Mr. Sterling's Dilemma Pt. 02

The most significant thing that had happened to Janie since she left for college was being told that she was allowed to keep a toaster in her dorm. Barring that, every single day was the same: exceedingly dull.

She would wake up, make a bagel, eat the bagel, go to class, study at the library, sleep, and then repeat. Her roommate hadn't moved in yet, so that was still up in the air, but her classes were fine, everything was fine.

Of course, there was one small issue that she was grappling with: her old English teacher, Mr. Sterling.

She thought about him a lot, when she was waking up, making a bagel, eating the bagel, going to class, studying, sleeping--she couldn't seem to let him go. They had engaged in a brief, illicit affair over the course of maybe a month of her senior year, right up until winter break. He had promised he wouldn't change his mind about risking everything for her over break--but of course, once he was away from her, he came to his senses and sent her a short email (from his personal account) stating that things needed to be over between them.

She was devastated, obviously, because he had absorbed every second of her waking thoughts since she'd met him in the fall, but there was nothing she could really do to make him change his mind.

So, she buried herself in her studies for the remainder of the year, got into her top choice, and moved to her college town two months early to begin summer courses. She'd taken so many APs in high school that she would be able to graduate from college in only three years, and if she did summer courses every year, too, she would be able to pare it down to two years.

She lived with her grandmother and her little sister, and neither of them resisted when she suggested this plan--which is how she found herself cross-legged on the floor in a ridiculously big library, scowling down at an assignment that was due the following morning.

The library would be closing soon, since it was nearing midnight, but Janie had still only managed to complete one-third of the equations she had been assigned. She had never been a math girl, but this was a new low for her.

Seeking distraction, she leaned back against the armchair she was sitting at the feet of and surveyed her surroundings. She was not looking forward to everyone else coming to campus; so far, there were maybe 300 students there, out of the 5000 enrolled, and Janie could almost always find a quiet cozy corner to sulk in. She wasn't sure that would still be possible in the fall.

She heard the whoosh of the library's double doors opening and closing downstairs on the main floor, but she ignored them. She was on the second floor, where all of the big comfy chairs were, and she figured it was just another student looking to study in a quiet place, like Janie was.

She held tightly to this delusion right up until a pair of shiny leather dress shoes entered her line of sight. She lifted her gaze from her notebook to the man standing in front of her.

He was haloed by the fluorescent lights on the ceiling, but it had only been a month since graduation, when she'd last seen him, and Janie did not struggle to recognize the man who had absorbed her attentions for nearly a year now.

"Hi, honey," Mr. Sterling said, clearing his throat as she finally met his gaze. Janie was trying to decide if she was hallucinating, but when he leaned down and lifted her books off her lap and into her bookbag, she decided that he might be real.

"What are you doing?" she snapped, slapping at his hands as he zipped up her bag and slung it over his shoulder. He completely ignored her, dragging his eyes over the rows and rows of bookshelves on Janie's favorite floor.

"You read all these yet?" he asked, reaching over and dragging a thumb along the dusty spine of some Shakespeare collection. Janie didn't dignify that with an answer, opting instead to remain seated on the floor, legs drawn to her chest and arms wrapped around her knees as she glowered up at her former teacher.

"What are you doing here?" she ground out.

She truly couldn't believe her eyes. She had fantasized about seeing him again, but in her mind, it was always an accidental meeting at the grocery store in five years, where he would drop to his knees and confess that he had thought only of her for five years and had yearned for her since the day he watched her walk across the stage and away from him at graduation. Then he would propose, since he was on his knees anyway, and she would fall pregnant immediately and have four of his children over a period of ten years. Never in her wildest dreams had he shown up mere months after leaving the wound and manhandled her school supplies.

"I'm getting you," he told her, giving her his full attention once again. "We need to talk. Not here, ideally. I was told it closes at midnight, and it's--" he glanced at his watch "--11:52. Let's go."

"I'm not going anywhere with you," Janie replied immediately. She had forgotten how handsome he was, how tall and commanding. She pressed her thighs together in an attempt to ignore the direction of her thoughts.

