My Crush

I chuckled. "Sebastian..."

"Look, C, I know how you feel and I promise you. No, I swear to you. I will not fuck this one up, okay? This is too big for me to fuck up."

"Yeah, like the banks were to big too fail."

"That was different. Those are banks. You're a person. This one won't fail, I promise."

We just stayed quiet for the next couple of seconds, waiting for one another to say something else. Then I said, "So, what do you have planned?"

"I knew you'd come around," he said, happily. 'Okay, so I already spoke to Damon and he said that there's gonna be a party tonight at Don's house. You remember Don right? Big tall guy. Lots of hair. Likes to speak in poetry."

"Yes, I know him."

"Well, he's throwing a party and he's inviting everyone. Including Troy. So Damon said he's definitely going. But! He thinks he's gonna get Troy drunk again and fuck him before he can pass out, but I'm not going to let that happen. Damon said for us to meet him at his place so we can get a little high before we go to the party and I think that'll be the best time for you to tell Troy how you feel. I'll keep Damon busy, get him talking about something or give him a quickie or something and I'll leave you and Troy alone long enough for you to tell him how you feel." I was about to say something, but he cut me off and added, "Now, I know you're shy and all that other bullshit, but what you have to remember is this...You only have one shot at this...If you don't tell him right then and there how you feel about him and you don't find out, then you can just forget it, because there are tons of guys that are willing to do it before you do and I guarantee somebody will by the end of the night if you don't. Whether it be Damon or another motherfucker, somebody's going to do it. We have the upper hand for a moment, because we know Damon and Damon knows Troy and we'll have some time to spend with each other before we get to the party, but if you don't go and tell him before we go to that party, all is lost. Do you hear me?"

I considered everything Sebastian had just told me, thought about all the other options, and decided that he was right. "Okay," I said. "I'll do it."

"You will? No lie?"

"Yes, my friend. I will. I'll tell him at Damon's house while you guys are 'busy'."

"Awesome!"

"But I better not regret this, Sebastian. This better be worth it."

"Trust me, baby. It will be."

"I hope so."

It will be. Don't worry. It will be."

That night, I took a shower and got dressed in a black T-shirt, black jeans, black shoes, and black fingerless gloves, and I combed my hair so it would fall neatly onto my cheeks and a little over my eyes and put the tiniest diamond ring in my nose. Then I painted my lips black and blushed my cheeks a little. I didn't know if I was overdoing it with the makeup or anything, but I tried not to think about it and went to the living room. My mother looked at me, a shocked expression on her face, and said, "Whoa! What are you all dressed up for?"

"I'm going out with Sebastian tonight. He's taking me to a party."

"Oh, is it a date?" she said, playfully.

"No, Mom. It's not a date. We're just friends, like always."

"Oh, okay. I thought maybe you were trying to make that Townsend boy jealous."

"His name's Troy, Mom, and no, I'm not trying to make him jealous. I just wanted to get dressed up a little."

"All right, all right. Whatever you say."

"Mom, I'm telling the truth."

"I didn't say you were lying. Why do you think that's what I'm saying? Is your guilt getting to you?'

"Mom—"

The doorbell rang.

"That must be him now. Don't say anything about it and just leave him alone."

"I won't, honey. Now go, open it."

I opened the door. Sebastian smiled a very enthusiastic smile at me and threw his hands up. "Hey, C! You ready to make Troy jealous?"

"Ha!" my mother shouted. "I knew it."

"Mom!" I said, my cheeks heating up. "Sebastian, don't let her believe that."

"I'm sorry,' he said, shaking his head. "I'm sorry. I'm just playing around. It's not that, Mrs. F. Everyone knows we're friends."

"I'm sure," my mother said. "I'm sure."

I shook my head. "Anyway. Shall we go."

"Yes, Ma'am,' Sebastian said, stretching forth his hand toward the Toyota Tundra that was parked in the street in front of my house . "Right this way, my lady."

"Thank you," I said, bowing my head. "We're leaving, Mom. See you later."

"All right, Papi! Have fun and go get him!"

I sighed. "You see what I have to deal with," I said, closing the door.

Sebastian grabbed my hand. "Yes, I do. And you are one lucky person." The air out here was cold and wet with the vapor from the rain that had fallen earlier in the day and the sky was blacker than the Devil's shadow and the street was quiet and empty, except for a few parked cars. The houses which lined my block and the block across the street were all dark, except for a few and even those seemed like they were asleep. Leading me down the driveway, Sebastian said, "I wish I had a mom like that."

