorful ways.

She is wanting her in new, more total ways.

Mom kisses Daughter's feet on their soles.

Daughter smells in a way Mom has always found disturbingly enticing.

It is a smell only a Mother can find attractive.

Mom imagines eating Daughter.

Licking her toes.

Sucking her feet.

Biting her tendons.

She is gentle.

Mom is kissing and biting and licking Daughter's ankles and her shins.

She is biting Daughter's calves.

She is loving the way her teeth can leave marks.

Mom is kissing Daughter's thighs.

Her inner thighs.

They are so smooth.

So soft.

They taste like sweat and soap and salt and Daughter.

Mom is kissing the outside of Daughter's pussy.

Her lips are wet.

They quiver and part slightly whenever tendons her groin flex and strain.

Daughter's pussy is stinky with arousal.

There is hair around Daughter's lips.

It is blonde.

Like Daughter.

Both girl and pussy glisten with nervous excitement.