Mr. Sterling raised a dark brow and tilted his head as he gazed down at her. Goodness gracious, he looked good. It had only been a month since she'd seen him, but she felt like it had been years. Besides, she hadn't allowed herself to really look at him after they ended things when he was still her teacher. He looked more rugged somehow, although he had always straddled that line between intellectual and brute--he seemed more of a brute in this moment than he ever had, though.

"You're going to walk back to wherever it is you're living alone at nearly midnight? Fuck no. Don't be difficult, Janie," he said, finally losing some of his irritating nonchalance.

Well, it probably wasn't a good idea to walk back to her dorm alone. Reluctantly, she climbed to her feet and brushed nonexistent dirt off the back of her sweatpants. Mr. Sterling seemed to be biting back a smile.

"You may walk me back to my dorm, but only because the frats came back last week, and I don't want to be raped," Janie announced, folding her arms over her chest and giving him a stern look.

He nodded and waved a hand towards the stairs in an "after you" gesture.

Despite being more than a foot shorter than her companion, Janie found her way out of the library approximately fifteen seconds before Mr. Sterling and stood in front of the building with a frown on her face as she waited for him. This was a terrible idea. He was too handsome, and she'd been into him for too long, for him to be walking her to her dorm. There was a bed in there, and she only had so much self-control.

"Jesus fuck," Mr. Sterling said when he finally came out of the library. "You've certainly gotten speedy. Lead the way, baby."

Ignoring him, Janie turned on her heel and started walking in the direction of her dorm. She was the only one who'd arrived thus far, so they hadn't turned on the air conditioning in the building yet. Janie soaked up the cool night air while she could, trying to ignore the heavy footfalls of the man behind her.

It was a fifteen-minute walk to her dorm, though, and the silence became too much for her. She turned around abruptly, and he somehow managed to stop himself from walking into her, although he did flash her an alarmed look.

"What's wrong?" he said quietly, tugging her into his chest and darting a look around like he was a professional bodyguard. She should have pushed him away, but she was caught off guard and had been living without much affection for six months. Once he'd deemed that she'd stopped for a reason other than fear, he released her and repeated his question.

"You need to tell me why you're here before we get to my dorm."

"Oh," he said, visibly relaxing. "Well, I never fucked you, and I made it very clear that I planned to fuck you after graduation. But then you up and left."

Janie's jaw dropped, and Mr. Sterling gave her a rakish grin as he shrugged.

"But you ended things," she managed, eyes wide. Never in a million years would she have imagined her gentle, jealous teacher driving three hours to her just to make a confession of intent to fuck. And certainly not after his stupid breakup email in January.

"Because you were my student, and it was wrong. It's not wrong anymore. You're just a woman I'm interested in now, and I'm pursuing you."

"This is how you pursue women you're interested in?"

"Well, you're already mine," he said, shrugging a little. "You know that, baby."

Janie did know that, and in fact, she could vividly recall writhing around on his lap while he kissed her neck and told her exactly who she belonged to. But it wasn't the sort of thing she would admit to a man who had broken her heart so recently.

Seeming to sense how much his possessiveness turned her on, Mr. Sterling's smile turned wicked, and he took a step in her direction. She didn't move, and his grin widened as his hands closed around her waist and drew her into his arms. She inhaled shallowly and tried to remember how to complete a breath.

"Has there been anyone else, sweet girl?" he murmured in her ear, sending a shiver down her spine. "Has anyone else kissed you here?" He brushed his mouth over hers, and she held in a ragged moan. "Or here?" One of his hands slid down to cup her pussy through her sweatpants, and she flushed bright red. There was no way he wouldn't feel how wet she was.

If he did, he kindly didn't comment, though, just gave her waist a firm squeeze and repeated his first question.

"Of course there hasn't been anyone else," Janie grumbled, faintly embarrassed.

She wished she could tell him something different, but the thought of being touched by any hands besides the ones holding her right now was blatantly repulsive. Even if she deeply resented him, making him jealous wasn't worth making herself nauseous.

"Good," Mr. Sterling said, finally giving her the first real kiss she'd had since December. It was short and claiming, but his lips were as soft as she remembered, and her knees nearly buckled from the wave of desire that went searing through her. He pulled away and peppered her cheek with kisses as he said, "Where's your dorm, honey?"

