Momentary Lapse of Reason

When we fell in love I gave you my heart body and soul. In a moment of indiscretion in the course of a life time. I shared my body with another. Giving away a piece of my soul that deceitful day.

Sitting here now remorseful beyond comprehension I have been crying off and on for two days now. My dear loving husband tried to console me. Not knowing how despicable a human I am, undeserving of his concern.

Two nights ago a Friday afternoon I was at my friend Wendy's house for a barbecue. Myself Wendy her husband Tim and Patty from Wendys works and her husband Jim. I had met Patty before while out for coffee just us girl. Very pleasant woman, probably 10 years senior to Wendy and I. My husband, Mark, opted to stay home this time to look after our daughter who last-minute announced that she was not feeling well. Mark thought it best not to have her with a babysitter if she was ill but insisted that I go along and have a great time. I felt guilty leaving them behind but I had no idea the level of guilt that I would be feeling by the end of the evening. I opted to wear the orange sundress that I just bought recently for the occasion it probably showed a little bit more cleavage than I am generally comfortable with, but I assumed my husband would have been with me. I put my hair back in a modest ponytail with a scrunchie and put together a little bag with a towel and a black one-piece swimsuit instead of my two piece bikini. Wendy insisted we again this time bring a swimsuit so we could enjoy the hot tub. Before leaving I went in to see my little girl one last time. I press my lips to her forehead checking her temperature I can't believe she's 10 years old already where does time go. Back in the family room my husband was watching television. Sitting on his lap put my arm around his neck I gave him a big kiss on the lips and told him I wouldn't be out too late. I told him to text me if he needed me and then headed over for the barbeque.

Wendy and her husband had a beautiful home out of town. It was set back down a long laneway from the road in the trees for privacy and noise barrier. Wendy met me at the door she was surprised to see me without Mark. I quickly explain the situation, she stated that she was happy that I came. We went into the kitchen poured ourselves a glass of wine before joining the others out back. Us ladies were having a a good time. Now working on our second bottle of wine. The men drinking scotch were feeling no pain by the louder tone. Patty and I gave Wendy a hand putting away the last of the salad and leftover hamburgers. I decided to take a minute and call home slipping into the guest bathroom, decided to kill two birds with one stone.

"Ange will you stop worrying about us and have a good time. I'll see you when you get home."

God I love that man and how he calls me Ange (short for Angeline). Out I went, back to join the rest of the group. To my surprise someone new had joined the gathering. As I stepped out onto the patio Wendy introducing Brad a work friend of her husband's who had drop by to deliver some paperwork.

"Brad this is Angeline my best friend."

"A pleasure to meet you Angeline."

I reached out to shake hands while looking into his striking blue eyes. He gently took my fingers in his large hand and rubbed his thumb across the top of my knuckles. Brad was a very tall handsome man. His handshake lingered a little longer than comfortable, I pulled my hand from him looking away.

Tim just announced we are all just about to grab another drink and jump in the hot tub. "it was great of you to deliver that paperwork for me, why don't you join us?"

"I'm sorry Tim I dont want to impose on your party, i'll take that drink but don't have a swimsuit."

"Nonsense let me grab you a scotch, I have a spare swimsuit inside"

We girls proceeded to get changed into our swimsuits. Using the guest bathroom I put my sundress bra and panties into my little carry bag tucking it aside, checking myself out in the mirror thinking don't look half-bad for a 39 year old mom. We gathered on the deck and proceeded to climb into the hot tub, I tossed my towel aside. The men finished their drinks and went inside to change. I think I've had my limit of wine with the hot water I was starting to feel woozy. A few minutes later the guys proceeded on to the deck ready to join us. Tim reset the timer and turned on some music. Tim's swimsuit on Brad fit like a second skin it was way too tight for him. I could not help but stare at his penis bulging under his swimsuit. As he climbed in and sat down beside me I looked over at Patty who was staring as well. It was a decent sized hot tub but snug with six of us in there. Churning water felt great but the wine was hitting me. For a moment I thought I felt something touch my upper thigh and just as quick it was gone. Did I imagine it? There it is again. The conversation was flowing but I had no idea what anybody was saying lost in my own thoughts

THERE I wasn't imagining it, his hand was resting now on my thigh. Is he aware, should I move his hand? He is deep in conversation with Tim, it had to be deliberate though. I was flattered that this good-looking man was interested in me but!!!