"You do," I said, and he got my point and when we got to the pick up truck, he opened my door and I climbed up and got inside and went around to the driver's side and got in.

"Okay," he said, turning the engine on. "We're all set. Now all we have to do is get there and everything will be just fine."

"Hopefully," I said.

"No, not hopefully," Sebastian said. "It will be. Think positive, C."

"I am thinking positive. That's why I said, 'Hopefully.'"

"No, you're not. You're thinking negatively. I bet you're already wishing you were home."

He was right about that. I did wish I had stayed in the house, but there was nothing I could do about it now. I was already in the truck and if I had tried to leave, Sebastian would've tackled me to the floor, hogtied me, and made me go anyway.

Believe me. It sounds like bullshit. But it's true. He was crazy enough to do it.

He put the truck in drive and we drove away, the night young and ready for us to explore all of its glory.

Damon's house sat in the very middle of the Falcon Lake subdivision just off of I-92 and Old Banter road. The subdivision wasn't as clean as mine was nor was it as quiet, but we never ran into any problems and that was what really mattered. Damon's house was two stories high and painted white and had a white door with a brown arch standing over it, two windows next to the door that were covered by white curtains and a garage that was always open, even in the middle of the night. Instead of parking in the driveway next to Damon's black Ford Explorer, like I thought he would do, Sebastian parked in the street and turned off the car.

"He's not here," he said.

"Who's not here?" I said, taking a look at the Ford Explorer.

"Troy."

"How do you know?"

"His car's not in the driveway. Duh."

"No, I mean, how do you know Damon didn't drive him here. They are going to the party together, aren't they?" I started to get nervous.

"Of course they are. Troy doesn't know his way and there's no way in hell he's going with somebody else. Damon's the one with the weed, remember? But I don't think he would let Damon drive him anywhere after that Burger King incident. He's still pretty traumatized."

"What if Troy drove the car back here?" I said, trying to stay as hopeful as humanly possible.

He grabbed his chin. "I didn't think about that."

I shook my head. "Let's just go inside and find out what happened, okay?" I opened the door, my hands shaky and sweaty. The cool night air rushed into the car, hitting my face as it passed and I carefully let myself down, closing the door behind me. Within seconds, Sebastian joined my side and together we walked up to the garage. The garage was dark, except for a little light coming from the lava lamp Damon had placed on top of a box in the corner and we slowly walked to the door that led to the inside of the house, trying desperately not to trip over something.

Sebastian knocked on the door, then touched my shoulder. "Don't worry, babe. Everything'll be all right."

I almost said hopefully, then I remembered what he had told me before we left my house. "I know."

"Remember, just relax and everything will be okay."

"I know," I said.

"And don't try to make yourself more masculine or anything. Just be yourself. Troy doesn't like fake people."

"Sebastian, I know," I said, my voice a little louder.

"I know. I'm just telling you. Jesus, you don't have to get all bitchy. You see that right there, that's the kind of shit I'm—"

The door opened and the light from inside blasted us in the face and I smiled when I saw Damon. He held in his right hand a bong, smoke spilling out over the tip, and a joint in his left. A white robe covered his beautifully ebony body, and a blue bandana hid his bald head. As usual he wore eyeliner and pink lip gloss and a giant circle ear ring in his right ear. "Well, if it isn't Sebastian and Ciel," he said. "About time yaw bitches got here. I was about to smoke all this shit without yaw."

"Sorry about that," Sebastian said, stepping into the house, giving Damon a kiss on the cheek. "Traffic was a bitch."

"At this hour?" Damon said, leaning into my face as I leaned into his. "Goddamn Florida don't know how to chill." He made a kissing sound. "Hey, baby!"

"Hey," I said, and walked around him into the house.

"Everybody must be throwing parties tonight. Or going to the same one we're going to."

"I wouldn't doubt it," Sebastian said. "I heard this shit's gonna be bumpin."

"God will it, baby! God will it. God knows we can use some bumpin tonight, if you know what I mean." He laughed. Sebastian and I did, too. My laugh was definitely fake. I don't know about theirs, but if I had to guess, I would say they were, too, because that wasn't funny at all.

