Music Man Pt. 04

Ged saw he meant well and told him so, thanking him for his concern. It did make him think, but he couldn't get back with Cassie just to spite Zak, however much he might want to – spite Zak, that is, he hastily told himself, aware of his mental slip.

The day before he left, he got a phone call from Cheryl. She just launched into him, and he knew she was fighting for her friend. It was that which allowed him to put up with her abuse without hanging up on her.

"So you're running away Ged. So wrapped up in yourself you can't see what's good for you. You're just about to make the biggest mistake of your life.

"She's told me she'll wait for you to come round, but think about it, Ged. She will suffer loneliness for just so long then she will find another man.

He won't light her fire, because only you ever did that; I hope you know that. But she'll settle for an ordinary life – she'll settle for second or even third best. He will bed her and feel he's the luckiest man in the world.

"And she'll get pregnant, Ged, and have his babies, when she could have had yours. She'll bury herself in her family and love them to bits, enjoying being a mother, and in time, Ged, she'll lose that aching sense of loss for you, and if you see her in those years, she'll not react any more. She'll have grown out of you and into her husband. She'll get used to her second best life.

"You were never second best for her, Ged, you stupid bastard, you got that wrong. You totally eclipsed Zak, did you know that? She only went for him when she thought you had left her and she was so lonely. He was the second best option, not you.

"Yes, she told me what you said about him having something you didn't. Fucking shite that idea! He was good in bed, Ged, but you were good in bed, actually better, and definitely better everywhere else.

"You'll probably settle for a second best woman as well. You'll love her but you'll always know that you missed your best chance in life. You are an idiot Ged. A first class, self-deluding fucking idiot."

She rang off. Ged stood, looking at the phone. So many people, all hung up on his personal life, but he was committed to go, and go he would.

Karin was the last one to persecute him, but hers was a more gentle persecution. She felt a real sense of loss that he was going, but was philosophical about it.

Well, she said to herself, I did say no strings, and that I wasn't the settling type. Perhaps I am ready to settle, but not with him – deep down he belongs to someone else.

He gave her a key, asked her to call in and look after the house from time to time and invited her to stay there as often as she wanted.

"You're running away from Cassie you know," she told him as she dropped him off at the airport, "but when you get to the other side of the world, as far away as you can get, you'll find she's still with you. She's unfinished business."

He shrugged a denial, and took his leave of her.

Unlike his previous visit to Catherine, when he had needed to relax after the strenuous world tour and they worked on an album for her over the whole time, this time she had arranged meetings, formal and informal with an array of entertainment people.

There were the usual parties to attend, BBQs to eat, and even a stopover in Las Vegas. All in the process, organised by Catherine who knew about those things, of getting him and his music seen, heard and appreciated.

There was also her insatiable appetite for sex, which meant that though he spent a good deal of time in bed, he got rather less rest than he needed.

These Americans work hard and play hard – too hard for me! He thought ruefully.

After three weeks of this he was beginning to tire, and Catherine, sensing this, took him on a tour of the wineries of the State for him to unwind. Then he was off to New York for a week, leaving Catherine at home since she had some recording to do.

The meetings in New York were quite productive, though he sensed a certain lack of enthusiasm on their part. It became clear to him that they were seeing him only because Catherine had introduced him. He flew back to the West Coast rather despondent, arriving at seven in the evening.

When the aircraft was taxiing he received a text from Catherine, saying she was tied up with a visitor and to get himself a taxi to the house.

He arrived and found the front door unlocked, but, unusually there had been no Catherine standing on the step as she always had done before. For a moment he wondered whether she had a lover in her bed, but smiled at the idea. He entered and immediately heard her voice.

"Hi Honey! In the kitchen! Got a visitor for you!"

He dropped the bag and made his way there, pushing open the door.

"Hello, Ged," said the visitor, who was sitting with Catherine at the table.

"Cassie?" he said. "What are you doing here?"

----

Chapter Twenty Four

It took a good deal of begging before Cassie's publishing house allowed her yet more time off. She wondered if her job would still be there when she returned. They had granted her two weeks unpaid compassionate leave, and without delay she had booked a flight to San Francisco flying out on Monday and returning on Saturday. It wiped out all her savings.