I reached out placing my hand on top of his in an attempt to move his hand away. Suddenly Patty and her husband stood up, and Brad pulled his hand away. Back in the here-and-now I heard them announce that they were heading out for the night. as they proceeded to exit the tub to change their clothes we all proceeded to stand when Wendy announced.

"Tim and I will see them out you guys just relax we'll be right back"

We all said our goodbyes and the foursome proceeded into the house to see them off. Brad sat back down reaching to grab my hand and said "come sit join me."

My nipples were noticeably hard as bullets, hands trembling, as he help me lower myself back down. I knew in that moment that I was excited but scared as well. I told myself relax Wendy and Tim will be back in a minute. Brad put his arm around me and put his hand back on my thigh. I didn't react at first I was sort of shocked of everything that was happening and to be honest extremely turned on. At the same time my moment of hesitation without reacting he took that as a go and his right-hand proceeded between my thighs simultaneously his arm around my back slipped under the the elastic of my one-piece and touched my bare breast. I clasped my legs together tight pinning his fingers between my legs unintentionally. I closed my eyes and audibly moaned. I suddenly realized he had my nipple between his fingers. I turned my hip sideways forcing his hand off my breast at the same time grasping his hand and pulling it from between my legs. Opening my eyes looking at him I said "Brad please I can't I married"

"So if you weren't married you be interested"

"What no, I didn't say that"

Just then Wendy and Tim returned, we all spaced out comfortably in the tub this time thank God. The conversation continued and everything went back to normal. Wendy and I proceeded to talk about going on a shopping trip and the men were talking about golf. Just then the Jets in the tub stopped, Tim got out to walk across the deck and do a reset and turn the music up. Wendy stated "I'm going to get myself some more wine, Angeline you haven't touched yours"

" No Wendy I stopped drinking, wait for me I need to use the bathroom".

I did not want to be left alone in the tub with Brad. It is no easy feat to remove a wet one piece in order to use the bathroom. I decided in that moment if I'm taking my swimsuit off I'm getting back into my sundress. I couldn't fool myself into pretending that I was not sexually turned on by Brad. But did not want to tempt fate and screw up my marriage. Now that's strange what did I do with my panties they're not here with the rest of my things? I proceeded to get dressed without them and put my stuff in my bag and then exiting the bathroom almost crashing into Brad standing there in the hall.

"My God you scared me I didn't see you standing there"

"I just wanted one moment alone just in case I never see you again, you're a stunningly beautiful woman I just had to apologize I was inappropriate earlier." I could feel myself blushing as I was looking at his strong masculine chest and is now soaking wet undersized swimsuit looking like he had a full erection

"I I I I am flattered (stuttering)"

Placing a hand on my shoulder delicately he leaned in to kiss me I turned my head away and he proceeded to gently kiss me just under my ear on my neck. I felt my whole body quiver stepping back and moving around him I proceeded out through the kitchen to the back patio.

Wendy and Tim were kissing in the hot tub as I approached

"Hey you Lovers I announced"

Breaking their kiss Wendy turn to look at me "You're not going home already are you girlfriend?"

At that moment Brad came out dressed as well and said "Yeah I need to get going myself."

I had to think quick I did not want to leave at the same time. I watched as Brad shook hands with Tim and said his goodbyes to all.

I said "Goodbye Brad nice meeting you, hey Wendy mind if I make myself a cup of tea before I go?"

I proceeded into the kitchen to make a cup of tea and Wendy now wearing a robe came in to join me.

Wendy said" I might have a cup of tea with you Brad's gone and Tim is crashing in bed drunk guess I'm not getting lucky. "

Wendy and I chatted and drank our tea assuming enough time had passed I decided to depart myself. As I proceeded down the long driveway towards the road headlight shining through the trees at the end of the narrow lane. Just before the roadway there was a car blocking my way. Brad leaning against his car playing on his phone waiting. I placed the car in park leaving the engine running opening my door swung my leg out as Brad approached crouching down in front of me

"Brad what are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry Angeline I don't know what it is but I am so drawn to you, I had to give you this. I apologize once again I'm so embarrassed."

