Music To My Ears Ch. 04

* * * * *

Later that evening Nicky faxed a very lengthy and optimistic report to Robert explaining Eric's initiative in coming to the agency to meet up with her. She further told him that Eric had insisted on paying for his own counseling. She implored Robert not to pursue Eric for the time being as the next few months would be very crucial to Eric. It would be his most fragile moment and Eric needed all his strength to concentrate on getting better. She did not feel it advisable for Eric to have disruptions or distractions and she promised Robert she would continue to update him on Eric's progress.

That night she slept peacefully unlike the past three months where she was tossing and turning fretfully thinking of ways on how to break through to Eric.

* * * * *

5 months later

Bam! Bam! Bam! "Eric! I know you're in there. Open up!" Nicky called loudly through his door.

"Go away!" came the muffled reply.

Nicky heaved a sigh of relief when at last he finally answered her. A couple of times when she banged far too loud, Eric's immediate neighbors had stuck their heads out and threatened to call the cops if she didn't stop the noise. She had to keep apologizing and appeased them saying she would leave very soon but of course she didn't.

"Eric, please," she begged. "Open the door. Let me in and we can discuss your problems. Look! Your neighbors are going to call the police soon. Now you don't want the police to come around here thinking something bad has happen to you right?" She tried threatening him instead.

Silent.

She heard some shuffling and finally he threw open the door glaring down at her with his hair unbound, eyes blood-shot red and drawn look.

"Which part of the 'go away' you don't understand?" He growled at her.

She looked at him resignedly. "Eric, you gave me your promise that you would not drink and..."

She didn't get to finish her sentence when Eric shoved a cheap whiskey bottle to her – unopened – much to her relief.

"I didn't drink damnit! I couldn't sleep the whole of the last two nights. That's why my eyes were so red and did you smell any alcohol on me?" He growled again.

"Ok, ok. I'm sorry I jumped to conclusion but you shouldn't have missed your group session for two days in a row. You had me worried," she sounded half apologetic and half reproachful.

"Why don't you try and give up something that you've been doing for the past five years or so and expect me to give it up altogether just after only five bloody months! Do you know how hard that is? Do you really understand what the hell I'm going through?" He raised his voice at her and seemed to grow louder by the minute.

Nicky hated it when he got into one of his dark moods. Anything or anyone could trigger his foul mood and when that happened he wouldn't come down to the agency for treatment and would lock himself in his apartment to sulk.Men sulked just like women. She admitted with grim realization. Eric was one of the biggest 'sulkers' she ever knew.

It was like the time where someone new in the group recognized him and asked to get his autograph. He had been so angry he shouted at the poor guy until he cowered in a corner and stormed out without completing the session. Nicky didn't chase after him, thinking he needed some time alone to cool down. The next day she waited for him, thinking he would have sorted out his feelings so she could continue with his therapy, but he didn't turn up and neither did he go to work. Nicky had to go to his apartment to see him. After standing outside his door for two hours, he finally let her in and eventually told her what happened. Nicky assured him the other guy didn't mean any harm and wasn't trying to rake up his past or remind him of his disability. However, this time it took her almost two full days and four solid hours before he relented and allowed her in.

Nicky sighed, "What happened now? Did someone else ask for your autograph?"

"No!" He glared at her.

"Then what is wrong? If you don't talk to me, how am I supposed to help you?" She tried coaxing him again.

"Nothing! I just feel so damn lousy. I'm failing this stupid counseling and the therapy isn't improving my condition at all!" He barked at her and stalked to his sofa before throwing himself down.

Quietly she closed the door and walked to where he was sitting. "Are you telling me I'm no good at my job? In that case shall I get someone else to take over my duty? Really, I don't mind. As long it helps you to progress it's fine by me."

"I didn't say you are no good! I'm just saying it's taking too long and I still can't write a quarter page of music without having the damn pain and...and...this bloody urge to drink is still gnawing at me!" He argued angrily.

