More Tales From the Guilds Ch. 15

"And I am most grateful to you for lightening Stibbons' mood. The chap has been taking too many responsibilities of late and it was beginning to age him prematurely. Since his first visit to Mrs. Palm's he's been a new man."

*****

The trip to Crundell's began with proper clothing, at least for Lethality Wiggs. She pulled on a pair of black tights and then topped them with a maroon poet shirt and a midnight blue, thigh-length jerkin. Looking at herself in the mirror (with some satisfaction) she unbuttoned the top of the shirt only to have her mother refasten the lower button.

"I said nothing more provocative than the occasional wink, young lady, and what you have on right now is pushing the boundary. If that jerkin was an inch shorter, I'd make you change but I'll let it pass today. Now put on your shoes and a bit of lipstick and you'll be ready to go. "

When both families assembled to board the coaches, Sammy looked at her in surprise and exclaimed, "Gosh, you look really pretty!"

Li responded with a coy smile and fluttered eyelashes. To her disappointment this brought her nothing but a blank look.

Drat, she thought, Mother was right. I guess he really isn't quite old enough to understand. Oh well, patience is supposed to be a virtue. I'll get him eventually.

*****

The trip to Quirm was just as anticipated, depending on whom you asked. The Commander kept his teeth clenched in terror; Sybil, Willikins and the elder Wiggs accepted it with aplomb and all the younger members of the party were thrilled. Sitting on the driver's seat beside Amos (and snuggled as close to Sammy as she could get) Li spent the entire trip wide-eyed and grinning. Her Cloudsplitter carpet was great fun and her favorite possession, but this? This was glorious!

"Look how fast the country side passes!" she exclaimed.

"And look to the rear and see what we're doing to it," Amos replied with a broad grin.

Lethality looked over her should and saw to her amazement that, as they passed, vegetation of all sorts burst into flame and shot out of the ground. "Whooaaa..." she breathed quietly. It wasn't just the speed that concerned the Commander but the devastation they caused. How much did they cost the local farmers is lost harvest, she wondered. It was a good thing they were staying on the road and only destroying the weeds and growth on the sides. Taking flight across the middle of the fields would seriously irritate the local landowners and give Mr. Bychance, the family's attorney, more to do than Lady Sybil would prefer. But it was so much fun!

The trip had begun easily enough. Willikins and Cordwinder had checked the harness, everyone had climbed on board and they had trotted calmly down the street towards the city's edge. Once out of the suburbs, though, both drivers had whipped up the horses and serious weirdness began.

Copper discs on the harness began to sparkle. Vegetation on either side of the road burst into flame and shot into the air leaving trails of smoke. The rear pair of horses rose into the air followed by the leaders. The coach rose off the ground, wheels turning idly and then, ahead of the team, another horse appeared. It was larger than the living steeds and transparent. It was only visible because of light shining off invisible parts of it and of the dust that settled onto it. It looked like someone had removed a horse and left the speed of a horse and the spirit of the horse, leaving only--Horse. And still they went faster. The countryside around became a blur and the children's faces lapsed into manic grins. So did Amos', for that matter.

At last the upper crenellations of Crundell's appeared and both drivers hauled back on the reins. The phantom horse disappeared, the teams dropped gently to the ground and slowed from gallop to canter and the coaches returned to earth. Commander Vimes pulled his hands out of the finger prints he's left in the rails, the other adults made admiring comments of how delightfully smooth and quiet the trip had been and Sammy and Li sighed regretfully. It had been a great run but now it was over. Fortunately, there was still the trip back to Ankh-Morpork to look forward to.

*****

The guest wing of Crundell's was four stories high, each floor being essentially a separate comfortable house. Li's suite (that's right, a suite!) included not just a bedroom but a private bath and sitting room with bay window over-looking the River Quire. She stood in the bay looking out. If she knew which set of windows were Sammy's she could have clambered up and across the wall for a visit. Two difficulties were prominent. She had no clue as to which they were and if she did stop in for a nocturnal visit, what was she supposed to do? Her mother's refusal to explain the details of 'making out' was most frustrating. And somehow, she strongly doubted that Lady Sybil would be any more informative, nor was it likely that she could get any coaching from any of the household staff. Crundell's was so far out in the country that there wasn't even, she'd learned, a local House of Negotiable Affection where a curious girl could ask questions.