The living room had white walls that were coated with posters of Martin Luther King, Malcom X, Jesus Christ, Gandhi, Billy Holiday, Harvey Milk, and Elvis, and large cut outs of letters stuck together to form quotes and sentences from all of these people and others like John Lennon, Stephen King, H. P. Lovecraft, and Edgar Allan Poe. The four love seats, which formed a square around the little brown table in the middle of the room were all covered in flowers and plastic and the book shelves that held all kinds of books from all different cultures and time periods and genres and little statues of anime characters like Yugioh, Bleach, and One Piece, and religious figures like Krishna, King Zeus, and Queen Hera. The floor was made of wood and the light from the lamps above the book shelves and the chandelier hanging over the middle of the room shined nicely against it. The television wasn't anything special, but why did it have to be when he had all those books to keep him company after he smoked a little weed.

"Yaw, can sit on the couches. Don't act like you never been here before."

"We know," Sebastian said. "We were just waiting for you."

"Waiting for me for what? To escort you to your seats. You think just because I'm black I gotta be escorting you places? What are you some kind of racist?"

"Well, now that I think about it..."

"You're so stupid, Sebastian." Damon said, sitting on the love seat closest to the television. "That's why I love you."

"That's why I love me, too," Sebastian said, and we sat down on the love seat opposite the one Damon sat on.

Damon set the bong down on the ground, smoke no longer spilling out of the tip, and dug into the pockets of his robe. "You know, I don't normally give out weed for free, but since you all are my bitches, I'll happily provide what I can."

"That means a lot to us," Sebastian said, "but you don't have to if you don't want to. I can always get better shit later on."

"And from who will you be getting this better shit from, I might ask?" He pulled out three joints, all of them skinny as hell. I didn't smoke much, but I knew when somebody was being cheap.

"I have my sources. And they tell me it's way better than the stuff you got."

"Well, they telling you lies, honey. I grow the best shit in this whole goddamn state and don't you ever believe otherwise. Here you go, baby. Enjoy." He threw me a joint and I caught it.

"Thanks," I said, and examined it.

"No problem. I was gonna give Sebastian's ass here a joint, too, but since he thinks he can get better weed, I'll just keep these for myself."

"All right. Whatever you say. But next time you want some crystal and I'm the only motherfucker with some in a hundred miles, we'll see who'll be wishing they gave me a joint today."

Damon sighed. "You still bringing that up?" He threw Sebastian a joint and it landed on Sebastian's lap. "That happened once and like a hunnerd years ago. It's time to move on, honey. Let the past be the past."

"And I will," Sebastian said, lighting my joint with a silver lighter he found on the little table sitting in the middle of the room.. "Right after you stop blaming me for what happened to your tree."

"I loved that tree, dumbass. That's not the same thing."

"I loved my crystal," he said, lighting his own joint. "So it is the same thing."

"Whatever," Damon said, rolling his eyes, taking a puff of his joint. . "So," he said, looking at me, smoke pouring out of his nose and mouth. "How you doin', C? Been keepin busy, as usual?"

"Yup," I said, my face getting red. "As busy as I can possibly be." I took a drag.

"That's good. It's good to keep busy. Keeps you outta trouble. Unless you hang out with this motherfucker here."

We both looked at Sebastian as he lightly tapped the burning side of the joint and sniffed it, then put the opposite end in his mouth. When he saw us looking at him, he said, "What?"

"You see what I'm saying?" Damon said, turning his head back to me.

I smiled, then took another drag. This one longer than the last.

We heard a door close upstairs and within seconds Troy came into the room from the kitchen. He looked as handsome as ever in a tight blue shirt that really showed off his muscular physique, blue jeans that hugged his legs so tight I thought they would explode, and black shoes. His golden hair, which fell down to his jaw was wet and stuck to his face and his tan skin, which always looked sweet in the light glistened gorgeously.

"Whoa! What the hell? Troy's here?" Sebastian said. "Holy shit! I didn't think you'd gotten here yet."

"Yeah, Damon came over and I drove us back here. My folks were borrowing my car tonight."

"Wow," Sebastian said. "That's pretty generous of you."

"Well, they're my folks, so..."

"I'm sure," Sebastian said.

The way he spoke, you would've thought he had smoked a couple of joints by now, but the one Damon had given him was still in his mouth and barely had gone down much since he lit it. He gave Troy a hug as I stood up, then pulled away, and my crush, my sweet, hot, gorgeous crush looked at me with his shiny sapphire eyes and smiled.

"Hey, Ciel," he said, in the most wonderful voice you could ever imagine.

"H-hey, Troy," I said, my face flushed. "How's it goin'?"