She started to say something when she spied the two-day-old entertainment section of the newspaper headline. It read, 'Mrs. Selleck to be mum soon?' Below that it further reported that the golden couple was looking at some baby stuffs and Mrs. Selleck looked a bit pale and slightly thinner than usual.

"You still love her?"

"Of course not! It's just that I..." He didn't know what to say or to think. His feelings were in turmoil.

When he first read the news he was furious but later he wasn't sure if he was angry or jealous. He was positive he didn't love Katrina anymore but he felt cheated of a proper family life, of fatherhood. He always loved children as he was an orphan and he wanted lots of children if he was to marry. Back then Katrina wasn't keen on children but now she was going to be a mother. He chided himself. Katrina was still a woman, so it was perfectly normal to have motherly instinct and to want children but he felt angry just the same. Mainly he felt angry with himself. If he hadn't gotten out of his car to confront his attackers; if he hadn't been attacked; if he hadn't lost the ability to play the piano, he wouldn't be in such a sorry situation. If Katrina or any other girl had married him instead, he probably would've been a father already. IF! So many 'ifs'.

"Eric, it's perfectly alright to still think maybe even to continue to love someone..."

He interjected with such ferocity that she was taken aback. "NO! Damnit! You don't understand my feelings! It has nothing to do with love!"

It made her really mad when Eric was too stubborn to listen to reasoning. She raised her voice back at him. Hopefully it would get into his thick skull, "So make me understand, Eric! You just can't bottle it all up inside. I'm here for you! To help you!"

He leapt up suddenly and took a step towards her. "Alright! You want to know?! I'm at the age of thirty-three with no future! No money! No career! No love! No family! No friends! No nothing! Do you understand loneliness and the desire to be needed and to be held? I've not had any physical contact with any humans for the last 5 years. I'm hungry forthat contact! Can you give it to me? CAN YOU?!" His voice was really booming now and reverberated across his small sitting room making it even seemingly louder.

She cringed from the force of his outbursts and took a tentative step back. She didn't like this overly aggressive side of him. He looked like a wounded tiger trapped in a cage and it gave her the jitters. She tried to compose him soothingly, "Eric, all these...these things will eventually come back to you once we get you back on your feet. It takes time and, frankly, I think you are doing remarkably well after only five months. Besides, you do have friends like Robert, John and me. Don't be so hard on yourself."

"You still don't get it do you?!" Eric's blue-green eyes gleamed at her stormily. The look he gave her was like nothing she had ever seen before. It was full of hungry yearning and – lust.

Instinct told her she should get out of there and fast but her feet seemed to be rooted on the floor. She didn't have the time to reconsider her option. In a flash Eric had reached out and yanked her to him slamming their bodies together. She gasped out in discomfort more than in fright. "Eric!" she squeaked.

His tall lean figure loomed over her in an imposing manner. Even in pumps, the top of her head came to his chin. For a moment he reminded her of her novels' hero – pirates. Only Eric was no pirate and they were not in a romance novel. This was reality and he was her client and he was beyond reasoning. His face was now hovering dangerously close to hers and she could feel his hot breath brushing against her cheek.

"This is what I need! This is what I've been hungering! Been missing! Are you going to give it to me? Will you be able to help me slake it?" He hissed menacingly and brought his face closer still forcing her to bend backward reluctantly.

"Let me go this instant, Eric! Or else..." She warned bravely but inside she was quivering with fear. Of course she had no reason to fear him. Eric wouldn't do any harm to her like...like raping her, right? But then one would never know for sure, especially when he hadn't had any close contact with the opposite sex for such a long time and maybe out of desperation he might give in to his base nature.

"Or else what? You and your tiresome lectures, I'm sick of hearing them. I want something more concrete. You want me to let you go? Fine! But not till I get what I want! Bob and John will never be able to provide what I want no matter how close they are but you can. And you did say you're my friend, didn't you?" His lips curved into a wicked grin and his eyes flashed darker.

She opened her mouth to argue but Eric swooped down like a hawk and captured her lips in a bruising kiss. The kiss was pure raw hunger, hard and demanding as though he was punishing her for all the troubles in his life. She struggled in vain effort to push him off, but he was too strong for her. He had her body locked in a tight embrace, which made it impossible for her to even thrash about. She tried screaming but her voice came out muffled, completely swallowed by Eric's mouth.