She gave the address to the cab driver, who seemed to know it. Cassie realised that Catherine was a celebrity, and she felt fear. How would Ged's American girlfriend react to her. She had not tried to contact the woman beforehand. She would arrive and then see how things went. There were plenty of hotels if things went badly.

The cab drew up in front of the house, and Cassie gasped. It was a mansion. Beautifully manicured gardens with architectural trees and bushes surrounded a house the beauty of which took Cassie's breath away.

"Would you wait please?" she asked the driver.

"Sure, ma'am," came the reply. "Love the British accent!"

She gave him her most brilliant smile and approached the front door, upon which she knocked. And waited. And waited. Then the door opened.

"Why, hello there," said the pretty woman standing before her with a wide welcoming smile. "May I help you?"

"Hello," said Cassie, though she was trembling. "I'm Cassie, Ged's–"

"The Cassie?" the woman asked, wide eyed. "Ged's Cassie?"

"Not any more," Cassie replied. "He doesn't want me anymore," and her eyes filled.

"I'm Catherine," the woman said. "Where are you staying, honey?"

"Nowhere yet," said Cassie. "I'll find a hotel later; I hoped to talk to Ged – I've something to tell him that he wanted to know."

"Oh, you must stay here with me," Catherine said. "Ged's away for the week, but you can visit with me while you wait."

"You're very kind," said Cassie. "But I can't impose–"

"Nonsense," said Catherine. "I'm on my own, working on some songs. You'll be good company for me. Let's get your bags."

Cassie paid the driver and Catherine collected her bags. Catherine took her straight to a guest bedroom, and put down her bag.

"Now," she said. "You're my guest until Ged comes back in four days. We're going to have the greatest time."

They did. Catherine had the knack of getting Cassie to tell her whole story, and made no comment, but accepted everything. She took Cassie to see the sights, and to meet some of her friends. Cassie asked her about her songs, and Catherine played her some, and sang some for her. She asked Cassie for her poems and was clearly moved by many of them, recognising those that Ged had set to music.

"Cassie," she told her, "We'll work on Ged together sweetheart. I'm on your side, kiddo. He doesn't deserve you. What's happened is not your fault."

As the day approached for Ged to arrive, however, Cassie became more and more edgy and apprehensive. Catherine did her best to cheer her, but really there was nothing to be done. Cassie had been rebuffed too many times.

On Friday evening there came the text from Ged and Catherine's reply. They sat at the kitchen table and waited.

"Hello Ged," said Cassie.

"Cassie? What are you doing here?"

"I've got something to tell you."

"So much for you 'leaving me alone' and 'waiting for me to come to you'. You're stalking me. It won't work Cassie."

"Hi, Ged," Catherine interrupted. "Welcome back!" Her voice had a note of irony and Ged saw it immediately.

"Sorry, Catherine," he said, "but Cassie is hounding me."

"You are being real stupid, Ged," Catherine replied. "Cassie has been here a few days and we've had some good times. She's already my friend, buddy, and you're not giving her a chance. We talked a lot and I know what she's been through. Now, you listen! Sit down."

Ged was surprised at Catherine's outburst, and did as he was told.

"Now Ged," said Catherine, "Cassie has something to tell you; something you wanted to know. She loves you so much she's come all the way from the UK to tell you, and it's going to cost her. She's afraid that what she tells you will finish you as a couple completely, but she wants to tell you anyway because you want to know. You've got some woman here, Ged."

"OK," said Ged, moodily. "What is this great truth you have for me Cassie? It had better be better than your previous efforts."

He saw Cassie flinch and Catherine bristle, and he immediately regretted what he had said, though he said nothing but gritted his teeth.

"You don't make it easy," said Cassie plaintively. "This is hard enough for me, without your carping, but anyway I'm leaving tomorrow, and I'll be out of your hair for good. So."

She took a deep breath. "You wanted to know why I react so intensely when a man cheats on me? I went home to my parents and Dollar was around and she reminded me why. She was there when it happened and she stood by me when no one else did.