She'd tried snuggling against Sammy on the trip out but he'd been too excited by the coaches speed to even notice. Her mother, it appeared, had known full well what she was talking about. Boys were just late in maturing. But at least when he did grow up, Sammy would be one to keep his wife safe. Nearly as tall as his father already and sprouting shoulders like a blacksmith, the lad was definitely taking after his mother's family, at least from the neck down.

Luncheon was announced and the Wiggs all followed their courtesy maps to the dining room where what was described as a 'light repast' had been laid out. But if this was a light repast one had to wonder just what a 'full meal' would look like. Admittedly, it was cold, since the kitchen didn't know when everyone would actually assemble but multiple varieties of Quirmian charcouterie, assorted choices of cheese, huge bowls of salads and piles of long, crusty bread were quite likely to leave everyone in the mood for a long nap afterwards. It was pretty much what Lethality imagined minus the opportunity to canoodle with Sammy while the elders snored, provided she ever found out how one went about canoodling. Perhaps there were other possibilities.

"Sammy," Li began between mouthfuls of sausage and cheese, "could we go swimming in the river later this afternoon?"

"In the Quire?" Sammy was incredulous, "that's not a good idea. Father says that the local folk call it 'Old Treachery' because it has the unpredictable and violent flash floods. He's quite the local hero because he managed to save an entire paddle wheeler and get it safe to Quirm during one of those. We're here to take a shakedown cruise on his latest project, a steam-powered paddle wheeler. Father figures if you can drive a train with steam, there's no reason you can't drive a boat with it.

But there is an ornamental pond on the property. We could go swimming there if we had brought suits. I forgot about it and didn't."

Li sighed. "Neither did I and Mother would explode if we went skinny-dipping."

"Skinny-dipping? What's that?"

"Going swimming without any clothes on."

"You mean--naked?" Sammy was visibly appalled, "So would mine! We need to make sure the next time we come here we have proper bathing costumes. Skinny-dipping..." and he shuddered.

Lethality shook her head. Definitely still too young. Okay, she would just bide her time. Both sets of parents approved of her proposed match so all she needed to do was be patient. And that was the hard part.

*****

The next morning, the adults started out doing adult things. The Duke of Ankh, Commander Vimes, and his Duchess held a reception for all the local dignitaries, including Chief Constable Upshot, the publican Jiminy, Colonel and Letitia Makepeace and The Cold Bone Wakens, chief goblin.

BA and Helena Wiggs took out the blueprints for Crundell's and began examining them for places to set proper booby traps, deadfalls, pitfalls and the like. Though it was well known that the Commander's Guild Price had been set at AM$600,000, it was also well known that no Assassin with any affection for his own health and well-being would consider attempting it. Commander Vimes did not play fair nor by anyone's rules. However, their prospective son-in-law would eventually inherit the place and who knows what silly ideas might occur to future generations of Assassin? So while there was plenty of time and a hoped for long life to the Commander, the stately home needed fortifying.

Willikins took young Cordwinder through an inspection of the household crystal, silver, flatware, wine cellars and all the other responsibilities a butler should keep an eye on. The resident staff held their breaths during the entire process, only exhaling gratefully hours later upon receiving his verdict, "Not terribly bad, all things considered." From Willikins this was high praise.

That left the children to their own devices--with pets and flying carpets.

*****

The decorative lake was a medium sized pond a little way from the main house and out of sight behind a grove of stately beeches. It was bordered by rushes and half covered in water lilies in bright bloom. There was even small dock extending out into the water indicating that both swimming and possibly boating were allowed. At present there was no boat though obviously that deficit could be remedied. Swimming suits would be required. Could they be arranged during the holiday? The children agreed to find out and if the answer was 'yes' insist on having some.

Another feature was a garden bench several yards back from the dock. Perhaps earlier generations of Ramkin children learned to swim under the supervision of their nannies? It made a good place to land the carpets and watch dragon flies and swallows hunt over the rushes.

After they'd sat for a while, Li took a deep breath, screwed up her courage and asked Sammy, "May I sit on your lap?"

The young Marquise started and with a befuddled expression asked, in return, "Why would you want to do that?"

Lethality rolled her eyes in exasperation. Obviously, she would just have to wait until they were older.