"Kiss me back, damnit!" He lifted his mouth long enough to command her and was on her lips again-crushing, bruising and burning, before she could utter a word or even breathe. Her eyes grew wide when she felt his tongue snake into her mouth and struggled more violently. She realized the more she struggled the more it enflamed him to kiss her and there was simply no way she could break free from his embrace. Quickly she tried to think of a solution to her sticky situation. The only way was to pretend to kiss him back in the hope that he might let down his guard so she could find the right opportunity to breakaway from his hold when he least expected it.

She stopped her futile effort to struggle and went limp in his hold. That seemed to work as she could feel his hold on her slowly slackened and he was no longer demandingly abusing her lips. He had softened his kisses but nonetheless still insistent and - hot. His kisses took on a different approach now. It was getting more erotic with the intention to seduce. Sensuously he traced her lips with his tongue and nibbled around the edge, which elicited a soft gasp from her.

Theoretically speaking she should be taking advantage of this moment to break free but in all practical sense she realized, with a touch of dismay, that she didn't want to breakaway. In fact she was welcoming his delicious onslaught and beginning to enjoy it. His kisses were making her dizzy and arousing her own primal need. She tried halfheartedly to resist but her sensibility had sprouted wings and took flight leaving her vulnerable to his irresistible assault. All she was aware of was how good his lips and tongue felt on hers. She felt a warm tingling sensation travel from the root of her hair right down to her little toe and could hardly suppress the little moans that escaped her lips. For a man who hadn't had a woman for the last five years he sure hadn't lost his touch. Unconsciously she slipped out her tongue to touch and duel with his.

Eric gave a satisfied groan and deepened the kiss when he felt her resistance fade away. It had been such a long time since he last kissed a woman. It felt extremely good to have a pair of soft pliable lips on his especially when they belonged to Nicky. She tasted so delectable and sweet. Dimly he admitted to himself that he wanted to kiss her all along, to taste her to devour her and the opportunity couldn't have come at the right time. It was long overdue.

Her light perfume combined with her natural scent intoxicated his senses and fired up his passion. His primal sexual instinct took over. Urgently he ran his hands up and down her back and curved over her buttocks and began to knead them. If she had moaned or resisted he was unaware of it. He was only aware of his arousal; his want and hunger for physical intimacy.

One of his hands had found its way to the front and cupped a perky soft mound.God! She does feel good. So soft and all womanly, his overheated brain registered hazily. He began to fumble with the buttons on her blouse and just as suddenly he realized how clumsy and awkward his fingers were, and an unnamed rage slowly but surely began to surface.

Damn! I can't even undo her buttons properly let alone wanting to seduce her! She must think I'm a bumbling fool and probably laughing at me! Embarrassment and self-pity washed over him like an avalanche of freezing water and doused out whatever desire he experienced just minutes ago.

Abruptly he ended the kiss and thrust her roughly away from him. He muttered icily under his heaving breath, "Leave!"

One moment Nicky was dazed and drowning in an ocean of passion and the next she was being so coldly ordered to go. It confused her for a second but when she saw the look on Eric's face she understood. She understood the feelings and thoughts that were running through his now rigid body. She reached out her hand in an attempt to touch him but he saw her intention and evaded her. "Just get out!" He savagely informed her.

She hesitated for a second, then picked up her handbag that had fallen off some time during her brief struggle and walked silently towards the door. Her hand was on the knob, but she did not immediately open the door. Without turning back to him she spoke in a trembling voice, "I'll see you tomorrow the same time for your therapy." Then she was gone.

Only after he heard the soft click of the door did he crumble onto the sofa with bent head. He wanted to cry. How pitiful and pathetic he must've looked to have to force his attention on her. By God! She had even begun responding to his kisses. She must've really felt very sorry for him.