That snapped her out of her trance, and she scoffed, wrestling out of his arms. He didn't put up a fight, just sighed and let her go.

"You are not fucking me," she whispered, blushing like someone was going to hear her. "You don't want to be with me, and I am not losing my virginity to a man who doesn't even want me long-term."

It was true, even if it went against what every nerve in her body longed for at that moment. Mr. Sterling's jaw clenched, and he looked angrier than she'd ever seen him. She didn't see a world where he would hurt her, but instinct made her take a step back. This seemed to mellow him out for a second, and he ran a hand through his hair.

"How in the hell can you claim to know what I want when you haven't spoken to me in six months?" he asked, a slight tremble to his carefully flat voice. "That doesn't even make sense, Janie."

"Did you want me to touch base with you every week to see if you'd changed your mind or something?" she exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air. Never in her life had she been so frustrated. She was not the one who had given up. "I'm not that pathetic, you know."

"Of course you aren't, but I thought--well, fuck it, it doesn't really matter now." He sighed, rubbing a hand over the scruff on his jaw. "I don't want to have this fight right here. You know damn well that I want to be with you, Janie. And you know I won't fuck you until you want me to. Where is your dorm?"

Janie did know that. She started walking again and heard his footsteps following determinedly in her wake. They really did finish the walk in silence this time, and soon she was swiping her key card to get into the building. She wasn't technically supposed to let boys into her dorm, since it wasn't coed, but no one was there, and Mr. Sterling was hardly a boy.

They had to climb six flights of steps to reach Janie's dorm room, and by the fifth flight, she was severely out of breath. She'd been making this trek for a month now, but it hadn't gotten easier yet. Mr. Sterling, meanwhile, was breathing normally, keeping a step behind her like he was worried he would need to catch her.

"Take your shoes off," Janie murmured breathlessly once they made it inside her room. She followed her own orders, kicking her blue flip flops off next to the door, and waited for his dress shoes to join hers. She pointed to the desk chair that would belong to her roommate in the fall and said, "You sit there," and then she sat in the opposite chair.

Mr. Sterling complied wordlessly, stretching his long, strong limbs out in front of himself. There was something disturbingly intimate about his sock feet being pressed against the same carpet as her bare ones. Blushing, she folded her legs up into the chair with her and watched Mr. Sterling smile like he knew what she was thinking. He probably did.

"Is this going to take a while?" she asked, clearing her throat. When his face twisted in displeasure, she added, "Just so I can make coffee, relax. I don't usually stay up this late, you know."

He couldn't know because he'd only ever seen her afterschool, when she was still very much awake, but he nodded like he understood, and then said, "I don't plan to leave soon, no."

So Janie stood up and shuffled over to her Keurig and started making two cups of coffee after he gave her an encouraging nod. She had two mugs, thank God, although one still had a coffee circle at the bottom from the morning. She decided that one would be for her.

"I'm ready to talk," Janie prodded with her back to Mr. Sterling. This would probably be easier, although she doubted it would take her an hour to make the coffee. "Although I'm not sure what there is to say. I'm not losing my virginity to a man who barely cares about me, even if you did make a pact with yourself about that."

"If anything, it was a pact with you," Mr. Sterling argued, and she could practically hear the scowl on his face. She stirred sugar and cream into her coffee and then handed the other mug to him to do with what he wished. She'd been right about his scowl.

"Semantics," Janie said, not interested in arguing about that. "My point stands."

"Listen, love," he said, putting half the amount of sugar and cream she had used into his coffee. He sat back down, and the chair creaked with his weight. Again, he stretched his legs out, and again, Janie blushed. He noted this with a grin and leaned forward as he murmured, "See, honey, look at you. You want me just as badly as I want you, and I've never in my life felt this way. I know I hurt you, but I also know that I did the right thing in January."

"I don't think you did the wrong thing," Janie said, waving a dismissive hand. She meant it, too. It's not that what he did was wrong; it just hurt her. "I don't think you should've waited that long to do the right thing, though. I wouldn't have...you know."