"It was February in my last year of High School, I'd started going out with a boy called Douglas, or Doug for short. He was so fit, and good looking. captain of the football team, captain of the cricket team, medals at athletics. And he wanted me. I'd never been with a boy before, and I was very innocent. I'd concentrated on work and he was the first boy I'd fallen for.

"I was so besotted with him, I'm embarrassed about it now. He was a few months older than I was. He was so... masculine – so strong. I couldn't see how selfish he was; he could do no wrong in my eyes. And he wanted me."

Ged gave a snort of derision. "I don't see what this–"

"Button it, Ged," said Catherine sharply. "You aren't helping, and this is totally relevant."

Ged shrugged, and gave her a petulant look. Catherine scowled at him.

"Go on honey," Catherine said to Cassie, reaching out and covering her hand with her own.

Again, a deep breath. "Anyway, he seduced me. We'd made out for weeks, and it happened one evening at his parents' house while they were out at some function. He took my virginity. It wasn't the only time we did it, and..."

Here she stopped, glanced at him and looked down at the table. Then she continued, staring at the table top, as if each sentence was wrung from her.

"I got pregnant." She shivered then continued.

"I was so frightened. I told him and he shouted at me for being a 'stupid bitch' (I remember the words exactly), for not being protected.

"Apart from the fact I was eighteen, why he assumed that as a virgin I would be on the pill, I don't know. He never used a condom and I was too naïve to realise that.

"I couldn't tell my parents – you know they're Irish Catholics – on my own, and so I begged him to stand by me, while I confessed to them.

"Well, he gave me an ultimatum. He'd get money from his parents for an abortion and I mustn't tell anyone. I told him I couldn't take the life of my unborn child. So he told me that if I didn't have the termination, as he called it, he'd have nothing more to do with me, and I could face my parents alone.

"If I had the abortion he would stay with me and we would get engaged and go to the same university. He said he wanted me to be his wife, but a baby so early would make everything too difficult at our age just before university: I wouldn't be able to go at all.

"I couldn't bear the thought of him leaving me, so I agreed. I told Dollar – you remember she was always my best friend? She stood by me. We made up a story for my parents, and I had an overnight stay in a clinic, and it was all over. I was so upset, and so guilty, but Doug would stand by me, support me, wouldn't he?

"Well, Ged," she said, looking up at him, tears brimming in her eyes, "He lied. He dumped me the next day after the abortion and never spoke to me again. He never told his mates why either; I suppose I should have been thankful for that, but he just dumped me. He knew I couldn't tell anyone why either.

"I went to pieces," she sobbed. "I wanted my mother so badly, but I couldn't go to her. She still doesn't know. Dollar stuck by me for what was left of my last year, but I was a wreck. My parents put it down to overwork for 'A' levels.

"Well, I pushed it out of my mind once I got to university. I tried to forget and I succeeded after a fashion. I had been so thoroughly betrayed though (this is what Dollar told me when I went home last week), that I distrusted boys from then on. I went out with them, but I never trusted them. I got a reputation for being frigid."

She took another deep catching breath, and let it out in a long sigh.

"As I said, over the years I've pushed it out of my mind, though I still wonder what my baby would be doing – he or she'd be starting school now.

"Now Dollar has brought it back, it's so obvious why I react so strongly to lies, to cheating, but it's brought back the shame as well. I know you can't love someone who did something like that, but even so, you needed to know why I'm the way I am, and now I've told you."

She stopped and put her head onto her hands on the table, and cried.

Ged stared at her, Catherine forgotten. The shock was complete. The depth of Douglas's betrayal, the hideous self-serving lie carefully planned with no concern for the damage he did appalled Ged. Now all was clear to him.

The deeper her commitment to a man, the more complete her trust, the greater the intensity of her reaction, as a result of that first utter deception and betrayal. Now it was not a mystery why she cut him off completely. They were so completely in love and she was so vulnerable. If only he had known!

And the anger returned, but now not at Zak or Cassie, but at Douglas, whose destruction of a girl's future relationships was so casual and complete. Zak could not have known, and the result of his deliberate deception was inevitable.

All this cascaded through his mind as the silence grew.

Cassie interpreted his silence as rejection. She jumped up and fled to her room, crying out loud. Ged sat and almost did not notice.