He was so full of self-loathing he picked up the whiskey Nicky had placed back on the low coffee table. He wrenched open the cap with the intention of drowning himself into oblivion and forget his despicable act, but he halted just in time and was now even more disgusted with his behaviour. In a fit of anger, he gave an outraged cry and dashed the bottle across the room against the wall. It smashed into hundreds perhaps thousands of pieces, exploding the liquid everywhere. The alcohol smell permeated the little apartment and jarred his senses. He felt revulsion set in and finally broke down. Tears like he had never before experienced fell like rain.

He didn't know how long he sat there crying, but eventually he calmed down. He eyed the mess he made and slowly got up from the sofa and went to the kitchen to fetch a broom and a dustpan. Then, very carefully, he swept up the fragments. Next he took a mop to the floor and a wet cloth to the now slightly chipped wall. When he was satisfied that it left no traces of any alcohol did he stop cleaning.

He thought of Nicky again and felt shame hit him in the face like a slap. How was he going to face her tomorrow? Why did he give in to his baser nature? Why couldn't he control his emotions? He sighed miserably.

He sat there thinking about the whole incident and came to a decision. He had failed and failed miserably. He would never be what he was before. No matter how hard he tried he was bound to fail. He wondered why he even bothered trying in the first place. Tomorrow he would go down to the agency to see her face to face, to apologize and to tell her he was quitting. Then he would call Robert and John one last time to tell them of his decision before he left the city. He would never come back to Philadelphia again. NEVER!

* * * * *

"Any pain here?" asked Nicky in a very cool professional manner, applying pressure on his third finger.

"No..."

She continued on with her task. After about five minutes she applied a little more pressure and he gave a little wince.

"Pain?"

"Just a little..." replied Eric, then he tried to continue, "...about last..."

She interrupted him as if she didn't hear him, "This one is more stiff than the others and we're going to work on it more."

She went to work on his other hand. He had to admit she really did have strong supple fingers. He always enjoyed this part of the session with her, where she was touching his hands in the most therapeutic and soothing way, even though it was strictly on professional level.

He woke up this morning feeling no better than when he went to bed. He dreaded coming down to the agency to see her but he had to. He owed her an apology and to wrap things up before deciding where to go.

When he got to the treatment room, he had meant to say his peace and be on his way, but Nicky had quietly ordered him to sit down. Reluctantly he took the seat and Nicky went to work on his fingers immediately. Through out the session he tried to find the opportunity to engage her in conversation so he could offer his apology but the lady had no intention of letting him do so. Each time he tried to say something, she would cut him off brusquely.

He stole a glance at her now and then but couldn't read any expressions on her face. The usual friendliness and chattiness was gone. Even her sunny smile disappeared. He tried to engage her in talk and once more she brushed him off. In the end he decided to just shut up. He told himself he would wait for the session to end before trying to speak to her again.

Another half an hour later their session finally ended.

"Well, you should be able to flex your fingers more and should be able to pick up a pen and write with ease for at least forty-five minutes or so." She informed him in a professional tone.

"Are...are you going to press charges?" He asked tentatively all the while looking at her intently for any sign of anger.

She blinked at him. "Press charges? Whatever for?"

"You...you're not angry about...about last night?"

She tilted her head to one side and gave him a disinterested look. "What about last night?"

Shit! Why was she trying to make things difficult for him? He opened his mouth but no words came out. He decided to clamp his mouth shut. He couldn't read her at all. Why wasn't she at least angry with him? If she had shouted at him, maybe he would feel better and not so guilty and lousy.

"You wanted to say something else?"

He took a deep breath and began by apologizing for his uncalled for behavior and then proceeded to tell her he was quitting and last but not least to thank her for her effort in trying to help him. There, the deed was done.

Nicky only looked at him with a bored look. "You're done talking?"

He nodded dumbly at her.

"Good. Grab your windbreaker. We're going to a place."

Eric was startled with her invitation and eyed her suspiciously.

"I'm not inviting you. I'm insisting you come with me. After that you can go wherever or do whatever you wish with your life. I won't stop you," she informed him in dead seriousness.

"Where are we going?"

"Not the police station if that is worrying you." She had already reached for her coat and was putting it on.