She was blushing, and he looked simultaneously charmed and sorry. It was a good look on him. He took a sip of his coffee, and she watched his Adam's apple bob when he swallowed. She directed her gaze at her lap instead, watching her reflection in her own cup. A messy French braid was not the look she would have chosen for this reunion, but here she was.

"I don't have any rebuttal to that," Mr. Sterling said, sighing heavily. "I should have left you alone from the start, and certainly after I realized I was your first kiss."

Janie nodded. She knew this, although she was glad he hadn't left her alone, even if it wound up hurting her later. And honestly, he was wishy-washy from the start; she had known he wasn't a sure thing. And still, she would do it all again.

Seeming to read her mind, Mr. Sterling added, "I wouldn't do anything differently, though. Every minute with you was worth the guilt I felt afterwards. And I will have you back, Janie. We both know that."

Janie pursed her lips, not wanting to look like an idiot later if he turned out to be right. Mr. Sterling grinned at her. She bit back a smile. The mood had shifted. He needed to leave in the next five minutes if she hoped to retain any sort of dignity.

"Why don't you let me show you what it can be like between us?" he murmured, setting his coffee on her future roommate's desk and leaning forward in his chair. Again, Janie couldn't get over how fucking handsome he was. So strong and powerful, and she still remembered exactly how the heat of his body felt against hers.

"I already know what it's like between us," she said, cherry red despite the wall she was trying to erect.

"Are you sure? I feel like you must've forgotten, sweet girl, because I know I've been consciously trying not to throw you onto that God-awful dorm bed since we got in here. You seem awfully relaxed for a girl who's alone with a man who has, and will again, made her come all over the fucking place," he said.

His voice was so low and so husky and so warm that Janie thought she would melt into the floor, never to be seen or heard from again. She hadn't been this wet in months, even when she was touching herself to the thought of Mr. Sterling. There was just nothing like the real thing.

"Let me remind you, baby," he said, standing slowly and prowling across the room to her. The space was small, so he really only had about four feet to cross, but she held her breath the whole time. When he was finally in front of her, she watched, eyes wide, as he knelt at her feet. Even kneeling, he was a few inches taller than she was when sitting in her chair.

When he nudged her knees apart, her legs practically fell open, and she watched as satisfaction lit up his features. That might have bothered her if she weren't so desperate for whatever he was about to do. She was deliriously turned on; it didn't seem to matter anymore how much he had hurt her.

"My perfect girl," he cooed, pulling her to the edge of her seat until her legs were wrapped around his hips. He slid a hand along the length of her thigh, and his skin seemed to sear her through her sweatpants. She sucked in a breath. "Tell me what you want."

"Hmm?" she managed, eyelids nearly falling shut as she waited for him to kiss her. She couldn't think of anything but him, and it took her a second to process his question. He repeated it, and she tilted her head, surveying his features.

He looked like he needed to hear her say she wanted him. And she did want him--more than she'd ever wanted anything in her life. She wanted his mouth on her, anywhere he felt like putting it, and it was worth the embarrassment that saying it brought about.

"Kiss me, please," she said quietly, and she barely got the words out before he was on her, thank God.

His hand tightened on her thigh, drawing her hips up against his, and she gasped into his mouth as he brought her in for a kiss. She felt like he was devouring her, like he was competing in a contest with himself for who could kiss her better. He was winning. He tangled his free hand in her braid and used it to angle her head so he could deepen the kiss.

"I feel like I'm rusty," Janie managed when he released her a for a second. She had only ever kissed him, and it had been about six months. She was enjoying every second of his closeness and his warm, sure tongue in her mouth, but she couldn't imagine he was having as much fun.

"I would be so fucking pissed if you weren't rusty, baby," he assured her, grinning and kissing along her jawline. "You're so sweet, honey, so fucking perfect for me. My sweet slut. I'm going to fucking ruin you."

Janie was breathing shallowly, eyelids hooded as she relaxed in his grip and let him press kisses wherever he wished. She had missed the way he spoke to her. When his mouth started to dip along the neckline of her t-shirt, she brought him back up for one more kiss and then put her arms over her head.