"Ged!" said Catherine sharply.

"Uh?"

"Cassie's run off. She thinks you hate her for having the abortion. Do you? Is that what you think?"

"No!" he cried, he was just startled at the revelation. "I just don't know how she's managed, keeping it to herself all this time."

"For God's sake, Ged," she said, exasperated. "Go and tell her that! She already hates herself enough, without thinking you hate her as well!"

Ged was upset that he had given implicitly the wrong impression, and made for the door at a run. He knocked gently on her door, and, receiving no reply, opened it and looked inside.

Cassie was lying on the bed. She was not crying, but simply lying on her side with her eyes closed. Ged went to the bedside and sat down.

Cassie's eyes shot open, and she made to get up.

"It's OK," said Ged reassuringly. "Lie still and listen."

She relaxed and watched him.

He looked down on her and smiled.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I was so shocked at your story that I sort of froze. I couldn't grasp how you could have come so far carrying such a burden and no one to offer support while you were at university. I couldn't offer you support when we were together – you never told me. You should have told me, Cassie, I would have supported you, I really would. You were a girl in a lot of trouble and you were treated shamefully. If only I'd known, I'd never have gone on that fucking tour."

"You don't hate me?"

"Hate you? Why should I hate you? But you need to forgive yourself Cassie."

She looked at him in surprise, and then a watery smile grew on her face.

Ged saw the hope in her eyes, but he needed to think some more, it had been too sudden. He preempted her response.

"You go back tomorrow. I have to stay for another two weeks, but then I'm coming home. When I get back, will you talk with me?"

"Yes, of course," she averred. "It's what I've wanted all along."

"I'll look forward to seeing you at home," he said, stroking her hair out of her eyes, "and we will talk and work something out."

The action was not lost on her; it was a loving action and she was filled with hope.

The three of them went out to dinner. The meal was taken up with Catherine's questions about Ged's trip, and Cassie remained silent throughout. When they returned to the house, Cassie went off to pack and to get an early night. She didn't need to be at the airport until two in the afternoon, but the flight was ten hours long overnight. Ged hugged her but did not kiss her. Catherine left the room with her and stayed with her until she went to bed.

Then Catherine had words with Ged.

"We won't be sleeping together tonight, Ged," she said softly. "You know that, don't you? In fact we won't be sleeping together, period."

Ged nodded.

Catherine continued. "If ever there was a pair who should be together, needs to be together, it's you and that lady. I'll not come between you. We will talk of this when she's gone."

"I haven't– " began Ged.

"I think you have," she said, "or you will. I want you to do something for me."

"Anything, Cath," he said. "You know that."

"Go to the second bedroom, I put your stuff in there. Get out all the lyrics based on her poems and read them. I've made Cassie's poems into a little book, and I'm going to get them published. Don't tell her! Read her poems. OK? Then think."

"OK," he said, and he did. Even though he was still on New York time, and it was very late for him, he sat up for much of the night reading and re-reading. He actually set another of Cassie's poems to music.

So when Cassie and Catherine left for the airport he was still asleep. He wondered when he awoke a little later to an empty house, if he had dreamt of someone kissing him. He had not: Cassie kissed his forehead before she left.

----

Chapter Twenty Five

Ged spent the time while Catherine was away at the airport polishing the tune to Cassie's poem, and as such was not thinking about what had transpired the previous evening.

When she returned, she heard him singing. The tune was plaintive and she recognised Cassie's words of longing for a lost love. Yes, she thought, The guy has insight and talent, as if I didn't know.

For the next fortnight, they worked hard on their music, knowing that Ged was going home soon. He was often thoughtful, and Catherine knew Cassie had made an impression with which he was trying to cope. She could see the change in him: he had changed towards her, becoming more of a friend and exercising a certain distance.

On his departure, at the airport he hugged her at length.

"Thanks for all you've done for me and for Cassie. I know what to do now, and it's largely your doing. I'm far from sure we'll end up together, but it's a start and you started it."

"Oh pshaw!" she smiled. "It was there in you all the time. You just had to break that shell of resentment; you needed to see where the guilt lay – and where it didn't. The song 'Connie' showed what was going on deep down all along. Now get out of here!"