"It's going good,' he said, still smiling, his teeth whiter than the clouds in Heaven. "How are you?"

"I'm good."

"That's good," he nodded, still smiling.

"Yo, Troy, you wanna smoke some more weed or you had enough?"

"Nah, I'm good," Troy, said, turning to Damon, then back to me. "I've had enough."

Suddenly, I felt stupid for smoking the joint, but I couldn't just throw it away without making myself feel even more stupid, so I just held it to my side, hoping Troy wouldn't address it or anything.

"Or you can share Ciel's," Sebastian said. "He's not much of a smoker, anyway, and it's better than smoking a whole one, isn't it?"

"Uh..." I said, looking at Sebastian, hoping he felt the burn of my stare in his face.

"That would be cool," Troy said.

I looked back at him.

"I mean, if you don't mind of course," he said.

"No," I said. "I wouldn't mind. Here. Take as much as you want."

"Thanks," Troy said, and took the joint. He brought it up to his lips and took a quick drag and I watched him in awe. I had seen dozens of people smoke weed before, but only Troy could make it look like an art. He exhaled softly and handed it back to me. "Here, you go, Ciel."

"Why don't you guys sit on the love seat," Sebastian said. "That way it's easier for you to share."

Again, I hoped my dumbass best friend could feel the burn of my stare in his face, but I knew he couldn't. He smiled and winked at me and Troy sat down on the love seat and I took another drag.

Now, like Sebastian had said, I was not much of a smoker, but even still, I had only choked once on weed and that happened the first time I tried it, so when it happened to me this time, I completely freaked out and started coughing like an asthmatic into my free hand.

Troy jumped to my aid and started hitting my back and asking if I was okay as Sebastian and Damon laughed and, in between coughs, I told him I was.

"Whew," Troy said, after it was allover. "That was a good one. You okay?"

"Yeah," I said, coughing one more time. "I'm fine. Holy shit!" I chuckled, my face all red and my eyes all watery.

Troy laughed, too, but not much. He had this look of genuine concern on his face and it made my heart melt. "That's good. Just be careful. That's pretty strong stuff."

"He knows what he's doin, honey," Damon said. "You don't need to lecture him."

"I wasn't," Troy said. "I was just...I was making sure he was okay."

The joint was still in my hand and, leaning over, I handed it to Troy. "Here, I think I've had enough, too."

"Here, Sebastian, you want this?"

"Eh, eh, eh, eh!" Damon said. "Hand that over to me. I'll take it."

"My sweet crystal, Damon. My sweet crystal." Sebastian said it in his best impersonation of a man who was about to lose everything he had.

"Fuck it," Damon sighed. "Give it to him."

Troy handed the joint over to Sebastian and Sebastian put it in his mouth next to the one he already had and smoked both of them at the same time. Exhaling enough smoke to take down a grizzly, he said in a muffled voice, "Ah, that's some good shit."

"I'm glad you like it, motherfucker, 'cause those are the last two I give you tonight."

"My sweet crystal," Sebastian said. "All of that crystal. I could've smoked it all."

"That's not gonna work on me this time, Sebastian. That's enough. It's getting old now."

"All right, then. We'll see."

"Yes, we will."

I coughed again and Troy rubbed my back gently, the warmth of his hand seeping through my clothes. At least, I thought it was. It could've just been my imagination making me feel it. Either way, I was pleased.

"You want some water," Troy asked.

"Yes, please," I said, sitting up. Another cough burst through my throat.

"All right. I'll be right back, okay?"

"Okay."

As he walked away, I looked at Damon and Sebastian and they both nodded to me in this kind of you're-about-to-get-some-dick-tonight way and I couldn't be more confused. Wasn't it Damon who I had to watch out for? Wasn't Sebastian supposed to get me and Troy alone so that I could tell him how I feel and hopefully start a relationship with him? Wasn't Damon supposed to be trying to get in his pants? Then it hit me. You sons of bitches, I thought. They were both in on it. Damon and Sebastian. Damon wasn't after Troy and Sebastian was never going to get Damon away from me long enough for me to tell Troy how I felt. He already knew how I felt. They told him. No wonder he looked the way he did when he came out here. They planned for this to happen. But then why not just tell me so? Why pretend like Damon was after Troy so I could tell the beautiful angel how I felt about him? If they had just said, "Look, Troy is coming over so you better come over before we go to the party so you can tell him how you feel," I would've came over. Why the hell did they have to put up such a ruse?