He proceeded to hand me my panties that went missing earlier. I should have probably been appalled but I was shocked yet a turned on. This strong tall powerful Alpha male on his knees practically begging for what he can not have, possessing my panties. Try to capture a token of my womanly essence, closest thing to what he desires but cannot have.

"I know I cannot have you and I don't want to do anything to harm what you already possess. Let me have this moment I will never bother you again."

He began to run his fingertips across my bare thighs I could feel my heart pounding nipples harden my puss moistening placing my hand on my thighs to slow his approach. My feelings inside taking me back to my first sexual experience. Back when I was a teenager with my first boyfriend in his parent's basement where we french kissed and I got felt up for the first time. Scared yet extremely turned on. Brad lowered his head and kissed the top of my fingers now resting on my thighs blocking his advance he then proceeded to lick between my fingers. His hot breath then his tongue touched my thigh. I moved my hands up towards my waist, retreating from his touch I thought. Subconsciously or not I was directing him to follow my fingers towards Mons Pubis. My own hands inadvertently lifting my dress feeling his hot breath on my neatly trimmed pubic mound I was lost in the moment as my legs slowly parted. Then it happened. his tongue touched my button. My hands reaching out to run my fingers through his hair holding his head in place. I could feel my legs beginning to quake as my orgasm approached.

"Oh oh oh don't stop oh yes yes yes yes mmmmm"

My whole body was shaking, my orgasm then subsided. Brad wiped his mouth kissed my knees then stood before me grasping my hands and place them on his pulsing erection through his pants. He started to undo his zipper my eye fixated on his crotch as my hand caressed him through his pants, lost in the euphoria of my prior orgasm. He lowered his underwear his rock hard shaft popped out before me without a thought other than my desire I kissed then begin to lick. He moaned his satisfaction with my actions as I proceeded to reciprocate the pleasure I had just received. Finally in a split-second of clarity I leaned back taking his rock-hard Fallas from my mouth, what am I doing?

In the distance approaching us I sighted car light in the distant coming fast. Both of us now realizing someone was coming,we gathered ourselves quick as the lights lit up our location slowing to a stop. I swung myself back into my car closing the door. Brad walking back towards his car, a police car stopped the officer stepping out of his cruiser I could hear him asking if everything was okay.

"Yes sir we're just heading home from a friend's house"

I watched as Brad got into his car starting the engine. The officer stood beside his car watching us both. Brad reluctantly pulled out and went right I pulled out behind and proceeded left. Adrenaline washed over me and I began to cry uncontrollably what the f*** have I done!!

What the hell is wrong with me what have I done. The most wonderful man in the world sitting at home waiting for me. Some Man shows me some attention tells me how beautiful I am and I turned to putty. Mark gives me constant attention and compliments everyday for over a decade and it turns into background noise. My God I can't even live with myself,how can my husband forgive me.

Arriving home I quietly enter the house all was still. I looked into the master bedroom my husband was asleep. I crept into our daughter, Samantha's room to check on her. I again began to cry. I decided to take a quick shower, hanging my swimsuit to dry, stripping off and looking at myself in the mirror once again this time I only saw ugly. Grabbing my toothbrush and paste, getting into the shower I brush my teeth vigorously to the point that they almost bleed. Scrubbed myself with my Loofah trying to wash away my shame. I then crawled in bed beside my husband, spooning up behind him.

All day Saturday was horrible, Sunday morning wasn't turning out any better. Our daughter still asleep, I skulked around crying time to time my face forlorn. The love of my life questioning me once again.

" Ange tell me what's wrong?"

Not able to withhold my deceit any longer. Oh god Mark I really F**** Up, Please don't hate me. I fell to the floor and crawled in front of him putting my head on his lap I began to hyperventilating cry. Mark setting his coffee down, opened his legs and pulled me into his body I wrapped my arms around him

"You can tell me anything Ange I'll never stop loving you"

We held each other as I began to talk "Oh Mark i'm going to be sick I hate myself so much. The other night at Wendy's a friend of Tim's from work drop by. (crying) No one knows no one saw but, but Oh god I allowed him to touch me inappropriately."

I immediately felt his body stiffen and I felt his grasp let go of me as I clutched him even harder.

"What did you just say?"

Mark stood to his feet I wrapped my arms around his legs

"What exactly happened?" his voice was shaky.

I couldn't look up I just held on and kept on talking. Outside in the drive where no one could see this work acquaintance of Tim's convinced me, no I I I allowed him oral, I mean he went down on me. I'm SO SORRY MARK PLEASE PLEASE FORFOR GIVE ME PLEASE.

"And then what happen?" Mark said with a whisper barely audible.

"I I did it back to him " I looked up at Mark for the first time since we started talking

"But I promise you Mark I did not complete I mean I didn't, he did not finish, circumstances brought me back to my senses. I got out of there and yes I'm aware too little too late"

Mark was crying now too but his eyes looked so cold. He reached down and unclasp to my arms from his legs and stepped back. Just then our daughter entered the room. Looking back and forth at the two of us she suddenly cried out "What's wrong Mommy?"

"Your mommy's not feeling well right now honey, why don't you give me a hand putting her in bed."

"Ok Daddy, come on Mommy."

I tried to pull myself together quickly for my daughter's sake. Mark bess his heart pretended that everything was normal in front of our little girl and helped me to my feet. The three of us proceeded to the bedroom. I crawled into bed with my daughter beside me holding her in my arms. Reaching out "Please lie down with us Mark please."

He leaned over kissed our daughter on the forehead "I'll be back later honey Daddy has to go for awhile take care of your mom."

Confessing took everything out of me and the sleepless nights I've had for the last two days, I fell asleep. My daughter woke me about an hour later. I made us both something to eat but I didn't have an appetite so I just picked. Mark still hadn't returned and I wondered where he was, picking up my phone I sent him a quick text (Nothing ) I tried calling straight to voicemail. Putting on a brave face I was thinking in my mind has he left us.

"Mommy where did daddy go?"

Wiping a tear from my eye "Oh honey don't you worry your dad he's just gone out for a little while he will be back later. Sweetheart why don't you go play for a bit while mommy cleans the house then we'll watch T V together and snuggle."

It was now after dinner and I ended up putting Marks food in the refrigerator. I was worried sick I had text and called him all day long with no reply, I heard the front door and both my daughter and I rushed to greet him. He picked up his daughter hugged and kissed her. Looking through me he walked past like I was invisible and carried her into the living room. I peeked around the corner and watch them laughing and playing on the sofa and watching television together, it both warmed and broke my heart at the same time.

'Honey can I warm your dinner, can I get you a drink anyting a cup of tea?"

(silence )For the longest time then his first words to me since my confession this morning.

"NO... no thank you."

By evening our daughter now tucked in bed, I was in the master bathroom freshening up and putting on something sexy. Not knowing what would face me on the other side of that door, would he even be in our bedroom. When I came out Mark was lying in our bed, thank God reading a book. I sheepishly crawled in beside him snuggled up close.

"Mark I'm really really sorry for what I've done, I'll do anything to make this right" I reached out put my hand on his chest.

"Angeline we both have work in the morning and I'm not in any mood to talk or anything else Ok."

"Yes Mark I'm sorry goodnight I love you." (silence)

Morning came in our busy ritual for another week of work. I made breakfast for us all and it was Mark's turn to drop our daughter off at school. As they were heading out the door I made sure she had her lunch. Attempting to kiss on the lips, I at least landed one on his cheek before they rushed out the door. Quickly cleaned up and rushing out the door in order to get myself to work in time as well. As I pulled away I heard my phone beep I was hoping it was Mark. It was Wendy texting me I'm not in the mood for this right now I ignored. After work I picked up our daughter and her friend from down the street.

"Mommy can I have dinner with my friend?"

"That's okay with me honey let's talk to her mommy and see if she agrees."

Everything worked out well my daughter was going to stay till 8. That should give Mark and I three hours or more to talk. I went home and put on a little red dress it was one of Mark's favourites and started dinner. When he arrived I went to greet him at the door. "Hey honey how was your day? It's just the two of us for dinner tonight."

"Do You Love Him?"

"What? Mark no you're the only man I love or ever will love."